27. Yara

Chapter 27

Yara

“ G o away!” I shouted through the door for the thousandth time.

I had been working from this room for the last three weeks, and I had barely left it other than to eat.

Three weeks of hiding away and not acknowledging the shit storm I was in the midst of.

I had delegated all tasks as necessary to our team and was doing the bare minimum for work.

I was still at Mateo’s “house.”

It was nicer on the inside than I had expected. The spare room he had given me came equipped with a bathroom and Kazi had been kind enough to stock me up with clothes.

Both of the men checked on me often, but I had decided I needed time to figure out what the fuck I was going to do. And I was self-aware enough to admit that I was a chicken shit and didn’t want to deal with my expanding feelings for the three men that had taken my life by storm.

Kazi, Mateo, James.

James . I had dreamed every night of his hands on my body, of the way he made me feel.

Of the fact that he was my best friend’s dad.

I was trying to gain the courage to call Izzy to let her know who I found. What I had done.

For the millionth time, I reached for my phone to call her .

What exactly would I say?

Hey, you know how your mom told you your dad was dead? How she kept you from the funeral? How she changed your last name? How she moved you across the country? How she met your step-dad and skipped off into the sunset?

Well, you know how weird we thought that was? Ha ha ha. Turns out your mom is a psycho bitch, and your dad is alive.

Oh, and I fucked him. A lot. And it might have been the best sex of my life. Just call me mommy, I’ll be better than yours, promise.

Izzy was an amazing friend, but even she wouldn’t be okay with this.

My phone’s vibrating pulled me out of my internal dialogue. I expected to see James calling…again.

But it was actually Izzy.

Trepidation sunk into my gut.

Fuck, fuck, fuck !

“Yara?” the quiet voice came from the phone.

Apparently in my turmoil I had accidentally answered.

“What’s up girl?” I put on my best bravado and cheery voice, pulling the phone up to my ear.

“I caught Harry.” Harry–her current bad decision, her boyfriend . Izzy’s voice was monotone, matter of fact. “He was dick deep in Hallie’s asshole. I have a video of it.”

“Hallie?” My own anxiety was replaced with outrage. “Your fucking step-sister? What the actual fuck? What did he have to say for himself?”

She snorted sarcastically. “That I made the video with AI. I met him out–”

I grumbled into the phone.

“In public!” she reassured before sighing heavily. “I’m just too chunky, nobody is ever going to love me. I’m always going to be stuck in this endless cycle of vanilla men. ”

My heart went out to her. Izzy was one of the most beautiful people I had ever met. Inside and out, but she didn’t see it for herself. Not that you could ever tell; she was the queen at faux confidence. “Stop with that self-deprecating bullshit. We both know that man wasn’t shit,” I huffed out. I may have my own personal issues with my body image, and maybe it was hypocritical, but I knew Izzy had the ability to love herself, she just needed a little push sometimes.

“Yeah… and we have our fucking reunion coming up. Just about a month now.”

In my own distress, I had forgotten about that entirely.

That’s when I would tell her. It would be better in person.

Or maybe I really was just a chicken shit.

Either or, really.

“I think it’s about time I use your dating site too.” Izzy chuckled uneasily.

Ice perforated my veins, memories of James popping up behind my eyelids. Even after weeks, I couldn’t get the thought of him out of my mind. Of how he made me feel. Of how, even in spite of the knowledge that he was Izzy’s dad, I still wanted him. Needed him.

That he had started to fix something I never realized was broken. His words were a thread and now here I was a half sewed up mess.

I needed to make sure. To be certain. Maybe it was a coincidence and I could sing kumbaya into the sunset with James. “Ooh if only our families could see us now, dating site extraordinaires. I know your mother would bust a gasket, but I wonder how your dad would have felt. What was your dad’s name again?” Fuck that sounded stupid even to my own ears. I was not slick at all.

She went silent for a few moments, and I was almost afraid I had crossed some invisible line, but then she eventually spoke, her voice lighter than I expected. “Yeah, I don’t really talk about him too much. James Wright was his name. Why?”

Well, that answered that. The last piece of hope I held onto crumbled. “Just curious.” I hummed. “Love you Izzy, you know that right?”

“You’re not dying from some incurable disease are you?” Izzy joked.

“Funny, look remember Harry wasn’t shit. Let me know if you need me to ‘take care of him.’”

