Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Jen

D espite knowing I should keep my distance, we found ourselves back inside the area designated for the Apache crews during our downtime, more often than not. I kept trying to convince myself that it was because they had a bigger TV and more movies, but more and more it seemed like any excuse to be around them would work.

You mean any excuse to be around him.

Sarah had been getting along particularly well with Santos. I didn't ask for details, but it was clear why she wanted to be here all the time. It was a good cover for me coming down here with her. Karolyn was behaving a little better. For now, she resigned herself to staring and sighing. After Nick had snapped at her, she seemed to realize she was over doing it.

I hadn't fought very hard when the girls begged to come over to hang out. I was grateful we were all getting along, but knew that I still had to keep an eye on Karolyn. Brady had been sniffing around her, and with Mark giving her the cold shoulder, I had a feeling she wasn't above choosing Brady next. She needed to realize that even chasing the wrong man could have disastrous effects on her career and theirs. Not to mention that we had a mission to focus on here. It was the same speech I gave myself each time my heart started pounding a little too hard, which happened whenever I was around Mark. Sarah was at least keeping things at her rank, not to mention being discreet.

There were some new faces in the room today. I sat down in an empty chair next to Brady and listened as Mark explained to Sarah that a detachment of pilots and crew chiefs were transitioning through to replace our guys out at Pamir, a small base to the east of us. The new guys weren't part of our unit, but Mark and his guys seemed to know them well. Apparently, they had deployed with them years ago.

It was like a big reunion. There was food and drinks on every available surface and we kept getting told to ‘help ourselves.' Everyone was gathered around the TV watching a movie, with some side conversations happening in the corners. I tactically moved to a chair near where Mark was, but far enough away that no one would guess I wanted to be on his lap. He was still in his gym clothes, and I had to be careful not to get caught staring too much. The man had the sexiest arms. All muscle and veins and dusted with dark hair. It made me want to strip him out of his clothes to see what the rest of his body looked like.

I turned my attention to the TV for a few minutes in order to give my libido a chance to cool down. Someone on screen started to take their clothes off—so much for cooling down—and all the guys started yelling, "Cover your eyes, Junior! This is for adults only!"

I laughed, confused, but saw one kid, and I mean kid, obediently cover his eyes. He looked like he was sixteen.

I leaned forward in my seat and asked Mark, "What's going on?"

He turned in his chair so he was facing me and laughed. The deep husky sound caused a shiver to skate down my spine and my nipples to harden. Jesus, I needed to get laid. I couldn't do that here though, so I'd have to take care of it myself later. Then again, ‘taking care of myself' didn't seem to be dimming my need much if my response to Sheppard was any indication.

I focused back on Sheppard as he explained, "That's Jim's kid," he said pointing at the younger guy, then at a man that looked like an older clone of the kid. "He enlisted on his eighteenth birthday and is in the same battalion as his Dad. Jim is one of the Chinook pilots in their battalion. Junior is a mechanic."

"How is that possible? I didn't think that the Army would let family in the same command?"

"These are National Guard pilots and mechanics. They have different rules and can get exceptions to policy a lot easier than we can. It's not uncommon in a Guard unit for family members to be in the same brigade, or battalion. Imagine how thrilled Jim was to have James Junior come along with him." He looked at Junior, who was still covering his eyes and then glanced back at me. "As to your original question, whenever there's tits on the screen everyone yells at him to cover his eyes, since he's barely eighteen."

I thought about that briefly, what it would be like to be deployed with my mother, and quickly shook that idea out of my head. That's all I would need, her following me around telling me to eat better and to stop slouching. Not to mention harping at me about keeping my hands—and all my other parts—to myself so I didn't get a ‘reputation' and embarrass her. I shuddered as I heard her voice nagging in my head. That would be cruel and unusual punishment.

Smiling as everyone gave the all clear, Junior uncovered his eyes with a blush and grin. Envy filled me. What must it be like to have a relationship like that with your parents? I wouldn't know. My mother had been an Army Officer, climbing the ranks as quickly as she could and always claimed she didn't need a man. I'd never met my father. I didn't even know his name.

"Tomorrow the mechanics and the crew chiefs will fly out to Pamir and get things staged for the aircraft. After a few days Jim and his crew will fly out to join them."

I focused on Sheppard again as he spoke and tried not to lose myself in his eyes. When he grinned the corner of them crinkled and for reasons I couldn't explain I found that really appealing. Maybe because it meant he smiled a lot.

Mark stood and walked back to the row of chairs I was sitting in. "Move," he told Brady.

Brady had just shoved a fistful of popcorn into his mouth, the pieces he missed hitting the floor and piling up around his chair. "What? I'm-"

"Move," Mark said again, cutting him off.

Grumbling, Brady started to argue then he caught sight of me. His brows drew together then understanding dawned on his face. Had he not realized I'd been sitting next to him this entire time?

Apparently not, because a sly grin spread over his face and he hopped up from the chair. "All yours, Shep."

Mark rolled his eyes at his buddy's lack of discretion, but took the seat next to me. I coughed and reached for my water bottle, my mouth suddenly dry as he sat sideways in the seat, his knee brushing my thigh. I turned slightly as well, moving my legs away from him, lest he brush them again and cause me to overheat. Trying to befriend this man and his crew while keeping my thoughts and motives pure was hell. And I wasn't doing a very good job of it. I'd woken up this morning, panting and sweating after nearly orgasming in my dream. A dream centered around him.

"How are you settling in?"

"Fine," I told him, the word sounding breathless, even to me. We'd been here for just over a month, though it seemed like a lot longer. It took time to acclimate and learn the lay of the land. Thankfully, we seemed to be fitting in much better than the previous crew had.

