Chapter 15

"The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live."

—Norman Cousins

Easton

I wasn't used to feeling much of anything. I'd forced myself to stop being an emotional person long before I hit twenty. Showing any element of emotion meant a weakness, which had been exploited by my father who never should have been allowed to have his sperm implanted in any woman's womb. I had to think of the experience and horrors that way to keep from allowing sadness to creep back into my heart and mind.

I flexed my hand, studying the lines and veins, the tiny scars that would remain. I unbuttoned one sleeve, pushing it up so I could see the cut I made to add to the vial for the roses. As I placed my fingers across the jagged area, I could feel my pulse beating rapidly. Laughing, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd even noticed my fucking heart was beating.

But now, something inside was growing, morphing. Was it the beast my father had turned me into, and I'd attempted to imprison, or was it the man I'd longed to become, finally able to feel free of the chains weighing me down? Here I was being philosophical, just another trait that wasn't like me. I rebuttoned my other sleeve, studying the dragon I'd had inked years before. It had been an act of defiance, one that had given me comfort while shoving it into my dad's face that I wasn't going to be beaten by him. I almost laughed before closing my eyes, doing what I could to drive the bastard from my thoughts. Almost instantly images popped into my mind, all of them in black and white just like those produced when I'd been caged much earlier in my life.

But there was no denying her vivaciousness, her smile that lit up the darkness. And for a few seconds, I allowed an unusual fantasy to slide into the black hole of my mind.

"Crawl to me, Sara. Just like you did before." I beckoned her with a single finger as I sat back in my chair, the hunger already spiraling out of control. She was beautiful with her long, strawberry honey-kissed hair draped over her shoulders. Her nipples were perfectly rosy and already taut, although as I fingered the clamps placed on my desk, I couldn't wait to see them adorning her voluptuous body.

I allowed my heated gaze to fall ever so slowly to her bald pussy, the taste of her from before lingering on my tongue. I shook my head, sliding one hand between my legs to stroke my aching cock. What a joy it would be to have her hot lips wrapped around my thick shaft as I conducted business with my attorney.

Who would be none the wiser.

I did so adore being an evil man. It suited my personality.

She obeyed instantly, remaining on all fours with her head down, taking her time crawling toward me like a kitty cat. By the time she was within two feet of my chair, I could hear the soft purrs. Every sound she made was enjoyable, more melodic than most music I heard.

As required, she ceased all movement, placing her hands in front of her. Leaning forward, I fisted her hair at the scalp, drinking in the floral perfume I'd purchased for her. I dragged her forward and under my desk, refusing to allow anyone to see my spectacular prize.

I took a few seconds stroking her hair before pulling her onto her knees. "You are so beautiful, my sweet girl, but I think you need some special jewelry, don't you?" As I held out the clamps that were attached with a dazzling silver chain, her eyes lit up.

"Yes, sir."

I cupped her face, rubbing my thumb back and forth across her still swollen lips. "Such a good girl. My good girl." When I cupped her breasts, her long eyelashes skimmed across her cheeks, my innocent flower pursing her lips as she knew I preferred. I grabbed one of the implements, squeezing it open before flicking the index finger of my other hand back and forth across her nipple.

She moaned slightly, fueling the soon to be raging fire. I pulled and twisted her nipple before placing the clamp across the tender tissue. It was impossible not to watch her face, how her expression changed when I released the tight vise.

Shuddering from the flash of pain, she fisted her hands, blinking rapidly for a few seconds.

"Beautiful. Just perfect." I repeated the action on her other sweet and delicious bud, and once released, I tugged on the chain just for emphasis. "There. Even better."

Watching her wearing only the clamps and a tight collar around her long neck, I honestly thought she was the most exquisite woman I'd ever seen. This moment was going to be perfect.

"Begin," I told her and spread my legs even wider. I didn't need to tell her what to do from here.

She crawled further under the enclosed desk, taking the time to rub her fingers up and down the insides of both legs. As her small hands reached for my belt buckle, I checked the time. The attorney was due at any minute. Absolutely perfect.

