Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Starling

I freeze. No, he wouldn't.

But he would, and he is.

I grab his hand and try to shove it away, but there isn't much space for me to move, and he's so much stronger than me. "Hudson, stop," I hiss.

But he doesn't. Instead, he reaches down, grabs both my hands, and raises them to the handle above us. I have to stand on tiptoes to reach, which leaves me off balance.

His lips press against my ear. "Don't let go."

His hands move, and for a second, no part of him is touching me. I tell myself to scream, but what will it achieve? How can I expect someone to rescue me from this monster when I'll end up home with him later?

A soft snick sounds behind me before I feel something cool and sharp against my inner thigh. "If you scream, I'll hurt you. If you fight me, I'll hurt you." He bites my ear as my breathing stutters. "If you signal anyone for help, I'll cut their tongues out before you can even say my name."

I whimper as fear makes my blood run cold.

He glides the knife up to the edge of my panties and cuts through them like they were made of butter. He moves to do the other side, all the while hidden from view by my skirt.

Once he's cut the material from my body, he pulls it free. With his face next to my ear, he holds my ruined panties to his nose and inhales. I feel my legs shake as I tense, ready to throw myself against people to get them to move if that's what it takes. He must expect that because his arm bands around my waist.

"No, I don't think so, Birdie. You wanted to ride the train, so that's what we're going to do."

My breathing comes in short, sharp pants, as riding the train takes on a whole new meaning.

"Stop," I whisper, knowing he can hear me.

"No, I don't think I will."

He slips his free hand under my skirt and drags his rough fingertips up my thigh to my pussy. He strokes it gently for a moment, making me shiver, before he sinks a thick finger inside me. I gasp, making him chuckle.

"Careful, Birdie, you wouldn't want anyone to notice us, would you?"

I bite down on my lip as another finger joins the first, and he starts thrusting them in and out of me. Gripping the handle for dear life, I keep my eyes focused forward, hoping not to give anything away. Mortification presses against me, warring with the burning need Hudson evokes inside me.

I hear the sound of his zipper lowering before the thundering in my ears drowns out everything else. He kicks my legs apart a little more, making me panic. I can barely reach the handle as it is.

He lifts me a bit with the arm around my waist before I feel him bend his legs and position himself at my entrance. I shake my head, but he ignores my silent protests and surges inside me. My feet leave the floor with the force, his arm around me the only thing stopping me from slamming into the person in front of me. His control of me is complete, as he uses me as a cock sleeve to prove his point.

I feel a tear slip free despite my best effort to hold it back. My arms tremble with exhaustion from holding myself up as he fucks me brutally. I'm not sure he cares anymore if anyone sees us.

And God, what would they think if they turned around now and saw a young woman with tears running down her face as she's fucked savagely from behind by a man twice her age? Would they see my fear and help me? Or would they sense my conflict, mistake my red cheeks for arousal instead of embarrassment, and hear the sound of my slick pussy taking his cock as consent? Would they turn away in disgust if they thought I wanted this, or would they roll their eyes and edge away, leaving me to his devices? Maybe there would be a few who watched, aroused by the carnal taboo. If I'm on display, they have the right to look, don't they? Does that mean they can touch me, too? Would that result in an orgy?

My dark thoughts rush through my head, my need to come matched only by my need to scream at the top of my lungs.

"That's it, Birdie. I can feel you strangling my cock like a good girl. You want to come, don't you? You want to coat my cock and show all these motherfuckers who you belong to?"

"No, I don't. Please, Hudson," I choke out in a whisper, even though a voice in the back of my head calls me a liar.

"Naughty girl. You should know better than to lie to me."

He picks up his pace, my whole-body aching under his attack. His teeth latch onto the skin of my neck a moment before I feel him throb inside me and fill me with his cum. He reaches up and pulls my hands free from the handle, easing my weight down until his cock is so far up inside me that I feel my stomach cramp.

"One day, I'm going to fill you and plug you up afterward. And I'll keep doing it until you're carrying my baby," he growls as he reaches around and pinches my clit hard.

He's not thrusting anymore, but he doesn't need to. The feel of his thick cock stretching me in ways I've never been before, combined with the bit of pain, is enough to push me over the edge.

I bite down on my lip, drawing blood, but I hold back my screams as I come so hard I black out.

When I come back to myself, I'm standing back on my feet, Hudson keeping me steady with an arm around my chest as he leans me back into him.

As the train slows down, the guy in front of me turns around, his eyes moving over me, then shifting to Hudson before looking away. If he had turned only moments earlier, he would have seen me getting railed by my best friend's dad. Now, Hudson looks like he could be my dad, holding on to me so I don't fall over in the rush.

I almost want to laugh, but I'm scared it would come out more like a sob.

"His dick is rock-hard right now. You have no fucking clue how much he wishes he was me."

I fold my arms over my chest and look away from the guy shoving his way to the exit, letting me know he heard Hudson and could sense the simmering anger in his voice. There's no missing the air of I will fuck you up and do it smiling vibe Hudson is throwing out.

The smartest thing he did was run. I only wish I could have run too.

