27. Xander

27

Xander

Anxiety swamps me as I stare at the envelope in my hand. Jesus. This is it. This is my future in an envelope. Either I’ve achieved tenure, and I’ll continue to teach at the university, or I haven’t, and I need to decide if I start all over again somewhere else.

“Hell, babe, you’re killing us! Open the damned letter!”

I raise my eyes to Bjorn’s. “But what if it’s bad news?”

“ Not reading it won’t make it better news.”

I glare at Kaino. “Thank you, O ray of sunshine.”

They shrug. “Facts are facts. Open it.”

I want to. I really do. But I’m scared. “Are you ordering me to open it?” Is it sad that I need them to say yes?

“Would that make this better or worse?”

Pathetically, I whine my answer. “Better?”

Kaino leans against the kitchen counter. “Then yes, I’m ordering you to open it.”

Groaning, I tear at the end of the envelope, pull out the letter and skim the contents.

Blah blah, University of Washington, blah blah, Office of the Provost...

I am pleased to inform you that you have been granted tenure at the University of Washington.

I stare at the page, not making it any further than those words before the dizziness hits, utter relief crashing through me.

“Babe?” Bjorn’s voice is tentative, and he reaches out to steady me.

I should say something. I know I should. Instead, I wave the letter at him until I find my voice. “I got it.”

His strong arms crush me against his chest in a bone-creaking hug. “I knew you would! God, I’m so happy for you.”

Kaino presses against me from behind, wrapping their arms as far around Bjorn and me as they can. “Congratulations, Xander. I’m proud of you.”

“Hey, I’m proud of you, too.”

I chuckle until it becomes a full-blown laugh, and the laugh becomes so intense that I have tears running down my face. Oh my god, I have tenure. Sure, tenure, as a system, has a whole host of issues that come along with it. I get it. But it means I don’t have to consider moving schools. I can move in with Bjorn and Kaino and not have to worry that it’s only temporary. God, I can start my life. I try to hug them back as best as I can. “Thank you, my loves. I’m so glad I came here to open the letter.” If it had been bad news, I’d have needed them even more.

Bjorn smacks a kiss on my lips and grins at me. “We’re going to celebrate this weekend and fuck like bunnies.”

Behind me, Kaino snorts. “Classy, Bear.” Bjorn just shrugs, totally unashamed.

And why should we be? Sex is fun, especially with these two. “Can we use the rope?”

Bjorn fist pumps. “Yesssss.”

I glance over my shoulder at Kaino, who rolls their eyes as they shake their head. “Kit, I expected more from you. Bjorn? Not so much.”

“What can I say? I’m feeling very relieved and a little giddy.”

Bjorn waggles his eyebrows at us and starts a slow grind of his hips against mine. “And a little horny?”

My phone vibrates with an incoming call. “Hold that thought.” I slide it out of my pocket and see a caller ID guaranteed to be a sexy mood killer. Mom. Sighing, I pat Bjorn’s hip. “I have to take this.” I swipe to answer the incoming call. “Hi, Mom. What’s up?”

Kaino drops their arms and Bjorn follows, both of them taking a step back, giving me space to take the call. I wander into the living room for some privacy. Not that I’m saying anything they can’t hear. It’s more that I know how this call is going to go, and I don’t want to be judged.

“Miracles happen. He knows how to use the phone!” I’m about to snark back about it being end of semester and having a busy schedule, but I don’t get the chance. My mother’s voice sounds distant as I assume she turns away from the phone to yell to my father. “He actually picked up. Go ahead and start without me.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear. I’m here. So excited to finally have a few moments to speak with my only child. Are you sure you can spare the time, darling?”

“Mom. Do we really have to do this every time?”

“Well, if you’d call more often, or at all, then I wouldn’t have to chase you down to make sure you aren’t deceased.” Her voice is teasing, but I know on some level she’s not.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Mom.” Unbidden, I get an image of Bjorn, trying to keep up with the lives of his brothers and sister, still wanting to be relevant, when they obviously are well on their way to starting their own families. The realization that I’m inadvertently causing my parents pain the same way Bjorn’s siblings hurt him hits me like a kick in the gut. Fuck. “You know what? You’re right. And I’m sorry.” There’s silence on the other end of the phone. “Mom?”

“I’m here, Xander.” Shit. Is that a catch in her voice? She clears her throat. “And thank you. That’s very sweet, and I accept your apology.”