A grin crossed my face and I stroked her head as she unfastened my trousers, immediately blowing a swath of hot air across my blood-engorged tip. She enjoyed teasing me, taking a small amount of control for a little while.

I allowed it. Why not?

She was so good at pleasing me, I felt I owed her, especially when she was a very good girl.

With her eyes burning into mine, she lifted my shaft, licking down the underside, her tiny whimpers keeping a smile on my face. She knew how to milk the moment, which added to the excitement of having her perform such a sinful act. Unable to help myself, I tugged on the chain, stretching out her nipples to a glorious state.

When I heard footsteps, I tried to pretend like I was working diligently, hating to be bothered even though I'd been the one to set up the meeting.

"Mr. Saint. I assume this is a good time."

I smiled, yet it was a knowing one, still stroking my sweet Sara's hair as she engulfed the tip of my cock, using her strong jaw muscles to suck with enough pressure, I momentarily lifted my hips from the seat. "Perfect timing. I wanted to go over the two new contracts to ensure everything is as it should be. Please, sit down." I motioned to the seat in front of my desk and he walked closer.

Little did he know I had a beautiful blonde between my legs sucking my cock.

"I have everything," he said as he pulled out a file from his briefcase. As he laid out the contracts, I sat back as I'd done before, trying to contain guttural sounds I wanted to make from the extreme pleasure she was providing.

As her tongue swirled back and forth, her hot and very wet mouth taking my shaft down a couple more inches, she slipped her hand between my legs, cupping and squeezing my balls. It was a delightful, filthy moment.

While at this point it was nothing more than a sinful fantasy, I would make it happen.

And in truth? She wanted me to continue pushing, her desire as unbridled as mine.

Exhaling, I allowed the images to reside in the forefront of my mind, pushing my limits of tolerance and patience just enough I was already planning on how I would seduce her.

And turn her into the perfect submissive.

It was funny, I wasn't entirely certain I had a heart any longer, but I already felt something for her that surprised me and almost nothing did any longer. She'd been upstairs for over two hours and what had I been doing?

Thinking about her.

Craving her touch.

I'd wanted to get a head start on the monthly financials so I could take a few days away from the Saint Corporation, but all I'd been doing was sitting staring out into space. Two questions continued to roll through my mind, the first being was my intention to keep her as my prized possession or was I fooling myself that she would calm the anger and unrest inside?

And also, had the threat been directed at me, meaning someone knew that I'd hired an intern? Yes, I was jumping to a conclusion without real merit but even I had to admit, as clever as the wording had been, it disturbed me as much as it had my brothers. Perhaps more so.

Our father had done crap like that in the early days, sending cryptic messages to his enemies, luring them to his hunting ground. Near the end, he'd been more direct in his approach, abducting them often in broad daylight, acting like he was God and no one could stop him.

I tapped my pen on my desk, still working on the balance sheet that I'd started two hours before. The numbers were all running together. I rubbed my eyes, trying to make sense of what I wanted from the girl. I'd rather have her sucking my cock than going over numbers, but our wealth allowed the methods of pleasure I enjoyed.

While what I'd told Sara was the truth, that I needed her to dig deep, the single taste of her hadn't been enough. Not nearly enough.

So far, Creed had yet to find anything on the girl's extended family, but he was waiting for a call from someone who lived in Seattle, where they were originally from. What I had learned was that Sara's parents had purchased the ranch seemingly on a whim, never having been ranchers before in their lives. That wasn't typical behavior, which could mean there was something dark and ugly in the family.

I was antsy to learn what the girl was hiding. It had nagged at me more than it should but given I was certain there was something devious going on with the threat, the person who'd followed me the other night and my gut instinct, I was fairly certain we'd be in for some harrowing experiences.

Not that we'd ever shied away from that before.

Hell, we'd been threatened to have the entire hunting grounds dug up more than once by some eager beaver at the local branch of the FBI or a spunky prosecutor who'd yet to be indoctrinated into the Saintly ways, as Creed liked to call it. We'd even found an FBI agent one day sniffing on the property, a shovel in his hand.

