17. Micah

17

Micah

N ox put his lips back on mine as we rode the lift up to our room. Not wanting to be disturbed, we'd booked a night in a nearby hotel. Now I was pressed up against the cool metal, my hands under Nox's shirt.

"Fuck, you taste like sin," Nox groaned. He shoved one of his big thighs between my legs, ripping a groan from me. My cock throbbed as I thrust against him shamelessly. "That's it, little angel. Use me. Get yourself off on me."

"No." I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stop. "I'm not coming until you're inside me or I'm inside you."

Nox chuckled, his eyes flashing with mischief as he stepped back. "In that case, say no more."

He hit the emergency button, bringing the lift to a stop. Then he was back in front of me, smoothing his hands along my front. "Umm, what are you doing?"

He dropped to his knees, his arrogant smirk never shifting. "You said you won't come until I'm inside you or you're inside me. Seeing as I can't wait until we get to the room, I guess we're doing this. "

"Fuck." My head hit the wall with a thud as Nox freed my cock. "Oh fucking fuck."

Warm air tickled my dick as Nox laughed. "To think I once accused you of not being able to swear."

"Guess you bring it out of me." I bit my lip before offering him a shred of truth. A piece of my heart. "You bring so much out of me, Nox. I never expected it. I'm not sure what I'll do without it."

His eyes darkened as he stared up at me. "You say that like I'm not the one on my knees, waiting to taste you. I'm starting to think there's nothing I wouldn't do for you…and that's fucking terrifying."

My mouth fell open. I'd offered Nox a tiny sliver and he'd returned it in spades.

I didn't get a chance to respond. He sucked me into his mouth, his lip ring pushing against the underside of my shaft as his tongue piercing swirled all around it. Palming my arse, he encouraged me to go deeper. He didn't let up, taking me down with purpose.

In the back of my mind, I knew that purpose was to stop me commenting on what we'd said. The truths we'd shared.

We knew it changed nothing.

"Fuck, Nox." My hands went to his shoulders, using him to hold myself up as my knees buckled. "I'm so close."

He didn't slow down, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked harder. The head of my cock hit the back of his throat before it was enveloped completely.

I groaned loudly, my orgasm building. That wasn't what sent me over the edge though.

No, that happened when Nox looked up at me. The heat in his eyes. The trust .

The desire.

Nox wanted me. He was turned on because of m e.

That was what took me over.

My roar as I came reverberated off the metal walls. Grabbing Nox by his collar, I hauled him to his feet and slammed my mouth to his. I could taste myself on his tongue and, fuck, that did something to me.

My orgasm had done nothing to dim my need for him. I tackled him against the wall, my hands pawing at him. I was practically climbing him in my desperation to get closer.

Nox didn't seem to be faring any better, small growls working their way up his throat as he ground against me. One of his hands left my waist to smack at the panel beside us. He didn't pull his mouth from mine, meaning it took him a few attempts before the lift creaked to life again.

Fuck, I was never going to get enough of Nox. I didn't know if it was the bond or that we knew we were on borrowed time, but something was driving us both to the brink of despair.

Or maybe it was just because it was him. The demon who'd offered me peace. Who'd encouraged me to fight for my own life and freedom. Who'd pointed out the futility of blindly following orders.

There was a quiet ping before the doors opened. We stumbled out into the hallway, hands and lips still touching whatever they could.

We might've got inside the room faster if either of us was willing to pull apart for even a second. As it was, it took some teamwork and several minutes before we managed to locate the right door, unlock it, and get inside.

As soon as it was closed, Nox shoved me back against it. I gave a small grunt, smiling. I loved it when he tossed me around. For so long, men had seen my power and strength and shied away from it. Even the supes who occasionally graced my bed knew I could best them easily. That knowledge affected them. They always expected me to take the more dominant role.

It wasn't what I always wanted though. Sometimes, I didn't want to be the strongest person in the room. I wanted to be treated like everyone else. I wanted someone to throw me around, maybe rough me up a little. To take control and let me just feel.

Nox was the being to do that.

His hand curled around my throat, making me shiver. "Do you like that, little angel?"

"No." I flashed my teeth at him. "Tighter."

Nox's eyes gleamed with satisfaction as he did as I asked. "All you have to do is ask."

