Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Starling

A nother five days pass with no sign of Abbot. The longer he's gone, the deeper the claw marks inside me feel.

I stare up at the pink cherry blossom swaying above me and sigh. "Where is he, Eloise? I just need to know that he's safe."

She doesn't answer. Even if she were still alive, she wouldn't know. And now, lying here in the place where we scattered her ashes, I feel like I'm failing him too.

Things at school have gone from bad to worse. People have noticed his absence and, naturally, have blamed me for it. Snide comments in the hallway have turned into name-calling and even threats. I can't claim innocence, though, because everyone's right. It is my fault he's gone.

"Hey. How was your day?"

I turn my head at the sound of Hudson's voice and see him walking toward me as he loosens his tie. Damn, him in a suit is hot. I shake my head at the thought as he comes and lies down beside me.

"You'll get your shirt dirty."

"I don't give a fuck. Are you doing okay? I'm sorry I haven't been around much. There's been a lot going on at work."

"It's okay. I'm a big girl. I'm just worried about Abbot."

He sighs, but for once, he doesn't sound angry.

"I'll admit, I thought he'd be back by now. Might be worth calling his friends."

"Most of them go to our school. With how much they've been bugging me about where he is, I don't think they know."

"Can you think of anyone else he'd go to?"

I think of the guy he was seeing and sigh. "Maybe. I don't know him, so I'm not sure how to contact him. If Abbot wants to hide from me, that would be a good place to go."

"You know what you need? A distraction. It's supposed to be shitty tomorrow, so why don't we go for a drive? We'll put the top down, and I'll even let you pick the music."

I feel his hand beside mine and slip mine into his, and he goes deathly still. "I think that's exactly what I need, thank you."

I look up at him and wonder—not for the first time—if he'd introduced me to this guy first, maybe I would have considered staying.

Too late to know for sure now. I let go of his hand and get to my feet. I look down at my denim skirt, tank top, and flip-flops, and then at his suit. "Should I change?"

His eyes move up my bare legs before he sits up and drags his hand up the same path. He stops once he reaches the hem of my skirt and lifts it until it only just covers my underwear. He presses a kiss to the top of my thigh. Then he stands.

"No, I like you in this. I need to get changed, though. Why don't you grab what you need, and I'll meet you out front in five?"

I nod and step away, but he yanks me into his arms and kisses me dumb.

The last few days have been so different from what I'm used to with him. There's been a lot of kissing and handholding. He's been working late, so I'm usually in bed before he comes home, but I wake up in his arms each morning.

I don't know when I stopped feeling like he was holding me prisoner and started feeling like he was keeping me safe. It snuck up on me out of nowhere and left me more confused than when he loses his temper.

Anger, I understand. But this… This is something else. Not even me and Abbot had this. It feels, dare I say it, effortless. But part of me can't help but wonder if it's a lie.

When he pulls away, he looks down at me with something in his eyes I can't quite read. But it's gone before I can dwell on it, so I leave him to get changed while I shove a few things into a tote bag. With no destination in mind, I throw in some snacks and a couple of bottles of water. And I add my birthday present from Hudson, the kindle I reluctantly unwrapped and squealed over. Not that I'd ever tell my husband that.

Nope. Still feels weird calling him that.

I pull my hair up into a ponytail and pull a ball cap on, knowing it will be a tangled mess otherwise.

"Shades," I mumble to myself, trying to remember where I left them, then picturing them on the dash in Abbot's car.

Letting out a sad sigh, I sit on the front steps. I put my bag near my feet, type out a message for Abbot, and send it.

I'm sorry. I love you. Please let me know you're okay.

As much as I'd love to tell him the truth, I can't. Not only will it pit him against Hudson, a man Abbot doesn't stand a chance against if things get ugly, but he'll also refuse to move on with his life. Then all of this would have been for nothing.

Maybe I should leave it alone. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. My intentions might have been good, but aren't they always? They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions…

I shake my head, refusing to think about it anymore today. There isn't anything I can do about it until I talk to him, anyway.

My cell phone chimes in my hand, and I jump to answer, relieved that he's finally replying, when I realize it's from a number I don't recognize.

I swipe to open it and grin despite of my disappointment that it's not Abbot.

Hi Starling. It's Kate. I just wanted to let you know the police came and took my stepdad away.

Me and mom talked some more, and we cried, and it was good but hard. I feel guilty that I wrecked her world. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for everything and ask if you were coming back to the center for a meeting. I guess it just feels easier to talk when you're there.