With our connections, it had taken no time for the stupid guy to be transferred to some obscure office in Bumfuck US, but there would be more. One day our entire world was bound to come crashing down on us.

Had we prepared exit strategies? Yes, but we'd need to act fast, which would mean leaving all that was precious to us right here while heading to a non-extradition country. I wondered if either Creed or Styx had made plans to take their families with them if the worst would happen.

Why was I thinking about that now?

Because she could be the one.

The one.

A laugh bubbled to the surface from the thought.

The one I lost my shit to? The one who I would die to protect?

Or the one who became my greatest weakness?

I polished off the same drink I'd been nursing the entire time, doing what I could to focus. Hearing a knock on my door was unusual, raising my hackles. Not only did I keep my address private, including with associates at the university, but it was a necessity in my mind given the increase in our business activities.

As I headed for the front door, I noticed one of my brothers' cars outside. I opened it, curious as to why Styx had stopped by. "Shouldn't you be on your way to the airport by now? Don't you have a wife and kid to get back home to?" He lived in New York most of the time, although he'd maintained a residence here as well, a location far removed from where we'd grown up. Still, it was good for business to keep the residence.

"I'm hanging around for a little while given the threats issued."

"Threats as in plural?"

"Let's just say I had a breathless caller who ended it with a deep laugh."

"Well, I've yet to have anyone contact me directly." I wondered why.

He glanced over my shoulder. "I take it your visitor is here?"

"Yes, she's here."

"Just so you know. Tomorrow we're to meet at Creed's house and head to the required destination to handle the issue."

I chuckled. "Everyone is so cryptic. I don't have a fucking clue what the issue is."

He darted another look over my shoulder as if expecting she would be standing there. "Let's just say someone has been making another fuss about the estate grounds, a reporter who is determined to break the secret veil everyone insists we keep."

"We do keep it, brother, which could eventually come back to bite us. I've warned Creed several times."

"He's hardheaded like you are."

"This reporter could cause some real issues." And I was being serious. We could use our influence for almost every profession or politician, but reporters were entirely different animals in their own right. "Let me guess, he was invited to Creed's home."

"Are you kidding me? Even Creed isn't that brazen any longer. He knows better than to poke the bear. The guy would be wired. We're headed to his house."

"Elimination?"

He smiled. "Not if he cooperates. It's always dicey taking out a reporter, especially when they've already alluded to the story they were working on."

"Ah, shit. Asshole."

"Yeah, well, we're going to convince him that writing a scathing article isn't in his best interest health wise."

I rubbed my jaw, an idea popping into my head. "You know what? I could quickly pen a story or two about how fabulous we are, including our continuous contributions and the charitable donations we've made to the arts community, students, and the local children's hospital. Something that will add to our stellar reputation."

"I knew it was a good idea to have a very talented writer in our family. Brilliant idea."

We both laughed. The man had better take our recommendations. If not? Well, facing the wrath of not one but three Saint family members was akin to a torturous death sentence.

"Very true and I am damn good. I'll throw something together. Let me know when and where."

"Ten a.m. Creed is ensuring the guy will be at his place when we arrive."

"Fine. By the way, you could have called to tell me that," I told him.

"I could have. You're not going to ask me in?"

"Do you need to come in?"

"What's wrong with a friendly visit by your brother?"

Styx thought he was being so fucking cool. "Fine. But don't you dare tease me."

"Moi?" he laughed. "Not this guy but I will say I sensed you weren't yourself the other day. Today at the office confirmed it. Plus, I heard you're giving up teaching?"

"You can't have secrets in this damn family. I might. It depends on how the book goes. Plus, there's enough to do at the office." I closed the door behind him, taking a quick glance toward the stairs. I wasn't interested in Sara learning more about the family secrets. Not yet anyway.

"You're such a fucking bad liar. What the hell is going on?" Styx wasn't one to mince words, although some would say he had more couth than either Creed or me.

It was impossible not to laugh around him. He and Creed had been doing their best to pick me apart for years, acting like shrinks instead of brothers. "Would you like a drink? I plan on having another one."

