13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

London

L iz is patiently looking after my table, and when I return, she takes one look at me, and asks, poignantly. "Who died?"

My gaze is on the floor.

"Shit." She mutters. "Come with me."

I don't know Liz well, but everyone here is very nice, aside from the fact that Liz is bristly on a good day. So I follow her, not wanting to piss her off. "What's going on?" She asks under her breath.

"Tommy, Cooper's landlord, he passed away."

She looks at me, eyes wide, and hisses. "No shit?"

I shake my head. "No shit. That's why Cooper's here. He wanted to tell me before it spreads through town and I'm the last to know."

Her face changes. She looks me up and down. "Colton's been watching you like a hawk. There's something else, isn't there."

There's lots, as a matter of fact, but none that I can tell her. So, I make up a lie. "I'm pregnant."

She draws in a deep breath, but her face is alight. "I knew it. I just knew it. A woman knows these things."

"Yeah." I lie. "But nobody else knows. I just found out this morning."

"How far along you figure?"

I do some fake period math. I've never been great at keeping score for that. Like I've mentioned before, I don't think I'm fertile, and I'm too young to worry about menopause yet. So I put it out of my mind, and just keep a pad or two in my purse at all times. It comes when it comes. "It's really early. I'm only about five weeks." I say, remembering that I actually last had a period five weeks ago, because I ran out of pads when I was at the lawyer's office, tying up some loose ends, and a legal assistant grabbed me one of hers out of her purse.

"So, Cooper doesn't know yet?"

I shake my head. "That's what I said."

She puts her hand on my arm, almost maternally. "Is this a good thing or a bad thing, just so I know how to act around you."

"It's a good thing." I pretend that it's true. I've always wanted to have a house full of kids.

"I was hoping that you'd say that." She smiles. Eyes shining bright. "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"So, both tests were positive?"

A ‘v' forms between my brows. "Both?"

"Well, everyone knows that the first one can be a false positive. All my girlfriends always took two tests. Hell, even my sister Julia took two tests. Both were negative." She starts to ramble. I think she's excited for me. I can't help but smile. It seems like this is the first female friend I've had since I moved here. "Okay, I'm going on break in five minutes. I'll head up the street and get you another test. Not to worry. We'll get this settled once and for all."

I hate to admit it that I like her maternal instinct. God knows my mother never had it. Thank God I had my high school teacher, Mrs. Linebeck, to help me through my periods, because my mother never gave me an ounce of guidance. Even when I was pregnant and had Bean, she showed up a couple of hours later, no gift, no hug. Sure, she gushed a little over Bean, but I can count on my fingers how many times she watched her, how many times she held her. I've never had anyone in my life that doted over her the way that Cooper and Colton do. Even though I'm not actually pregnant, I'm pretending I am, and loving it.

So I let Liz do the maternal thing with a smile. "Okay. Thanks. You're a good friend."

"But you've got to promise me that you'll let me babysit."

"As often as you like."

She purses her lips together into a smile. "Okay, I've got to get this table over here settled, and I'll go on break."

I nod as Cooper walks out of the back office and gives me a kiss. "I'll see you later, darlin'. I'll go grab Bean from Nate's and take her home to bed. Sorry about all this."

"It's okay, Cooper. I appreciate you making the trip. And Bean loves Nate. She won't mind that you brought her over there, as long as Nate doesn't mind."

"Na, he was just watching television. He actually smiled when he answered the door. Looked like he was grateful for the company. I think the kid gets lonely when his mama works late hours."

"What about his father?"

"I'm not sure where he is. He works late hours, too, from what I understand. The kid's alone a lot. And he doesn't have any siblings."

"I'd like to meet him."

"Sure, I'll ask if he wants to come around this weekend. In fact, we can invite a bunch of people over if you like. Have a little pre-Christmas party or something."

"Sure. I've got to get back to work. I'm covering while Liz goes on break." I say, leaving out the part where Liz is going to get me a pregnancy test to confirm my fake pregnancy. I hate breaking her heart like that, but I didn't know what else to do. As sick as this sounds, I can even tell her that I'd feel better going to the doctor to confirm that it's negative. Once this test that she brings me turns negative, that is. I don't mind playing along, acting like I'm pregnant. If it puts that much of a smile on her face and gets me out of more awkward conversations about things I can't talk about relating to my past, I'm in.

"Okay, darlin'. I love you." He says, kissing me.