Sorry that was a lot. Anyway, text me back, okay?

I bite my lip, wondering how to handle this. I feel a little out of my depth, but I won't bail on her. I haven't done much with my life—I've just been surviving—but I know I can help her. I know what she's going through, and if she keeps blaming herself, it's only going to mess her up more. I picture her taking a razor to her wrist and hurry to type back.

I'm so proud of you and your mom. I need you to hear what I'm about to say…

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT.

You didn't wreck anyone's life. If you ask your mom, she's probably blaming herself for bringing him into your life. The only person to blame is him!

And you want to know a secret? The best way to get your revenge is living a full and happy life.

Your smile is the biggest fuck you.

I won't mention going to another session just yet because I don't know when I'll be able to.

She sends me back a bunch of smiling and heart GIFs, making me grin.

Yeah, she's going to be okay.

The last GIF is of a little girl who looks all sweet and innocent, smiling with her middle finger up.

It makes me think of the nursery rhyme— sugar and spice and everything nice . It's easy to put girls into categories like sweet, pretty, and nice, but in my experience, girls are so much more than that. Of course, we can be all those things. But push us, and you'll find we're also full of fire and ice and resilience and fierce determination when needed.

I turn at the sound of the door opening behind me and stand when Hudson steps out in a pair of olive-green cargo shorts and a plain white T-shirt. There's a flutter somewhere way lower than my stomach that I ignore, but there's no denying that Hudson Peters is very fucking hot. In a suit, he screams badass. But dressed like this, he looks so laid-back it almost throws me off guard.

"You ready?"

I slip my phone into my bag and nod. "Yeah. Let's go have some fun."

He opens the car door for me and helps me in before walking around to the driver's side. I fasten my seat belt and place my bag on my lap while I wait.

When he gets in, he puts the top down and slides on a pair of aviators. I cough to clear my throat. Holy fuck.

"You're in charge of the music," he reminds me.

"Right. Any requests?"

"Just put on whatever you want."

I grin evilly and start with some bubblegum pop. But after three songs, I'm ready to rip my ears off, so I switch it to some old-school rap.

He raises an eyebrow. "Tupac? I wouldn't have pegged you as a rap lover."

"I love music in general, everything from Tupac to Taylor Swift. I don't see why liking one should stop me from liking the other. Both are lyrical geniuses."

I lean back and close my eyes as the wind blows across my face, rapping along with the lyrics to Pain .

I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe for him to ask me a bunch of questions, or maybe question me about Abbot or my past. But he doesn't. He just drives and sings along to the songs he knows, laughing and smiling with me like we don't have a care in the world.

Somehow, in all the chaos, he's created a bubble for us to exist in. Although I know it won't last forever, I can't deny that right now, it's exactly what I need.

When we take a hard left onto a dirt road, I look at him warily. "This isn't the part where you murder me and dump my body, is it?"

"If I wanted to murder you, I would have already done it and gotten rid of your body by now."

I pause. That answer was delivered a little too easily. "You don't dress up in your dead mom's clothes, do you?"

He frowns. "What the fuck? Of course not."

"You're not planning on asking me to put lotion on my skin?"

"Well, only if it's really sunny out. I don't want you to burn."

"Riiight."

We pull up to the edge of a cliff. The view is incredible, and below us is a crystal-clear lake.

"Wait, this place isn't called Camp Crystal Lake, is it?"

"Did you bang your head or something?"

I narrow my eyes but give him the benefit of the doubt… for now.

"You're a little insane, you know that, right?"

"People keep telling me that, but I only bought the pink sparkly straight jacket because it matched my shoes."

He shakes his head, smiling, before getting out and walking around to open my door. "Leave your bag under the seat. I'll run back for it when you want it."

"Okay." It saves me from carrying it around.

He helps me out and takes my hand once he closes the door. "Come on. I want to show you something." He walks me over to a set of man-made steps, which lead down to the lake and the sandy area surrounding it.

"It's pretty here."

"I'd say that's why it's such a popular make-out spot, but they don't come here for the view."

I chuckle. "Here I thought you were going to off me, but it's you who's really hoping to get off. It's all about context, I guess."

He pauses, looks back at me, and winks.

I almost stumble when I realize we're flirting with each other. Or, more surprisingly, I'm flirting with him. Did I just walk into the Bermuda Triangle? Maybe I did bang my head. When the hell did I let my guard down enough to start flirting?

