1. Izzy

Chapter 1

Izzy

Over Ten Years Ago

S hock. Denial. Anger .

I shot at a man. I was almost raped. By my teacher.

Emilio Castillo saved me? With a gun ? What the fuck?

And now I was shoved into a room lined in velvet and darkened tones in what was essentially a mansion. On the second floor. Waiting for him.

Why am I not leaving?

I was a fucking idiot. That was the only excuse I had. I clutched the gun tighter to my chest; the safety was still off.

I heard the front door open and close downstairs, followed by footsteps.

I tensed, squaring my shoulders, unsure of what to expect.

Emilio burst into the room, searching for me. The shock from the door banging open caused me to squeeze. The gun went off, shooting into the wall to our left.

“Fuck Isa! Gun safety is important. Put the goddamn safety back on.” Emilio wasn’t an intimidating guy; he was a senior just like me. He was tall but lanky, and my guess was that I weighed more than he did. But his white shirt was sprayed with what was discernibly fresh blood .

“What happened?” I did my best to not let my voice break. “Isa? Do we know each other?” He looked vaguely familiar but not well enough for him to have a nickname for me.

Emilio followed my attention to his shirt, looking down, and his face shuttered. “An altercation, but everything is okay.” He completely ignored my last question as he pulled the same gun I had seen him holding before from behind him, gently setting it down on his dresser. “Are you okay?”

I wasn’t.

That one question deflated the last of my reserves. I put the safety back as he had shown me and set my gun down gently, mirroring him. As soon as it was out of my grip, Emilio surged forward and hauled me into his warm embrace.

He began stroking my back, and I became overtly aware that all I wore was his half-zipped jacket and a pair of leggings.

I was self-conscious. I was distraught.

I felt.

Raw .

A thousand painful prickles of what-ifs littered up and down my skin as I allowed myself to find solace in Emilio’s embrace.

“He tried to—” I couldn’t say it aloud. Speak it into existence. It would make it real. It would make me face the countless decisions I made that allowed that to happen to me.

“I know.” Emilio swept my hair back and wiped away the tears I didn’t realize were steadily pouring. He cupped my cheeks in his large hands. “I can see it in your face, but Isa? None of that was your fault. That man was— is —a predator.”

I stared up into Emilio’s caramel eyes and lost myself in the softness that swirled in their depths. There was evidence he wasn’t a good man, that even though he was my age, he had seen and done more than I hoped to ever, but I needed comfort. I needed something to fill me. Anything besides this pain. I almost lost my virginity to a horrible man.

Who better to give it to than a practical stranger?

Why not take back my control? I’m going to remember this night anyway, I might as well rewrite it the best I can.

Trauma did strange things to people.

“Fuck me,” I rasped out, staring unblinkingly up at him.

Emilio stiffened. “Isa, you don’t owe me anything. You don’t need to prove something. You just went through a horrible event and aren’t thinking clearly.”

Once more, self-consciousness gnashed its sharp teeth into my gut.

Other people’s words ricocheted in my head.

I had too many curves. I wasn’t a typical beauty. No one would ever love me.

I redirected my gaze to the room—the opulent space, the dark velvet colors, the two guns on the dresser, a window with the blinds pulled shut. I was on the second floor, but maybe I could make my escape through it?

Emilio squeezed my face with his large, sturdy hands, the pads of his thumbs stroking my cheeks gently. “Stop whatever is going through that beautiful mind of yours. I want you more than anything. But you just went through something traumatic, and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

Those were the words he said, but I felt his length stiffen against my belly, pressing into me.

His arousal ignited my own.

“Please?” With renewed confidence and just the right amount of bravery, I raised onto my tiptoes, stretching up and yanking him down.

I could tell I had shocked him, that he hadn’t expected it.

It was the only reason my move worked.

I smashed my lips to his .

He tasted metallic. Bitter. With a harsh bite.

I love it.

He was still for a moment, but then his soft lips moved against mine. His hands exploring.

One found my hair, tangling into it, pulling me closer.

The other to my ass, gripping it tightly, causing sparks of electricity to shoot directly to the heat furling in my belly.

I dove further into him, willing him to take away the pain that still flooded me, the uneasiness that wound so tight in my heart I could barely breathe. In this moment, I delivered everything I felt into the kiss, and he accepted it. He allowed me to seize control, to create this moment the way I needed to, to alter my first kiss.