"Love you, too." I kiss him back.

I watch him leave as I tend to a few tables, forgetting for a moment that my life has gotten so complicated, but at the same time, so much simpler. The love part is the simple part. I'm surrounded by people who love me and Bean or who care for us a lot. Much more so than we've ever had. Just Blake alone cares for me more than any of the friends I've ever had did. And Liz, just that little bit of care that she's showing me means the world. That's probably why I love my little Bean so much. Because she and I were all we've ever really had. Especially since the divorce. A weird lull comes as some patrons leave and no more show up, but it's perfect timing, since Liz returns and seems eager for her and I to go to the ladies' room.

Blake is unscathed as the two of us go into the washroom. I feel my face heat as she opens up the bag and hands me the box. "Now, remember, this is just to confirm." She says levelly. "Chances are that the first one was positive and this one will be, too. But when I took the test with Nate, the first one was negative. When my period still didn't make an appearance a week later, I did another one."

"How come you didn't just go to the doctor for confirmation?" I ask, buying time. I feel silly.

"Oh, hell, honey, I was a child. Scared out of my mind. I had Nate before I finished high school." She explains. "I had no idea what I was doing. I'm not even sure I knew what I was doing to conceive the kid, but there it was, plain as day, two clear lines on a stick."

"Well, even if this is negative, I'm still going to go to the doctor, just to make sure." I tell her, not wanting to wipe that excited smile off her face.

"Okay, you go on ahead, and I'll stay here. It's quiet out there and Blake will come knock on the door if it gets crazy out there, so don't worry."

I nod. "Okay." I go into the stall and do my business, emerging a minute later, with the stick firmly in my hand, feigning that I'm nervous. It breaks my heart and at the same time, it lifts me up, that she's so excited for me. But only me and my conscience know the truth, and I don't want to burst her bubble. It's so seldom that I make people smile. That's why it's such a gift being around Cooper. The moment he sees me, he smiles. And it's contagious.

"It should only take a minute." Liz says, inspecting the stick, as if it may be faulty.

"Oh, how much do I owe you?" I ask her, routing through my apron, with tip money inside it.

She waves. "It's on me. Hell, I haven't been this excited since Nate won a ‘Student of the Month' award. I can't wait to have a little one running around."

"How come you never had any more, Liz?"

"Oh, gosh, with this job, I couldn't imagine having another one. And Nate's my world. Plus, he's a teenager. He doesn't want a little brother or sister running around. He'd just feel like a built-in babysitter."

"Have you ever asked him if he wanted a sibling?"

"No, it never came up, really. Some day, he'll have lots of nieces and nephews running around, once Julia gets married."

"Julia's your sister?"

She nods. "Yes. She lives in Florida. You'll meet her soon enough. She comes around in the summer, sometimes for March Break, too. She's a teacher."

Just the mention of the state of Florida again, makes my face pale. But I lick my lips and press on, trying to maintain composure. I've gotten pretty good at it as of late. "What about during Christmas?"

She nods. "Oh, yeah. She'll be coming around during the holidays for sure. Usually the week after Christmas, though, since she spends Christmas with daddy."

"How come you don't see your father?"

She scoffs. "Oh, Stella, if I had a dime for every time someone asked me that." A wave. "Daddy hasn't spoken to me in years. He's never gotten over me choosing Nate's father and moving here over staying with him and letting him raise his grandson. Daddy doesn't like my other half. Never has. I don't blame him a whole bunch, seeing as daddy's the most traditional person I know, and I raised a son without being married and all. We live in a shoebox and I work in a bar, while daddy runs multi-million dollar golf resorts all over the country. Why, he's got one right here in North Carolina, for chrissake. But Julia's teaching in Florida, so he stays put."

"And you and your sister are close, despite all the family drama?"

"Julia and I don't let our daddy come between us. Never have. Now, she doesn't like it that I work in a bar, either, but she accepts it. Not much choice in the matter."

"Is she close with Nate?"

"Oh, God, yeah. Nate loves her to bits, and she feels the same. Heck, Julia sometimes brings him back to Florida with her, so that she and daddy can spoil him. He's a good kid. Despite all the things I screwed up at as a teenage mom, but at least I've got him to show for it. I don't regret my decisions at all. And he's real close to Colton, too. But Colton's like that. He's the most protective, grateful, caring guy in the world. Wade's a good apple, too. They all are. I've known those Ford boys forever."

