Chapter 5

5

K atherine hated the nervous tension that filled her during Josiah's weekly visits. But to keep up the fa?ade to her family that she was at peace with her decision, she had to endure his presence.

"He'll be here soon." Pa's chair squeaked as he rocked back and forth. A slight breeze blew across the porch, bringing much needed relief from the heat. "How are you doing, Katie girl? Are you getting to know the man?"

She searched for a way to keep from lying. "Well. It takes time to get to know someone."

"Yes, 'tis true. But the two of you seem to be hitting it off real fine. Love will grow." He leaned forward and patted her knee.

She twisted her fingers in her lap so firmly, her knuckles turned white. Ma and Pa believed what they wanted to believe. The thought of sitting for another afternoon tea, faking pleasure, made her stomach churn.

The urge to do something finally got the better of her, and she pushed to her feet. "When he arrives, tell him I'm in the barn saddling up Uncle John's new horse. I want to go for a ride."

"You can't take that horse."

She glanced back at Pa. "Why not? I can ride most anything."

"Your uncle got it for next to nothing because that horse was mistreated in the war. It's going to take time to simmer that one down. Any little noise, and you'll be bucked right off."

"Bucked off?" Josiah's rich timbre voice interrupted their conversation as he skipped up on the porch.

She hadn't noticed his arrival.

"I left my horse in the shade of the barn. Hope that's all right?"

Pa nodded, then motioned toward her. "Seems Katie wants to get out for a ride, but the one horse we have is?—"

"Never mind." Katie threw out her hand. "It was just an idea to do something different."

"That girl really knows how to ride." Pride resonated in Pa's voice.

Josiah smiled. "I know."

"How would you know that?" Pa scratched his head. "We haven't had a horse for her to ride since before the war."

Heat crawled from Katie's neck to her hairline. She was extremely thankful when Josiah didn't answer.

He moved across the porch until he stood beside her chair. "Come on, Katherine. If you want to ride, we shall ride. Fireball is more than big enough for the both of us."

The thought of doubling up with that huge man made her heart pump right out of her chest. "No. I don't need?—"

"Come on. We'll ride for a bit together, and then I'll let you take him for a gallop."

She rose to her feet. The thought of a good gallop on his beautiful stallion versus the sheer horror of having him so close… Oh, that was a tough one. She pursed one finger to her lips. "Give me a few minutes to change."

A slow easy smile split free. "Take your time." He eased into the chair she'd just vacated and stretched out his legs in relaxation.

How could she have been so stupid? Did she really want to be in such close proximity? She stewed while she changed into her old dress and slipped a pair of cut-off dungarees underneath. After one step into the kitchen, she swung around to reverse her decision.

"Good heavens, what are you up to now?" Ma asked. "Don't you know Josiah is here for a visit?"

That was all it took to make up her mind. Ma's disapproval rankled. "We're going riding."

"In that? You look like?—"

"Like what? Like I'm poor? That's because I am poor. It's why I've agreed to marry the man, because we're all poor." She stomped across the kitchen and slammed the screen door behind her.

"Come on, if we're going." She gestured toward Josiah, who smiled in response, which only annoyed her. She looked like a ridiculous rag-a-muffin, and he was acting like he didn't notice.

They walked across the yard in silence. "Front or back?" He pointed to the saddle.

"Front for sure. Then I have the control."

He grinned. "Agreed."

She swung up into the saddle, surprised at the height of the magnificent horse as he pranced beneath her weight. At the slight tug of the reins and a gentle word, the horse settled.

"You do have the touch."

She smiled inwardly at his praise…until he swung up behind her and placed his hands securely around her waist.

Then, fear took over.

"Off we go," he said into her ear. "You have control."

The warmth of his large hands penetrating her muslin gown set her heart to racing. She kicked the flanks of his horse, and they shot ahead.

"Whoa, we're not in a hurry. I rather like sitting this close to you."

She turned and shot him a scowl.

