Chapter 32

THIRTY-TWO

Natalia

Cooper was in a weird mood last night. We made love and then he immediately rolled over and fell asleep, which isn’t like him at all. When I woke up this morning, he was already gone. It’s odd because we like to start our day by working out together, but he’s not at the gym either. When I ask Sandor, he says he doesn’t know where he is, but I think he’s lying. In fact, everyone at the gym is behaving a little weird, and I wonder if they’re mad at me for moving my sister and nieces into the palace, so I mention it to Lennox.

“No.” She shakes her head. “You’re fine with that. There’s other stuff happening, though. Prepare yourself, Natalia.”

“What’s going on?” I demand.

“Please just wait. It’s only thirty more minutes. I shouldn’t have said anything at all, but us ladies need to stick together, so I’m giving you a head’s up. Steel yourself but remember who you are and what you’re made of. Not to mention, what it means to be a Royal Protector.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry.” She meets my gaze. “Remember, we all have your back. And his. That’s all I can say.”

She turns and leaves before I can ask anything else.

My gut instinct is to go to Sandor and demand answers, but if I do that, Lennox won’t trust me anymore, so I practically run back to my room to shower and get ready for the day. I stop by Lucianna’s room and grab Greta so I can walk her to her first day of preschool, and by the time I’m done with that, I’m three minutes late for the briefing.

We have a ten-minute grace period because everyone usually gets coffee and catches up, especially on a Monday. I’d also told Joe I needed to take Greta to school and wasn’t sure if she would cry or not. Luckily, she was excited about the prospect of playing with other kids, so it had been easier than expected.

When I walk into the room, I don’t see Cooper and I start to get a very bad feeling.

Have they sent him on some sort of mission?

Are they going to forbid us to be together?

Am I in some kind of trouble because of Lucianna?

Did my father essentially forcing us to say we were engaged freak Cooper out?

I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t like feeling like I’m on the outside. Sandor promised he wouldn’t do it again, yet here we are.

I pour a cup of coffee and sit down in a huff.

“All right, everyone. Let’s get started.” Joe stands up. “We have to discuss a situation.” He looks to Sandor. “Perhaps you can start with what happened with our second prisoner.”

Sandor clears his throat. “After we got him medical attention, he was transferred to Braksa Prison. Needless to say, two nights there and he was singing like a bird.” He pauses and cuts a glance to me. “These attacks have nothing to do with us. Unfortunately, although we don’t have any details, this appears to be something to do with Cooper. And he’s left the Protectors to go back to the military.”

“What?” I sit up straight and stare at him. “And you let him go?”

He sighs. “The long and short of it is, Cooper was never a Royal Protector. We gave him the opportunity to give it a try, but he never signed a contract or took the oath. He’s not beholden to us in any way. Aside from that, this is something he has to do. Because his presence here becomes a security risk while these men are after him.”

“I understand that, but you let him go alone?” I stand up now, hands on my hips. “So they can kill him?!”

“He’s going back to the military,” Sandor says quietly. “He won’t be alone.”

“But they’re not going to protect him like we can. Hell, they count on him to protect everyone else!”

“It was his choice.”

My whole body feels hot, and there’s a combination of fear and dread and fury racing through my veins.

“Natalia, sit down,” Joe says. “We’re going to work this out. Daniil is going to the U.S. for a meeting with the Secretary of Defense, and he’ll take some time to talk to his contacts and?—”

“Cooper could be dead by then,” I interrupt.

“I know you’re upset, but this is part of the job. Cooper is doing what’s best for the royal family. Not for himself. Or you.” Sandor meets my gaze steadily.

I know he’s right, but I’m on the verge of freaking out.

I can feel another panic attack coming on and I hate myself for being weak.

“Then I go with Daniil. As his bodyguard, since he’s going in his capacity as a member of Parliament.”

“You can’t,” Sandor says flatly. “The king wants you here. If these men know you’re Cooper’s girlfriend, they might go after you in an attempt to lure him out. It’s not a risk the king is willing to take.”

My pulse is racing, and I feel myself breaking out in a sweat.

But I’m not the same woman I was nine months ago.

Or even six months ago.

I refuse to succumb to whatever this anxiety bullshit is, so I take a slow, deep breath, and mentally count to five. Then I exhale as unobtrusively as I can. I feel sick, and I’m furious with these people who claim to be my friends. How could they just let him go?

