Epilogue

Starling

N obody thinks about the aftermath. When you're fighting to survive, your moments are measured by the breaths you take.

The hard part is when the dust settles and your body and mind have nothing left to do but heal. The important part is that we survived. Hudson, Abbot, and I came home in one piece, even if those pieces were changed forever.

It's been six months since that fateful day—a period of pain and guilt, anger and sadness, and recurring nightmares. But we came out of it stronger. Despite all the bad, there was healing, love, and acceptance. I clung to that when the urge to cut creeps back in from the dark corners of my mind.

I fought monsters and won. My demons don't stand a chance against me anymore.

"I thought I might find you here."

I look up from my Kindle and smile as my handsome husband sits beside me under the cherry blossom tree.

"I must have zoned out. I've been staring at the same page for the last five minutes."

He reaches over, lifts me off the ground, and pulls me into his lap. His thumb lightly brushes over my lips. I know he's looking at the tiny, dot-like scars. Compared to the 14 carved inside my upper thigh and the jagged scar on my shoulder from the knife, the dots are nothing to me.

But to Hudson, they're another reminder of that day and how close he came to losing me.

I nip his thumb with my teeth, making him grin before his mouth is on mine and his hands slip beneath the hem of my dress.

"How long do we have?"

"Long enough," he growls as his hands find my panties. "I thought I told you to stop wearing these. I like being able to thrust inside you whenever I want."

"And I like it when you tear them off me," I say, feeling bold.

"Up on your knees, Birdie."

I kneel over him as he pulls a knife from inside his jacket pocket. That's another thing that's changed since then. Hudson, Atlas, and Kenzo all make sure they carry knives now. Apparently, seeing me tied to a dead man's anchor made a lasting impression.

He cuts the lace from my body before dropping the scrap of material and knife beside us. "Get my cock out, Birdie. It's been too long since I was inside you."

I chuckle as I lower his zipper and reach inside for his cock. "You fucked me in the shower this morning."

"Like I said, it's been too long." His hand slips between my legs, and he strokes my clit. "You wet for me, little bird?"

"Always."

"Good girl. Now I want you to pull my cock out and take me deep inside you."

I move a little and position him so he presses against me. I, oh so slowly, lower myself until my ass rests on his thighs.

"That's it, just like that. You look so pretty stuffed full of my cock."

"Mmm…" I lick my lips as his hands move to cup my bare ass.

"Ride me, Birdie. Make me come."

I hold on to his shoulders for balance and fuck him slowly, building us both up until I'm mindless with need. He uses his hands to guide me, helping me to pick up the pace as his fingers dig into my skin.

"Fuck, I love you," he growls before he steals my words and my breath with a kiss that leaves me a sobbing mess.

He doesn't say he loves me often. He's not that guy. But that doesn't mean I don't see it or feel it. He worships me to the point of obsession. Logically, I know it's not normal. He's a wild, untamable, and dangerous man who could cause me as much pain as he does pleasure. But my masochistic heart doesn't care. I'll face the good, the bad, and the downright terrifying to be with him.

His hand plays with my clit again, stroking it roughly as I feel that wild magic of ours rush through my veins. When it hits, I throw my head back and scream his name, feeling him come deep inside me as we both explode.

We take a moment to catch our breath, his arms wrapped around me as the wind catches the tree and rains blossoms down around us like confetti.

"I love you." I pull back so he can see my face.

I don't say it much either, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it with every breath. I don't shout about it to the world because it's mine, and I don't want to share it with anyone but him. I don't need people sticking their noses in and forcing their opinions on us.

Despite what Hudson thinks, he can't go around beating up everyone who disagrees with us being together. The people who matter don't care, and those who have a problem don't matter to us.

His arms tighten around me, but I break the moment with a sigh. "We need to get cleaned up before everyone gets here."

"I want you to wear my cum while Abbot's here."

"I'm not walking around with your cum running down my legs. Besides, he's going to have his boyfriend with him."

