Chapter 12

TWELVE

Natalia

I’m not usually so direct with men, but I don’t have a choice with Cooper. He’s only here for a limited time, and I’m loath to start something that could lead to a broken heart if he’s not aware of the challenges we’re facing.

Because they’re huge.

Potentially insurmountable.

I wanted him to come but now that he’s here, I’ve begun to realize how difficult it will be for us to be together.

“More than just sex?” He lifts to an elbow and gazes at me, those incredible blue eyes inscrutable. “Baby, we’ve done pretty much everything except sex. We’ve been co-workers, friends, and long-distance flirting buddies. You sat with me in the hospital for a day and have been sleeping next to me for the last four nights, all with zero action. From where I’m sitting, sex is probably the smallest part of our relationship.”

“Is that a complaint?” I ask quietly.

“Not at all. I’ve admittedly been a little under the weather. My only point is that we’re not where we are because of sex . That one time was amazing, and I’d love to spend a lot more time touching you, but we’ve had a few other priorities since I got here. The thing is, it feels like you’ve been keeping me at a distance. I’m starting to feel like I coerced you into letting me come do my recovery here. If you’re not comfortable with this, I can go to my mom’s. Really. I don’t want to be here unless you truly want me to be.”

“I do,” I whisper, reaching for his hand. “I want you so much it’s like a physical ache to not touch you. But I’m also a realist. You have to leave eventually. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but next month? Three months from now when I’m head-over-heels in love with you? Then what?”

“It feels a little late to be having this conversation,” he says, his fingers coiling with mine.

Late? What does that mean? Is he already in love with me?!

Am I with him?

I’m not ready for that, but I also don’t want him to go anywhere.

“I know. I’m sorry. I want to spend time with you. I want you to be here, but what are we doing? You have to go, and I can’t go with you. I mean, I’m not a prisoner here, so I could ask to be let out of the contract. It would be difficult, and very expensive, but I can’t picture a universe where I do that. What I’m doing as a Royal Protector is important. I’m not sure how to reconcile that with the feelings I’m beginning to have for you. And honestly, after what happened with Logan, I don’t have a broken heart in me right now.”

He’s quiet for a long time and my heart sinks.

I know what has to happen, what the best course of action is, but knowing what to do doesn’t make it any easier to actually do it.

Letting him go is still going to suck.

“I’m at a crossroads with my career,” he says finally. “I’m not ready to retire and do nothing, but I don’t know that I want to stay in the military until retirement either.”

“What else would you do?” I ask curiously.

“That’s just it—I don’t know. It’s almost time for me to re-up, but because of the kidnapping and stuff, they’re giving me some time. I have to make a decision relatively soon, though, and the truth is, I might not stay. I have an opportunity at the NSA.”

“With Louie.”

He nods. “And there’s also a lot of money to be made in the private sector.”

“I don’t know that any of that helps our situation.”

“Yes and no. Getting out of the military means I have a lot more flexibility. I could look for a job doing security in Europe, so we’d see each other a lot more. Maybe even here. I don’t know. But if you think it would be better to go our separate ways, I can ponder my future from my mom’s house.”

Letting him leave would be the smart thing to do.

I know this.

But I don’t want to.

And the indecision is killing me.

Do I risk a much greater heartbreak later for a short-term fling?

“I don’t want you to leave,” I say quietly, “but it’s probably the smart, mature thing to do.”

To my surprise, he throws back his head and laughs. Then he slowly but firmly rolls over so he’s on top of me, his face inches from mine.

“No one’s ever told me I was smart or mature,” he says in a throaty whisper.

Then he kisses me.

His lips are firm but gentle, taking his time as he presses light kisses on my mouth and nibbles my lower lip.

“You know how many times I’ve dreamed about this?” he asks.

I can’t respond because he’s kissing me again, and this time his tongue slides between my lips with urgency. And there’s no way I can resist. My body heats up immediately, and I lose myself in how good it feels. I love how it feels for his strong, toned body to press mine into the mattress, for us to be linked this way, even with the barrier of our clothes. There’s no mistaking the heat searing my skin or the moisture pooling between my legs.

No one has ever had this effect on me.

A knock on the door makes us both jump, and he groans.

“Shit.”

“That’s our dinner,” I pant, trying to still the crazy beating of my heart. “Move over and I’ll get it.”