"Haven't seen you around much the last week or so." There was a spark of amusement in his eyes and his lips twisted into a grin.

"I've been busy learning, flying, training, you know how it is," I said, feigning aloofness. Inside, my heart jumped for joy that he'd noticed. It didn't matter that I was trying to convince myself to behave. My heart was firmly on the side of love, no matter how ill advised. I searched the sea of faces and found Laura's. I stared at her intently until she felt someone watching her and met my gaze.

Help me. I tried to silently project the thought to her. I was drowning in Sheppard. If I was left unsupervised much longer I would give in to my earlier desire and crawl into his lap. Which would be incredibly stupid.

She must have read the intention in my eyes because she just gave me a shit-eating smile and shook her head. All I saw after that was blonde hair as she turned her back on me in my time of need.

Bitch. There was no real heat behind the thought. At least not compared to what was building between my legs. From day one, Mark had intrigued me. A month of holding out—especially when he was looking at me the way he was, like I was some kind of treat he wanted to sample—was pretty damn good. I could be proud of that, even if I gave in to my inner hussy and threw myself at him.

I turned back to Mark and blinked in surprise when I realized everyone who'd been sitting within arm's reach of us had cleared out. Narrowing my eyes, I looked at Mark and found him sitting there trying to look as innocent as possible. It didn't work. Every time our gazes clashed he gave me those ‘fuck me' eyes and I was back on the verge of losing it.

I searched frantically for something to say. Something to keep my raging hormones under control. "How have you been settling in?" I asked, then mentally slapped myself on the forehead. He'd already been here. What the hell was wrong with me?

He barked out a laugh and shook his head. "Good, other than the fact that the new MEDEVAC Commander seems to be avoiding me." He cocked a brow at me. "Any reason you know as to why she'd be doing that?" he asked, his voice dipping down to sultry levels.

Good God, he should be narrating romance novels with a voice like that. I swallowed. Hard. It hadn't occurred to me that he'd even notice that I was going out of my way to avoid him until he'd mentioned it before. I wasn't avoiding him, not really, just not being alone with him or sitting so close that my body started to betray me. Heat licked along my skin and I fought the urge to lean in close when he sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. His left hand was now resting alongside my thigh and I'd swear I could feel little electrical impulses where they brushed, even through my pants. Thank God everyone else in the room was glued to the TV.

"I haven't been," I stuttered. Inwardly, I cringed. I sounded like a bumbling idiot, not a cool, collected woman. Why did he have the power to reduce me to either a turned on pile of mush or a raging angry version of myself? There didn't seem to be an in between for me when I was around him.

"Hmmm," he practically purred and I nearly melted in my seat. "I guess that's my mistake. I'm sure you've been busy," he offered, giving me the out I couldn't seem to manage on my own.

"Very," I told him, desperately trying to get my body under control. It wasn't easy to do with him invading my senses.

"Mmhmm, you know I can help you with...anything you might need."

My eyes widened. Was he being nice and actually offering assistance, or was he alluding to something else? It was hard to tell with my brain turning anything that involved him into a sexual fantasy. My inner sex goddess desperately wanted it to be the ‘something else.' She hadn't been let out to play much in the last few years. That, plus the alluring man sitting in front of me had her fighting me to take the reins.

I managed to resist the urge to scoot closer and instead leaned back a bit, creating some space. It didn't help my overheated skin or my inability to breathe properly, but it was something at least.

"Yeah, sure. The next time I find something I need help with I'll ask you." Oh, thank God. There was the calm, even voice I usually had.

He sat back in his chair, his eyes all but smoldering in the darkened room. "That sounds good."

"Shep," someone called from across the room.

I jumped at the reminder that anyone could look over and see us flirting with each other. It was so hard to keep a hold of myself around him. Especially when that intense gaze was fixed on me, but thankfully he looked over at whoever had summoned him.

"Give me a minute," he told me as he rose. Crossing the room, he approached Jim and squatted down to talk quietly with him.

I allowed myself a chance to enjoy the way his shorts hugged his ass and the tanned skin of his toned thighs before I got up. I rushed out of the room as quickly as I could without looking like I was retreating.

Coward. My inner voice was a bit of a bitch, but I knew when to beat a quick retreat. Somehow, I'd managed to think rationally at the end of the conversation. I wasn't going to be able to keep it up. I'd end up in bed with Sheppard and who knew where it would go from there? One of three things was likely. It stayed as a one-night-stand. We slept together while we were out here and went our separate ways once we got home. We didn't even live in the same state. Despite that, the third option was a relationship.

My steps faltered as I thought of that. A warm glow started from my heart and spilled out over my body. A relationship with Mark? Why was that so appealing?

Maybe it can work.

A cold chill swept away the glow as I considered it. I'd once thought the same thing about Scott. Look where that had gotten me. No. I shook my head and forced myself to keep walking. I had to figure out a way to only be friends with Mark. Any other option was just too…terrifying. I was past being able to lie to myself. I wanted him, but if he broke my heart there'd be no picking up the pieces.

He wasn't like Scott, who was a selfish, self-serving dick, and I'd had to remind myself why I was with him. Sheppard was a man I was coming to admire. He was brave, selfless, and did everything to keep those around him safe. Scott always looked out for number one. I'd seen multiple times already where Mark had proven that he was willing to take a hit himself to protect someone else. Like he had with the Commander after my mistake when I'd first gotten here. Scott would have tossed me under the bus, boarded it, and backed over me just to be sure.

It didn't matter. I couldn't have Mark. There was no way I could see that would allow me to be with him and protect my heart the way I would need to with a man like him. I was better off keeping my distance. Decision made, I walked into my room and shut the door.