Chapter 4

FOUR

Natalia

I don’t sleep that night. After talking to Louie, I reach out to all my friends from the unit in Iraq, but I don’t hear back from anyone. So I pace. By morning, I’m buzzing on caffeine, insomnia, and fear. I have to do something. It’s irrational and emotional. I know that. I’m many things at the moment, but crazy isn’t one of them.

I’m also well-aware that my need to do something is based on a need to maintain some semblance of control of my life. Waiting and doing nothing while another man I care about potentially dies isn’t happening on my watch. I don’t care what I have to do or what favors I have to call in, I’m going to raise hell until someone does something.

I’m just about to call Louie again when his name flashes on the screen of my phone. I snatch it up impatiently.

“News?” I demand.

“They got them,” he says. “They’re headed to Germany.”

“Ramstein Air base?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Is he okay?”

“All I know is that they’re alive.”

“Thanks, Louie. I mean it.”

“You owe me a drink.”

I laugh. “I’m good for it.”

“Keep in touch, Nat.”

“I will. Talk soon.” I disconnect and hold the phone against my chest, taking long, deep breaths.

Cooper is okay.

Ryan is okay.

I’ll do almost anything to see it for myself. But there’s no way I’m getting any time off.

But he’s okay .

I sink onto the bed and burst into tears.

I have a good cry and then wash my face and guzzle a bottle of water.

He’s okay.

I keep repeating it to myself.

On top of that, no matter how tired I am, I still can’t sleep, and the never-ending insomnia is starting to frustrate me. Dr. Saluga recommended half a dozen tried and true natural therapies, but nothing has worked thus far. Meditation isn’t helpful, warm milk only makes me gain weight, and the soothing noises app I downloaded on my phone is useless. I didn’t know what’s wrong with me, but it probably has to do with Cooper.

I close my eyes, thinking about him.

Six-feet-two inches of military hotness.

Aqua-blue eyes and cropped blond hair

Broad shoulders.

And that mouth.

God, I would do almost anything to kiss him just one more time.

I yawn.

I really have to start sleeping or I’m going to start missing things at work, which is unacceptable.

I turn over for the tenth time when my phone rings, and I reached for it worriedly because no one calls this late unless it’s an emergency. “Yes? Hello?”

“Hey, beautiful.” The voice on the other end is tired but achingly familiar.

“Cooper?!” I sit straight up in bed. “Is that you?”

“It’s me.” He sounds exhausted but his voice is the most wonderful sound I’ve heard in a long time.

“Are you in Germany? Are you okay? Talk to me!” I can’t help but jump to my feet and start to pace.

He chuckles. “I’m okay. Few busted ribs, lost a tooth, some stitches, bruises on my bruises, and dehydration, but I’ll be fine with some rest and rehab.”

“I’m so glad.” I sink back onto the bed, exhaling loudly. “I was so fucking scared, Cooper.”

“I heard you were determined to break me out.”

“Well, I was determined to make sure someone did.”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re sweet?” he asks.

“Not in a long time.”

“Well, you are.” He pauses. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you could get away for a couple of days? Germany’s not that far from Limaj, and I’ll probably be here at least a week.”

I hesitate. “I don’t know. We’re so short-staffed… I’ll ask, though. Let me call you back in a few hours, okay?”

“I’ll be here.”

We’re both quiet for a beat.

“I’d love to see you, Nat. I miss you.”

Why does hearing that make me so happy?

“I miss you too. I’m going to see if I can get some leave.”

“I’ll keep my phone on.”

“I’ll call you back soon.” I disconnect and yank on some clothes, trying to figure out what I’ll have to do to get a few days off. I’m being irrational again but the need to see Cooper is more than I can stand.

I find Sandor making early morning rounds and fall into step beside him. “I need a favor.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Can I have a couple of days off?”

He eyes me. “For what?”

I hesitate.

I don’t want to lie. I care too much about the Royal Protectors and my position as one of them to disrespect them that way. Especially not my boss. “My commanding officer in Iraq was captured not long ago and rescued earlier today. I’d like to go to Germany to see him.”

He cocks his head, a faint smile on his lips. “You and Captain Cooper, eh?”

“You know Captain Cooper?”

“Not personally, but you don’t think I sent you to Iraq without being able to check in and make sure you were okay? Even if you washed out and didn’t make it through the program, I was responsible for your safety. You’re both my friend and my charge. I sent you over there, so I was going to be damn sure you made it back without any major problems.”

“You couldn’t guarantee that.”

“No, but if he’d told me he thought you weren’t up to the challenge, I would have pulled you out. Your safety came first.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t known he’d been getting those kinds of updates about my performance.

“You have forty-eight hours. I think there’s a flight out tomorrow morning.”

“I can go?” I honestly didn’t expect him to say yes.

“You need a break, and maybe it’ll be good for you to get out of town for a couple of days. Even better for you to talk to someone who isn’t one of us. You’re still struggling with something, Natalia, and even if you don’t tell me, you have to tell someone. If it’s Captain Cooper, that’s fine with me.”

Our eyes meet.

“I’ll meet with Dr. Saluga again as soon as I get back.”

“Yes, you will.”

I smile. “Thank you.”

“And you get to finish my shift tonight.”

“Yes, sir. After I book my flight.” I practically skip the rest of the way down the corridor. I have half a dozen things to do, including booking a flight, packing a bag, and maybe even getting a little sleep. Because I have no intention of sleeping when I’m with Cooper. I’m going to enjoy every second we have together because God only knows how long before we’ll see each other again.

I hate to think that way considering how much I like him and how I’d essentially thrown myself at him that night in Iraq, but what choice do we have? We both have commitments that will take us thousands of miles away from each other.

Unless he’ll consider leaving the military.

We’ve never talked about anything like that, though.

He loves his country and the men that serve under him, so I wouldn’t be comfortable making a suggestion like that. Besides, even if he did leave, it’s not like he’s going to find a job in Limaj. Unless… it occurs to me he could become a Royal Protector, but I’m not sure he’s down for making that kind of commitment. There’s a lot involved in becoming one of us.

The doubt and negativity frustrate me because I just want to see him.

Touch him.

Make sure he’s okay.

Even if I can’t have him, I need to know he’s going to be all right.

Everything else will work itself out.

Or it won’t.

But since I can’t control it, I’m going to put everything out of my mind and enjoy the hours we have together.

Otherwise, I might drive myself nuts.