Chapter 12

CHAPTERTWELVE

I will be whatever she needs.

Whatever they need.

To get them through the day.

~ Zayne

CHLOÉ STARED OUT the window at the cars passing by and wondered how anyone could survive such heartbreak, because that was how she felt right now, like her heart was broken.

It was Tuesday morning—at least, she thought it was—and Ethan and Zayne were driving her up to Oshkosh for her pop’s funeral. Somehow, she’d managed to make it through the weekend and keep things at JULIEN running smoothly. But thankfully they’d closed down Monday, and she’d finally had a moment to just…be.

Not that it helped. She had no point of reference when it came to such a devastating loss, and she was still trying to wrap her mind around a world without her pop in it.

The patriarch of a large Italian family, her dad’s dad had been larger than life and so full of love that the idea that he was no longer with them seemed unfathomable. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how her dad was taking the news. He’d been so close to his father, had always told her about how he’d taught him that great men were men who loved unconditionally.

Her pop had never questioned who her dad was, or whom he loved, and when others might’ve turned their back on a son who wanted such an unconventional life, Pop had embraced her papa and père and welcomed them into his family instead.

Chloé swiped at her tears, not sure how she was supposed to get through the next couple of days. She’d never been to a funeral, never been around such grief, and the idea of seeing the ones she loved suffering from such loss made her heart break all over again.

She sniffed and wiped at her nose, and then aimed her eyes toward the front of the car.

Ethan was driving today. He’d wanted to give her some privacy while she mourned, and she appreciated the gesture, not really wanting anyone around—including their driver—to see her fall apart.

Every now and then she’d see him eyeing her in the rearview mirror, and she appreciated the fact that he didn’t press for conversation even if he did catch her wiping away a new set of tears.

Zayne was sleeping in the passenger seat, his head propped up against his hand on the window and his other on Ethan’s thigh, and while she needed time and space to try to understand how to deal with all of this, she appreciated seeing them there, connected that way. It offered that piece of normality in her life she desperately needed right now.

She took in a deep breath and rested her forehead against the window. They were just coming up on their exit, and as they got closer, Chloé reminded herself to breathe. This was the last reason she’d ever expected to bring Ethan and Zayne to Oshkosh. But here they were, about to meet the Bianchi clan for the first time—well, all of them but one.

Another round of grief punched her in the gut as Ethan began turning down familiar streets. They were getting closer now, and the sun that was high in the sky felt so out of place that Chloé almost wished it was a dreary winter’s day. At least that would’ve been more in line with the emotions she was feeling.

As Ethan turned on to her grandparents’ street, she was shocked by the amount of cars lining it. The driveway was packed and there was no room anywhere. It seemed the entire family and then some had shown up to pay their respects. As they got closer, Zayne sat up and looked out the window.

“Might have to park a street over,” he said, turning to Ethan, who was already nodding and making a three-point turn.

“Why don’t you and Chloé hop out here, and I’ll find a parking spot and meet you inside.”

“No.” It was the first time Chloé had spoken up this trip, and both men glanced back at her.

“Would you like to go in alone?” Ethan asked. “That’s fine too. We can wait in the car or—”

“No.” She shook her head, and when he frowned, she realized she needed to say more than that. “I just meant that I want to stay with both of you. Let’s park and then we’ll go in.”

Zayne twisted in his seat and reached back to take her hand in his. “Whatever you want, Red. Whatever makes this easier for you. You tell us and we’ll do it.”

She swallowed and nodded, not able to do or say much more than that without fear of losing it all over again.

Ethan found a parking spot one street over, and once they were all out of the car, Chloé stood there for a moment and tried to collect herself.

“Hey.” Zayne shut the door and leaned against the vehicle. “How you doing?”

Chloé let out a deep sigh and looked up at him. “Honestly? I don’t know. One minute I feel like I’ve got myself together and the next I can’t stop crying.”

“That’s okay.” He reached for her hand and entwined their fingers. “If you feel like crying, you should.”

