9. Micah

9

Micah

" W hat about the lube?"

"It's strawberry flavoured." Nox sat back on his heels, fisting his cock. I propped myself up on my elbows so I could get a better look at him. Damn him for having the most delicious dick I'd ever seen. When I'd felt the metal studded along the underside earlier, I hadn't been able to think about anything else but getting him inside me again. "Stop looking for reasons not to do it, just tell me if you want it."

He was so straightforward all the time and it was infuriating. I was used to a world where lies were dressed up in pretty words and truths hidden in fields of barbs.

That wasn't happening with Nox, and I didn't know how to deal with it.

I considered his question. Did I want him to do that?

I probably shouldn't have. It was too intimate for what we were.

But like fuck was I going to say no. Not with the lust now threatening to rip me in two. It wasn't my fault. Nox on his knees could tempt even the saintliest being to sin .

Part of me wanted to beg him to get his mouth on me, but I couldn't. My control might be slipping, but I couldn't let Nox know that. I wasn't giving him anything to hold over me. "If you must."

Nox's grin was predatory. "Oh, I must."

I lay back flat, breathing through my nose as the pain from my wounds ricocheted through me. Breathe. I reminded myself. It'll ease. And when Nox starts, you'll forget all about them.

Thankfully, Nox didn't make me wait. Spreading my cheeks with both of his big hands, he spat against my hole. I bit my lip, trying to hold the whimper in. It was like Nox was trying to shock me, to show me just how filthy he could be.

The joke was on him. I didn't think I'd ever been this turned on.

I'd panicked when he'd touched my top earlier. The thought of him seeing my wounds was terrifying. I didn't want him to see my failures. I didn't want him to judge me for letting someone get the better of me.

Or worse, to tell me it was what I deserved. That it was a tiny example of the shit he'd been used to in Hell. Thankfully, I'd been able to goad him into letting me keep my clothes on, even if it wasn't for the reason he thought.

I still wasn't sure about being able to see him while he fucked me. I didn't understand why he'd insisted on it, but it scared me.

I was starting to crave Nox in a way I'd never wanted anything else before. Seeing his expression as he pushed into me? How his lips parted while he moaned? The flush as the exertion of fucking me built?

It would lead me down a path I didn't want to walk down. Not again .

The initial pain in my back had eased to a dull murmur. It wasn't enough to make me want to stop this, but it was enough to remind me of what was at stake. I'd been punished enough simply for going into Hell. Imagine what they'd do to me if they knew my fated mate was a demon. What they'd do to my unit.

It couldn't happen. It was as simple as that.

He pushed his face between my cheeks, swirling his tongue around my hole once before pulling back.

"This is all mine." Flames flickered in his eyes as he glowered up at me. "You got that, little angel?"

"That's only true if you actually do something," I said, unable to stop myself biting back at him. "Or is all this build-up something you think is actually hot?"

Nox grinned as he grabbed my cock. He squeezed it tight, making my hips buck automatically. "See, I'd believe you if you weren't so fucking hard. You love it, Micah. But keep fighting me on it. That's what gets me going."

Frustration zipped through me as he abruptly released my cock. It vanished in the next second as his tongue returned to my hole.

My fingers were digging into my trembling thighs as Nox licked me. He made a small noise of exasperation before his hands went to my hips, dragging me forwards on the table until my arse was hanging off the edge.

Supporting me with his hands, Nox took no prisoners. He ate me out like he was punishing me. He barely waited long enough for me to relax before fucking his tongue inside of me. My eyes rolled back in my head as his tongue piercing added a whole unexpected layer of sensation.

Strangely, the best thing about all of this wasn't what Nox was doing to me, but his reactions to it. Small grunts of satisfaction mingled with low growls. His hands were holding me possessively, moving me every now and then so he could find the angle he wanted.

It was like I was a toy for him to play with. And fuck, was he enjoying it.

It occurred to me for a second how this must look. Me, on my back, holding my knees to my chest. A demon on his knees, rimming me like I was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

And you know what? I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care that we were on the roof. That the demons he lived with might be able to hear us. That one of my unit might happen to fly overhead and spot us.