I must look ready to murder someone because Sandor approaches me gingerly. “Please. Give us a chance to work behind the scenes to help him. And protect his family in the U.S. You have a job to do here. Can you still do it with all of this going on? Can you put your feelings for Ryan to the side and follow your king’s orders?”

I want to scream that Cooper needs me more than the king does right now, but I can’t. It goes against everything we stand for as Royal Protectors.

So I take another shaky breath and nod. And even though it’s almost physically painful to say the word, I do it anyway. “Yes.”

* * *

After the meeting, I don’t linger and make a beeline for the Royal Apartment. I’m annoyed with my bosses, my friends, and especially Cooper. If I hang out, I’ll probably say something I’ll regret so I get out of there as quickly as possible.

As far as I know, Casey has no plans today, and I find her at her desk in her office. She has her desktop computer open, working on something.

“What do you need from me?” I ask quietly.

“Nothing. If you want to do your own thing, I have nowhere to be until it’s time to pick up Levi. Erik is working from home today, so we really don’t need anyone. If you want to go hang with your sister or have somewhere else you can be useful, you’re welcome to.”

I hesitate. “I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” I admit. “Especially not Joe or Sandor.”

She looks up and cocks her head. “Are you okay?”

“Cooper left,” I reply. “Someone from his past is after him, and he left so it wouldn’t blow back on us here. And they let him go. Alone. So no, I’m not okay.”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” she says, “but I’m sure Sandor wouldn’t have let him leave without having a plan to protect him.”

“He’s going back to the military.” I start to pace. “And they won’t protect him. Not like we can.”

“If someone is after Ryan, they could come after you too. It makes sense.”

I sigh. It feels weird hearing her use his first name, but Cooper is too impersonal for what I’m feeling right now.

I’m scared.

Angry.

Worried.

Anxious.

And I’m really fucking tired of feeling anxious all the time.

I need to meet with Dr. Saluga, but I don’t have time.

I don’t respond because she’s right. But she’s also wrong. We’re stronger in numbers, and the idea of him fighting this battle alone just doesn’t work for me.

Logan had been alone the night he died. Yes, he’d been with Solange, but she hadn’t had any kind of training then, so she was basically a civilian and no help to him. And he’d died.

“Natalia, what can I do?” she asks softly. “Tell me. Do you want me to talk to Erik?”

“I don’t think it will do much for my career if I go over Sandor’s head,” I say with a wry laugh. “And anyway, even if I wanted you to, this is his doing so he’s going to side with Sandor.”

“What am I siding with Sandor about?” Erik asks from the doorway.

The man is stealthier than a freakin’ missile. How do I never hear him coming?

“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have involved either of you.” I move to leave, but Erik blocks my path.

“But now I’ve already heard it, so I want to know what’s going on. This has to do with Cooper leaving, yes?”

“Yes, sir.” I look down, embarrassed to have put both Casey and Erik in this position.

“Talk to me, Natalia.”

“I’m sure you know more than I do,” I respond. “And I’m not trying to go over Sandor’s head. I just don’t know what I’ll do if…” I stop and swallow. “If something happens to him, I won’t survive. Emotionally, I don’t think I can take another loss like this.” Tears blur my vision.

To my surprise, he reaches out and pulls me into his arms. “You look like you need a hug,” he says quietly. “And that’s something I can do that won’t get you into trouble with Sandor.”

I sniff, fervently trying not to cry.

When I finally have control of myself, I pull away, grateful for this job and the people who’ve become my new family. It’s weird to think I can just get a hug from our king any time I need one, but it’s also comfortable. And he gives great hugs.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I’m just so…scared for him.”

“I know. We all are. And trust me, he’s not alone. I don’t know exactly what his plans are, but he took a commercial flight to Germany. He can get on a transport back to the U.S. that way, and he’ll be well protected until then. He’s also smart and resourceful.”

“You saw what they did to him in Iraq. If it’s the same people…” I can’t even voice my fears about that.

“He’s prepared. He’s almost back to a hundred percent physically. I’m sure he’s been in touch with his military contacts. It’s going to be okay. And despite the fact that he had to leave because my first priority is to protect my family, that doesn’t mean he’s not part of that family now.”

“But we’re all here and he’s out there—alone.”

“He’s not alone, Natalia. Trust me on this, okay?” He meets my gaze steadily. “Do you trust me the way I trust you?”

I want to say no, but that would be a lie.

I do trust him.

I have to.

“Yes.”

“Then trust me to do what I do.”