He laughed out loud. "Never seen such a pretty frown."

She ignored him, but her feelings tumbled one over another—from panic to pleasure and everything in between.

A slight breeze cooled the heat at the nape of her neck. Dappled sunlight filtered through the overhead trees. The sound of a babbling brook and the cadence of the beautiful stallion stirred an unfettered pocket of joy. She almost forgot her troubles until the arms wrapped around her middle tightened. Then all pleasure faded.

"Head to the creek. We'll stop a bit and give the horse a break and a drink." His breath tickled her ear. "Then you can take him for a gallop. He'll like that."

When they reached the water, she pulled the reins, and the stallion instantly stopped.

Josiah swung from the horse and, with both his hands raised, encircled her waist as she slid down. She tried to control the tremor through her body, but could not. He lowered his head within inches of her lips, and she froze. The longing in his eyes was not difficult to read.

Maybe he recognized her fear, for he pulled away, grabbed the reins, and led the horse to the creek. He removed his hat, dipped both his hands in, and lifted water first to his lips, and then to his hair. The russet-brown color glistened in the light of the sun. "Ah, that feels better. It's a hot one today."

She tried not to stare as he unbuttoned his crisp white shirt halfway down.

"Come on. I know you like the water. At least get your feet wet."

That was all it took for her to peel her boots and stockings free, lift the hem of her skirt, and step into the cool clear water.

He joined her.

A bubble of laughter slipped free.

"What's so funny?"

"Never thought I'd see the high and mighty Mr. Richardson enjoying the simple pleasures of life like wading in a creek."

"That's because you don't know me. If you did, you wouldn't call me high and mighty."

"Yet you want to marry me?" She unpinned the coil at the nape of her neck and flipped her long braid back.

"We'll have a lifetime to remedy that."

He stepped out of the water and pulled on his boots. "I have a great swimming hole on my property where you shall be able to swim to your heart's content."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, are you ready to take Fireball for a gallop?"

She nodded, trying to keep her excitement from showing as she laced up her boots, then swung up on his magnificent steed.

"Do come back for me." He laughed as he leaned against the oak, slid to the grass below, and tilted his hat to shade his face.

At last, she lit out. Now, this was joy. For the first time in a long time, she laughed into the wind. At least two good things would happen when she married Mr. Richardson. She would be able to ride again, and she'd be able to swim.

The household bustled in excited anticipation of the wedding. Katie noticed smiles on her parents' faces for the first time in years. Her sisters chattered excitedly about no longer being crammed together in the loft with their young cousins. Aunt May and Uncle John couldn't help but show a measure of relief, and Katie couldn't blame them.

At every turn, she offered to do jobs that took her as far away from the family as possible. At least when she was alone, she could wipe the pasted happy off her face. The barn was the perfect hideaway. She fed and watered the chickens, hauling water from the nearby pump. Then she raked fresh straw around the stall that belonged to the scrawny bay gelding. Thankfully, he was out in the pasture, being the ornery suspicious type. Would Uncle John ever be able to bring him back to a place of trust? The gelding and she had a lot in common.

Pecking at the ground with the rake like a lost chicken looking for its next meal, Katie's mind raced. Only a week until the wedding. Her body broke out in a cold sweat just thinking about it. But who could she confide in? She'd always found it easy to talk to Pa, but this was different. If she spoke the truth, it would steal his joy. And Ma hadn't looked this happy in years. On more than one occasion, she'd given Katie an awkward hug. It had been so long since Katie had experienced that kind of warmth, it served to heighten the deep ache of loneliness.

"God, if you're really in this world like Aunt May believes, why do I feel so alone?" Katie murmured into the dusty rafters of the old barn. As if on cue, the moment she said those words, a shaft of light streamed through a crack in the weathered roof and encircled her. Had the sun peeked out from behind a cloud the moment she prayed? She looked up at the dancing particles of dust that shimmered gold. An odd sensation of warmth enveloped her, like the presence of more was in the barn.

