29. Yara

Chapter 29

Yara

M y body was vibrating as Kazi carried me into the bathroom; he set me gently onto the ground.

“Do your business, I’ll be back in a moment.” He leaned over, turning the shower on before stepping outside the door. I could hear as he leaned against it.

It sounded like he and Mateo were whispering in hushed tones, but I couldn’t make out the words.

I turned to the toilet, gulping in air, swallowing it down. Mateo’s cum was the only flavor in my mouth.

I looked to where a mirror should be, above the sink, but it had been mysteriously missing when I was gifted this room to stay in.

My eyes moved to the bite marks on my wrists. Covering the scars that were left behind.

I shuddered, acutely aware of my nakedness, but for some reason, it wasn’t bothering me as it normally did.

I settled on the toilet, doing my business.

I may be an emotional wreck, but that didn’t mean I wanted to get a freaking UTI when all was said and done.

Flushing the toilet, I stepped into the now hot shower.

Only a moment later, Kazi opened the bathroom and joined me inside .

The scene caused a sense of déjà vu to roll down my spine. “I can’t get James out of my mind,” I admitted to Kazi watching his face carefully. It wasn’t fair how I felt, but I also wanted him to know.

He smiled wistfully down at me. “I wouldn’t have pegged him as your type.”

I lifted an eyebrow.

“Mateo showed me James’ pictures and if he’s Izzy’s dad, then well…” He tutted. “He’s a bit… older?” Kazi reached behind me, grabbing the shampoo and rubbing it in his hands before scrubbing it into my hair, his strong fingers digging therapeutically into my scalp.

I closed my eyes letting out an appreciative groan. “You and Mateo are older too, you’re in your mid-thirties, in case you haven’t forgotten. And Mateo… wait how old is he anyways?”

Kazi snorted. “He’s thirty-eight.” His fingers paused. “Miss Yara, it’s time. You need to tell me who your stalker is. I know you know. You’ve been keeping secrets.”

I stiffened and forced myself to calm down. “That’s rich.”

Kazi, noticing my tension, began massaging me again before gently pushing me under the water to rinse my hair out. “Please?” The word was barely audible over the shower’s spray.

My heart pounded uncomfortably in my chest, but he was right. He needed to know–this stalker wasn’t going away. Clearly. “Young love can be an idiotic thing. Stupid. Naive. You walk into a relationship with a heart that has never been broken. Innocent, willing to do anything to make the other person happy. It takes a while to realize the difference between love and abuse when you haven’t ever seen the difference. And some people get lucky, their love is pure, true . They find their person and they never have to experience that heartache.” I shivered in the steaming water, leaning forward and finally opening my eyes .

I found Kazi’s and used them for support. Strength.

“I wasn’t that person. I didn’t find love. I found a man looking for a pretty object. A precious angel.” I spit the words out angrily. But the rage was directed towards myself, for falling into his trap. “My senior year of high school, I fell into a relationship with a coworker at the restaurant I worked at. He was older, the manager there. I was finally healing from the scars of my childhood.”

I watched Kazi’s face; he was one of the few people that knew that I was adopted, but I had never gone into the details of why. That story would be for a different day. His lips flattened in a tight line and I offered him a soft smile as the water from the shower dripped into my eyes, down my cheeks, to the ground below. It was reminiscent of tears; except I couldn’t remember the last time I had shed any real ones.

“I ignored his advances for a while, but then he switched gears. He started to ask me about my day, my life. He seemed genuinely interested, like he was really trying to get to know me. Where I liked to hang out after school, my favorite hobbies, my friends. Except he was just trying to get as much information as he could to use it to get even closer to me.”

Kazi grabbed the soap, and I was appreciative of the distraction as he lathered my body with it. The rough pads of his fingers skirting across my sensitive skin.