He narrowed his eyes, checking the time. So it was a little after four. So what? We were both adults.

"Why not? I have a short drive back to my house. As I said, I'm not leaving yet. We have a scumbag enemy to find. Remember?"

Scumbag. That was a word.

"Yes, I guess we do. Perhaps tomorrow we'll get a lead on who that asshole is."

"Perhaps. And when we do, who knows what we might decide." His grin was too wide, which meant he'd missed the hunts more than I originally thought. I don't know why that bothered me, but it did. Maybe because we'd tried so hard to shove aside our pasts but all three of us were learning that it wasn't possible. I wasn't certain what that meant about our future, including when we had more children. God. What a legacy to leave behind.

It was my mother who'd once told me there was no leaving the past behind.

I chuckled again and motioned toward my office. I didn't ask what he'd prefer, pouring the same thing I was having.

Styx had changed significantly over the years, no longer a brooding man with little enjoyment in life. He was in a much happier place, which I had to admit I wished I could find. To say we were broken individuals was an understatement but when I was around him, I had some hope that things could possibly get better for all three of us.

As I handed his drink to him, I could easily tell he had something on his mind more than just being worried about me. "Have you and Creed thought of anyone?"

"Not yet, but we both have a feeling it's someone from our distant past."

"I'm certain it is. Do you remember when our father of the year used to send messages like that to the men he'd targeted?"

He narrowed his eyes then smiled. "I'd forgotten all about that. You're right in that they are similar. However, unless I missed something, the men who received those notes are all dead."

I rubbed my jaw. "Yes, but what if he had children who were looking into their father's death?"

"Not a bad theory. Why wait?"

"Perhaps because we've been in just about every online magazine discussing our increasing business. It would be the perfect time to tear us down. Maybe this reporter is almost like a front man hired to learn as much as possible or to literally dig up some dirt."

"Yeah, that's likely what's going on."

"And if he is allowed to find anything, our cryptic friend can use it for blackmail purposes, trying to extort millions from us."

"Or more. You put some thought into this, I see. You should mention it to Creed. With the various contacts we have, we should be able to narrow down our lists even more."

"I'll do some checking myself. I do have my own contacts."

He pointed his finger at me. "As I suspected. You've been hiding things from us, I can see."

"Well, the two of you were busy getting hitched and having families."

"While true, it would seem you're doing what you can to ignore my earlier question. Allow me to refresh your memory. What's going on with you?"

"Out of sorts? I'm trying to get into the frame of mind for writing a book for a change. It's very dark and I need to feel inside my characters." What bullshit. That I knew cold from experience.

"As I said, you're a terrible liar, Easton, and always were. That's why you got into so much trouble with Dad."

"Trouble? You mean being tossed in dark holes and beaten with a belt? Yeah, that's trouble alright."

"You know what I mean," he said after sighing. "I wasn't trying to bring up the past."

"I think that's exactly what you're attempting to do. The question is why? Is this asshole trying to drag us through the mud the reason or am I missing something?"

"I'm not going to lie to you that I'm bothered by the fact we're getting threats and now some two-bit reporter had become determined to capture his fifteen minutes of fame. But my real reason is very personal."

"And that is?"

"Because I'm worried about you, brother. Up to this point, you've been very successful at avoiding the past as if what happened to us or what we were forced to participate in was a nightmare and not real. But I've noticed you cracking around the edges and now, I'm certain of it. Be straight with me. Did you kill Dylan Roxford?"

I took a sip of my drink, surprised he'd confronted me. Now I was the one glancing over my shoulder, ensuring my lovely fawn couldn't hear our conversation. "What if I did? The asshole was an abusive kid preying on innocent women. He deserved what he got."

"Is that what happened to Zane Griffen as well? Did he abuse a girl too?" His eyes were twinkling the same way they used to when he caught me in a lie.

I shook my head. My brothers were always thorough. Plus, we knew each other better than we wanted to let on.

"Zane was a drug dealer and attacked my new employee. That wasn't acceptable."

