Chapter 5 - Ash

I woke to the startling sensation of a body pressed against my back. What the fuck?Did I fall asleep at work?Did I pass out? Am I ok? I was half seated before I heard a rumbling moan behind me that sent shivers down my spine as an arm tightened around my waist, pulling me back down against a sinewy chest.

Jesse. Fuck.

It hadn't been a dream. I was in my own home, in my own bed, and Jesse was curled up against me. I flashed back through the past twenty-fourhours,every smile, every touch. I shivered and snuggled closer, pressing back against his firm body. I was glad I'd decided not to see client's today after we'd made our plans to spend The Holiday together.

Tomorrow would be business as usual, but for this one day, I wanted there to be nothing other than the fact this was real. Someone. No, not someone, the most incredible man I'd ever met, actually cared for me; cared enough to be lying here with me in their arms. He shifted behind me again, pulling me tighter and moaning deliberately as he began to lazily kiss along the back of my neck, unwrapping his arm from my waist for a brief moment to brush my hair to one side exposing my neck and shoulder.

I returned his sensual moan."Mmmm. Morning, Jess."

His lips curled into a smile against my shoulder."Morning, sweetheart."

Fuck. I shivered again. It never ended. Every little thing he did was a first for me. He moaned once more, his fingertips softly trailing across my stomach.

"I'm going to call in sick to class." he mumbled against my shoulder.

I rolled over to face him and furrowed my brow. "You can't do that."

He brushed his lips tenderly across mine. "I can so. I decided last night after you fell asleep."

I melted and shimmied closer, closing my eyes and resting my forehead against his chest.

He sighed contentedly. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've woken up with someone like this? Even then, it's never felt the way this does."

"Mmm. I've never woken up with someone like this." came my automatic reply. I was shocked at how instinctively open I was with him.

He pulled away, leaning back as his eyessearched mine.

"You said you had a boyfriend when you were younger."

I shrugged a bit. "Boyfriend, yes, romantic partner, no. It was more of a regular hook up sort of thing."

He furrowed his brow for a moment.

"It bothers you I'm so inexperienced withthe important things?" I questioned cautiously.

He laughed gently and shook his head before brushing his lips across mine.

"I was trying to figure out how it's possible you'renot taken."

I melted and felt like tearing up again. Instead, I buried my face in his chest and sighed deeply. God, what was happening to me. Had my life really been so lonely that every time he said something kind to me, I was going to cry? He'd love that, I'm sure. Nothing sexier than someone who tears up every time you look at them.

He must have realized how hard it hit me because he tightened his arms and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Ash."

My head shot up so fast I slammed the top of it into his jaw. Hard. Good Ash. Nice. Smooth.

He groaned and rubbed his jaw as he chuckled. "You can pretend I didn't say it, you don't have to beat me up!"

Goldeneyes found their way to mine. "I get it. We've never slept together, and we kissed for the first time yesterday. It sounds insane for me to say that. But I just, do."

I trailed my fingertips along his jawline. Letting them linger along the front of his throat, his normally smooth skin now covered in a light, rough stubble. "I love you, too."

He looked surprised for a moment before the softest of smiles crossed his lips.

We spent the day idly picking at leftovers and learning more about one another. We touched the entire time. Fingers lazily wandering along arms and backs and jawlines until night fell once more, and we crawled back into bed together.

This time I gestured for him to get in first and I curled up tightly against his back the way he'd held me the night before. He whimpered and pressed back, settling tightly into my embrace. I hardened instantly, and it took every ounce of self-control I had not to slip his briefs down and slide deep inside him.

He woke early the next morning and kissed me lingeringly before heading out to class. His fingers trailedthrough my hair as he whispered."See you at work, sweetheart."

I grinned and curledaround a pillow that somehow already smelled like him, citrus and salt.

I found myself growing concerned as I rode the train to work. What if he had changed, things were different with clients now, especially knowing he was in the next room.

When I walked in, he was sitting at his desk. He grinned up at me and very professionally said simply, "Hey, boss."

Perfect, I'd hoped he'd be on board with things at the office staying professional.

"Hey, Jess. All good to go?"

