Chapter 19

19

TALLULAH

T asting my salty tears on his lips was the only thing that let me know this was real. I really had just told him everything and yet he was still kissing me.

Kissing me like the ship was going down.

All the times he’d kissed me before, he’d done so hard and passionately, but this time, there seemed to be even more to it. It was like he was determined to wipe every last doubt from my mind and to prove that he still wanted me—no matter what.

I kissed him back just as fervently, but I couldn’t deny that I was confused. Everything I’d just told him should’ve put him off, but that didn’t seem to be the case at all.

He knew now that I was not only penniless, but that I was going to be that way for a long time. While I was finally in a position to service some of that debt in a real way, I still wasn’t going to have it paid off for years.

Meanwhile, he was richer than a Rockefeller, and if I was him, I’d have been questioning if I was only with him for the money. Outside of that, there was also the fact that I was broken. To be fair, I’d been fighting hard for two years to put myself back together and I was feeling good about myself.

Most of the time. But the truth was that I had a long way to go.

I was learning, things like how to flip the switches in the breaker box if the power tripped and that one was expected to go shopping before a fancy party, but I didn’t even know how many other things I had left to learn that most people seemed to find obvious.

In that sense, I was a baby, and surely, someone sophisticated and who had it all together the way he did wouldn’t want someone so pathetic. Yet, as he kissed me and brought me closer to him, I felt his heart slamming against my palm. I also felt his cock wake up as it started bulging against my lower stomach.

In response, my nipples hardened and my core grew needy all over again. I didn’t think I would ever be able to find out that Niall was getting turned on and not get turned on myself. His desire was a definite catalyst for my own. I wanted him all the time anyway, but knowing that I had such a real and visceral effect on a guy like him definitely got my juices flowing.

Moaning into his mouth, I pressed myself as close to him as I could get, winding my arms around his shoulders but needing to know something before this carried on. “Are you sure?”

He froze against me, regrettably pulling away to look into my eyes. He didn’t let go of me, though. At least that made me think he wasn’t going to chase me out his house just yet.

Those blue eyes were dark with lust, his pupils so dilated that there was barely any iris left, but I also saw warmth there. A fierce determination sparked in them too, and it matched the tone of his voice when he spoke again.

“I’ll say this as many times as it takes for you to not only hear me, but to truly believe that it’s true. Tallulah Pruette, I admire you. I’m in awe of you and while I know you think that what you just told me should’ve made me not want you anymore, that’s the complete opposite of how I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” I whispered.

He tightened his grip on me, his eyes blazing now as they looked into mine. “I mean that I want you more than ever, and that’s saying something. You are so much stronger than I knew, and if anyone doesn’t deserve the other, it’s me that doesn’t deserve you. You’re resilient, and independent, and free-spirited, and assertive, and I adore you. The fact that you can still see the world the way you do after everything they put you through astounds me. I’d have been a drooling heap in a padded room somewhere if my family had broken me down the way yours tried to do to you, but you rose above. You fought back, and here you are. How can you possibly not see how fucking incredible that makes you?”

My cheeks grew hot as I stared back at him. “You don’t have to?—”

He shook his head and then stood up, suddenly releasing me to wrap his arms around my thighs and hauling me over his shoulder. I squealed in surprise. “Where are we going?”

“Back upstairs,” he grunted. “To finish what we started last night.”

“What?”

I felt him shrug as he strode out of the kitchen with me like I weighed nothing. “I thought it was better to take things slow because I knew you were hiding something from me and I didn’t want you to regret it in the morning.”

I blinked hard, curling my fingers around his hips so I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. “I wasn’t going to regret it in the morning.”

“Yeah, you were. You already regretted it this morning. You tried to run away from me, Tallulah.”

As he said it, I realized it was true. I closed my eyes, only opening them again when I felt him starting to ascend the stairs. “That still doesn’t really explain why you’ve changed your mind.”