I didn't care. I was starting to realise that these brief stolen moments with Nox were giving me something I hadn't ever experienced before.

Freedom.

With him, I wasn't a leader. I wasn't an angel. I didn't have to worry about anything else.

For the first time in my supposedly blessed existence, I was just myself.

Fuck, I could get used to this.

Alarm twisted in my stomach, making me tense. That wasn't an option. This wasn't something I could get used to. Not without risking everything. Even if we could move past the hatred we felt for each other, there was no future for us.

These brief encounters were the best thing we could hope for.

I hadn't realised Nox had stopped until he got to his feet. He braced his arms on either side of my head, leaning over me. He didn't speak, just cocked his head to the side, his gaze burning into me. Maybe he was trying to intimidate me, like a cat studying a mouse, but once more it wasn't having the desired effect.

No, I just felt calm…which was a complete mind-fuck in itself.

Trying to take control of the situation, I glared up at him. "Tired already?"

He ignored my jibe. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

His nostrils flared. "Don't lie to me, little angel."

I huffed, shoving at his chest. To my annoyance, he didn't move an inch. To be fair, I hadn't used even a fraction of my strength.

"Move. If you're not going to fuck me then I'm leaving."

His hand went between us, fingers pushing against my slackened hole, making me jolt.

"Oh, I'm going to fuck you, Micah. But demons aren't the unintelligent creatures you believe us to be. I'm capable of multitasking. So tell me what's wrong while I fuck you."

"Are you capable of taking a hint? Because if you aren't, then maybe you are as unintelligent as I think you are."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I know what you're doing, little angel. You think you can rile me up into fucking you and letting this go."

"You're right. I do think that." I let go of my legs, wrapping them around his waist and using them to haul him closer. "So are we going to do this or not?"

He leaned down to grab the discarded lube packet, using the remains to slick up his fingers and cock. "We're doing it, but I'm not going to let this go, little angel. I'm going to get you to open up, one way or another."

I was silent as he stretched me some more, trying desperately not to ask the question burning in my mind. As he lined himself up against me, I couldn't contain it any longer. "Why? Why do you care? That's not what this is supposed to be."

Nox froze, and for a moment, I saw the confusion that had been haunting me mirrored on his face. "I don't know."

He surged forwards before I could answer him, and my back bowed as my mouth formed a silent scream.

Nox gave me a moment to adjust, waiting until I nodded. Then there was no more waiting. Nox fucked me exactly like he had in the alley. Hard. Rough. Unforgiving.

The difference this time was that I could see his face.

We didn't kiss. Didn't speak.

We just stared at each other, the same unanswerable question on both of our faces.

What the fuck are we doing?

I tried to find that emotional distance, the one I wore like armour to stop my heart getting broken again. To stop me walking towards a man who I knew didn't truly want me.

Dimitri hadn't wanted me as he'd been fated to two others. Nox only wanted me because fate had decided so.

I wasn't sure which was worse.

I focused on all the physical sensations. The sweat dripping down my face. The strange but addictive feel of his piercings inside me. The screech of the metal table on the roof.

I clung to it all, letting it ground me. This was sex. Just sex.

That was when Nox leaned his forehead against mine.

And my grip on reality started to slip.

"Is this the best you can do?" I whispered desperately. "I thought you were going to ruin me."

He snarled, his hips snapping back and forth more ferociously. His weight was pressing me into the table, the pleasure of my cock pressed against him distracting me from the pain in my back. "I am ruining you, little angel. I'm not going to stop fucking you now. I'm the only one who'll give you what you want. What you need. You can hate me all you like, but no one else will make you feel like this. No one."

I came with a shout, my arms and legs holding him close. He followed me moments later, his movements stuttering.

As he lay against me, panting, my fears built to an almost unbearable level. My emotions were playing tug of war in my chest, one side urging me to shove Nox away while the other begged for me to hold him closer.

I knew which one I was going to listen to.

Nox turned his head to the side, pressing his lips to my neck. "Are you ruined enough, little angel?"

Yes. I was completely and irrevocably destroyed.

And I needed to leave.

"Get off." Fear sharpened my words like blades. "We're done. Move."

Nox lifted his head to look at me. "So that's it? We're done and now you're leaving?"