"There you are, sis. Can we go for a walk?" Amelia stood in the doorway.

Katie pulled herself from the quiet moment. "Help me finish gathering the eggs. I kinda got sidetracked. Let's see who can find the most."

"You're on," Amelia said. "Probably be the last time we…" She cut off her words, but tears shimmered in her kind eyes.

"No, you don't, Amelia. Because if you start, I'll start. Let's get the eggs. Ready. Set. Go." Katie threw herself into the task and marveled at the difference between herself and her sister. Amelia was a gentle soul, ladylike, and cautious. Katie was the direct opposite—impulsive, daring, and adventurous.

In a crowd, Amelia was often overlooked. Her straight brown hair, brown eyes, and pudgy frame with rosy round cheeks blended into the background. She was sturdy and strong, a mirror image of their ma.

From the time Katie was a child, people had oohed and awed about her unusual eye color, her porcelain skin, and her beautiful wavy hair. The remarks had always annoyed Ma. Then, when the curves came and boys buzzed around like bees to honey, Ma insisted she bind up her chest so tightly it hurt, wear dresses one size too big, and keep her hair in a tight bun. Oh, how she had longed to be a boy and have the freedom of her brothers, for she was far more comfortable in a saddle and britches than in the kitchen.

"Done," her sister yelled. "Who cares who got the most? Let's get out into that sunshine."

Katie laughed. "See, that's the difference between us. I was already counting my basket."

Amelia waved her hand. "I'll run the eggs in, and then we'll make our great escape."

Katie waited for her return, and they giggled like they were ten again as they lit out running for the nearby copse of trees. Once safely out of view, they slowed and drew in deep breaths. How desperately she'd needed these moments of abandon.

Amelia threw her arm around Katie's shoulder and gave a quick squeeze. The warmth quelled the deep loneliness that had earlier pressed in. Was it a coincidence that Katie had said that small prayer one moment, and her sister had arrived the next?

They walked in silence, through the trees and up the hillside, each lifting their face to the warmth.

At last, Amelia pulled her to a stop. "You're not all right, are you?"

Katie turned from her sister's perceptive gaze "I'm trying. I truly am." She pointed down over the valley. "We walked quite a long way."

"Don't change the subject. I need to know."

"What's the point of discussing it?"

Amelia's arms encircled Katie's shaking shoulders and she drew her close. "I know you better than that, Sis. Please talk to me."

A lone tear slipped free, and Katie brushed it angrily from her cheek. "I have no choice in the matter. However, Mr. Richardson has no idea what his money is buying." A cold chill spread over her, and she shivered in Amelia's arms. "He can make his plans, but he can't buy my love."

"Let's run away together." Amelia pulled back. With a determined look she raised her head. "Then there'd be enough room at Aunt May's?—"

"Don't think I haven't thought about running, but then I think of Pa, and I know what I have to do. Besides Pa would never make me marry Mr. Richardson if I hadn't agreed."

Her sister's big brown eyes filled with tears. They rolled down her cherub cheeks. "But it's not right."

Katie pulled away.

"Surely you don't intend to follow through with this?" Amelia's eyes widened into huge saucers. "Just tell Pa how you feel."

"No, and you have to promise you won't breathe a word. The war taught me one big lesson—life is not fair. At least I'm still alive, whereas Scott and Jonathon gave everything, and they're no longer here to help Pa. I need to do this. Does that make sense?"

Amelia's hands twisted in the folds of her dress as giant tears coursed down her face.

Katie pulled a handkerchief out of the pocket of her calico skirt. "Here." She held out the lace-trimmed rumpled ball.

Amelia took one look. "I'll make do."

Katie giggled. "Goodness, I guess it's been well used of late."

"I can understand why. If I had to marry a man I didn't love, I'd be a mess too."