I try not to dwell on it. Catching feelings for Hudson was never part of the plan and would make me a bigger idiot than I already am.

Looking around, I see other people enjoying the sun. Some are swimming, others are sunbathing. A few are floating along on giant inflatables.

I imagine what it must be like to do this with a girlfriend, laughing at the boys showing off and getting us wet while secretly loving the attention.

I could easily see Claire and her clique doing just that. Having girlfriends is a huge thing I missed out on. I might not be the most approachable person, but I know my lack of female friends is largely because people are afraid of Claire and her crew. Some people might empathize with me, but no one's willing to cross her to hang out with me. Most of these people have gone to school together since kindergarten. I'm just the new girl who came in and started dating the hottest guy in school.

If they knew the truth, it would blow their minds.

Hudson takes me around the back of the steps, toward a waterfall that has me sucking in a sharp breath. I never thought I'd see anything as beautiful as this in my lifetime. Then I think of Kate and her mother that day in the ice cream shop and realize that's not true. I have seen beauty before. It's just not always easy to recognize, especially when it emerges from darkness.

"I thought you might like it here," he says, clearly proud of himself.

"I didn't even know this was here," I admit, feeling a little awestruck. I swallow the lump in my throat, overwhelmed.

He pulls me into his arms and holds me as I take it all in.

"How about a swim?"

"I didn't bring a swimsuit."

"Just go in your underwear. It's not any different than wearing a bikini, and there's no one close enough to care anyway."

I look around and see he's right. Everyone's too wrapped up in their own lives to notice us.

Still, I bite my lip and whisper the truth, "I can't swim."

He blinks, then reaches down and grabs the hem of my tank top. "Then I'll teach you. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you."

He drops my top to the ground, then undoes the button on my skirt before sliding it down over my hips. He steps back and rakes his eyes over my body. The way he looks at me makes me feel like I'm standing in something lacey from La Perla, not a mismatched cotton set from Walmart.

I have pretty lingerie Hudson bought for me. But I told myself that if I didn't wear them, I wouldn't be encouraging him. Looking at him now, I don't think even a pair of granny panties would stop him.

He pulls off his own top, making my heart race. I don't know what he does to stay in shape, but it freaking works. The man looks like one of those statues carved from stone, only with a much bigger dick.

His shorts are next, leaving him in just his boxers, which do nothing to hide how hard he is.

My eyes widen in surprise, but he just takes my hand and leads me into the water.

"Ignore it. I'm always hard around you."

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to ignore it," I mutter, tightening my grip on his hand as we get deeper.

I shiver; the water far colder than I thought.

"First lesson." He tugs me into his arms, and I automatically wrap my legs around his hips, his hard cock now nestled between us.

"Relax," he whispers.

"This is not the way to get me to relax," I moan.

With my arms wrapped around his neck, he reaches down and hooks my underwear with his finger, pulling it aside as he pushes his boxers down and glides his cock between my legs, bumping my clit.

"Fuck it." He spins and pulls me onto his back, making me squeal as he swims toward the waterfall.

I hold on for dear life as he breaks through the curtain of water to the cave-like area behind it.

"Oh wow," I gasp as he lifts me and sits me on a stone ledge. "It's stunning."

"I know," he replies, but when I look at him, his eyes are on me.

"Hudson," I breathe, feeling myself blush.

His hand slides into my hair. "You are spectacular."

Hitching my legs up, he makes me hold them as he tugs my panties aside again. This time, though, instead of teasing me with his cock, he teases me with his mouth.

My head falls back at the first lick. The heat of his tongue over my cold, sensitive flesh sends a ripple of pleasure over me, making my toes curl.

"Fuck, you taste like heaven," he groans as he slides his tongue inside me and fucks me with it.

He reaches up, his fingers stroking my clit. I tighten my grip on my thighs, feeling them start to shake. I don't know how much longer I can hold this position.

When he thrusts two fingers inside me, I moan loudly, and he starts sucking my clit, making me see stars. His fingers thrust in and out of my pussy at a leisurely pace, bringing me close to the edge before he eases off.

I snarl, wanting to grab his hair and hold him to me, but I can't let go of my legs. He presses a kiss to the inside of my thigh, making me freeze when his lips skim over my scars.

He looks up at me, and I can see the understanding in his eyes. He knows exactly what these scars are from.

"Never again, Starling. Nobody is allowed to hurt you. Not even you."

And just like that, a crack appears in the wall wrapped around my heart.