“I know, but I don’t want—” She cut herself off and shook her head, deciding there was no point to that line of thinking.

But Zayne wasn’t about to let her get away with that.

“You don’t want what, Red?”

She let out a sigh and looked down at their hands. That felt easier than looking at him.

“I don’t want to give my fathers anything else to worry about.”

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” Ethan came up on the other side of her and reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Your fathers will be worried about you today no matter what.”

“I know. I just didn’t want to add to whatever else they’re dealing with.”

“You aren’t adding to it, you’re a part of it.” Ethan cradled her cheek and took a step closer to her. “You lost your grandfather. A man you loved very much. You have just as much right to grieve as everyone else that knew him. Holding back will only haunt you later.”

He was right, she knew he was, and if anyone knew what it felt like to be haunted, it was the man who lived with a ghost every day of his life.

“Okay, I think I’m ready.”

Ethan took her other hand, and together the three of them headed across the street to her grandparents’ house.

* * *

CHLOÉ’S HAND FELT so small in Zayne’s as they crossed the lawn of the quiet suburban home, and as they got closer to the front door, her fingers tightened around his.

She was staring at the house as though she were in a trance, and for once in his life, he didn’t know what to say. A quick, witty comment wasn’t what was needed in moments like this, and nor was a smart, funny one. What was needed was understating and compassion, and while he had the compassion, it was the understanding he lacked.

He’d never lost a relative, nor did he feel like he’d have any kind of emotion if he did. You had to care to feel sadness in moments like this, and that ship had sailed a long time ago with his family.

Zayne glanced over Chloé’s head to Ethan, and knew this had to be stirring up memories that he usually kept buried deep.

From what Ethan had told him, he’d been in the hospital when his parents were buried. By the time he got out, all he got to say goodbye to was a naked plot of land with newly disturbed grass. The excuse given to him by those who’d planned the ceremony: no one knew if or when Ethan would wake.

As if he could feel the weight of Zayne’s stare, Ethan looked over at him, his expression neutral as Zayne searched his features for any sign this might be getting to him. But Ethan was a master at hiding his emotions, and today he’d make damn sure that no one was looking him. Not when it was their girl who needed the support.

When they reached the door, Zayne leaned down to say by her ear, “Remember, if you need anything, you come find me or Ethan. We’ll get it for you.”

She tried for a smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Thank you. And I probably should say sorry in advance.”

“Sorry?” Zayne frowned.

“Yes. There are a lot of us, and most of the time we’re a lot to take. I’m not sure how it will go today, though.”

“No matter how it goes, we’ll be fine,” Ethan assured her. “And if worse comes to worst, I’ll just shove Zayne their way. He’s the charmer out of the two of us.”

That got a small smile out of her before she knocked on the door. “You have no idea how much you sounded like my papa right now.”

Just as the words left her mouth, the door was pulled open, and standing right in front of them was the man himself. Priest, dressed in a fitted black suit, took one look at his daughter and then pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

“Chloé,” he whispered as he held her tight. “You’re finally here.”

She wound her arms around his waist and nodded. “Yes, Papa, I’m here.”

“I’ve been so worried. I know how close you were to your pop, and that you stayed with the restaurant…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “We should’ve just closed and had you come up here with us.”

“No, no.” She pulled back, shaking her head. “It was a good way for me to keep busy and to help you all out. I was more useful there than I would’ve been here, and—”

“That’s not true.” He stroked his hand down her arm to her fingers and squeezed. “You’re helpful wherever you are. But I know your père appreciates what you did. We all do.”

He then raised his eyes to Zayne and Ethan.

“We can’t thank you enough for looking after her.”

“Of course,” Ethan said as Zayne added, “Anytime.”

“And for bringing her up here to us. We could rest a little easier knowing she was with the two of you.”

Priest’s eyes shifted between them, the sincerity in his words rendering both Zayne and Ethan speechless. He wrapped an arm around Chloé’s shoulders and guided her inside the house.