If anyone asked? This would be it. My first sexual encounter.

He would be the permanent marker I used to black out Sebastian York.

The desire and pleasure I felt, the warmth of his hands as he held me to him, the way he let me dominate.

The odd feeling that this was where I belonged, the passion that engulfed my heart, the inferno threatening to light me on fire.

Emilio didn’t push back; he just allowed me to take. And take. And take. Our tongues danced an entire song before I separated breathlessly.

“Please?” I begged again.

Darkness shrouded Emilio’s face, but he jerked his head in a nod. “Yes, but I can’t promise you anything. My world isn’t safe for you.”

My attention again found the two guns, a testament to his warning. However, we were graduating in two weeks, and after the summer, I was determined to move away. This incident solidified that.

“Until the end of summer?” I asked, watching him carefully .

Unmistakable agony etched across Emilio’s face, his lips curving downwards into a frown, his forehead creasing, a wrinkle forming between his brow, but he nodded his agreement.

He untangled himself from me, stepping back, and his frown twisted to a confident smile. His hypnotizing eyes held mine while he shed his clothes. In a flash of motion, he ripped his crimson-stained white T-shirt off. While he was lanky and his face hadn’t lost all of its youth, it was easy to tell that he was unmistakably muscular. Especially shirtless. My hand advanced on its own accord, tracing the tattoo over his heart.

A burgundy moth.

His bulky hand covered mine, rough digits stroking my skin. “My sister’s favorite animal.” He cracked a slight wistful grin before dropping his grip on my hand, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake.

Before I could blink, he moved back and tore off his remaining clothes, completely distracting me from his tattoo.

His impressive cock bobbed up towards his stomach on full display and stole my attention.

Is this even a good idea?

I gulped, suddenly unsure, before moving my gaze upwards. Studying him.

There was clear, unmistakable interest—key in on his hard cock—even still, he wasn’t pushing me. He wasn’t trying to take anything from me. He was just observing me with a soft expression and a lopsided grin.

I expected to feel uneasy at the attention. At the similarity to Sebastian’s attention.

Except, Emilio wasn’t watching me as Sebastian had. When Sebastian was on top of me, I finally noticed what I had ignored before. The evil glint, the predatorial behavior, the manipulation. The signs had always been there, I’d just ignored them .

I felt in my gut that being with Emilio would be a safe encounter, but could I even trust that?

“We can stop, Isa. You don’t have to do this.” He shifted, picking up his clothes to put back on, and it pierced through my nerves.

Emilio wouldn’t hurt me. This was my choice.

“I do.” Have a choice.

He chuckled softly, dropping his shirt back to the ground and cocking an eyebrow.

I want to do this.

I needed to wipe away the memories of Seb—

My line of thought was cut off as Emilio moved back into my space.

“Then it’s your turn, my Bella Isa.”

There he went with that nickname.

He gently, gradually reached up, unzipping the borrowed jacket and letting it fall to the ground, allowing me plenty of time to shove him away.

I didn’t.

With the clothing discarded, my breasts were freed; the weight of which instantly pulled at my back.

I went to wrap my arms around my chest to cover the stretch marks painted there, but Emilio tapped them gently.

“I am going to fuck you, Isa, but first, you’re going to let me see you.”

“I—”

“We all have our imperfections sweet Isa, but what is an imperfection to some,” he paused to yank down my leggings, “is stunning beauty to another.”

I struggled a bit against my own self-consciousness, my cheeks flushing, embarrassment coursing through my veins .

“You are so beautiful. You would bring nations to their knees. Please never hide yourself from me. I want to see everything there is of you. Anything you are willing to offer. You are my Bella Isa.”

My face heated at his compliment. It felt sincere. I hadn’t received too many of those over the years—besides from Yara.

He pressed lightly against me, forcing me to step back until the backs of my knees hit the bed. Gently, he laid me back on it, my legs still firmly planted on the ground.

“Just like that, let me see you. Touch you. Taste you . And if you need me to stop, just tell me and I will.”

His words washed warmly across me.

In this room, with this man, there was no space for insecurity. Instead, I shut my eyes and allowed myself to fall into this moment.

Sturdy hands found my thighs, spreading my legs apart.

“Just like that, relax for me, Isa.” Rough fingers skirted along the apex of my thighs. “Guide me.”