Pinning me in place with one hand, Nox unbuttoned my shirt with the other. I froze briefly, terrified that he was going to push it off my shoulders. That he'd see my scars. They were finally healed, but the marks remained—a permanent reminder of the price of fucking up. Exactly as Emilio had hoped.

Thankfully, that didn't seem to be Nox's plan.

"You're majestic," he murmured, trailing his fingers down my chest. "It's not fair. No one should be allowed to be this perfect."

It was hard to speak with the grip he had on my throat, but I managed to squeeze a few words out. "You better not look in the mirror then."

His eyes flew up to meet mine. He spoke hoarsely. "Don't, Micah. Don't do that. Don't make this more than it can be."

I covered his hand on my throat, lacing my fingers through his. "Why not, Nox? If this is our one night together, why not make the most of it?"

His throat bobbed. "Because if we do, I think it might break me. I'm not sure I'll be able to piece myself back together again."

Moisture burned my eyes. I blinked furiously, trying to find my voice. How could I argue with that?

It was simple. I couldn't.

Instead I took us back to a level Nox would be comfortable with. Yanking his hand from my throat, I shoved his shoulders, making him stumble back a few paces. "In that case, why don't we take this to the bed? I seem to remember you have a few misconceptions about my behaviour there."

Nox's smirk was back in place. The sight of it stung me. How often did he paint over his true feelings?

I covered mine by being the leader, while Nox covered his with his attitude. We were more alike than I'd ever given us credit for.

"Are you going to prove me wrong, little angel?" Nox challenged me, his fingers lazily unbuttoning his shirt. My tongue darted over my lip as the metal in his nipples came into view. I couldn't wait to get my mouth on them.

"You fucking betcha." I shoved him again, moving him until his back was on the bed. While I enjoyed and appreciated the way Nox manhandled me, that didn't mean I didn't want to do a bit of my own manhandling occasionally. "It's my turn to explore, and you're going to lie there and take it."

Nox, the cocky bastard that he was, put both his hands behind his head and winked at me. "Do your worst, little angel."

I yanked at his trousers, pulling them down and tossing them aside. I groaned at the sight before me. "Of course you're commando."

His half-hard dick twitched under my scrutiny, the hints of silver showing he had his piercings in. "Wanted to give you easy access."

I straddled his hairy thighs, wrapping my hand around his cock. It stiffened under my touch, making my chest puff a little.

"Were you hoping for this to happen?"

His hand rested on my knee as that honesty glimpsed through again. "I'd love to be hopeful, Micah, but I don't think it's something either of us can afford."

I let go of his cock, cupping his face with both my hands as I repeated his words back to him. "Don't, Nox."

"Sorry," he whispered, trying for a smile but missing. "Kiss me, little angel. Let's play pretend while we still can."

That's what I did. I kissed him while I pretended we had all the time in the world. That we wouldn't go our separate ways in the morning. That this thing between us would have any outcome other than the pain we knew was coming.

I wasn't sure when Nox had stopped being my enemy and instead become the air I needed to breathe.

It was funny—I'd believed myself in love with Dimitri. I'd thought I knew heartbreak. But I was wrong. What I'd felt for him was a pale imitation of the feeling trying to burst from my chest for Nox. It was laughable, really.

With Dimitri, I would've given anything to erase the pain. To forget ever feeling anything for him.

I already knew that wasn't going to happen with Nox. I didn't want to erase him. This. I didn't want to forget how he made me feel. The freedom and peace that came just from being in his presence .

Losing Dimitri had hurt me.

Losing Nox would destroy me.

I pushed that away for tomorrow. Tonight wasn't about that.

It was about him. Us.

It almost killed me to drag my lips from his, but there were so many other areas I wanted to explore. I started with his cheekbones, covered in coarse stubble. Next was the sharp cut of his jaw. Then my mouth moved down the taut lines of his neck, along the firm muscles of his chest.

When I got to his nipple, I paused. "Are these sensitive?"

Nox smirked down at me. As soon as I'd stopped kissing him, his hands had gone back behind his head. Was that because he wanted to give me the freedom to explore? Or because he was trying to stop himself touching me, knowing it'd end too quickly? Either way, it was hot as fuck.

"Why don't you find out?" he said.

I didn't look away from him as my tongue flicked out over one of them. Nox's smirk deepened. Wanting more, I introduced my teeth to the mix, tugging gently at the piercing.

I was rewarded with a low groan, Nox's cock twitching against my stomach.

"Guess the answer to that is yes."