Zayne stepped in closer to Ethan and took his hand. “You okay?”

“I’m good.”

“You promise?”

Ethan nodded. “I promise.”

They headed inside, where they were introduced to Chloé’s nonna and were able to pass on their condolences. Then they followed Priest and his daughter through to the living room, where the rest of the family had gathered.

They spotted Julien immediately, standing over by one of the windows chatting with an older man. As Priest and Chloé approached, he quickly made his excuses and went to his daughter.

The second he reached her, he closed his eyes and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Mon ange. Comment vas-tu?”

“Je vais bien, père, je te le promets.”

He pulled back and tilted her chin up so he could look her in the eye. “Tu es sûre?”

She looked around the room and took in a breath before turning back to Julien. “Je suis vraiment triste mais ça va.”

He nodded and drew a gentle hand down her cheek, then looked to Zayne and Ethan. “Thank you for staying with her this weekend.”

“Anytime,” the two of them replied this time, as though they were in sync.

“Chloé?” Priest stepped up beside her and rubbed her back. “Why don’t you come with me, and I’ll take you to see your dad?”

Chloé immediately looked in their direction, and Julien stepped in. “I’ll take care of them, bichette.”

She gave a quick nod, and Priest led her out of the living room and toward the kitchen, leaving Ethan and Zayne with Julien.

Ethan was the first to speak. “We’re very sorry for your loss.”

“We understand he was quite the gentleman,” Zayne added.

“Merci. He was. Unlike anyone I’ve ever met.” Julien smiled. “We appreciate everything you’ve done for our Chloé over the last few days. Justin’s meeting us at the church today, but he told us you were with her at the restaurant both nights and didn’t let her out of your sight.”

“We stayed out of your kitchens,” Zayne said. “I promise.”

A smile played at the corner of Julien’s lips, and Ethan nodded.

“We just wanted to keep an eye on her. You would’ve been very proud. She handled herself like the true professional she is.”

“I have no doubt.” Julien slipped a hand into his pocket and shrugged. “But I wouldn’t have cared if she burnt the place to the ground. As long as she was okay.”

The truth of that statement was in Julien’s eyes as he searched out his daughter. Zayne and Ethan looked in the same direction, and through the doorway spotted a crowd of women, and two men, all gathered in the kitchen.

“Chloé’s dad comes from a large Italian family, the majority of which is made up by women. That’s what made the bond with his dad so special. They were in it together.”

Zayne’s heart ached for Robbie as he spotted him under Priest’s supportive arm. Robbie’s eyes and nose were red from the tears he’d cried, and while he was trying for the occasional smile here and there, the grief just wouldn’t allow it to stay.

There was a small flurry of activity in the kitchen, and the next thing they knew, the group of women inside came into the living room to join Chloé’s nonna.

Chloé stood with her two fathers, and just behind them was another familiar face—Shayla—who was with a woman she bore a striking resemblance to. Zayne couldn’t work out if it was her sister, cousin, or mother.

Priest stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Nonna’s shoulder. “If you’ll all join us, we’re about to head down to the church now for the service.”

Everyone began to exit the house, and Julien walked out with them. “Robbie will head down to the church with his mother and sisters. If you and Zayne would like to join Priest, Chloé, and myself, we can all take one car.”

“Thank you,” Ethan and Zayne said, and followed him outside, falling back a couple of steps to let him catch up with his husbands and daughter.

* * *

ETHAN CLIMBED IN the back seat of Priest’s SUV behind Julien and shut the door. Chloé was in the middle and Zayne on the other side, and as Priest pulled out of the drive, she reached for both their hands.

Today was going to be one of the most difficult days she ever went through—the first always was.

The heartache, the confusion, the grief… Nothing could prepare a person for the excruciating emotions that took hold when someone you loved was no longer there. There were no words, no handbook, no formula to make it better. The only way to deal with it was to live it. To allow yourself to feel the sorrow and hope like hell you had people around you to help you find your way out of it—and that was what they were for.

