15. Giana

CHAPTER 15

Giana

Dear Leo,

I’m not even sure why I’m sending this letter. Your family received word about an explosion in your camp. Only two men from your unit have been found alive. The rest of you are considered dead or prisoners of war. I know you, Leo. You’re a fighter. I’m holding onto hope that you’re still alive and you’re fighting to get back to me.

I can’t believe you’re gone. I won’t believe it. The possibility that you’re still out there gives me the strength to get out of bed each day. Please send me something. A letter. A sign of some sort.

I need you to come back to me, Cowboy. Please!

All my love, Giana

P.S. Nettie is pregnant again.

P ushing my fingers into my eyes, I shove away the exhaustion I feel all the way into my bones. Saying goodbye to little Jack and Elizabeth is easier when I’m this tired. I could tell Nettie wanted to sit down and have a chat but my excuse about having to work a double at the diner was true.

She’s worried about me. Everyone is. Shit. I’m worried about me.

My body aches like I’m a hundred. I blame it on too much heartache. It ages a person.

Even though resting my throbbing body in the tub makes perfect sense, I can’t bring myself to use the bathtub. Not since Leo left.

I take a quick shower instead and after drying off and dressing in fresh pajamas, I climb into bed underneath the covers. Cupping my hand around the compass that still dangles around my neck, I shut my eyes and visualize Leo. Tall, lanky, brown eyes that feel as if they see into my soul when they look at me. There’s a pang in my heart. It’s a kind of anguish that’s indescribable. I ache everywhere for him, not just in my heart.

My hands, my body, between my thighs.

Fresh tears spring to my eyes, and I draw my knees up to my chest, curling into a ball so tight I hope it takes away the dull pain throbbing in every inch of me.

I awake in bed alone. Just as I always do. Despite my dreams sometimes promising me different. Outside, the sky is pitch black and clear. A thousand bright, twinkling stars show off above me as I climb into the truck and head into town.

Mary-Lou gives me a smile and nods when I enter through the back door of the diner. I give her a weak smile in return. Tim hands me a blueberry muffin after I’ve tied my apron. He knows it’s my favorite.

Everyone here is nice. And best of all, quiet. They don’t make me explain why I don’t talk as much these days. Or why I spend so much time up at the cabin alone.

When the bell above the door rings and I glance up, my gut tightens as soon as my eyes lock on our first customer. Sara Moretti.

Acid crawls up my throat, and lead fills the soles of my feet.

“Pete said I might find you here,” she says. Her voice is meek and sweet. Just as I imagined she’d sound.

“Sara,” I finally manage. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

It’s not how I expected our first meeting would go, but I also expected this woman would be my sister-in-law someday.

“I’m sorry…I…I just meant, is everything okay?”

“I don’t mean to frighten you by showing up like this. It’s jus’, I’ve asked you to call…in my letters. And you haven’t. So I’m assuming you haven’t been getting them…my letters.” She tucks her dark hair behind her ear nervously.

The way her eyes sparkle and the timidity in them is an uncanny resemblance to Leo. It makes my stomach stir, and I worry I’ll be sick.

I swallow the rising lump in my throat. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you can understand, after your last letter, I couldn’t bring myself to read anymore. ”

She purses her lips and blinks rapidly. “Then I’m glad I came. It was past due time anyway. I’ve been anxious to meet you.”

Without time to prepare for it, she throws her arms around me and brings me in close for a hug. It takes all my strength to resist crying. Sara is already doing enough for both of us.

“Here, why don’t you sit down on a stool. I’ll get you some coffee.” I round the counter and grab the kettle and a clean mug. While I pour the steaming coffee, Sara gets situated on the stool. “What are you doing here, Sara?”

“It’s Marco.”

My fingers still. “What is it?”

“He’s gettin’ married.”

My stomach drops to the floor. Probably my jaw too.

“We want you to come. Me, Marco, Daddy.”

“And your mama?”

She shrugs. “Mama will come around.”

“I don’t know what I ever did to her.”

“When we held the service for Leo…and you didn’t come…” Her voice trails. She doesn’t need to finish.

I put the kettle back and brush my hands over my apron. “I can’t come.”

“I haven’t even told you the wedding date.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Giana, please?—”

I slap my palms onto the counter and tingles shoot up my arm. “You had a funeral for him, Sara. You didn’t even know if he was dead, and your family had a funeral for him.” My lips tremble, and I cup my hand over my mouth.

“I know, I know. That was Daddy and Mama’s idea. They thought it would be good for closure.”

“Closure? What if he’s still out there? What if he’s still alive? And he comes back to find out you held a service for a living man? It’s messed up.” I cross my arms.

Sara bites on her lip. “So, you still think he’s alive?”

“I don’t know,” I shout. I glance over my shoulders and then lower my voice. “But what I do know is, just because the military presumed him to be dead after one year of missing in action doesn’t mean I have to believe it.”

“It’s been over two years. All the surviving POWs have been accounted for. And the ones that did come back say Leo wasn’t with them.” She lowers her head and fiddles with the silver spoon resting on a napkin in front of her. “I want to believe he’s alive. But sometimes it’s best to accept the most plausible outcome.”

I sniff. “Yeah, well, I’m not ready to do that.”

Climbing off the stool, Sara sets a few bills on the counter. It’s far too much for a cup of coffee. “I’m staying at my Uncle Jim’s if ya wanna talk. And here, just in case you change your mind.” She hands me an envelope and strolls away.

When I open it, I’m not surprised to find Marco’s wedding invitation. I stuff it back into the envelope, knowing full well I won’t look at it again.