“You’re not hiding anything from me anymore,” he said, matter of fact. “You also seem to need some convincing of just how unbelievably attracted I am to you, and frankly, you’re wearing my shirt. I’m done taking it slow and I’m going to show you just how deeply in awe I am of you. As many times as it takes for you to agree to give me a chance.”

“What?”

“I want a chance to be with you,” he repeated in a strong, confident voice that left no room for doubt. “Since you tried to run from me ten minutes ago, you obviously need more convincing than I gave you last night, so I’m going to give you more.”

He didn’t stop walking until we reached his bedroom. When we got there, he set me down on my feet right in front of his bed and then tugged at the strings of his apron, tossing the thing away when it was loose.

As I stared up at him, he wrapped a hand around the nape of my neck and brought his mouth to mine, kissing me until I was dizzy and my knees were going weak. When he finally broke the kiss, he smirked and sank down to his knees, those blue eyes burning into mine.

“I adore you, Tallulah Pruette,” he said without a lick of self-consciousness or shyness holding him back. “You are the only woman I’ve ever met who’s made me question myself. You’ve made me reflect, and dig, and want to open up.”

My lips parted, but no sound came out. He nodded at me anyway, like he knew I’d been about to ask if he truly meant that. “You have no idea how much I think about you. How often I wonder what you would’ve done in a particular situation or how completely stunned I am by the ideas you just seem to come up with like they’re the most obvious things in the world.”

As he said it, he turned his head to my left thigh and pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to my skin. “You also don’t seem to have any idea how badly I’ve wanted you just like this since I met you. When I tell you that I want you, it’s not just that I want to fuck you. I do want that too, to be honest, but it’s so much more than that. I need you, Tallulah. I know I’m probably at risk of scaring you off with all this again, but I need you to believe me.”

I stared into his eyes, completely sure that every word out of his mouth was true. “How could I not believe you?”

Stroking my fingers into his hair, I gently nudged him up, winding my arms around his neck once he was standing flush against me. “I admire you too, you know. I admire your heart and your passion, and how much you do for your community and even for low-level employees like me.”

He smirked as he walked us backward to his bed. “Tell me more.”

“I absolutely love how you’ve made it your mission to protect and preserve, and I know how many other women?—”

He suddenly groaned and dropped his forehead against mine, standing still instead of continuing our advance to his bed. “So that’s what Sayra told you about last weekend?”

I frowned as I looked into his eyes—or eye, considering that they’d melted into one for how close he was to me. “She might’ve mentioned that women love you, and that you love them right back.”

“Not love,” he corrected immediately, pulling away a little bit so I could actually see both eyes again. “I won’t pretend that I’ve been a saint. I haven’t. I had no reason to be, but I’m not unfaithful. If you agree to give me a chance, I won’t even look at any other women. It’s just not who I am.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked.

He suddenly grinned and started moving again, pushing me back on his bed and following me onto it. “I haven’t been with anyone since the day you walked into my office, and I haven’t even thought about it until right this minute. I didn’t even notice.”

“You haven’t been with anyone ?”

As soon as he canted his head and smirked, my heart dropped, but it started racing when he spoke again. “I suppose that’s not entirely accurate. I have been with myself. A lot, but always while thinking of you.”

My mouth popped open. “You…”

“Yes,” he said before he brushed a surprisingly playful kiss to my lips. “More often than I’m proud of, but I swear, I haven’t been with anybody else. Didn’t even think about anybody else.”

My eyes widened and I swept my tongue across my lips, my heart still racing, but the way he was looking at me made me feel bold again. Brave. Unbroken. “Can I watch you sometime?”

“Excuse me?”

I blushed to the top of my head and the tips of my toes, but I pushed ahead anyway. Last night felt like it’d been the start of a new journey for me.

These last two years had been all about figuring out how to be on my own. I’d had to leave the only place I’d ever lived on a bus I’d had to navigate the schedules of for the first time. I’d had to find a place to stay and learn how to decide what I wanted for dinner regardless of what anyone else might feel like eating.