I really need to do better at calling her. God, I suck at the son thing. “So what’s going on with you guys?”

There’s another moment of silence, but this time, her recovery is faster. She tries to cover her emotions with a teasing tone. “Xander, darling, are you alright? Is everything okay? Your father and I can be on a flight tomorrow morning if you need us. Cough twice if you’ve been kidnapped.”

Grinning, I get some of my footing back. “Everything’s fine, Mom. I promise.” I think about the tenure letter, and happiness bursts in my chest. “Truthfully, everything is more than fine. It’s amazing.”

She gasps into the phone. “You got your letter?”

“I did. And I’ve been offered tenure.”

“Oh, Xander!” She turns away from the phone again. “He got tenure!”

There’s a muffled shout of congratulations from my dad. “Your father says well done, and we’re proud of you. And we are, Xander. You always make us proud.”

Not always. But it’s very sweet of her to say so. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Maybe now that you know you’ll be staying in the area, you’ll find a boyfriend and settle down. It’s useless to hope you’d ever move back east, so I won’t even say that.”

Thank god for small mercies. “About that.” Call it being a bad son, or a coward, but I haven’t really updated my parents about Bjorn and Kaino. Not since that initial call, when I mentioned dating them. So now is probably as good a time as any to fix that. “I’m actually in a relationship. And it’s serious.”

“Oh, Xander! That’s wonderful.”

It’s at this point that I start pacing. I can feel the tension from her end of the call. She wants to ask questions, but she’s hesitating. Probably because she’s worried I’ll be annoyed and end the call. God. As my students say, I worse than suck. “Yes, it really is. I want to tell you about it, but before I do, I need you to promise me you’ll listen before you judge. And maybe it might be good if you put me on speaker and get Dad.”

“Good god, Xander. The last time you worked up to a conversation like this, you were twelve and announced you were gay. Please tell me you haven’t joined a cult.”

I snort. “God, Mom, no. I haven’t joined a cult.”

By the change in sound from her end, I can tell she’s put me on speaker. “Who’s joining a cult? Xander, if she means you, pick a good one. Something fun. Maybe one that worships little hedgehogs or something cute. Devil worship and apocalyptic groups are so passé.”

“Hi, Dad. I’m not joining a cult.”

“Hi, son. That’s too bad. It could have been fun. How’re you doing?”

“I’m really great, Dad. And I wanted to tell you both why.”

There’s a slight pause on the other end. “Fantastic. We’re all ears, son.”

“Darling, that’s just your receding hairline making you look all ears. But I love you anyway.”

The sound of her loudly kissing some part of him travels clearly through the phone, and I grin because it’s so like my dynamic with Bjorn and Kaino, and it just reaffirms that this relationship is the right thing for me. “So, aaaanyway…” There’s no easing into this, so I blurt it out. “I’m in a committed relationship with Bjorn and Kaino. The three of us are together. Romantically .”

“But not sexually?”

My face burns red hot. “Oh, my god, Mom!”

“What? It’s a legitimate question, given that you emphasized romantically.”

I rub my temple. Is it any wonder that I find Bjorn’s sense of humor annoying and endearing at the same time? “Okay, I’m in a relationship in every sense of that word. Romantically, physically, sexually, spiritually, whatever. We’re together.”

“So, a throuple.”

I stop my pacing. “How do you even know that term, Mom?”

“Xander, I have Facebook and Instagram. I follow people.”

Oh, dear god. “I love you, Mom, but I don’t want to know. Anyway, now that I’m sticking around this part of Seattle, I’ll be moving in with Bjorn. Kaino says they’re still not ready, and we respect that, but I am. So I’ll give my landlord notice and be out in about a month. I’ll be sure to send you the address.”

“Dear, don’t be angry when I ask, but since we hadn’t heard anything, we assumed things hadn’t panned out with Bjorn or Kaino.” I am such a bad, bad son. “So, how long have you been together?”

“Ten weeks.” I try not to sound defensive. I’m a grown-ass man, and I can determine when something is right for me. There’s no timeline for knowing that. And I’m in a throuple, for god’s sake. Who cares if nothing about this relationship is typical?

“And when do we get to meet them?”