“All right.” He rolls to the side, and I don’t miss the look of pain that crosses his face. Dammit, I should have been more cognizant of his injuries.

I open the door and one of the maids brings in a tray.

“Hello, Mr. Cooper!” She doesn’t speak a lot of English, but she waves, probably oblivious to what we’d just been doing. He’s discreetly covered his erection with a pillow, and he waves back.

“Thank you for bringing dinner,” he says.

“Of course. Of course! Enjoy—I make the bread.”

“Thank you, Lida.” I give her a grateful smile.

She sets the tray down, waves again, and heads out.

As soon as the door closes behind her, he crooks a finger in my direction. “Get that sweet behind of yours back in this bed right fucking now.”

“Cooper.” I eye him. “Our dinner is here and?—”

“The only thing I want to eat right now is you.”

Oh, sweet Jesus, my panties probably just flooded.

But I know he’s in pain and letting him do that would be selfish.

“I saw how much it hurt you just to turn over. I don’t want you to?—”

He cuts me off. “You’re going to strip out of those clothes and come sit on my face. Now, unless you’re not interested in me eating your pussy, start moving.”

He doesn’t have to ask twice.

I’m incredibly interested.

We didn’t get to do that in Iraq. Hell, we’d barely done anything, and I’ve fantasized about doing just about everything with him.

I strip in record time and climb onto the bed. He’s slid down so he’s flat on his back, the top of his head about six inches from the wrought iron headboard.

“Put your knees on either side of my head, squat down, and then hang on,” he whispers, his voice gruff.

I want to protest, point out his sore ribs or the fact that I might smother him. I wonder if I should warn him that I’ve never done this in this way before, but I can’t seem to formulate any words. My body is moving into position without much input from the rest of me, and my eyes fall shut as he puts his hands on my hips.

I already know this is going to be good.

“A little lower,” he instructs.

I sink down and then his mouth is close. So close I can feel the warmth of his breath. His mouth. Oh shit. Right. There.

Holy hell.

This is magical torture.

He knows exactly what to do, and my body responds automatically.

When he uses the tip of his tongue to trace a line along my slit, all I can do is groan.

He does that a few times, and then pushes his tongue inside of me.

“Oh, fuck, that feels good.” All I can do is pant as he tongue-fucks me. My hips tilt into the perfect angle, and I have to close my hands around the poles of the headboard to keep from sliding down.

He licks and nibbles and sucks, alternately sliding inside of me and then pulling away. I want to beg for more, but he’s taking his time. As if I’m not on the verge of detonation.

“Cooper…” I moan in protest when he slows down.

“What did I tell you to call me when I’m inside you?” he growls.

“Ryan…Ryan, please!” I’m so close.

So, so close.

My pussy flutters and clenches with need.

And still, he’s softly nibbling the tender folds between my legs, occasionally putting his tongue inside of me, and then using it to taunt my clit with the tip.

“Please,” I whimper.

“I’ve waited a long time for this. You’re going to let me savor it.”

“Ryan!” I wiggle against his mouth, and he swats my ass with the flat of his hand. The sting of pain makes my pussy flood with arousal, and he chuckles.

“You like when I spank you? That’s going to be fun when I’m a little more mobile.”

I’m clinging to the headboard, my body on high alert, my orgasm slowly beginning to coil deep in my belly.

“Please let me come,” I moan. “I’ll do anything you want…”

“Yes, you will. Whether I let you come or not.”

I didn’t realize he had a dominant side like this, but I love it. My skin tingles in anticipation of my orgasm and he finally takes pity on me by sucking my clit into his mouth. He sucks hard, which usually isn’t a turn-on for me, but it is when Cooper does it.

Ryan .

When Ryan does it.

He’s technically not inside me right now, but when we’re together like this, he’s definitely Ryan.

“Ryan, please…”

He slaps my ass again and bites down on my clit.

My world spirals, and flashes of color flood my field of vision.

I can’t see or hear or think, but I can feel.

The tsunami of pleasure between my legs is just the beginning, because no sooner do the waves start to reside, but they start up again. He’s put two fingers inside of me, and I’m not sure what’s happening. All I know is how good it feels.

“Ryan!” I cry out, trying desperately to hold on to the wonder of this moment.

“That’s my girl… coming all over my face.” He finally pulls away, and the throbbing between my legs starts to abate.

“Holy fucking hell, what did you just do to me?”