“Finally, after months, I gave in and went on a date with him.” I stared at a stain on the shower’s tile wall. “I’d like to say he forced himself on me the first time.” The shape was reminiscent of a heart. I reached out, smudging it into something unrecognizable. Kazi’s hands made their way to my waist and stayed there. A comforting warmth. “But that would be a lie, sure he pushed me a bit, but at the end of it I said yes. And in his car, after that first date, is where I lost my virginity.”

I let out a dark laugh that was buried in the depths of my pain .

“How can you exactly explain the shame of agreeing to something you didn’t want? That when you are pushed and pushed, you finally give in because it’s easier than not to? How when you do give in, you realize the mistake that it was? That the man calls you a whore for it?”

“ Jagiya .” Kazi placed his head on my shoulder, his arms wrapping around me in a sturdy embrace. Even naked in the shower like this, I didn’t feel uncomfortable.

“After taking my virginity, he decided he wouldn’t stop there. He pressured me into a relationship. It wasn’t long before we were practically living together—he was in his twenties and had his own place that I would stay at more often than not—and at that point? I wasn’t sure how to escape. I was na?ve, I didn’t realize I could say no. That if I was in a relationship it didn’t mean I owed him my body whenever he wanted it. I wanted to ask my adopted parents for help, ask Izzy, but I didn’t want to be a burden. I was the idiot that fell into the trap, I needed to get myself out of it.”

“You were a child,” Kazi growled out.

I was shocked by the anger that flooded his tone, he was always the one that stayed calm, no matter what.

“I was eighteen.” I snorted sardonically.

“He’s right, you were a fucking child. Who the fuck is this pendejo ?” Mateo’s voice had me jerking my head in his direction.

He leaned against the bathroom door, fully naked, arms crossed over a broad chest.

I cast him a displeased look before turning back to the stain on the tile. It was a shapeless blob now.

“His name is Daniel. And he’s partially the reason I started this company, why I changed my last name, and who has been sending the letters. I was hoping he would give up, that he would lose interest, but it seems he’s the same asshole I met all those years ago.”

Darkest Desires formed in my head as I lived in embarrassment of losing my virginity. Why should anyone live in shame for their wants and needs? Trapped in the nuances of polite society. Maybe if I had known that having fivesomes while wrapped in rope and covered in honey was perfectly okay, I would have realized I could have just left Daniel after the first encounter. That there was nothing wrong with what I did. I didn’t need to stay with him just for the sake of the opinion of others.

I turned the water off, wiggling out of Kazi’s arms. I cast a glance over to Mateo. “Rain check on my ass? I think I need a nap.”

He didn’t respond for a moment, and I turned around to see that he was now furiously typing on a phone. I had zero idea where he pulled that from, considering he was still naked.

Kazi gently guided me out of the shower, wrapping me in a towel.

Mateo finally looked up, his face cast in sinister shadows, except it didn’t give me the heebie-jeebies. In fact, I found it oddly sexy .

Yeah, time to get on that medication as the therapist suggested.

“Sure thing, little bee, but I will be the first cock in that ass.”

“So, you did hear me?” I laughed, knocking into him with my shoulder.

He caught me by the wrist, tugging me to him, and wrapping me in his large arms. “You know that I will kill anyone that deigns to hurt you? That I am the villain in this story?”

“There you go saying cheesy one-liners again.” I crooked my neck to look him in the eyes. “I get the feeling you didn’t talk a lot before we met.”

Pain flickered through his eyes, his lips curling in a soft smile. “You’d be right. I hadn’t found anyone worth the words. I guess I’ll have to learn some new ones to impress you.”

My heart swelled, and my eyes heated in emotion. “Let’s all cuddle?” I asked the question, hesitantly, in a soft whisper .

Mateo smiled down, pressing a surprisingly soft kiss to my forehead. “Whatever you wish, little bee, but you’re going to be squeezed into the middle.”

Maybe even with the darkness that surrounded Mateo, the mystery that encapsulated Kazi, I would be okay.

Maybe they would be exactly what I needed.

Except James was still knocking at the back of my brain.

I would need to confront what had happened at some point, of our unreal connection.

But not yet.