24. Elowen

24

ELOWEN

I drift in and out of consciousness, pain radiating through my body. Everything feels heavy, like I'm sinking into the earth itself. Memories flicker behind my closed eyelids - flashes of the battle, the searing agony of the wound, Aldric's face contorted with fear as he carried me.

Aldric. His name echoes in my mind, bringing a warmth that cuts through the fog of pain. I hear his voice, low and urgent, though I can't make out the words. His presence is a constant, anchoring me as I float in this hazy limbo.

In my dreams, I see him. Not just the fierce warrior I've come to know, but glimpses of a gentler side. The way his eyes crinkle when he actually smiles. How his wings flutter when he's pleased but trying not to show it. The tenderness in his touch when we're alone.

I realize with startling clarity that my heart has betrayed me. For so long, I've been consumed by thoughts of vengeance against the dark elves. It's been my driving force, my reason for pushing through every grueling day of training. But somewhere along the way, without me even noticing, Aldric has carved out a place in my heart.

The realization should terrify me. Love is a vulnerability I can't afford. And yet... I find myself clinging to thoughts of him as I battle against the pain threatening to pull me under. His strength. His unwavering dedication. The way he challenges me, pushes me to be better.

I hear his voice again, closer now. "Fight, Elowen," he whispers, his breath warm against my ear. "Come back to me."

And I want to. Gods help me, I want to open my eyes and see his face. To tell him that I understand now. That vengeance isn't everything. That he's given me something to fight for beyond my own anger.

But the darkness is pulling me back under, and all I can do is hold onto the warmth of his presence as I slip away again.

I drift back to consciousness, the world around me hazy and indistinct. Pain throbs through my body, but it feels distant now, like it belongs to someone else. I try to open my eyes, but my lids are too heavy. Instead, I focus on the voices nearby, straining to make out the words.

"...might be the only way to save her." Aldric's voice, tight with worry.

"Aldric, you know how risky that is." Selene's tone is gentle but firm. "She's already so weak. Few survive being Made, even at full strength."

Made? It takes a moment for my foggy brain to catch up. They're talking about turning me into a vrakken.

"We can't just let her die!" Aldric's voice cracks, and my heart aches at the raw pain in it.

I summon every ounce of strength left in my battered body. "No," I croak, the word barely audible.

Silence falls, then I hear a rush of movement. Aldric's presence looms over me, his hand grasping mine. "Elowen? Can you hear me?"

I fight against the darkness pulling me back under. I need him to understand. "Don't... turn me," I manage to whisper.

"Elowen, please," Aldric pleads, his voice breaking. "I can't lose you."

I want to explain, to tell him that I choose this - my humanity, my mortality. That I'd rather die as myself than risk losing who I am in the transformation. But consciousness is slipping away, and I can't form the words.

The last thing I'm aware of is Aldric's anguished voice calling my name as I slide back into the abyss.

But darkness doesn't sweep in to claim me. Instead, I find myself standing outside my childhood home, the familiar silhouette a stark contrast against the inky night sky. My gut churns as I recognize this memory, one that has always haunted me.

The air is thick with smoke and the metallic tang of blood. Dark elves shout in the distance, their voices growing fainter as they leave our village behind. But the damage is already done.

Cries of anguish pierce the air, a haunting chorus of pain and loss that echoes through the smoke-filled night. I want to run, to help, to do something—anything—but my feet are rooted to the spot, as if the earth itself is holding me in place. My eyes are drawn to the ground before me, where my family lies broken and bleeding, their bodies crumpled like discarded dolls.

Father, his strong hands now limp and lifeless, the same hands that once lifted me high and taught me to wield a blade. Mother, her kind eyes glazed over with pain, no longer filled with the warmth and love that had always been my anchor. And my brother, so young, so full of life just hours ago, his laughter silenced forever.

Now they're all slipping away before my eyes, their life essence seeping into the earth, staining the ground a dark, sickening red. The metallic scent of blood mingles with the acrid smoke, burning my nostrils and making my stomach churn.

I couldn't save them. I wasn't strong enough, wasn't fast enough. The guilt and anguish claw at my insides, threatening to tear me apart. The dark elf I managed to kill - my first kill, my desperate act of survival - lies nearby, his lifeless eyes staring accusingly at me.

His body is a cruel reminder of how close I came to saving them, how I almost succeeded in protecting my family. But close isn't enough. It will never be enough.

The weight of my failure crushes me, leaving me gasping for air as I survey the carnage around me. I should have been better, should have done more. Now, all that's left is the bitter taste of regret and the burning desire for vengeance.

