Chapter 15

Patrick hated how he"d hurt Michaela. He hadn"t wanted to be harsh, but the pull to take her in his arms and escape his inner turmoil was too much. He couldn"t keep doing that and also figure out his life. So, he"d been cruel, and he hated himself for it.

He sank down on the edge of the bed, burying his head in his hands. When had he become so heartless? Michaela had been nothing but kind and understanding, offering him a refuge from the chaos of his life. And how had he repaid her? By pushing her away, lashing out when all she"d wanted was to help.

He cursed himself for his cowardice, for not having the strength to face his own demons. Michaela deserved so much better than his cold indifference. But he couldn"t afford the distraction, not when he was teetering on the edge of a breakdown.

With a heavy sigh, Patrick lifted his head, his gaze drawn to the open window and the serene beauty of the lake beyond. He felt a pull there as well. To the tranquility. The peace. The raw beauty. For a moment, he had a glimpse of letting this place be his salvation. Fishing with Tate. Helping Mr. Kincaid with upkeep. Eating Mrs. Kincaid's delicious meals. Losing himself in Michaela's beautiful smile and sexy body. But as quickly as the thought came, he pushed it away. He doesn't fit in here. That was made painfully clear today four-wheeling. His life was in New York. He'd felt capable. Successful. Accomplished. He had to get that back, hopefully on his own terms. Sure, his life in New York didn't have the passion and adventure he found here, but it was comfortable.

Dr. Patrick Andresawoke this morning, as he had the last several mornings, with a start, the dreams of Michaela still vivid in his mind. Michaela smiling and laughing as they splashed in the lake. Michaela rising over him, taking him for the sweetest ride to pleasure. He didn't deserve these dreams. Perhaps they were so sweet, so sexy as punishment for his heinous behavior. Behavior he knew he should apologize for but hadn't found the courage to do so without also begging for more. More that he couldn't ask for.

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, letting out a heavy sigh. The tranquility of the cabin had become a double-edged sword. It provided the solace he craved, but it also amplified his longing for Michaela"s vibrant presence.

Begrudgingly, Patrick acknowledged the pull he felt towards her. He had come here to find clarity, to sort through the turmoil in his life, yet Michaela had become a persistent distraction. Shaking his head, he rose from the bed, determined to regain his focus.

As he'd done the last few days, he showered and dressed, made breakfast of coffee and toast, and then…well…mostly he hung around doing nothing. He occasionally went for a walk. He tried fishing but gave up when the fish kept stealing his worms. More than once, he left his cabin to seek out Michaela, but chickened out. The only time he'd seen her, she'd been heading to a cabin with a toolbox. His chest ached at the sight of her.

A few times he'd gone for a walk, he returned to find fresh towels and sheets, and food stocked in his kitchen. Michaela had brought them he was sure because he could smell her sweet scent lingering in the cabin.

This morning, Patrick stepped outside, spotting Tate meandering towards his cabin. The boy"s arrival piqued his interest, and Patrick found himself eager to check in on him. Before Tate could approach, Michaela"s voice carried through the distance.

"Tate, leave Dr. Andres be." Her tone was kind but firm. "He needs his space right now."

Patrick paused, watching as Tate obediently turned and headed back towards the main lodge.

Michaela"s words stung, even though it was his fault she said them. The raw realness of their connection was firmly in the past. What could have been if he hadn't accused her of being a gold digger? Maybe nothing. Her ease in dismissing him proved that it had been nothing more than a fleeting fling, just as they'd agreed to.

He watched her bustle about the grounds, her vibrant presence a stark contrast to the growing emptiness within him. Although he had insisted on maintaining distance, the hollow ache in his chest only intensified with each passing day.

He was an idiot, feeling foolish for the longing he harbored. Michaela moved on, and he needed to do the same. Retreating into the cabin, he tried to push aside the disappointment that threatened to consume him. He had come here to find answers, not to be distracted by the allure of a woman he could never truly have.

It was time to find himself. He hadn't been successful the last few days, but he wasn't a quitter. Patrick poured another cup of coffee pondering his options for the day. He could go for a hike. Fish. Swim. He was considering leaving the resort to visit antique shops when his phone rang.

Seeing Sydney's number felt like a lifeline.

"Hey, stranger," she said when he answered. "How about lunch? I've got the afternoon off."

Patrick felt a surge of relief at the invitation. He would look like such a dope hanging around with no clue as to what to do. "When and where would you like to meet?"