I hid myself behind the walls that had taken centuries to erect. "Yes. Hate sex only, remember?"

Hurt flickered in Nox's eyes before he hid it behind his own walls. "You're certainly doing a good job of reminding me why I hate you."

He pulled out carefully but still didn't move. I shoved at him, this time using my full strength. Nox staggered back several steps. When he looked at me this time, there was nothing there but loathing. "Been holding back on me, little angel?"

I didn't answer him, focusing on getting my bottom half dressed as quickly as possible. I needed to get out of there. I needed to get away from this man who confused everything for me. Back to the compound. To the unit. To where everything made sense.

"You know, I don't know why I'm surprised." The bitterness in his tone had me twisting to face him. He was staring at the clouds above us, his hands in his pockets. "You're exactly what I've been raised to believe angels are. Cold. Ruthless. Uncaring. You just take what you need while never thinking of others."

His accusations hit me like daggers. I wanted to scream that no, that wasn't me. But how could I? That would be showing him the version of myself I was trying to hide.

He couldn't break me if he didn't know me.

"I don't even want you," he said hopelessly. "Why fate thought we'd be a match is beyond me."

While he stared at the sky like he thought it'd give him an answer, I drank in the sight of him. Of yet another man who didn't want me.

And he was right—we couldn't be a match. Stupidly, I'd thought it was because we were too different. That our worlds would never mesh. That Heaven would end me for even considering it.

I should've realised it was more personal than that. Nox didn't want me.

That was okay. It wasn't like he knew the real version of me.

He never would.

Finally, I found my voice. I used it to nail shut the coffin Nox had shoved us into. "And you're exactly as I believed demons to be. Cruel. Selfish. Uncaring."

He finally met my eyes, his flames replaced by ice. "We have that last one in common."

My wings slid through the back of my shirt. I needed to go before I said something I'd regret. Something about how not caring wasn't my problem. My issue was that I cared too much.

I wasn't adding another name to my roster…especially not one who'd made it clear he'd never want me.

I launched into the sky without another word, my wings beating furiously, taking me away from him as fast as possible, even as half of me pleaded to return.

It wasn't as loud as the other half of me though—the half that knew I had to protect my heart. Because, as much as I told Nox we couldn't be together, that we wouldn't work, there was the buried side of me that I couldn't ignore. That part of me hoped maybe he'd be different. That he'd be the one to see the real me, and still want me.

That maybe he'd want me enough to fight for me, even if his opponent was my own stubbornness.

Yes, that was despicably unfair. After all, I'd told Nox we'd never be together. It wasn't on him to fight for us, that was something we were both supposed to do. I'd been just as cruel to him as he had to me, if not more so.

That didn't make it hurt any less.

" I don't even want you. "

That's okay Nox. No one ever does.

That's not true, I reassured myself, landing on the roof of the compound. The Seraphim want you. They need you.

My sentiment was proven right when the front door was flung open, revealing a scowling Ezekiel. "Where the fuck have you been? We've been asked to pay a visit to a jaguar clan up north. They've been testing their borders again."

Nate peered over his shoulder. "Micah? I've got Mirabel from upstairs on the phone for you. "

"Is he finally back?" Benji's voice echoed from deep in the house. "Don't let him leave before I've got his signatures."

I fixed a smile on my face as I made a list in my head of what to deal with first.

See? It was fine. Plenty of people needed me. They wanted my skills and knowledge.

It was enough.

I managed to believe that through the next few hours, all the way up until Ezekiel and I took to the skies, heading to the Jaguar Clan.

Our route took us over a certain house. Over a roof where, earlier that day, I'd let myself be selfish.

I tried not to look. I did.

I failed. I really fucking wished I hadn't.

Because standing right where I'd left him was Nox.

I was too far away to see his face, but he was looking into the sky. Was he still searching for answers? Berating fate for lumbering him with me as his eternal mate?

Or was he hoping I might fly over?

Banking hard, I flew in the opposite direction. I tried not to think of him. Of what we'd shared. Of the vile things we'd said to one another.

But once again, I failed.

Even as I flew further into the distance, I swore I could feel him watching me.