"I love you, Amelia. And I'm so glad you'll be living next door to me. Mr. Richardson told me that the home he's giving our family is within walking distance. For that, I'm eternally grateful, because we'll still have each other." She placed her hands on each side of her sister's cheeks. "Promise me you won't tell anyone what I shared today? I need you to be that one person I can talk to. It makes this bearable. Can you do that?"

"I promise." An unladylike snort followed as Amelia tried to hold back a sob and talk all at the same time.

They burst into laughter. Katie locked her hand into the crook of Amelia's arm. "We better get back, or Ma will be in a dither."

Katie pulled the blackened biscuits from the oven and slammed the pan on the bread board. "Ma, I need your help," she yelled out the window to the porch. She had been determined to master at least one meal before becoming Mrs. Richardson, and what an abysmal failure.

The screen door squeaked and slammed behind Ma as she bustled in.

"It's too late to learn. I'm hopeless." Katie pointed at the pan. "Look at my biscuits, and I'm trying to stir this stew, but the bottom half is sticking to the pot."

"Move it over here." Ma slid the hot pot to the other side of the stove. "Remember, I told you not to cook above the area where you put the wood in. And never add wood just before cooking. The heat from coals is more manageable."

Katie threw her hands in the air. "Too many things to remember." She tried to stir the stew, but it slopped over the edge.

"Gently." Ma's hand rested over hers and slowed the pace. "That's better." She patted Katie on the shoulder. "You're getting it."

Her gentleness irritated Katie. She had so rarely experienced this side of her mother. It didn't seem fair for her to start now. "Amelia is far more prepared for marriage than I am. She wouldn't be burning a simple stew right now."

"Your sister liked the kitchen. You liked the farm animals, the outdoors, roaming about the countryside with your brothers, more than?—"

"Yes, but now I'm expected to be someone I'm not."

"Mr. Richardson has servants?—"

"But isn't the lady of the house supposed to manage the household? What do I know about any of that?"

"You're a smart girl. You'll do just fine, and Mr. Richardson will not expect?—"

"How do you know what he'll expect?"

"Pa and I had a talk with him, we discussed your limitations."

Katie threw the spoon into the pot, sending a spray of hot liquid onto the floor. "That's embarrassing. The three of you discussing what I can't do. Did you tell him this is your fault? You didn't mind my tomboy look, nor the fact it got me out of your hair. Yet you taught the others to be cultured and ladylike. Even Lucinda, at eight, knows more about being a lady than I do, and little Gracie at five has impeccable manners."

Ma's face crumpled and she stepped back. A heavy sigh slipped from her lips. "I know I failed you."

"No, Ma. You just didn't care." Her voice softened. For years she had struggled with the way ma treated her differently.

"I did care, but you were headstrong, and it was easier to give in than to fight a battle I couldn't win."

"You're forever saying that Lucinda is a spitfire with a throwback to our Irish ancestors. And yet you find the energy to teach her."

The door opened, and the family poured in. Aunt May laughed. "I kept the troops out of your way while you cooked, and now you have a starving bunch."

"Hope they like charcoal flavored biscuits and burnt stew." Katie took off her apron, threw it on the counter, and marched out the door. With the churning of her emotions, she'd have trouble being civil.

She walked to the fence and looked out at the ornery gelding. He lifted his head and tossed his mane to the wind. With a glare and a snort, he kicked up his hoofs and took off at a run. "Yeah, you got it right," Katie murmured. "Run. I wish I could do the same and never look back."

It wasn't her fault she didn't have the knowledge needed to suit the distinguished man she was about to marry, and it served him right that he was about to get…her. If he'd taken the time to court her like a true gentleman, he would have discovered her deficiencies. But no, he was in such a hurry to marry her, and Ma and Pa were all too agreeable. Their need overrode hers.

And would he have wanted her if she were hard to look at? For years, she'd put up with the leering remarks and the head swiveling gawks from men. Her best defence was to ignore them, but now she was in a predicament she couldn't ignore.