She gave him a restaurant in Charlotte Taver, a quaint town at the base of the mountain. He was eager to escape the confines of the cabin, even if just for a brief respite.

Patrick steppedinto the restaurant in Charlotte Tavern, his eyes scanning the tables until he spotted Sydney waving him over. As he approached, he noted the happiness and peace that always exuded from her since she and Mitch reconciled. Seeing them had taught him that real love existed, something he'd long ago given up on. He'd met women he'd respected and enjoyed being around, but none evoked the passion he saw between Sydney and Mitch. Except for Michaela.

"Patrick, it"s so good to see you!" Sydney greeted him warmly, standing to give him a hug.

"You act like it's been years." He returned her hug and then helped her to her seat. He sat across from her.

"I love that you're so close. You know…Charlotte Tavern could use a good psychiatrist."

He held his hand up. "I think it's clear I'm not suited to the country."

She made a face. "Not everyone has to mud bog or four-wheel or whatever you were doing."

"It should be an Olympic sport. Mitch could take home the gold."

She laughed. "I'm glad you see you in good spirits. I was worried about you the other day. I haven't seen you like that in a while."

Was it noticeable? "Like what?" He feigned not knowing what she was talking about.

"Like you lost your best friend. Like you didn't know which way was up."

"Maybe you should have been a shrink."

She put her hand over his. "You know, I love you, right? All I want is for you to be happy."

"I'm happy."

She arched a brow.

"Enough."

"That's not good enough. When were you last happy? I mean really happy?"

The hike in the rain and making love to Michaela while a storm electrified the world. "I don't know. But I'm not unhappy. Just because I'm not married with a kid and one in the oven doesn't mean I'm not happy."

She pursed her lips at him. "I know you. You could be happier."

Their server arrived and Patrick was grateful for the interruption. He ordered a brisket sandwich while Sydney ordered the pulled pork sandwich.

"So, how are you enjoying your time at the Kincaid resort?" she asked once their server left.

The question felt loaded. Did she know something or was it Patrick's guilt that made it feel like that? "It"s been...an adventure for sure."

Sydney"s brow furrowed with concern. "Is everything okay?

He knew he wouldn't be able to hide his challenges from Sydney. She was an astute insightful woman. That didn't mean he had to give her all the nitty gritty details, but he knew he needed to say something.

"I thought I needed this time away, but I"m not any closer to finding the answers I"m looking for. This was a good idea and I appreciate you're giving it to me, but I'm as lost as I was before." More even when he thought about Michaela.

"It's not the location so much as you, Patrick. The location is quiet to give you time to think. You still have to sort through what you want. Do you want to go back to forensic psychology?"

Not long ago, he would have said yes. Oddly, he realized, he wasn't so sure. Of course, that wasn't an option. His only way forward in a career was through his family by taking the helm of his families' company.

"I don't know."

"Micki said you'd been helpful to Tate. Have you considered setting up a therapeutic practice?"

He shook his head. "My mother is the child psychiatrist in the family?—"

"So. There's no rule?—"

"I'm not following my mother's footsteps." Patrick didn't want to be compared to her or to have her input…opinion. It was going to be bad enough in running the company. Again, he was thinking in terms of that question being solved. So why was he turning himself inside out trying to find a solution that wasn't there?

Their food arrived, and they fell into a comfortable silence as they ate. It got to the point of awkward, so Patrick asked about Mitch and his family.

"His sister, Lexie is doing great. She and Drake are going strong. I wouldn't be surprised if more kids were in the works for them."

Patrick thought of Drake, one of the heirs to the Carmichael Corporation. The business was worldwide with headquarters in New York City. Yet Drake lived and worked in Charlotte Tavern.

"Their parents are doing great. Rumor is they have sex during his lunch break."

Patrick nearly spit out the water he was sipping. "Why would you know that?"

"It's sweet, isn't it? I hope Mitch and I are having s?—"

"I really don't want to hear about your sex life."

She laughed. "Maybe that's your problem. There's nothing like a good, physical sexual encounter to release tension."

Didn't he know it? Each time he'd been with Michaela, he'd ended up feeling loose and relaxed. "I'm not talking about my sex life with you either."

"Chelsae and Jagger are doing great too. They've finally finished restoring their home. It's been in her family for over a hundred years. Think of the legacy of growing up in a home your great-great grandparents grew up in."

Jagger had been a New York playboy reformed by raising his young ward and the love of a good woman, to hear Sydney tell it. He was another who left New York to live in Charlotte Tavern. Was that even feasible, Patrick wondered. No. Not in his situation.