When the train comes to a stop, I turn around and look up at Hudson. I let him see how much I loathe him and how much he made me loathe myself. And if he thought he was making any headway with me, he was out of his fucking mind.

He swipes his thumb across my cheek, stealing another tear for his collection. "No more trains. I'll pick you up on the days Abbot has football, and if I can't, I'll arrange for a driver to come get you."

I don't say anything. It doesn't matter if I agree or not. He'll pick me up, and if I'm not there, he'll punish me. If this little stunt is anything to go by, I am seriously unqualified to go head-to-head with him.

"Come on, let's go." He urges me to turn around, and then, with his hands on my hips, he guides me through the crowd to the door.

We step out onto the platform, and he moves beside me, taking my hand and leading as usual. We move through the sea of people, and I wonder if anyone here even sees me. If I showed up tomorrow on the missing persons poster, would anyone here remember that they saw the girl with a sad face and haunted eyes being dragged through the station?

I close my eyes for a second, feeling something similar to grief gnawing inside me. I spent most of my time at school wishing I was invisible, but it's true what they say about the grass not being greener on the other side.

After finally stepping outside, I'm surprised when Hudson leads me into a nearby coffee shop. He picks a booth in the corner and waits for me to sit before walking over to the counter.

I lean back and stare out the window, the beautiful day at odds with the violent storm raging inside me. I try to squeeze everything I'm feeling into a tiny ball, but it fights me every step of the way. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to contain the dark ugliness inside me.

I jump when Hudson places a mug of hot chocolate in front of me, followed by a blueberry muffin. Staring at the muffin, I get the strangest urge to cry again.

I look up at Hudson as he slides into the seat across from me, trying to figure him out. One second, he's buying me a new wardrobe, a birthday cake and Chinese food. And the next, he's blackmailing me, using my body as his own personal playground. And then he's back to being sweet and caring again. He knows every time he touches me, there's a chance Abbot will find out. Abbot's the last person I have. If this comes out, and it will—it always does—I'll lose him. Hudson has no idea. Or he does and just doesn't care. But if I lose Abbot, I lose me. He's the only reason I've been holding on. If I manage to break free from Hudson's hold after he's left his mark on me and I find myself alone, I might as well give up.

People who fight have reasons to. People who hold on have something to cling to. I'm not that person. The universe has been telling me for years that I don't belong here, so why the fuck don't I just listen to her for once?

"Starling?"

I realize I zoned out while staring at him. I shake it off and pick up my mug so I have something to do with my hands instead of choking him. I take a sip and place the mug back down, wrapping my hands around the porcelain, hoping the heat will warm me up.

"Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

He frowns. "You understand why I did that, right?"

"Of course. To prove you have all the power here. You're big and strong, and I'm nothing." I stare into the mug as he gets up and moves to sit beside me.

His fingers slide under my chin, gently tilting it up to look at him. "You are not nothing. You're everything. How can you not see that?"

I stare at him for a moment before I burst into laughter. I laugh until my breath catches in my throat, and my laughter turns to tears.

He curses and tugs me into his chest. I struggle against him, pounding on his chest until my fists hurt, and I'm drowning in tears.

He doesn't stop me. He lets me release everything. When I finally exhaust myself, he pulls me closer, tucks my head under his chin, and holds me tighter. I know one day I'll look back at this moment as a pivotal one.

When I'm not so blinded by my anger and hurt, when the blinders are off and the handsome face murmuring words of comfort no longer hides the devil that lives within, I'll know.

I'll know it was here that I realized I wouldn't survive him.

It wouldn't matter how much I begged or pleaded. This man would be the one to put me together a thousand times, only to tear me apart again. He didn't want to heal me. He wanted to watch me die, to see how far he could go before I was too far gone to save.

What do I do with that? The knowledge doesn't stop the blow from landing. Knowing the risks doesn't stop fear from spreading through me like poison.

Everyone I've ever met has treated me like I didn't matter. Hudson looks at me like I might be worth saving. But he's nobody's hero, especially not mine.

I pull back to put some distance between us, and for once, he lets me. But he doesn't return to his seat on the other side of the booth.

"Believe it or not, I don't want to hurt you. Everything I do is for a reason. Think of it as a lesson. My world isn't an easy one. You need to know what to expect."

I shake my head and reach for the muffin, picking at it without taking a bite.

"I think I know what to expect, Hudson. It's running down my leg, after all. Just do me a favor. Stop pretending like any of this has anything to do with me. This is all about you.

"I'm some shiny toy you want to play with. Well, news flash, Hudson. I'm not so fucking shiny, and honestly, I'm tired of being someone's plaything. I just want to be left alone. I want to keep my head down, work hard, and then I'll be gone," I whisper the last part.

"Gone? Gone where?"

"Anywhere," I answer wistfully. "Don't you get it? You can bend me to your will, force my body to respond to yours, treat me like a lady, and fuck me like a whore. But I still want to be anywhere but here. Because here, everyone wants a piece of me—you, Abbot, and the kids at school. When I'm gone, people will forget about me, and for once, I might actually be able to keep all my pieces to myself."