The night lay thick around Josiah. He tossed his covers clear of his body and tried to get Katherine out of his head. In a few short days, she would be sleeping by his side. The thought sent adrenaline rushing through his blood and a stab of doubt piercing his mind.

Could he really get her to fall for him? He loved everything about her. Their conversations when he went to visit her each week were insightful and engaging. Her personality was fiery. She wasn't one to bend to his every opinion. He really liked that. The women in town bored him silly, falling over his every word in agreement.

She challenged him, ignored him, trembled at the mere touch of his hand, and yet he couldn't wait to go back for more. They were worlds apart—in age, in experience, and in social standing—yet his heart knew no barriers. He fell a little more in love every time he visited, even if her aloofness infuriated him.

There was something inside him that longed to protect her. He wanted to show her what a true gentleman was. If only her dire situation offered more time, he would woo her gently rather than rushing the wedding. But after finding her desperate enough to work in the saloon—and not telling her pa—he couldn't risk where her need to help her family's plight would take her. And if he didn't marry her, how would they all survive?

He laughed at the noble twist he'd put on it all, but, truthfully, he had pushed for an immediate wedding for fear she would never look his way and be snatched up by a much younger man. This pint-sized lady full of life and grit made the thought of having a wife, a lover, a life partner once again, burn within him. Katherine would bring purpose to building his horse ranch with sons and daughters to pass it on to. He couldn't let their arrangement, as she so bluntly put it, fall through. His heart had bought into the dream and would be crushed.

He rolled over and punched his pillow. She'd loved the ride on his stallion. The way she had come back with her cheeks flushed with color and a smile on her face… Well, he had the power to give her a beautiful horse and a whole lot more. Yes. He was doing what was in her best interest. He was the one man in the valley who could give her a life she never dreamed possible—a life every girl would love.

The wedding day dawned bright and beautiful. The early morning rays filtered through the cheery yellow curtains that hung in the window adjacent to the wood stove. Katie had tossed and turned all night. With a sigh, she rolled over one more time on her straw-filled pallet and buried her head under the covers, but sleep would not find her. She envied Amelia, who lay still beside her, drawing in deep restful breaths. All around her, everyone slept.

Katie slid from the bed with care. A shiver produced goosebumps that had nothing to do with the briskness of the morning air. All week, she had been strong, but this past night, her head had ached as if drums were beating close to her temples. Dread sat heavily in her gut. She pulled her threadbare day skirt and plain shirtwaist over her unmentionables. Her warm shawl hung on a hook by the door. All she had to do was pick her way over her sisters and cousins, creep down the ladder without stirring her parents, who slept in the living area, and slip outside. She needed time alone.

She let out a deep breath when she managed to open and close the screen door without the hinges creaking. She tiptoed across the porch and down the stairs, then ran. If she just kept going…

Her lungs screamed by the time she reached the top of the nearby ridge, but the exertion settled some of the nervous tension that flowed through. The sunrise grew and spread over the mist that draped the lower valley like wet cotton, and the cloudless sky opened to depths of enamel blue. The birds dipped and soared overhead, twittering and singing their morning song. The sugar maple trees were starting to turn that brilliant scarlet, and the craggy Massanutten mountain range rose majestically in the background. All was as it should be, except for one small devastating detail. She was about to step into a loveless marriage with a foundation built on nothing more than a rich man's eye for beauty.

Why could men not see past the outward shell? She had always dreamed of finding a man who would care more about her dreams, her fears, her heart, than the way she looked. Today was her wedding day, and the sad realization that the day she'd dreamed of would never come slammed in hard.

She bit down on trembling lips. Unable to stop the pool of tears that once again gathered on her thick lashes, she blinked them away. Their hot salty flow trailed down her cheeks despite the fact that she had promised herself she would cry no more.

With her face set in stone she chose anger instead of sadness.

"God, if you're up there, take this as a promise. I'm going to go through with this fraud of a marriage for my family, but Mr. Richardson shall rue the day he let his eyes take over common decency."