Chapter 11

"And what about you? Now that you know my deepest, darkest secret, I think I'm entitled to one in return. You know, in case you decide to blackmail me or something," I asked when the food came out.

"I'm sure the fact that you think pineapple on pizza is the greatest food combination invented in the history of the world is prime blackmail material. Pretty soon you'll be handing over your fragrance fortune to keep it under wraps," Conall teased, a twinkle in his eye. He took a bite of his pasta, his eyes never leaving mine.

We'd been chatting for the past hour about trivial things, but it was the most fun I'd had in a long time. I liked that Conall didn't have expectations of how I should act like most men I'd hooked up with when they learned I came from money. I should be sophisticated or I was meant to only have refined tastes and hobbies.

Sure, I liked indulging myself, take this restaurant for example, but at the end of the day, I was just a guy.

I wasn't a prince or some reckless rich playboy in his eyes. I was just me. And it still amazed me that he wanted to get to know me and seemed to genuinely like me.

"Pineapple on pizza, I approve, but I'm sorry to say the best food combination invented is fried ice cream." I pretended to gasp, which only made him smile wider. "There's just something about the mix of the hot, crispy dough and the soft, cold ice cream that blend so perfectly. It's a shame our circus doesn't serve it. The closest thing we have are fried Oreos, and it's just not the same."

"I'm guessing you have a sweet tooth, then?" I made a note to ask the waiter for the dessert menu the next time he came to check up on us.

Conall nodded. "Who doesn't? I secretly believe the men who insist that they hate sweets say that so they seem more masculine. I mean, I haven't met a single person who doesn't feel better after eating something sweet."

"I like that you're so honest with yourself. You don't let what other people think cloud your judgment."

He shrugged and played with the rim of his water glass. "I've learned that there are some things you can't change no matter how much you wish for them to, so why torment yourself with what others think? Just be yourself and do what makes you happy. I say that, but there are days where I don't even take my own advice," he said with a self-deprecating laugh.

I took his hand and intertwined our fingers to reassure him. The tingles from where our skin met were still there, but it wasn't the huge shock like the first couple of times we touched. It was now a pleasant hum. My entire body came alive to greet him.

He looked at our combined hands for a moment with awe on his face. A beat later, he squeezed my hand and returned his gaze to me. "I'm sure you've never felt like that," he commented.

"Like what?" I asked, not because I wasn't paying attention to the conversation, but because I was too lost in the feel of him to connect the dots right now.

"Felt like you can't be yourself because of what others think. You seem so confident of yourself."

I almost didn't want to break his illusion and tell him it was all a fa?ade. I should just go along with it like I would have done with any other, but I wanted to be my real self with him. He was easy to talk to, and based on what I'd learned about him so far, I didn't have to fear him judging me.

For the first time with someone, I wanted to be vulnerable. And that was something I never thought I'd say.

"I'm glad it seems that way, but honestly? I feel lost most days. My entire life has been laid out and planned for me, and if I follow the plan, I won't have to worry about a single thing."

It sounded stupid hearing it out loud. Here I was, born with a fucking diamond spoon, but I didn't want it. Others would kill to be in my position, and all I felt was suffocation.

I was an ungrateful piece of shit. And not thevaluable sperm whale kind either.

Conall must have sensed something because his hand squeezing mine brought me out of my thoughts and back to the present with him.

"Hey, it's okay to not be sure about the future and what everyone else has planned for you. You make your own happiness," he said softly.

It was the first time anyone had ever reassured me in this way. My family didn't understand my thoughts. They didn't understand why I was so eager to leave our kingdom so frequently when I had everything I could ever want there. The isolation in thinking had me feeling like the odd one out in my family, but I was able to find this sense of comfort with this human in front of me.

"Nobody's ever said that to me before. Thank you," I said and was met with a brilliant smile.

"I'll be happy to repeat it to you however many times you want." He played with my fingers for a few seconds, then looked back up at me and asked, "So what is it you want? It sounds like you don't want to work for your family business anymore?"

"I don't mind helping out the business. It's just not my passion, you know?" I said with a shrug. I didn't think being a shit courier was anyone's passion, and it sure as hell wasn't the legacy I wanted to leave behind.

Conall leaned in closer and asked, "Then what is your passion? What makes you happy?"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I couldn't answer him. The silence stretched out inside the small room, but Conall didn't rush me and continued gently playing with my fingers as I did some inner digging.

What makes me happy?

I had played around with a lot of men, but I didn't want to be a playboy my entire life. I'd been so focused on running away and finding momentary thrills that I hadn't found the thing I was truly passionate about. So I told him the truth, "I don't know."

A part of me expected him to be disappointed in me the same way Corelyn expressed whenever I messed up, but that didn't come. Conall's smile didn't dim in the slightest as he said, "Then we can find out together! I have to work at the circus Thursday to Sunday nights, but we can explore the city until you find something you like for the rest of the time."

He was basically donating all his free time to help me, someone he'd barely known a day. I didn't know if he was too innocent or genuinely kind, but my protective instincts welled up inside me. As the baby of the family, it was always my sisters protecting me, so this was the first time I'd ever had the urge to protect someone else.

As I stared into his shining eyes, his excitement about this endeavor showing in both his words and body, I felt like every action I'd taken in the past was to lead me to this moment.

To Conall.