"Yeah, Cooper speaks very highly of them, too. I think he looks up to Colton."

"Who wouldn't? He has everything going for him, and he has three jobs. I don't know how he accomplishes half of it."

I'm hoping that all this talk will distract Liz from checking the pregnancy test, buying me time to think of a reaction. I'm not sure how she's going to take it when it's negative, when here she thinks I'm pregnant. I feel like such a fool for playing along, making her believe that I'm with child, when I'm not, but that's the first time I had to tell a big lie since all this unfolded. I'm sure this isn't the last time that this is going to happen. I've never been a good liar, but I guess I'll have to learn how to be, if I'm going to keep me and Bean safe.

Suddenly, Liz smiles, covering her mouth. "Gosh, look at me, yammering on like this, when we can check the test!"

She's so happy and excited, it's easy to play along. "Okay! Let's check it!"

"Do you want me to do it or do you want to do it?" She asks, still so excited, as the test sits on the edge of the sink.

She's so happy. I love it. "You go ahead." I encourage, feeding her happiness.

Liz picks it up, like it's top secret from me, keeping it close to her face. So close, I want to remind her that I peed on that, but I don't. After a quick glance, she closes her eyes, trying to mask her reaction, and for a split second, my heart stops, because I don't see a shred of disappointment in her eyes. And I start to wonder if she's as good an actress as I'm claiming to be, when she smiles, unable to contain herself. "It's positive!"

My eyes widen. "It's WHAT?" I bark, taking it from her, looking at it with my own two eyes. I'm thinking for a moment that she's fucking with me, but as I look at the stick, holding it firmly in my hands, like if I drop it, it'll turn in the other direction, as sure as the nose on my face, there are two lines on the stick. "Oh…my…fucking…God." I whisper to myself. "It's fucking positive."

"You're gonna have a baby!" She gushes, still so happy for me.

I look at her, half wanting to tell her the truth, half glad that she's so happy for me. It takes me a moment to process the levity of this situation. "Oh my God." I murmur. "I'm going to have a baby. I'm really going to have a baby." I repeat, like it's a mantra.

"And you're going to let me babysit, right? You promised!" Liz says, taking me in her arms, like we're sisters. I hold her tight, reveling in the feeling of having someone hug me again. Someone that doesn't have any emotional ties to me, just doing it out of the goodness of their heart. It's so lovely and refreshing, that I feel a lump in my throat. "Liz, you can babysit every day if you want to." I say, voice cracking.

"And you guys live so close! This is going to be awesome! Nate is going to be over the moon!" She pulls back. "Oh, but I won't tell him. I won't say anything. Not until you're ready. You said yourself that it's really early on, right? Like five weeks, you said, right?"

I nod, wiping the tears away, so glad that we had this moment together. "Yeah, five weeks."

"Oh, but I hear that with the second child, you start to show earlier. Have you thought about when you're going to tell people, or are you going to wait until after the first trimester?"

"I…I'm not sure. I'll have to see what Cooper wants."

"Oh, Cooper!" She hisses, as if she forgot about him. "When are you going to tell him? Do you think he'll be happy?"

I think about it for a moment, rewinding some of the moments since Cooper has been in our lives. Recalling how sweet he is with Bean. How real his love is for her, and it makes me smile. I think once he finds out that he's going to be a daddy, that he's going to be so happy, he'll burst. "I think so. He loves Bean to death. He's crazy about kids. I mean, he's a teacher."

But with the secrecy between us, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that he's going to be put off by a baby, when I can't tell him anything about me, about my past, about anything. How is this even going to work? Maybe he won't be happy. Maybe this will just be another complication. Maybe he'll break down and demand that I tell him everything. But I can't. Regardless of this new advance between us, the situation that I'm in hasn't changed. And it won't change. Not until I get that fated phone call. Every day I pray that I'll get the call. Every time my phone rings I'm secretly crossing my fingers.

Sadly, no calls ever come. Sometimes I have to test my phone to make sure that it's working. Nobody calls. Nobody wonders where I am. It's the perfect situation. James knew what he was doing. He knew that nobody in my life would care that much about me that they'd come looking or ask any questions. He was right. The only people that care about me now are the newest additions to my circle. Then when I think about this new baby, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, bringing another life into my world. My complicated, unsafe world, where everybody loves me, but that's only because they don't know the truth.

…and that's when I make a decision that could affect this baby, Bean, and the rest of my life.