“Who’s got jokes now? Well Maddox is here to take me home. Got to go, talk soon.” Izzy ended the call, and I let the phone drop to the ground.

“When are you going to tell her?”

I jumped about twenty feet into the air. “Kazi,” I hissed out. I hadn’t seen him sneak into my room, but here he was, laying across the mattress.

Mateo right next to him.

“Both of you? Really?” I cocked an arm on my hip in frustration. Here they were again, pushing my boundaries.

“We missed you. What can we say?” Mateo stretched out across the mattress knocking into Kazi aggressively.

“You’re both liars,” I bit the words out. Sure I was staying with them now, but I wasn’t an idiot. They both had been acting up.

Kazi and Mateo weren’t cousins. My house didn’t have bed bugs. The scars that Mateo carried told a story I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear. The blood that he had on him when I showed up here was suspicious as fuck.

His job as a bodyguard? I could smell the bullshit.

I had buried my head in the sand for the last several weeks because in simple terms: I wanted to. But now? Here with them both, I wanted answers.

If I couldn’t get to the bottom of James, I planned on at least getting answers from them.

“Mateo, what do you do for a living?” I asked .

“I told you he’s—”

I cut Kazi off. “I’m asking Mateo.”

Mateo stood up, cracking his neck. He took menacing steps towards me. His face darkening, his mahogany eyes swirling in promise.

“Oh, is that how it’s going to be?”

He was so close to me now I had to crane my neck upwards to meet his eyes, his woodsy scent enveloping me. He reached a hand up grabbing my chin, pinching it tightly between two strong rough fingers. “I’m your worst nightmare.”

Whatever he expected it wasn’t for me to rip away from him and die from a laughing fit. Hands on my knees I gasped out, “Does that usually work?”

He apparently didn’t like my reaction because next I knew I was being thrown onto the bed; I landed next to Kazi. “I finally dug into your database. Found your forms. Discovered what you wanted, your safeword. The man.” Mateo was snarling as he stepped to the bed.

“Mateo,” Kazi chastised in warning.

“She wants this. She wants the danger. She wants the rush of being out of control.” Mateo’s words caused licks of unexpected desire to roll across my skin.

What the fuck is happening?

“I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Literally. The whiplash was real.

“I’m finishing what I started with you. It’s been almost an entire month. I let you get comfortable in my presence, but now it’s time for me to collect. I know your safeword, but Yara, I think you’ll be brave enough to not use it.”

Mateo began to strip his clothes, first his shirt leaving an impressive spread of skin that rolled across a strong chest and rippled abs .

Even more prevalent–the scars. They lined every inch of his skin, and I did my best not to react to the sight of them. I had seen them once before in the hotel room but taking them in from a distance was different.

They told a story.

“Mateo,” Kazi’s voice pitched with an unknown emotion, and I turned to him to see if he could explain to me when we had landed in the twilight zone.

“You gonna take that tail out from between your legs and claim this beautiful woman? Or are you going to hide your feelings and die in friendzone hell.”

My confusion was sky-rocketing. I rolled to face Kazi entirely.

“Kazi?” I asked softly.

He reached up, pushing his dark hair from his eyes. “I love you, you know that right?”

“I do.” I loved him, too. He was my lifeline in this otherwise desolate city. He was the calm I needed to wage war against the night terrors that plagued me. He was the anchor that kept me from being swept away in the chaos of my life.

“Well, you stupid ignorant woman. I am in love with you. I have been for years. How could I not be? Even if you worry me to death, and are always saturated in chaos, I wouldn’t have it any other way. One day when the time is right, I have a secret I need to tell you, but I am going to promise you one thing. You can trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you.”

I didn't have time to truly process all of his words, but what I saw when our eyes met, spoke volumes. I watched a reel of all the years of concern, care, and protection Kazi provided me. It struck me in that moment exactly what Kazi had been showing me in his actions. In his attentiveness. In his constant companionship. In his willingness to adjust his entire life on my behalf. For my sake .

He loves me. He is in love with me.

Just as the realization washed over me, Kazi's lips crashed into mine, as if all at once, his claim on me, my eyes, my lips, my heart was finally made.

His body covered my frame, his hair tickling my nose.

He pulled back, watching me carefully. “Scuttlebutt,” he stated my safeword before leaning slowly, carefully down.

Even in this moment he was making sure I knew he was safe. That he wouldn’t push me or hurt me.