I didn't bother waiting for his reply, going back to his nipple. I sucked at it, toying with the pebbled nub with my tongue before tugging at it with my teeth once more.

When Nox was vibrating beneath me, I switched to the other one. I took my time, dragging every drop of pleasure out of Nox until he couldn't bear it any longer.

"Stop," he gasped, his hands touching my hair. "Fuck, little angel. You're driving me crazy. "

I reluctantly released his nipple, resting my chin on his chest. "Good. Now you know how I've felt since the day we met."

He stroked my hair. "Fuck, why can't we keep this casual? It was easier when it was just hate fucking."

"I'm sorry."

"No," he said fiercely, his hand sliding down to grab my throat. "You don't apologise to me, remember?"

I wanted to say something sweet. To thank him for being the one person to never ask anything from me, who recognised the shapes I contorted myself into for other people.

But that would keep us in that dangerous place we were trying to escape. We couldn't stay there.

No matter how much we might want to.

"Hate fucking is fun," I drawled, determined to get us back on track. "But I seem to recall you're the only one who got to do the actual fucking."

"Are you saying you want to top?" Nox's hands stroked over where my cock was pressed against my jeans. Unlike him, I was still fully dressed. My shirt was open, but that was about it. For obvious reasons, I wasn't planning on getting naked. "Because I have to admit, I've thought about it."

I whimpered, grinding against his hand. "You have?"

"Yes. I don't bottom often, but there's something about your cock…" He flicked open the button on my jeans, carefully lowering the zip. I moaned as my erection was released, his fingers deftly pulling back my foreskin. "It's a thing of beauty. I want you to fill me up with it."

My breathing turned ragged as he started to stroke me. His other hand clasped my hip as he said, "I want to feel what these can do. To know how hard you can fuck when you put your mind to it."

He wasn't done there, his hand drifting up my body until it was resting on my throat. Nox used his grip to tug me down until I was covering him. My eyes rolled back in my head. How the fuck was I supposed to not let this become intimate when he was giving me everything I'd ever wished for?

"Most of all though, I want to see you lose control. You spend your life keeping it all under wraps, but I want to unravel you. I want to see what you're keeping hidden from everyone."

It wasn't what he'd intended, but Nox's words finally helped me find the distance I'd been searching for. No one could ever learn of my secret. I'd carry it with me to my eternal grave.

Nox might have been my fated mate, but he couldn't know what happened to me in Emilio's lair. If he learned of my failures, it would colour his view of me. I didn't want that. I wanted to look back on this night fondly. To remember the joy we gave each other, even if it was only for a brief moment.

"Let's see if I can deliver." I sat up, reaching into my back pocket for the lube I'd stashed there earlier. "I'm not sure if you're good enough to make me lose control though. It is legendary, after all."

A small furrow appeared between Nox's brows, like he sensed something had shifted. Please don't call me on it.

Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he pulled his own shutters down. "We'll see."

I wanted to kiss him while I prepped him, but I knew my weak self-control wouldn't survive it. Instead, I dropped to my knees, taking his cock into my mouth as I worked him open with my fingers.

His cock was deliciously heavy on my tongue. I savoured the taste, knowing this was an experience I wouldn't be repeating, but would definitely be revisiting in the lonely hours of night. I explored each of his piercings, my hole clenching as I remembered how they felt inside me.

Nox's hips were rocking in time with his moans. When I crooked my finger in search of that soft bundle of nerves, I was rewarded with a thick burst of precum.

"Enough." His big hands tugged at my hair. He wriggled up the bed, beckoning me to join him. "I need you in me, little angel."

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him not to call me that. What had started as a taunt was now more painful than I think Nox had ever intended. It wasn't demeaning any more. It was a reminder of how he saw me—as someone to protect. Cherish. Worship.

I wasn't worthy of any of those things, and fuck knew I wasn't going to get them after tonight.

I swallowed back the words as I climbed up between his knees and slicked my cock. Let him call me that. It carved my heart open a little more every time he did, but that was okay. The pain would keep this fresh for me. It meant I wouldn't forget.

That was what scared me most of all. That we'd walk away from each other tomorrow and forget. Forget everything we almost were.

It was unbearable to even consider.

"I've got you, Nox." I nudged gently against his hole. "Bear down for me. "

"Wait." He was looking up at me, confused. "You're still dressed."

"It's hotter this way," I lied. "Like the first time we had sex, remember?"

