23. Savannah

Chapter 23

Savannah

The silence between us is awkward, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else at this moment. Nixon's helping me forget all about Chad and what he did. He's also building a bridge between our old friendship and where we are now.

Lying in Nixon's arms, I feel more at peace than I have in a long time. He's always been like a warm hug, the one man who feels like home to me.

"Will you sleep in my bed tonight? I just want to be held?" I whisper into the silent night.

I swear he stiffens ever so slightly and I'm worried he's going to say no.

"Sav…"

"No, it's fine. You don't have to. I'm just going to go to bed." I push up from the couch and rush into my room. I press the door shut and lock it before falling onto my bed.

The tears come faster this time. I'm surprised by it, but I shouldn't be. I've already dealt with losing him once, I'm not sure I can do it again.

I know I'm being overly emotional, but after finding out what my best friend truly thinks of me and discovering my boyfriend was only dating me to win a bet, I'm not sure I could control my emotions if I tried.

The door handle to the balcony shakes a few times. I can only see shadows through the curtains, but I can clearly see Nixon drop his head against the door. When it's clear I'm not opening the door, he lets out a long sigh and moves away from the door.

I breathe a little easier knowing he's going to leave me alone for the night. I can only handle so much rejection in a twenty-four-hour period.

I'm not really upset I lost Chad. I'm hurt at his reasoning for dating me more than anything else. It's all been a lie. Even my relationship with Devon feels like a lie. Was she only friends with me because she wanted to date Chad?

I tug my sweatshirt up and over my head, there's no way I can sleep in this. I'll wake up in a gross pile of sweat if I do.

I'm folding it and putting it back in my drawer along with my sweatpants when my bedroom door flies open and I jump in surprise, a small scream leaving me. Nixon's standing there looking annoyed as ever.

"Savvy… Oh, shit… sorry!" His eyes widen before his hands fly up to cover them.

For the briefest moment, I wonder why he's covering his eyes, then reality crashes into me. I'm standing in the middle of my bedroom in a pair of underwear and a bralette. Sure, they're boy shorts and I'm not really showing more skin than I would if I were wearing a bikini, but it's still weird.

"Nixon! What are you doing?" I hiss, jumping to grab a robe to throw over myself.

"I… uh… I wanted to see if you were ok."

"And you thought scaring the crap out of me was the way to do it?"

"No! I just… Can I uncover my eyes yet? It's really hard to have a real conversation when I feel like a little kid watching a scary movie."

"Yes, you can. Though I'm fairly certain you covered your eyes when we watched a scary movie when you were eighteen."

"Don't you dare judge me. You know how much I hate snakes."

"Then you probably shouldn't have watched Snakes on a Plane . Something tells me you wouldn't be fond of a movie like that without actually watching it." I roll my eyes. Sometimes he can be really dramatic.

"You know I was going through a Samuel L. Jackson phase. I watched every movie he's ever been in! I couldn't exactly skip that one just because the word snake was in the title."

"You didn't even watch it though! You just covered your eyes and whimpered until it was over. It's kinda weird to think you're supposed to be this big tough military man. Like what would you do if you had seen a snake in the middle east?"

"I did and the girly screams that erupted from my body aren't something I'm proud of. I don't think the guys ever let me live it down." He shakes his head, getting lost in his own memory.

"What did you want, Nix?" I soften my voice, more than ready to end this night.

Nixon closes the distance between us. He places a gentle hand on my hip and cups my cheek with the other one.

"Please don't run away from me like that again. There's a reason I didn't answer right away, but I'm not ready to tell you yet… When do you go back to school?"

"Sunday."

"Give me until Sunday, then I'll tell you everything." The pad of his thumb brushes over my bottom lip, making butterflies flurry inside of me. I'd give anything to erase the space between us and feel his lips on mine.

"Why not now?" I stare up at him, wanting to know everything.

"Because I have a feeling you're going to retreat into yourself and need some time to process it. I don't want to waste the days you have left with your parents. They deserve all of you."

"But don't I deserve to know?"

"You deserve the world, Savvy, I'm just not sure you're going to let me give it to you."

Nixon presses a soft kiss to my forehead then he's out the door without another word. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't rattled. He makes me feel too much. It's too easy to fall in love with him all over again when he's this sweet to me.

I want to hate Nixon. I want to hit him and scream at him. More than anything, I want the feelings I get every time he enters a room to go away. I can't fall back in love with him. He's only going to hurt me all over again and I'm not sure I'd survive that.