With Kazi I didn’t need paperwork binding my safety. I trusted his words. I knew inherently that if I needed to escape, for this to stop, he would. No questions asked.

His lips pressed against me again, capturing mine. Stealing my breath, my heart, my soul . Kazi represented all things good in my life. He was the reason I thrived for so many years.

His tongue lashed out, pushing against my teeth, I opened for him.

Kazi was safety, warmth, protection. For a long time I thought it was odd how he pushed himself into my life, how he would never let me out of his sight, how he immediately moved in when I mentioned it as a joke.

But now? Here in this moment? I don’t fucking care.

When every flag in your life is red, you have to look for the lightest shade.

He separated from me again, taking my breath with him. One of his hands moved to cup my cheek, the other buried into the mattress below. “Miss Yara, I’m not leaving your side. Whether you want me to or not, so please jagiya , make sure this is what you want. I won’t push you, but once we cross this line? I won’t stop.”

My heart beat against my chest in painful thuds; I should be feeling anxious, overwhelmed, apprehensive.

But I didn’t. All I felt was excitement .

I had wanted Kazi for years, but I didn’t want to lose him. Didn’t want to cross a line for him to turn me down. “You promise to tell me your secrets?”

“One at a time.” Kazi’s smile encompassed his face, his eyes lit up as he leaned back and looked over his shoulder.

“It’s not just him. You’re going to have to handle us both. Because from here on out? We’re a package deal, little bee.” Mateo’s guttural voice filled the room.

I wanted to be upset, to argue. But even in this brief period? Even with our minimal interactions? Mateo had dug his way under my skin.

He was someone that I could tell was dangerous. And maybe it was the trauma that had formed inside at such a young age, but being around danger when you know it isn’t going to hurt you?

It was a heady feeling. An adrenaline rush.

“Fuck.” The word left my lips raspily as I laid back on the bed, watching Kazi’s face carefully. “You’ll both take care of me? Make me feel good?”

Why am I giving in so easily to this?

Why does it feel like this is such a long time coming?

Kazi’s lips curled; his russet eyes brightened in promise.

“Yes, come here.” Mateo pushed Kazi off of me, tugging me up onto his lap, forcing me to straddle him. He smirked. “First secret?” His hand found my arm where a scar had formed from the night of our first encounter. “This is a tracker. Your birth control is gone.”

It took a few moments to process exactly what he said, it was so out of left field. My mind flashed back to the memory of the mysterious gash on my arm that I had no recollection of causing. “What the actual–” I couldn’t even finish the thought as I hissed the words trying to pull back from him.

Except why wasn’t I feeling any anxiety? Why had the confession caused desire to shoot directly to my core ?

What is wrong with me?

Was I just as broken as I had thought? Had the years of abuse actually torn me apart, and I was just a ticking bomb just waiting to go off?

He held onto my arm with his sturdy grip, his long rough fingers wrapping around it. “I did it. Don’t want to lose you now that I’ve found you.” Mateo’s eyes churned in promise. “Except the damn thing doesn’t work well, I’ll need to get you an upgrade, wouldn’t want you slipping off again.”

I shut my eyes, breathing in and out slowly. The feminist in me wanted to fight Mateo, tell him he had no right, that it was my fucking body.

But why was said body coiled in anticipation, why did I want more of this crazy man, why did I melt under his attention? “You don’t even fucking know me.” I finally let out.

“Don’t I?” He let go of my arm to find my wrist.

My eyes flashed open. “No, you don’t. Let me go.”

“Mateo.” Kazi was lying next to us, watching our interaction guardedly.

“I know you’re stronger than you think. I know you’re going to let Kazi and I fuck you. I know you’re going to accept that I’m not going anywhere, that I am just as damaged as you are. And I know you are going to love every fucking piece of me, just as I love you. Inside and out.” He tugged my wrist up to his mouth.

I watched in frozen shock as he brought his lips to my wrist, and before I could yank back, his teeth met the flesh there, he bit down over the scars, sucking onto the flesh. I anticipated it hurting. It didn’t.

It felt… good.

Kazi reached over and I expected him to stop this, but to my surprise, he took my other wrist and mimicked Mateo, biting down over the scars there .

I let out an uninhibited moan as new emotions were swept up into the cause of my scars.

Enjoyable memories, ones I could look back on happily.

“Okay,” the word whooshed out.

It was all either of them needed.