With my eyes still closed, I extended my hand, placing one of his over my clit. I had never been touched by another person before like this, but I knew what I liked doing to myself.

“Please,” I murmured.

That was all he needed to start.

He began to work circles on the spot. At first, it didn’t feel good. It was too dry, and I voiced that to him. My skin heated at the awkwardness, but then he moved to my entrance stealing some of the wetness there before returning to my clit. He didn’t seem overly experienced, but his willingness to listen and do as I asked was making up for that.

“Like that,” I moaned out, arching off of the bed as he rubbed it.

He grunted. “Good, keep telling me what you like. What you want.”

I hummed my agreement .

“And then…” He slowly pushed a finger into me, just one.

The sudden intrusion was too much at first, and it startled me, but then I found myself bucking onto it. Wanting more.

“Curl it,” I commanded.

He chuckled, a deep, heady baritone, but did as I requested.

Pressing into a spot that I had used my own fingers on before. But with his? The feeling was ten-fold.

How could I go back to a stagnant level of pleasure after this? He was taking me higher than I had been before.

“You look fucking beautiful like this. Let me play with you a bit longer. I want to try something else too.” He removed the hand on my clit, and I wanted to protest, but then his wet hot mouth replaced it. Licking, biting, sucking.

He added another finger, and it slid easier than the first.

“Fuck!” I exhaled, my hands digging into the sheets below as I undulated up into him.

He was speedwalking me to a point that I had only been with my vibrators.

“Mmmm.” The noise from him was muffled as he continued his ministrations.

The pleasure made it hard to guide him now, but he didn’t need it, he was using my body to tell him what I needed. Every time I made a particularly loud moan, he would pull back, frustrating me again and again.

Eventually, after he brought me to the edge with his fingers and mouth for a third time, he removed them and lifted my legs over his shoulders.

I heard the sound of plastic tearing.

My eyes shot open to find him staring at me as he slid a condom into place. My face heated at his attention. I knew it would hurt, but even still, I was going to go through with this. I was more than halfway into the ride; I wouldn’t turn back now. I couldn't.

“Are you ready?” His soulful eyes sparked something profound inside me, and I was already regretting our agreement to separate. This man was an addiction I never wanted to kick.

“Fuck, please.” I was a needy mess; he had muddled my mind, electrified my body, and lit fire to my nerves. In the beginning, it had been awkward and uncomfortable, evidence that he wasn’t overly experienced. He hadn’t touched me the way that I wanted him to. But he had quickly picked up on my cues and followed my guidance. His willingness to learn was almost as addicting as his touch.

Why didn’t he find me first instead of Mr. York?

That thought was knocked firmly from my mind as he slowly began to push into my body, stretching me. I hissed past the searing pain, and he pitched forward, placing butterfly kisses across my face and neck.

“You are doing so well, just a bit more.” He reached down, rubbing my clit softly, and the stimulation allowed him to sink the rest of the way into my body.

I moaned out and began to enjoy riding the cusp of pain and pleasure.

Emilio rolled his hips softly and gently into me, and I could feel his adoration as he pulled me taut.

He kept the same soothing rhythm for a bit longer before he was satisfied I could handle more.

He bent over me. “Just a bit harder, you can take it, " he whispered into my ear, nibbling it.

The moving of his hips turned to hard snaps, and the tension that had already built boiled over; with one last pinch to my clit, I came with a whimper.

A few more thrusts, and he stilled as he filled me .

When he slowly pulled out from me, I immediately missed the feeling of him.

At the sight of blood, he shuddered. “Did I go too hard?” His eyes searched mine.

I shook my head. “I was a virgin,” I murmured, suddenly embarrassed again.

Emilio’s face did a one-eighty, turning as bright as it could, the dark confidence vanishing. “Me too.”

His words didn’t fully sink in until he returned, tugging me up.

“Let’s shower, the hot water should help the soreness.”

I let him lead me to it as his words sloshed around in my head. “You were a virgin, and you let some random girl take it?”

Emilio stepped into the shower, wrenching me in before turning his full attention to me. “You are not some random girl. You are everything that I have ever wanted, and I will spend the next few months showing you what it means to be loved by a guy like me. I will show you what you deserve. All I ask is that you never accept anything less.”

Emilio kept his promise until the end of summer, and I felt more loved than I thought possible. But I didn’t keep my promise. I continued to make horrible choices, always chasing the high of the man that I first gave myself to—body, heart, and soul.