Chapter 1

ONE

Natalia

Sleep has eluded me for seven long months. Since the night I got the phone call that my boyfriend Logan was dead.

I thought what we had was going somewhere.

Then he was gone, and I was sent to Iraq as part of a military exchange program with the United States Marines.

Now that’s over, and I’m going home.

Except I don’t want to.

Six months in the Middle East has changed me in ways I can’t quite explain. On one hand, I’m not as excited about my career choice anymore. On the other, it makes the importance of what I do that much more poignant. Being in a war zone has given me a darker perspective on life, and coupled with Logan being killed in the line of duty, it leaves me confused and out of sorts.

There hasn’t been a lot of danger since I’ve been here, but I’ve seen so much poverty, illness, and civil unrest. I understand now why my boss, Prince Sandor Gustaffson, said a deployment was mandatory. That I need to experience more than what I can see at the palace or in our country’s military.

It’s complicated.

Giving up on sleep, I pull on shorts and a T-shirt, slide my feet into sandals, and pad outside. It’s comfortable in the middle of the night, cool even, unlike the afternoons which got up into the high eighties. It’s spring, but it’s still cold at home in Limaj. The nights are cold and the days comfortable, though they might still get snow a few more times. Probably not in the capital where I live, but up in the northern part of the country where I grew up, there will be at least one more winter storm.

My transport is leaving at oh-six-hundred hours to take me to Germany. From there, I’ll catch a commercial flight to Limaj, and I’ll be home for the first time in six months. Soon after, I’ll be promoted to a full Royal Protector, and it will be the beginning of a whole new era of my life.

And I’m completely underwhelmed.

“Looking for one last overnight duty shift?” A familiar voice speaks behind me, and I turn, smiling.

“Hey, Captain.”

Captain Ryan Cooper has been my commanding officer the last six months, and we’ve become good friends. He’s smart, capable, and hotter than the Iraqi desert. I’ve done my best not to think about him like that, but every time he looks at me with those blue eyes of his, I get a little weak in the knees. Luckily, we’ve been far too busy to think about it much, so I let a few nightly fantasies become my naughty guilty pleasure.

“Can’t sleep?”

I shake my head. “I slept for a few hours, but my eyes popped open and now I’m wide awake. I’ll sleep on the flight.”

“What’s wrong, Nat?” He leans against the wall and meets my gaze. “You’ve been quiet the last few days, and I’m sure it’s not because you’re sad to leave Iraq.”

“I’m not ready,” I whisper, staring up at the night sky. “I don’t know how to walk back into the palace and remember everything about my life before Logan died.”

“It’s been seven months,” he replies quietly. “It’s time to face all that and make your peace with it.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” I quip, giving him a teasing smile even though I know he isn’t doing any such thing.

His eyes darken as he slowly shakes his head. “Not even a little. Having you here has been a bright spot in a shitty deployment.”

I look away again, sliding down the side of the building so I can sit. “It hasn’t been shitty for me.”

“You can’t run away from what happened forever,” he says, sinking down beside me. “Losing the man you loved?—”

“That’s just it,” I interrupt. “That’s the problem. I don’t think I loved him. We’d only been romantically involved about a month, though we were friends much longer. It was new and fun and passionate, but we were going slow because we worked together. Having him die like that, during a mundane duty assignment, was jarring. Not that I’m afraid to go back to work, but I’m afraid to get close to any of them now. Hell, I don’t know if I can get close to anyone anymore.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you’ve gotten close to at least one person,” he says, looking over at me pointedly.

Our eyes lock, and something sizzles in the air between us. Damn, he’s gorgeous. But every time I think about how good-looking he is, how nice, how strong and capable, I remember Logan and guilt whiplashes through me.

Except I’m leaving in a few hours. And if I don’t say or do something, I might never see Ryan Cooper again.

“We’re never going to see each other again, are we?”

Wow.

Had that come out of left field or what?

“Never is a long time, Nat.”

I’ve never wanted anyone to kiss me so much as I wanted Ryan Cooper to, and I unconsciously lick my lips. “I’m, uh, technically not under your command anymore, am I?” I asked quietly. “I mean, my deployment here ended at 11:59 p.m. Right?”

He smiles, his lip quirking up slightly. “Technically, I guess that’s right.”

“So…you wouldn’t court martial me for kissing you?”

His eyes darken again, and the look in them tells me he wants me to. It’s been a long time since anyone has touched me, and this is neither the time nor the place, but it’s also my last chance with Cooper.

“Natalia…are you sure…”

I cut him off by leaning forward and gently pressing my lips to his. I’ve thought about doing this dozens of times over the last few months, but it would have been totally inappropriate. In fact, it probably still is but I’m not going to back off now that I’ve started.

His mouth opens and he slowly coaxes my tongue out with his. I move closer and he slides an arm around my neck. He tilts his head and deepens the kiss, his lips a gentle whisper against mine, despite our tongues dueling like they’re in a race for first place. It’s sweeter than that, though, because it isn’t a contest, and I truly never want it to end.

He slowly pulls away, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I could come see you,” he says softly. “I’m going back to the States next month and then I’ll have time off, so I could come to Limaj first. What do you think?”

“Really? You want to visit me in… Limaj?”

“Well, how else am I going to see you again? I mean, I’d be happy flying you to the U.S. to see me, but you’re probably not getting time off right away, are you?”

