4. Auslin

Chapter 4

Auslin

T he two flew in silence the short distance to the cave where they first stayed the night Auslin met Kitaro in the past. Kitsuki illuminated the space with his silver dragon fire, looking down at Auslin with an unreadable expression.

Auslin's words spilled out of him in a rush. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking going through Fate's Gate to help Roltan. I never wanted to leave you and?—"

Kitsuki cut him off with a gentle kiss, which was more reassuring than words. He embraced Auslin tightly with his one arm. "All that matters is you're here with me now."

Auslin's heart ached for what his moment of stupidity had caused Kitsuki to suffer. "I never meant?—"

"Unbeknownst to us, it was the Day of Ascension," Kitsuki interrupted Auslin to say. "I had ascended the rankings as Father's heir. Fate pushed you through Fate's Gate. It was not your fault."

Tears welled up in Auslin's eyes. "But you had to suffer for so many centuries because I did such a stupid thing. How can I ever make that up to you?"

It made Auslin's heart stutter in his chest when Kitsuki lovingly caressed his cheek. "I once told you I would wait a thousand years if that was what it took for you to return to my side. That was not a lie," Kitsuki said. "I would have waited an eternity for you to be mine once more."

While it was sweet, it was also heartbreaking to hear. He threw his arms around Kitsuki, hiding his face against his chest. "I never wanted to spend a single moment of my life without you, let alone inflict six hundred years of you wondering why I disappeared."

Kitsuki kissed Auslin's temple as he hugged him back. "You have returned. That is all that matters to me now."

"But I left you," Auslin insisted in an anguished tone.

"Yes, but you have returned to me," Kitsuki countered. "You are mine once more. That is all I have ever asked of fate."

"I'm never leaving your side ever again," Auslin swore while hugging Kitsuki tighter.

Auslin didn't know how long the two of them embraced in silence, but Kitsuki eventually gestured for them to sit on the enormous bed. Once they were comfortable, Auslin dared to ask the hard question. "What happened after I left?"

"I tried to follow you through Fate's Gate, but it refused me, as Satsuma said it would," Kitsuki told Auslin. "Kizoshi assured me that all was as it was supposed to be, but that was little consolation. Father also promised I would reunite with you someday in the future."

"I'm so sorry," Auslin apologized again, feeling like he could never say it enough. "I don't know how you can ever forgive me for what I did to you."

Kitsuki brushed Auslin's hair from his eyes. "It was fate's decision to push you back through the gate to your own time on that day. You bear no blame for what happened."

Auslin didn't understand how Kitsuki could be so forgiving for such a horrible thing. He hid his face against the shifter's broad chest. "I'd feel a lot better if you were mad at me."

The comment made the corner of Kitsuki's mouth turn upward in a hint of a smile. "And what would that accomplish?"

"I deserve that and worse," Auslin insisted as he looked up at Kitsuki in anguish. "What I did to you—that's unforgivable. I can never apologize enough for what you've had to suffer through because of me and my stupidity."

"There is no use in regrets at this point."

"But because of me…"

"Because of you, what?" Kitsuki prompted.

Auslin didn't know how to say it was his fault that his loving Kitaro had become the icy Kitsuki. He wanted nothing more than to undo what had been done. Auslin could only shake his head as he looked down at his hands in shame.

Although Auslin had not said his thoughts out loud, Kitsuki understood. "You are feeling guilty for my becoming the so-called Ice King."

"I cost you so much," Auslin whispered. He struggled with the enormity of what his split-second decision had caused. "You should hate me and never want to see me again for what I've put you through."

"I have not waited for your arrival these past six hundred years to never see you again," Kitsuki dryly pointed out to Auslin. "I do not hate you."

"You should!"

Kitsuki's gaze softened as he caressed Auslin's cheek. "I could never hate you, Vanra. Not for this, not for anything. I am incapable of harboring that emotion toward you."

Auslin covered Kitsuki's hand with his own. "Why are you always so understanding? You should be angry!"

"I came to terms with what happened long ago," Kitsuki assured Auslin. "Fate was clearly responsible for what transpired, so you should not blame yourself for it guiding your actions."

"I should have told you what time I came from," Auslin regretfully bemoaned. Guilt ate away at him for always having insisted that he never reveal the specific time difference between them for fear of negatively altering the future timeline. "At least then you would have had some idea of when you might see me again."

"All I needed to know was that it would be someday," Kitsuki countered. "The promise of our reunion has always kept me going."

"Kita—Kitsuki," Auslin whispered, correcting himself in the middle to Kitsuki's rightful name.

Kitsuki smiled faintly. "I suppose I should call you Auslin now."

"I never lied to you." Auslin desperately needed Kitsuki to understand that. "Vanra is my birth name, but I became Auslin when I joined the temple as a child. I was so afraid that if anyone in the past knew my name was Auslin, it might cause problems in the future."

"I will gladly call you by any name, so long as I may call you mine," Kitsuki replied, bringing Auslin's hand up to his lips to kiss.

Auslin blushed at the sentiment and Kitsuki's tender actions. "I want to be yours forever, provided you'll have me after what I've done to you."