"Yepper."

"Perfect." I nodded, "I'll get ready."

Things went smoothly that day and my concerns had beenunwarranted. When I touched my clients,I enjoyed the sexual acts, but that was all. There was no shivering, no racing heart. It was the same as it had always been.

At the end of the day Jesse wasreading a textbook, waiting for me when I came out.

"So, I was thinking," he started,"I don't want things getting complicated at work, and I really do still have to focus on school with most of my time so, what if things stay the same as they've been during the week, but I come out to your place Friday and Saturday nights after work and spend Sundays with you. Take things slow for now until we find arhythm that works for us?"

I was relieved."That sounds perfect."

His brow creased as he continued. "Can I ask you something though, just this one time and never again?"

I smiled gently into his beautiful eyes; I didn't have to wait for the question.

"No one is what you are."

He smiled gently and reached up to trace his fingertips along my jaw. "I'll never ask again."

I stepped close enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath.

"Just this once at work." I whispered as I let my lips brushover his. He trembled and whimpered quietly, his hand moving to cup my jaw as his warm lips played on mine. When we finally parted, we were both hard and panting.

The next couple of months were almost magical. Work was good, Jesse passed his end of semester exams, and God,the way it felt when we were together. He was kind to me; gentle and romantic. He never pushed me into anything sexual, and I found myself continuously avoiding the issue despite the way my body responded when we were together. It was so different at work, and I was terrified I wouldn't be able to connect with him the way I should.

I was startled briefly as I stepped into the front room after showering. It didn't matter how many times I'd walked in onthe sight; it always surprised me a bit.

Jesse was stretched out on the sofa, one leg bent, foot on the cushions as he focused intently on a large textbook. He wore soft cotton athletic shorts and a black tank top. An outfit I'd learned was his go to any time he wasn"t out in public.

He seemed completely unaware of the fact he oozed sensuality and masculinity even simply reading a book. He glanced up with a distracted grin and shifted the book to one side as I made my way over to settle between his legs with my back against his chest.

For a few minutes he continued trying to study, but his lack of success became obvious as his cock slowly hardened against my low back. He gave up the pretense and set the book on the floor before turning his attention to my neck and shoulders.

My body trembled and goosebumps crawled across my skin whenhe brushed my hair to one side and began nibbling on my ear. Thetip of his tongue drewlazy circles along the top of my shoulder as his jaw pressed my head to the side to allow himself more access. I was hard,throbbing, and a visible wet spot was slowly spreading across the fabric of my linen pants. I shifted my weight back and he whimpered as his length slid along my back, pressed tightly between our bodies.

His hands ran the lengths of my arms as my fingertips dug into his thighs. I was lost in the heat of his body; the strength of his chest behind me, the gentleness of the arms that encircled me. There was nothing other than the sensation of his warm, wet tongue playing against my skin. God, I wanted him inside of me.

Fear rushed through me at the thought.

I straightened my head a bit and cleared my throat. The intensity of his touch fading as panic overwhelmed me. What would happen to moments like this if we slept together and it was no different than when I was with a client?

He slid his cheek gently along my shoulder and wrapped me in his arms. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of his breath and the feel of his heartbeat. He never pressed me although his constant desire was more than evident.

Eventually his lips began to play softly against my skin once again as he mumbled against my neck.

"Next weekend there is an end of semester party. It's a semi-formal mixer for both professors and students. Will you come with me?"

I felt sick as I turned in his arms.

"Jess. My profession might be acceptedon paper, but people judge those of us who choose to engage in it harshly. There's a reason I don't have friends, and a reason I didn't date."

His eyebrows furrowed as his frown deepened. "You think I care what people think about your job?"

I shook my head. "No, of course not. But people will judge you for being romantically involved with me. It could hurt your career."

His warm brown eyes were soft and hurt as he asked again. "Please?"

All he wanted was me. I swallowed heavily, knowing how it was going to play out, but nodded anyway. As I settled back against his chest, he hardened once more against my ass. I'd never felt worse about myself. How could I make him understand that I didn't deserve his patience…his kindness. I didn't deserve him.

He didn't deserve what was going to happen.