“We don’t get time off,” I say with a chuckle. “There aren’t enough of us to begin with, so we work all the time.”

“But they sent you here for six months.”

“I had to, or my training would be incomplete. Becoming a Royal Protector is a huge responsibility. Someone else who’s training will be embedded here when I leave. I don’t know who it is, but Sandor has two people in mind.”

“I won’t be here,” he says. “My next duty assignment is Hawaii.”

“That’s literally the other side of the world.”

“Yeah.”

“You can come to Limaj on holiday, but after that, we’re going to be far away from each other. Probably best not to start anything.”

“That’s very true.”

We look at each other with rueful smiles.

“It was a really nice kiss, though.”

“It was.”

“I don’t suppose… you would do it again?” I’m playing with fire.

A much more dangerous kind than anything else that had gone on during my six months here.

“Natalia…” He reaches out and runs calloused fingers along my cheek. “I’m afraid if I start, I won’t be able to stop.”

“I know, but...” I lean forward. “It feels so good.”

“Someone could see.”

“We can go into the supply locker.”

“No condom,” he murmurs as our lips come together again.

“We can do other stuff,” I whisper against his mouth.

“Fuck.” He groans, getting to his feet and grabbing my hand.

We hurry into the makeshift storage locker, and he pushes me inside. The minute we’re alone, our mouths fuse and we’re all over each other. Our lips and tongues swirl together, hands groping each other’s body. He’s rock-hard all over, abs flat and arms like steel. He isn’t huge, but he’s probably eight inches taller than I am and my body fits against his perfectly. His hands skim my backside, eventually lifting me in the air. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he backs me against the wall.

Despite his rough movements, his touch is gentle, filled with passion. His mouth is magical, kissing me like a man who’s been without for far too long.

Kind of like me.

I haven’t been with anyone since the night before Logan died, which was seven months ago now, and that’s a long time. I desperately need to feel that kind of passion.

To feel sexy again.

To feel alive .

Fingers slide beneath my T-shirt and sports bra, his hand cupping my breast.

“I knew they’d be perfect,” he whispers against my mouth.

“Not too small?”

“Anything more than a mouthful is a waste.” He chuckles, dipping his head to suck a nipple into his mouth. He bites down and then circles it with his tongue, instinctively sensing exactly how much I need.

How does he know me so well already?

“Off,” he says on a groan, tugging both my top and bra over my head.

For a man who’s been without sex for a while, he’s surprisingly patient in his approach. He doesn’t rush, doesn’t get sloppy like men in my past had—he’s all finesse. His mouth is enchanting, drawing shudders from me as he moves from one breast to the other. When his tongue goes back to circling my nipple, I almost lose it right there.

“Cooper…” I moan. “I need you.”

“I know, baby. Me too. But if this is all we have, then I need to do it right.”

Fuucckkk.

I hadn’t used that word much before coming to Iraq, but six months with a group of rowdy marines made it part of my dialogue. Apparently, my internal dialogue as well.

His mouth is level with my chest, and he continues to tease and stroke my breasts until I can barely breathe. I want him inside me so bad I can’t stand it, and I dig my fingers into his scalp.

“ Cooper . Fuck me. Please.”

“We can’t,” he groans, looking at me.

“I’m protected,” I whisper. “I swear.”

Our eyes lock and freeze. For a moment there’s nothing but us, but the connection between us. I trust him. I don’t know why, but I do. It’s like looking into the eyes of destiny.

“Natalia…”

I reach up to kiss him, taking his lips as gently but passionately as he took my breasts.

“Yes.” I whisper the next two words. “ Do it. ”

He uses one hand to yank down his shorts, his erection springing free. And it’s glorious. Thick and hard and standing at attention.

For me.

Before I can truly appreciate the magnificence before me, he grips my chin with two fingers, forcing my eyes up to his. “You’re positive you want to do it like this? A thousand percent?”

“Yes!”

He thrusts up so hard and deep my eyes roll back in my head. His mouth seeks mine and once again, there’s nothing but us. This. It’s carnal and rough, but deliciously sensual, the tenderness of his kisses nowhere near the ferocity of what he’s doing with his cock.

“Cooper…” I can’t get enough and dig my fingers into his shoulders.

“ Ryan ,” he growls, thrusting in again. “When I’m inside you, it’s Ryan.”

“Ryan.” I love the way it sounds on my tongue, and I kiss him some more.

“Come for me, baby,” he says gruffly. “I’m so fucking close, but I need you to go first.”

“Harder,” I pant.

The next couple of thrusts are so intense I know it’ll be over in another few seconds. Pleasure races through my lower region and explodes out, forcing me to let go, his name a silent scream on my lips as we get off.

For a long time, we don’t move. He’s still hard, still buried to the hilt, our bodies pressed together. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now because it’s sex, but it’s something else too. We’ve gotten to know each other well the last six months, but I thought my fantasies were just sexual. Now that we’ve done the sex thing, I realize there’s more.

Not that I’ll tell him that.

I’m vulnerable after losing Logan, and Ryan isn’t just a friend, but the hottest, most interesting man I’ve ever met.

“God, I needed that,” I whisper.

“You and me both.” He’s stroking my shoulder and upper arm.

“Thank you,” I say.

“I should be thanking you.” His eyes find mine in the darkness. “That was pretty fucking amazing.”

“Agreed.” I sigh softly. “Will you keep in touch, Ryan?”

“I will. I promise.”