He shook his head. "You're playing with fire. Both those kids have strong connections with this community; their fathers are both way too important men in this fucking town. The police will stop at nothing. I'm warning you to watch your back."

"I always do. However, I was careful as I've always been."

"You do know Zane is the only son of man responsible for building the Griffen Industries. You know, Kaplan Griffen who owns several multimillion-dollar corporations, many of which contribute to the police fund? You know how to pick them since the guy is also friends with the Roxford family."

"I'm not a fool, my brother. Besides, in this town there are two types of people in the upper echelon of society. Those who cluster together, pretending to be the good guys while using their power and influence to keep the people beneath them poor. They preen and drink cognac, giving of themselves only when they believe it to benefit their bank accounts. Then there are those of us who embrace the dark side, taking what we want but usually attempting to keep innocent lives intact. In my mind, those who think their shit doesn't stink need to be jerked off their holier than thou platform."

His eyes opened wide. "Shit. You really are this Angel of Death."

"A fancy title likely coined by that stupid reporter we're going to have fun with." He seemed shocked at my words and my callous behavior.

"Wow. I thought you'd escaped the ugliness of our past, at least to some degree."

"It's not possible, Styx, and you know it. Which is why I think if you were offered another opportunity to go on a hunt, you'd do it in a heartbeat."

His jaw was suddenly clenched and he nursed his drink for a few seconds.

"Like father, like sons," I added.

As he rubbed his forehead, I could tell we were both right about our assumptions regarding the other.

"Look, I saw the news report and although the short newscast referred to a drug deal gone bad, I have a feeling you purposely made it look that way. Didn't you?"

I chuckled and took another sip, never blinking.

"All three of us have done some things that are heinous to most people, some for business and some against true enemies who deserved our stringent reaction, but these murders are a personal vendetta." His words were frank, but they needed to be.

"In what way?"

"You're trying to save our mother, something none of us could have done. Yes? Don't deny it, Easton. You were closest to her and took her disappearance the hardest."

"Disappearance? You mean her murder. Don't you? Just say what it really was for once in your goddamn life. Our mother was murdered by our father."

"Fine. Yes, brother. Our godforsaken worthless piece of shit dad decided to take his lunacy out on the one person who least deserved it. However, you're living in the past, the only one."

"Bullshit!"

"Don't bullshit me. And we shouldn't argue but I know you better than you think I do. This grasp at trying to be normal is crumbling around you."

I gritted my teeth. What neither he nor Creed knew was that I'd had an opportunity to save her, or at least so I remembered. It had eaten at me for far too long. "Yeah, well, if that's what you want to think."

He did something out of character for him. He placed his hand on my shoulder, giving a brotherly squeeze. I slowly lowered my head, trying to keep from reacting. He knew how much I hated being touched.

Huffing, he pulled his hand away, moving toward the window. "I don't like what's happening to you, Easton. If you aren't careful, you're going to lose yourself to the same darkness that almost consumed both Creed and me."

"Don't worry, brother. It's already happened."

"Then you need to do something to control it."

Another laugh escaped my lips. "I already have."

"I'm not talking about writing a book about a fucking serial killer, for God's sake. That's crazy. It's like you want to evoke the ugliness from the past, something you told me yourself you wanted to do everything in your power to avoid. Why in God's name would you want to write a brutal piece that is exactly like our real life?" He turned around, his voice deeper and more controlling than before. He'd always tried to fashion himself as a surrogate father when he'd been able, doing his best to protect his two younger brothers against the evils of the world.

It hadn't worked. The boogeyman had gotten to us anyway. His guilt had been in not being able to do so while mine centered around my mother, avenging her death. Creed? He was a mixed bag but certainly the brother most interested in violence and bloodshed.

"Have you ever considered it's a way of exorcising the demons locked deep inside, Styx? You were off saving lives before being hired to kill dozens of people. Creed thought himself to be the mafia king of the world. God know how many other bodies he added to the hunting grounds. I simply tried to live like a normal guy teaching classes. Well, get this. We're not normal by a long shot. We never will be. You can hide behind all the celebrations and birthdays you want but the bottom line is that our past is embedded in our memory banks. While it's affected each one of us entirely differently, we are younger versions of our father."