Sydney watched him for a moment. "You don't want to follow in your mother's footsteps, but I know you're being pressured to run the business. It is a solution."

Dr. Patrick Andres shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He couldn"t deny the pull he felt towards the family business, the weight of his parents" expectations bearing down on him.

"It"s not that simple, Syd," he said, his tone guarded. "My parents have been pressuring me for years to take over the company. But that"s never been what I wanted."

He paused, his gaze drifting to the window as he gathered his thoughts. "I worked so hard to carve out my own path, to make a name for myself. And now, with everything that"s happened with Julia..." His voice trailed off, the guilt and shame he felt still raw.

Sydney reached across the table, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "I know, Patrick. But don"t you think it"s time to stop punishing yourself? Your sister"s actions weren"t your fault."

He noted how she wouldn't say Julia's name. "I, of all people, should have seen the signs."

"I'm a doctor and didn't see them."

"No offense, but you're an OBGYN. It's quite the same."

She shook her head. "You're not a mind-reader. You"re human, just like the rest of us. You don't owe her or your parents anything. The person you owe is yourself. I hate that you seem to be determined to punish yourself forever. You need to forgive yourself for whatever you blame yourself for."

Patrick fell silent, his gaze fixed on the tabletop. He wanted to believe her, to absolve himself of the guilt that had been weighing him down. But the truth was, he couldn"t shake the feeling that he had failed his sister, and that failure had cost him dearly. It had nearly cost Mitch, the love of Sydney's life, his life.

"I don't have a career anymore. I've failed Julia so I don't have her. All I have is my parents and their belief and desire that I run the business.

Sydney"s eyes softened with understanding. "But is it what you really want, Patrick? Or are you just doing what is expected of you?"

The question hung in the air, and Patrick felt the weight of it pressing down on him. He thought of Michaela, the vibrant, passionate woman who had captured his heart, and a pang of regret shot through him. Could they have had something real if he had just allowed himself to let go? How? With his career in shambles and his family duty looming, he didn"t see how he could ever pursue a relationship with her. Not unless she came to New York, and he knew that wouldn't happen. It shouldn't happen. Her home, her life, her very soul belonged at Kincaid Lake.

"I don"t know what I want." His voice was laced with frustration. "I can't even figure out what I want."

Sydney's eyes softened into sympathy. "You know I'm here for you, Patrick. Whatever you decide, I"ll support you."

Patrick managed a grateful smile, his heart heavy with the weight of his decisions. As he and Sydney finished their meal, he came to the conclusion that the source of his inner conflict was the idea that maybe there could something else for him. He was fighting what he knew he needed to do; take over the business. Maybe it was time to let go and accept his future wasn't the path he wanted but was the one that he could follow.

As lunch ended, he paid the tab.

"By the way, we'll be at the Fourth of July event at the lake," Sydney said as they walked out of the restaurant into the humid mid-June day. "It's always a great event they put on. People who stay at the lake are there, but locals attend as well."

"Sounds fun." He wondered if he'd be invited. By this point, he'd alienated all his hosts.

She gave him a hug. "You think too much, Patrick. For once, listen to your heart. Go with your gut."

He gave her a wan smile. "Take care, Syd."

The drive back to the resort was a quiet one, but Patrick"s mind was anything but. He had decided, or in reality, accepted that he would join the family business. It wasn"t his life"s passion, but it was a path where he could do meaningful work, helping people with mental health issues. In fact, he could develop programs that offered support beyond simply treating with medication. There was so much research that could still be done. He could expand the grant program. He could make it work.

With that weight lifted, there was a sense of lightness. It wasn't satisfaction, but the decision freed up space in his mind. Space he could use for something else for the next few weeks before stepping into his destiny. Michaela. She came to his mind as the perfect way to celebrate his last few weeks of freedom. To help him enjoy and savor life. To distract him from the coming career he'd give his life to.

Of course, the odds of her helping him with that were next to nil. He'd hurt her deeply. He didn't deserve her forgiveness or a second chance at a summer fling. But that didn't stop him from knowing that he needed to apologize and make amends. Perhaps there was something he could do to help with the Fourth of July preparations.

As he pulled up to the resort, Patrick took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. He needed to find Michaela to apologize and to let her know that he valued her and the connection they had shared, even if he couldn"t fully embrace it.

Stepping out of his car, Patrick scanned the grounds, searching for any sign of Michaela. He spotted her on the roof. As he approached, he smiled, remembering finding her there on the day he arrived. It was a déjà vu. A second chance to get it right.