"I don't fucking care."

With a curse, I pull away and lie back, spreading my legs wide. "I tell you what. You rub it in so it doesn't end up filling my shoes, and I'll wait to shower until later. Deal?"

His look turns smoldering. "Deal."

"I can't believe you're in love with the guy who kicked your ass," I tease Abbot as he sits beside me on the top step of the deck.

We watch Lewis and Hayden chase a laughing Iris around the backyard under Atlas's watchful eye.

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

I nudge him with my elbow. He looks at me and smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and resting his head against mine.

I see Hudson stop in the middle of his conversation with Kenzo, who has his little boy asleep on his shoulder. Hudson glares at Abbot, but he stays where he is.

"You love pissing him off, don't you?"

"The perks of being your best friend."

"I won't tell Hayden you said that."

"He knows it's you. It's always been you."

Abbot had the toughest time of all of us. It took him a while to recover. But once he did, he told us what had happened.

Initially, he had gone to see Mark—the guy he liked. But Mark turned him away, saying he needed someone with less baggage. Good riddance, I say. The fucker didn't deserve him anyway.

It was around that time that Lewis contacted him to apologize. He told Abbot how his father had caught him kissing another guy and beat the shit out of him and kicked him out of the house. He wasn't allowed back until he "fixed" himself. Lewis took his anger out on the wrong person. But he manned up in the end, apologizing, and then dropping everything to be by Abbot's side while he was in the hospital and afterward during his recovery. They've been inseparable ever since.

"He doesn't care that I'm gay."

"Who, Hayden? Why would he? I told you before that your biggest enemy was you. He still feels awful that while he was cursing your name, you were tied up somewhere."

I grit my teeth. We don't talk much about Landon. It was heartbreaking for Abbot to realize that the brother he looked up to wasn't who he thought he was.

"I know, and I milk it for all it's worth," he jokes. "Don't look now, but your husband's coming over."

"He just can't help himself," I sigh.

"He loves you. I get it now. I think I even got it then. All that matters to me is that you're happy."

"I am. I really am."

"Good." He kisses my temple as Hudson stomps up to us.

"Keep your lips to yourself, kid."

He tugs me from Abbot's arms and pulls me into his, making Abbot laugh.

"I think my boyfriend would be heartbroken if I did that."

"Well then, just keep your lips for him," he grumbles. "How's school going? Do you need anything?"

Abbot shakes his head and tries to get to his feet. Hudson offers him a hand and helps him up. Abbot's leg was fucked for a while, and even though it's mostly healed now, it's weaker than it was before.

"We're good. I love sharing a house off-campus with Hayden and now Lewis. Thanks for paying for that, by the way."

"Don't mention it. I should have known Lewis would transfer to Arizona to be with you. The boy has it bad." Hudson sighs before clearing his throat. "Is he good to you?"

Abbot swallows hard. "Yeah, Dad, he's really good to me."

Hudson slaps him on the back. "Good. But it wouldn't hurt to remind him that I have access to a plane and a gun." He turns to me, kisses my forehead, and walks away. Abbot's eyes follow him as he disappears into the house.

They might not ever have a real father-son relationship, but they're trying. And that's all that matters to me.

"How's school going for you?"

"Don't ever tell your dad I said this, but I think I prefer doing it online. It means I can volunteer at the center. I do a girls-only class now with Kate and a few others who have similar experiences to mine. It's hard, but I feel like I'm making a real difference."

"I'm happy for you. I always knew you were going to save the world, one lost soul at a time."

"Okay, everyone, food's ready!" Ivy shouts. I look over and see her and Trix laying the last trays of food on the huge patio table.

Everyone descends on it like starving animals. I stand back and watch this strange, makeshift family of mine. I think about what Abbot said and can't help but smile.

I'm not out to save the world. I'm just trying to find my place in it. And standing here right now, surrounded by all the people I care about, I think I've found it.

"Come on, Birdie, time to eat."