Chapter 19

19

E dgar watched Fran's face go pale as she looked at the letter's return address.

He'd quickly recognized it from the orphanage where he'd been abandoned as a child. And he'd only had to read the first part of the letter to discover Fran had a hand in the letter's arrival.

And it was clear by her expression she recognized it, too.

"You want to tell me what that is?" he asked.

"A letter?" she said, as if she wasn't sure.

He raised one eyebrow at her. Let her squirm. After all, she'd been nosing into his personal business. Again.

She sighed heavily, as if expelling all the air out of her entire body.

"All right," she said. "I sent a letter to the orphanage in Chicago. I hoped it might give you some closure, that someone might know about your mother."

"When?"

"Back at Tuck's Station. Before you came and got me for supper." She spoke in a small voice, chin tucked down.

She was adorable.

He waited until she peeked up at him, then held out his hand, palm up.

"Let's have it."

She handed it to him, looking up at him from beneath thick lashes. "You're not…mad?"

"Dunno yet," he teased.

She shifted on her feet, raising up on her tiptoes to see as he ripped open the envelope.

He went to a bare spot on the long table and motioned her to come with him. "Sit with me?"

She didn't hesitate and his heart bumped as she settled in at his elbow, her ear brushing his shoulder.

He unfolded the letter, his stomach dropping as he did so. Did he really want to know why his birth ma hadn't wanted him any more? Why the director had put him on that train?

Wasn't the past better off just left where it was—in the past?

Fran bumped his upper arm with her shoulder. "You don't have to be afraid of whatever is in there," she said quietly. "You've built a life that suits you. You have a…family that loves you." She hesitated. "Whatever that letter says, you won't lose any of that."

She was right. She'd been right the whole time. Telling her about his mother and the director, just saying the words aloud, had somehow lessened his pain. It didn't hurt more to share his burden with someone else, it hurt less .

He cleared his throat. "Dear Edgar and Mrs. White ," he read.

He had to stop and glance at her askance.

Her cheeks had gone a little pink, and she didn't directly meet his eyes. He went back to the letter.

"I was so glad to receive your letter. Next week will be my last as director for the orphanage here and so I might not have received it if it came at a later time. God's timing is always right!"

He had to stop. "She always used to say that," he remembered to Fran.

She placed her hand over his wrist and squeezed gently.

"Edgar, you have been in my heart many times over the years since I last saw you. Many prayers have been sent Heavenward on your behalf. I am so happy to know that you were adopted into a good family. Sending you west on the orphan train was the hardest thing I have ever done.

You see, I loved you as my own son. Perhaps I should not have let myself get so close to you, or negated your attachment to me in some way, but it couldn't be helped. You were such a bright, helpful boy. Often playing pranks, but not in a malicious way. You just wanted to make the other children laugh.

Though I loved you deeply, my calling and my duty was to the orphanage. What kind of life would you have had, being shackled to a single woman whose job was taking care of so many other children who have so many needs to be filled? I hoped—oh, how I hoped—that you would find a family with both mother and father who would see your joyful spirit and take you into their home and fill you with love until you were overflowing. I am brought to tears of joy to know that that seems to be the case.

I loved you so much that, although it broke my heart, I wanted what was best for you. I hope that with the understanding of a man, you can now see that."

He had reached the end of the first page and had to stop. The tightness in his chest made him temporarily unable to go on. Priscilla had loved him. Loved him enough to give him up, so he could have the better life she'd dreamed of for him.

Fran sniffed.

He cut his eyes to her. She dabbed at her eyes with part of one sleeve.

When she saw him looking at her, she gave a wobbly smile.

He dropped the letter on the table and swung one arm around her shoulders. Holding her close was like coming home all over again. Having her there beside him made reading the letter bearable. Not only that, but he never would've had the letter if it weren't for her.

She sniffled a little, and then wiggled away. "Finish it."

He shifted the first page away to see there was a second. Did he really need to know what had made his ma abandon him?

"I don't need to finish it. Knowing Priscilla loved me is enough."

She looked up at him, her eyes shining and a little exasperated. "C'mon. You'll never be settled unless you know."

He steeled himself and picked up the second page. Because she was right.

"As to your mother, the truth is that she was very sick when she brought you to the orphanage. Over the years, I have seen many parents have to leave their children in my care for a myriad of reasons. Often, the parents are more sorrowful than the children, who cannot really understand what is happening.

Perhaps your mother claimed she would return as her own way to comfort you. Perhaps she thought she would get better. I don't know what prompted her to give you a promise she could not be sure of fulfilling.

I was notified several months after your arrival that she had passed away. You and I did have a conversation about it, but how much does a child of five really understand about death?