A flash of anger rolled into his system. "Yes, I have. More than once. I know what I am and how I tried to cope with the devil inside. I finally found balance for one single reason. A woman. My wife knows all the ugly details because I kidnapped her. Remember? I took her life away for the sole purpose of attempting to soothe the beast living inside me, the same one that's living inside of you. I was lucky that she saw past the monster, preferring to seek out the good in me. And yes, there is good, just like there is in you. More so in you because you're like our mother. Tell me why you hired an intern. Be honest with me."

He could make me more exasperated than almost anyone. But he was also the one who correctly called me on the carpet. "Yeah, okay. Maybe you're right in that I'm finally realizing I need to add some light into my life, that I hunger for a hint of salvation. Maybe I'm trying to see if lightning will strike twice."

"By hiring a kid?"

"She's not a kid, Styx. I assure you she's an incredible, magical, and very talented woman who could make any man hunger."

As if on cue, she suddenly appeared in the open doorway to my office, catching my eye and my hunger. She'd changed into shorts and a tee shirt, now barefoot wearing her signature ponytail I'd seen her wear in class. Only instead of the clothing being baggy, it was form fitting enough to highlight her voluptuous curves.

Even my happily married brother sucked in his breath.

"I apologize. I didn't mean to interrupt," she said, giving my brother a respectful nod. "I'll leave you two alone."

"That's okay, Sara. This is my brother, Styx. This is my new assistant, Sara Adams. She's quite a talented author herself. I think you'll be seeing her books lining the shelves of Barnes Noble one day."

She beamed from my nod of approval, walking with long strides highlighting her shapely legs toward Styx, her hand outstretched.

He was able to throw me a quick look before accepting her gesture. "The pleasure is all mine," he said. "Just be careful with my brother. He's a little cranky from time to time."

When she laughed heartedly, it was as if the entire world had just been lit on fire, the sound was so melodic. "I learned that months ago by sitting inside his class. I'm hoping to get a different perspective now, like he's a starving artist in need of direction, which is what I intend on providing with my powerful research."

She was egging it on, and he was loving it.

"I have a feeling, brother," he said without bothering to look in my direction, "that you've met your match. She's very formidable, which is exactly what you need in your life."

I could feel the scowl on my face and did what I could to ignore the man. "Older brothers are a pain in the ass."

"That much I know to be true," she said, winking for both of us to see. She must have sent her story to my email, which I couldn't wait to read.

"Was there something you needed, something wrong with your accommodations?"

"Not at all. Milly was kind enough to provide me with more than I need. I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I had a glass of wine."

"Of course. You have full run of the kitchen. Open any bottle you'd like."

"Be careful saying that. I do have expensive tastes."

Her change in demeanor was delightful and I burst into laughter. My soul already felt lighter. That is if I actually had one. "No worries. I can afford to fulfill your greatest desires."

The slight blush was far too adorable, reminding me she was still very young.

"I'll keep that in mind."

I think the two of us were holding our breath for a full thirty seconds after she walked out of the room. When he turned toward me, he crowded my space as if fearful someone would hear us.

"I meant what I said. I think you've met your match with her, which is a good thing. She can certainly hold her own around you. However, allow me to be perfectly frank with a piece of brotherly advice."

"Could I even stop you?" I asked with amusement in my tone.

"Be careful. You're going into the same dangerous territory I did so without a net. She doesn't know about your extracurricular activities."

"Of course not."

"She will learn about them eventually, especially since she's living here. You can't ignore the darkness any more than I could but for so long. Plus, you're just as possessive. You're going to keep her, even if that means against her will. And don't try to tell me otherwise because I can already see it in your eyes. The intense longing. The kind of burning desire that will eat at you until you can't sleep or eat. Just be prepared for the full ramifications and for losing a part of you that you've been attempting to hold onto for a long time."

"And what is that, pray tell, brother?"

"Your heart."