That’s it? No judgment? No comments about it being too soon? Sagging with relief, I accept the gift of her silence on the subject. “Um, I don’t know. But I’ll ask them as soon as we hang up and give you a call this weekend.” The timing is good for a meetup. I’m off on summer break, and Bjorn is between careers. The only one we’d need to coordinate with is Kaino.

Bjorn steps up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Ask us about what, babe?”

I glance around and see Kaino sitting on the back of the couch. “My parents want to meet you.”

“So put them on video chat. They can meet us now. Though I met them once before.” A very long time ago.

I glance at Kaino, who nods. “Hey Mom, I’m going to switch to video chat so everyone can say hello.” Without waiting for a reply, I pull the phone from my ear and hit the video icon. There’s a sound of fumbling on the other end, and then my mom’s face appears. She’s a beautiful woman, with long white and silver hair, light blue eyes like mine, model cheekbones, and the kindest smile you’ll ever see. “Hi, Mom.”

She beams at us. “Oh my, that looks like trouble.”

I snort. “You’re not kidding. Anyway, you remember Bjorn.” I gesture to him.

My mother’s eyes sparkle, and she nods. “I certainly do. It’s nice to see you again, Bjorn.”

“Good to see you again, Pia.” She moves the phone to include my father. “Anker, good to see you again, too.”

My father waves. “Hello, Bjorn.” He points at the screen. “And by process of elimination, you must be Kaino. It’s very good to meet you.”

Kaino raises their hand in greeting. “Good to meet you both.”

There’s a sparkle in my mother’s eyes that has me preparing for who knows what. “I’d say we’ve heard a lot about you, but Alexander has kept your relationship very hush-hush. But I’m happy to know that he’s found such polite and handsome partners.” She winks. “They are very good looking, Xander.”

“Mom.” At forty-one, I should be past being embarrassed by my parents. They’re really good at it, though.

She waves me off. “Hush, Xander. Let me enjoy this moment.” Her eyes get a little watery. “My baby is all grown up.” She presses her fingertips to her lips and then fans her face.

Good grief. I guess moms being emotional over their children never ends either. “Anyway, I love you guys.”

“We love you too, son. Your mom’s a little verklempt at the moment, but in a good way. She’s feeling all her feelings right now.” I snort because that’s something my mom would say. “Maybe give us a call when you know about your schedule, and we’ll figure out timing.”

Before I can reply, Bjorn cuts in. “Timing for what? Are you guys coming out to visit? You’re more than welcome. You could even stay here. There’s plenty of room.”

The gesture is so sweet, and totally Bjorn, and I’m blaming that for what I blurt out next. “I could give you a tour of the campus. And you could meet Bjorn’s siblings.”

My father’s grin is wide, and he winks at my mother. “We’d love that, son. I’ll have a talk with your mom, and we’ll figure out a date and let you know.”

“Sounds great, Dad. We should go, though.”

My dad chuckles. “We don’t need details. Have fun. Bjorn, Kaino, it was very nice to meet you. We’ll do that again in person soon. Love you, son.”

“Love you too, Dad. Love you, Mom. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

I end the call, feeling very good about how it went. I’m glad I told them about Bjorn and Kaino. And I’m actually looking forward to their visit. “Thank you both for being so understanding and jumping on the call with my parents. They can be a bit nosey, but it comes from a place of love.”

“You’re welcome.” Kaino seems unfazed by meeting my parents, but that’s very Kaino. Not much fazes them. “They seem very nice.”

Bjorn nods. “They are. And I get it. About wanting to be part of your life and know what’s going on.”

“I know you do.” I kiss him softly on the cheek. “And thank you for offering to let them stay here when they visit. You didn’t need to do that, but I appreciate it.” It would have been awkward for me to propose that without talking to him first.

“Of course. We’re a team. We love and support each other.” He grins at the two of us. “There’s just more people to love.”

“I do love you both, very much.”

I lean into Kaino, and they rub my back. “Love you too, Kit. And you, Bear.”

“I love you three. Get it? You said—“

Kaino presses their hand to Bjorn’s lips. “We get it.”

Blinking away the prickling in my eyes, I watch the antics of the people I love more than I can say. It’s not just me anymore. I have other people. My people. My loves. My everythings. We balance each other, just like Bjorn predicted all those weeks ago. They complete me, and I, hopefully, complete them. Together, we’re better. The best. And hopefully, with lots of patience and work, we’ll be each other’s forever, too.