Know that your mother loved you, and did her best for you when she could no longer take care of you herself. I don't know why she was on her own or what might've become of her family, but her tears on the day she left you in my care told me of her love for you.

With my retirement looming, I find that perhaps I might enjoy a trip to the Wild West. If you would welcome me, I would love to visit the boy I knew and discover the kind of man he has become.

Sincerely,

Priscilla Henderson, Director"

Edgar stared down at the page for a long time, emotion clogging his throat.

His ma had been sick. Dying.

And that's why she'd left him.

Not because of anything he'd done.

It was both a comfort and a blow. His ma was gone. But she'd loved him.

Fran was quiet beside him. Unusual for her.

He cleared his throat. The shimmer in her eyes wasn't unwelcome anymore.

"Are you…angry now?" she asked softly.

Was he? She'd nosed into his business without his permission. But she'd given him a gift no one else had been able to. "No. No, I'm not angry."

He turned to her, straddling the bench. His gut clenched. She'd been open to him since he'd come in. Now it was time to make his declarations.

She deserved the best of him. And that meant opening his heart. Even if it was the scariest thing he'd faced. What if, after everything that had happened, she found him wanting? The only thing more frightening was the thought of losing her.

He opened his mouth.

And the door burst open.

"Lunchtime yet?" Seb called out.

Emma followed him in, though Daniel was nowhere to be seen.

"Do you want some help with the recipe cards?" Emma asked, coming to the table.

Seb banged around the kitchen.

They obviously weren't leaving, and he didn't intend to say what he needed to say with an audience.

"You want to take a walk?" he asked.

Fran followed Edgar from the house and past the barn. When she and Emma had been at the ranch overnight that first day, she'd been exhausted from travel and fear. Now that she'd had a couple of days to learn the lay of the land, she loved its unique charm.

The main cabin had obviously originally been built with only two or three rooms, and then been added on to multiple times. The barn was older, the bunkhouse newer to serve the growing family. Extending off the back of the barn was a large corral with several horses. Across the valley, she could see another cabin tucked in among some trees. A small creek cut across the land and sparkled in the late morning sunlight.

Edgar marched her past all of it. He seemed like a man with a goal, intent on reaching some destination.

She followed him, her heart light although she was unaccountably nervous. She'd been surprised that her letter had been answered so quickly, but Edgar's neighbor had been in a nearby town and picked it up for him. She'd been even more surprised that Edgar hadn't been angry, that he'd opened up to her.

It had increased her hope exponentially.

They passed the creek and climbed a gentle hill, moving through prairie grasses that reminded her of the moments they'd shared lying out in the field near the chuck wagon.

She slowed without really realizing it, swirling one hand through the tops of the soft grasses.

He turned back. "Am I walking too fast for you?"

"No. I'm just dawdling. Daydreaming."

He reached out one hand to her, and she took it, his large, warm clasp welcome. He drew her to his side and she looked up at him—all the way up to his dear face.

"Don't send me away," she demanded, as softly and cajolingly as she could. "I…" And then she paused, unable to say she loved him without knowing how he truly felt. "I want to make our marriage work. We are a good fit for each other."

"You think so, hmm?" He asked the question in such a level voice, without inflection and with no expression on his face, that for one moment her stomach dipped low.

Then he hauled her into his arms and pressed his face into her hair, his breath hot on the crown of her head.

"I love you," he murmured.

She could feel him shaking. She wrapped her arms around his middle and hung on as tightly as she could.

"I didn't want to, not at the beginning," he said, ducking his head to brush a kiss on her cheek and speak into her ear. "You turned my life upside down and showed me that I needed to be shaken out of my safe rut."

He pulled back and framed her face with his hands. "Do you…are you sure you can be happy in Bear Creek? On this ranch? With me?"

She saw the genuine fear behind the question, the remnants of that little boy who had watched and waited for his mother to come back for him every day.

It made her eyes mist a little.

"Yes. Because I love you too."

He kissed her until they were both breathless, then held her tightly, his joy evident in his sudden loud, effervescent whoop.

She laughed.

"I was thinking we could build a little cabin of our own. Right about here. You get a pretty picture of the valley…" He whirled her around to see what he was talking about, without letting go of her.

"Your sister can stay on if she wants…"

She took in the surrounding view. The barn and main house in the distance, the arching blue sky and wildflowers all around.

"…raise horses, and of course the cattle, a cut of the family herd…"

And her husband, making plans.

She'd arrived in Bear Creek afraid, running for her and Emma's lives.

And God had given her this man, and this new life.

It was much to be thankful for.