"My desire to claim you as my bondmate has not waned over the centuries," Kitsuki promised. He traced his claiming mark, sending a shudder through Auslin. "But it would be prudent to wait, as I am not the same man you once knew."

"Kitaro, Kitsuki, I don't care which," Auslin insisted as he hugged Kitsuki. "I want you . You're all I've ever wanted."

The shifter king wrapped his arm around Auslin to hold him close. "There has been no one else in my life since you left. My heart belongs only to you and always will."

"Am I an awful person because it makes part of me thrilled to know that you're still mine?" Auslin asked with a wan smile. "I never wanted you to live that kind of solitary life, let alone for so many centuries."

"It has not been entirely solitary. Kisano is still at the castle and serves as a trusted advisor of mine. Kizoshi drops by from time to time. I should have known something was going to happen since she brought you up the last time I met with her a few weeks ago."

Auslin had always known Kizoshi survived into his time, but he lit up in excitement. "How is Kisano?"

"He still prefers spending most of his time in his library. Some things will never change. Uncle Jaega, Fersen, and Tyrian are all around as well."

"Can I see them?" Auslin requested. "I owe them all apologies, too."

"They will be so grateful for your return that your apologies will be unnecessary," Kitsuki assured him. "We may return to the castle in the morning to visit if you wish."

Auslin smiled. "I'd really like that. Does that mean we can stay here tonight, just the two of us?"

"I would like nothing more." Kitsuki indulged them in another kiss, which flustered Auslin.

When they parted, Auslin had so many questions he hardly knew where to start. "Whatever happened to Mitsuki? I'm embarrassed to admit I don't remember the history between when Father went to the Beyond Realm and when you became king."

"Father passed to the Beyond Realm a little over two hundred years after you went through Fate's Gate," Kitsuki explained. "Mitsuki took over and was sent to the Beyond Realm within a few months of his ruling, so I am not surprised you do not remember him, especially as I have been the king of Valzerna your entire life."

"I assumed Mitsuki would have clung to his power and had a miserably long reign," Auslin said in surprise.

"No, about four months into his rule, he became convinced I was trying to stage a coup against him despite my complete disinterest in ruling," Kitsuki told Auslin. "He decided to kill me to prevent the nonexistent uprising. While I was asleep, he attacked me with a Divine weapon, which is how I lost my arm. Thankfully, Kizoshi arrived and forced him to withdraw."

Auslin had always heard all kinds of rumors about how Kitsuki had lost his arm in a fierce battle, so he had never imagined it would be something as heinous as an underhanded attack by his older brother. "I'm sorry," Auslin apologized, his heart hurting for what Kitsuki had been through in his absence.

"That is not your fault," Kitsuki assured Auslin. "It was the rare time I was grateful that you were not there because Mitsuki undoubtedly would have tried to kill you as well, which is a burden I could not have lived with if it had happened."

"It's a good thing I wasn't there only because I would have gladly purified him into the Beyond Realm, consequences be damned," Auslin heatedly said, angry at the older shifter who had long since passed.

Kitsuki waved it away. "What is done is done. There is no use in wishing things could have been different."

Auslin took Kitsuki's hand in his, tracing the darkened pewter shifter markings. "I should have purified Mitsuki when I had the chance. Then that never would have happened."

"Kizoshi sufficiently punished him for his transgressions as he died in war, which is her domain," Kitsuki told Auslin. "Mitsuki's death was a grisly one. She takes much pride in it."

"I'll have to hug her the next time I see her," Auslin said, grateful she had gotten revenge on Kitsuki's behalf. "I don't care if it makes me a bad person because I'm happy Mitsuki finally got what was coming to him."

"I cannot say I disagree," Kitsuki replied with a hint of a smirk. "Life became much quieter after Mitsuki was sent to the Beyond Realm."

"There's been no war in my lifetime."

Kitsuki entwined his fingers with Auslin's. "Father and Mitsuki enjoyed being brutal warlords. I would rather have peace than send good people to their deaths and devastate their families for the sake of some senseless war."

"You really are amazing." Auslin gave Kitsuki a warm smile. "I told you that you would make an amazing king one day."

"I have done my best to take care of the people in my kingdom," Kitsuki said. "There has only been one war in my reign, if you can even call it that, since it was only a single battle."

"When was that?" Auslin asked in surprise.

"The snake shifters in Galinor thought me weak because of the Ice King rumors that circulated," Kitsuki explained. "They attacked me shortly after I took command. We soundly defeated them with little cost to my own soldiers. I admit I derived a particular satisfaction out of that victory. It sent a strong message to the other kingdoms, so no one has challenged me since."

Auslin still harbored bitterness toward the snake shifters for almost killing him on their way to visit Satsuma. "I'm glad you showed them who's boss."

"It felt justified after what they did to you during our journey to Satsuma's. I am glad my victory meets your approval."

"I'm pretty sure it's impossible for you to disappoint me," Auslin retorted.

Kitsuki brushed Auslin's hair away from his eyes. "I will do my best to never do so."

Auslin nestled against Kitsuki's side, making a contented noise as the shifter king held him. Things may be different between him and Kitsuki compared to the Kitaro of the past, but Auslin knew with utter certainty everything would be fine with a little more time.