My chest ached at the pout he gave. Who would've thought a demon could be so fucking adorable?

"It'd be hotter if I could touch all of you."

I grabbed his hand and placed it over my racing heart. "You can touch all the places that matter."

My lips met his as I pushed inside him. I caught his groan and swallowed it down hungrily. Fuck, he was so tight. The heat of him had fireworks exploding up and down my spine.

"Fuck, Nox. You feel like Heaven."

"You should know."

His quip broke some of the tension in the air. I grinned down at him as I continued to ease myself in. "Ready for more?"

He flicked my nipple, making my hips surge. "Born ready, little angel."

Taking him at his word, I rocked my hips back and forth slowly, revelling in Nox's reactions. How his fingers dug into my skin. The moans coming from deep in his chest. The sticky precum catching against my abs.

He was perfect. Perfect.

For a second, I regretted doing this. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have known what I was giving up.

I don't think that matters, my heart whispered. We were fucked either way.

Heat burned behind my eyes. I moved my hips faster, focusing on nothing but the sensations Nox was pulling from me.

"Yes, fuck, little angel," Nox panted. "Don't stop. "

I couldn't have if I'd tried. My hips moved like pistons, slamming home. It wasn't enough though. I needed to be deeper in him. If I could have climbed inside him and set up camp, I think I would have done just that.

I grabbed one of his thighs and shoved his leg up onto my shoulder. My eyes rolled back as my cock sank deeper. Even better, this new angle had me hitting Nox's prostate. He let out a shout as white oozed from the head of his cock.

"Touch yourself," I begged him. "Let me see you come."

His hand was in place before I'd finished speaking. It only took two tugs before he was spilling over himself, his hole clamping down on my shaft like it was never going to let me go.

I surged forwards as I came, spilling myself as deep inside him as I possibly could. Fuck. I wanted to stay inside him forever. Or have him inside me forever.

Whichever, so long as this night didn't have to end.

Letting his leg slip from my shoulder, I pulled out and collapsed on his chest. Fuck the wet spot, we could sort it later. It wasn't like we were going to be wasting any precious hours tonight by sleeping.

Nox's hammering heart kept time with my own as we both came down from the high. I nuzzled the coarse hair on his chest, memorising the salty scent of his sweat-slicked skin.

"How many more times can you go tonight?"

Nox's laugh rumbled under my ear, his hands caressing me like he too was trying to fix this moment in his mind. "As often as you need to, little an?—"

He cut off abruptly. I frowned, confused as to why he'd frozen. Then the sex addled cloud cleared and horror replaced it as I realised exactly where Nox's hand was.

What he was touching .

He'd slid his hand under my shirt and up my back.

My naked back.

Fear reared its ugly head. I shoved away from him, tugging my shirt around me warningly. "Nox, don't."

But Nox was past listening.

Flames flickered in his eyes as he jumped from the bed. Heat radiated from him as he reached out and grabbed the shirt. With one easy tug, the material tore in two, the cold air of the room hitting my skin.

Nox's face was murderous as he glared at me. "Turn around, Micah."

I shook my head, blinking against the burning sensation in my eyes. "Please, Nox, don't?—"

"No," Nox said quietly. The hair on the back of my neck rose at the intensity rolling off him. "Turn. Around."

I stared at Nox, trying to will him to back down. He held my gaze firmly, and I knew he wasn't going to let this drop.

Fine. It wasn't like I'd ever see him again after tomorrow. We'd both agreed this thing between us was over. Maybe him seeing the evidence of my failures was a good thing. It would show him that I wasn't worthy of him. That I didn't deserve happiness.

Stiffening my spine, I spun on my heel, revealing the full scale of my shame. "There. Happy now?"

For the longest time, Nox didn't speak. I shuffled on my feet, wondering if I should just leave.

That was when the warmth hit me. I winced. Fuck, I hadn't felt heat like that since I'd been in Hell, fighting beside the river Styx.

Was that coming from Nox?

I went to turn around, but a scorching touch stopped me. Nox ran a burning finger along my back, tracing one of the many scars. There was no pain—he must've had enough control to keep his flames from hurting me.

I braced myself for his condemnation. His pity. His judgement.

But when Nox spoke, not a drop of that existed. His voice was deathly quiet, but there was a tremble in it that hinted at a storm waiting to be unleashed.

"Who did this to you, little angel?"