Grief overwhelms me, and I fall to my knees, a scream of anguish tearing from my throat. Tears blur my vision as I reach out, desperate to touch them one last time, to offer some comfort in their final moments.

But my knees never hit the ground. The world around me begins to shift, the familiar scene of my worst nightmare dissolving like mist in the morning sun.

I'm falling, tumbling through darkness. Suddenly, I'm back in my childhood home. The familiar scents of my mother's cooking and my father's pipe wrap around me like a warm blanket. But something's different this time.

My family sits around the dinner table, their faces lit by the soft glow of candles. They're smiling, but there's a sadness in their eyes that makes my heart ache.

"Elowen," my mother says, her voice echoing strangely. "It's time to let go of your pain, sweetheart."

I shake my head, feeling the familiar anger rising. "No, I can't. They took you from me. I have to make them pay."

My little brother reaches out, his small hand ghosting over mine. "But you're hurting yourself, El. We don't want that."

"Your rage has been a shield," my father adds, his kind eyes meeting mine. "But it's also been a prison. You need to live, not just survive."

I feel tears streaming down my face. "I don't know how," I whisper.

My mother stands, coming to wrap her arms around me. Her touch feels like sunlight. "By embracing the present, my love. By allowing yourself to heal, to love."

As she speaks, I see flashes of my life since losing them. The pain, yes, but also moments of joy. Selene's laughter. Jessa's fierce friendship. Aldric's...everything.

"We'll always be with you," my father says. "But it's okay to move forward. To find happiness again."

I look at each of their faces, memorizing every detail. "I'm scared," I admit.

My brother grins, that gap-toothed smile I've missed so much. "You're the bravest person I know, El. You've got this."

As the dream begins to fade, I feel a sense of peace settling over me. They're right. I don't need to transform to be strong. I've already survived so much.

I slowly drift back to consciousness, the lingering warmth of my family's presence fading like morning mist. The pain is still there, a dull ache throbbing through my body, but it feels more manageable now. As I become more aware of my surroundings, I realize I'm not alone. Aldric's presence is a constant, his hand gently holding mine.

With effort, I open my eyes, blinking against the dim light. Aldric's face comes into focus, etched with worry and exhaustion. When he sees I'm awake, relief floods his features.

"Elowen," he breathes, his voice rough with emotion.

I manage a weak smile. "Hey," I croak, my throat dry and scratchy.

As Aldric helps me sip some water, I think about my dream - no, not a dream. A vision? A message? Whatever it was, it's shifted something inside me. The rage that's fueled me for so long is still there, but it no longer consumes me.

I realize now that I've been so focused on avenging my past that I've been blind to the present. To the family I've found here - Selene, Raziel, Jessa, Nikolai. To Aldric.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, squeezing his hand.

Aldric's brow furrows. "For what?"

"For almost giving up. For making you worry." I take a deep breath, wincing slightly at the pain in my ribs. "I'm not done fighting, Aldric. The dark elves, this war - I'm still in it. But not just for revenge anymore."

His eyes search mine, hope and uncertainty in their silver depths. "What changed?"

I think about my family's words, about embracing the present and allowing myself to heal. To love. "I realized I have something worth fighting for now. Something to live for."

As the vision of my family fades, I find myself drifting in a strange, peaceful limbo. The pain that's been my constant companion seems distant now, and my mind feels clearer than it has in years.

I think about Aldric, about the way he looked at me during our training sessions, the gentleness in his touch when we were alone. I've been holding back, afraid to let myself feel anything beyond the burning need for revenge. But now, I realize that my fear has been holding me captive just as much as my anger.

My mother's words echo in my mind: "It's okay to move forward. To find happiness again." And I want to. Gods, I want to so badly it aches.

I think about Selene's unwavering support, Jessa's fierce friendship, Nikolai's quiet strength, and Raziel's wisdom. They've become my family, filling the void left by those I lost. And Aldric... he's become so much more than just an ally or a mentor.

I don't have to choose between my past and my future. I can honor my family's memory by living fully, by embracing the love and connections I've found. My fight against the dark elves doesn't have to consume me. It can be part of who I am without defining my entire existence.

If I make it through this, I promise myself, I'll tell Aldric how I feel. No more holding back, no more letting fear dictate my choices. I'll fight for the people I love, for the future we're trying to build. And I'll allow myself to be happy, to love and be loved in return.

As I make this silent vow, I feel a sense of peace wash over me. Whatever happens next, I know I'm ready to face it with an open heart.