Chloé had been a pillar of strength over the last couple of days, throwing herself into work, running JULIEN like a seasoned professional even as her world had been falling apart.

But now it was time to face the reality of what had happened and to let the people who loved her be her pillars of strength.

As they pulled into the parking lot of the church, Ethan brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. He could see a couple of scars there from cuts and burns over her years in the kitchen, and he thought how fitting it was that she wore battle wounds from her job.

She was so delicate and yet strong at the same time, and everything he learned about her made him love her even more.

Priest parked the car, and Julien turned back to check in on his daughter. “You ready, bichette?”

She looked out the window at the people entering the church and took in a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

They got out of the car and headed toward the front doors, and just as they were about to head inside, Ethan heard Chloé’s name behind them.

They all turned to see Justin jogging across the lot and making his way through the crowd. When he reached them, Chloé stepped forward to hug and kiss him.

“Sorry I’m running late. There was an accident on the main highway, and—”

“Justin?” Priest cupped his cheek, his eyes softening. “No need to explain. We’re just glad you’re here.”

The statement was truly heartfelt. He moved his hand to his son’s neck and tugged him in for a hug.

When they pulled apart, Julien looped an arm through Justin’s elbow as Priest guided Chloé inside, leaving Ethan and Zayne to follow.

They all took their seats, and Ethan was shocked when Chloé chose to sit in the pew behind her fathers with them.

“You sure you don’t want to sit up there with your family?”

Chloé looked at him. “You two are my family.”

She turned back to face the altar, and Ethan looked over her head to see Zayne watching her with an expression full of love, awe, compassion, and sympathy.

Family was something that had eluded them both for a long time now, and to hear her include them so readily was almost more than either of them could take.

It was a gift. She was a gift. One they would never take for granted.

The service was beautiful. The priest was eloquent and poignant, wise and empathetic, as he memorialized a man who was clearly loved and respected by every single person who met him.

When it came time for family to speak, Robbie took the podium.

He got to his feet, and Julien and Priest walked him up there to stand behind their husband, an unwavering show of support.

Chloé shifted in her seat, and Ethan saw her twisting her hands around the tissues she’d been using to dab away her tears. He placed his hand on top of them and offered a small smile.

She bit down on her lip, tears already welling in her eyes, as she turned back to see her dad unfolding a piece of paper.

Robbie took a deep breath in and then let it out, then he began.

“My father was a loud, boisterous Italian who loved his beautiful wife, his three daughters, and me. I mean, who wouldn’t, right?” Robbie gave a half-smile. “After Penny and Valerie, I’m sure he was hoping for a strapping young man to come along and carry on the Bianchi name. But instead, he wound up with a son who liked to wear pink and glitter and sing and dance with his sisters in their princess dresses. A son who decided that when his baby sister Felicity came along, no one could be a better mother to her than he.”

Robbie looked out at Chloé and Justin then, and though he was poking fun at himself, the sentiment ran much deeper.

“The thing I loved most about my father was that he never discouraged me from being myself. Never once did he have a disapproving word to say when it came to who I was or how I expressed myself, and it was that acceptance and love that he showed me from such an early age, that allowed me to become the man I did. To live the life I am living with my beautiful family.”

Robbie sniffed and brought a tissue up to wipe away the tears.

“My father loved his family unconditionally. Welcomed new members”—he glanced at Priest and Julien—“with open arms. He was a proud man. A loving man. And he had the most open heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Maybe that’s why he had to go so early. His heart had worked so hard down here to love all of us, to show us no limits…” Robbie choked up then, his voice wavering slightly. “I love you, Pa. I’m so thankful that you were my dad.”

Ethan’s vision blurred. Then a tear escaped and fell down his cheek, as he mourned the loss of a great man he would never meet, and the speech a son should’ve gotten to give his parents, as Robbie refolded his paper and stepped down from the podium.