After that, I’d had to teach myself how to look for a job, interview, and start working. The learning curve had been steep, but I’d managed. I’d done that part. Now, it seemed I’d entered a new phase of finding myself—gaining the confidence to start a new relationship.

Part of that self-discovery would be sexual, and it sent a rush of excitement through me to know I could actually talk to Niall about that kind of thing. More specifically, that I could admit to being curious without fear of being knocked down or ridiculed.

Swallowing my hesitation, I looked right into his eyes as I finally gave voice to something I thought I might want. “It’s just that, I, uh, I haven’t ever seen a man, uhm, pleasuring himself and I think it might be hot. Especially if it was you.”

A soft groan tore out of him as he nodded. Then he pressed another hard kiss to my lips. “Anything you want, Tallulah.”

My heart stammered, but as I’d suspected, he hadn’t judged me. There had been no trace of even hesitation before he’d agreed, and it made me want more. “After we, uh, you know, could I try to, uh, go down on you?”

He groaned again but dropped his chin in a nod before he reached for the buttons of my shirt. His shirt, technically. “You don’t ever have to ask me that question like you doubt the answer, baby, but now that you have, just know that this might not last long.”

“Why does it have to?”

“I don’t know. It’s polite?”

“Polite?”

“Yeah.” He undid the buttons one by one, his gaze never leaving mine. “I suspect the thinking behind it is that if I come before you, I’m just going to roll over and go to sleep.”

“Would you?”

He scoffed. “Never.”

“Then don’t be polite with me. Ever. I insist.” I’d never told anyone what I wanted in a sexual situation, but with Niall, it felt good. It felt right.

He grinned, lowering his lips to mine and speaking between furious kisses as he reached for the condom he’d dropped on his nightstand last night. “Only if you promise to keep being honest with me.”

I smiled against his mouth. “It’s like you can read my thoughts sometimes.”

Parting the two sides of the shirt, he broke the kiss to dip his head to my chest, laving at my breasts as his hands hooked into my panties and he rolled them off. At the same time, I reached for his underwear and pushed them off in turn, my head spinning at the thought that we were naked together again, but this time, it was actually going to happen.

My entire body was aching for him, and my mouth watered when he sat back on his knees to roll the condom on and I finally got my first look at him. Niall was gorgeous, inside and out, and it turned out that his cock was no exception.

Long and curved, he had several ridged veins wrapped around his shaft, his tip cherry red and shaped like a mushroom. It was also really wet, which made my teeth sink into my lips.

Niall watched me staring at him, groaning as he finally covered himself with the condom. When he was done, he surprised me by rolling onto his back. “I don’t usually do this, but I’m going to let you take the lead.”

He offered me his hand and I took it, frowning as I climbed astride him. “Why?”

“To let you set the pace.” His gaze held mine. “Something tells me we need to do this your way.”

I positioned myself above him, sliding my free hand into his as well before I bent over to kiss him once more. “Are you sure you can’t read my mind?”

“I wish,” he gritted out as I started sinking down on him.

I fell silent as I focused on the sensations he was eliciting from me with every inch I took in. It had been so long that this almost felt like my first time, but it was so much better than my hurried, clumsy wedding night with Carter.

Niall watched me closely, taking direction from me as I sank further down. Then I finally buried him to the hilt in my body.

“Shit, Tallulah,” he breathed, hips twitching slightly and his features clenched with restraint. “So tight.”

I slanted my lips over his, adjusting to the full feeling of having him inside me before I started moving. Sparks flew through my body as he dragged against all the most sensitive parts of me and I moaned, stilling when I realized I was much closer than I’d thought I’d be.

“No holding back, remember?” he murmured into my mouth. Then he started thrusting gently, slowly rocking in and out of me as his hands moved to my hips and my eyes rolled back in my head.

I leaned forward to kiss him again, and my clit rubbed against his pelvis. It felt like I’d been struck by a bolt of orgasmic lightning. “Oh!”

Niall groaned and pressed his hand to the small of my back, holding me right there as he started moving faster. My breathing picked up speed, pleasure licking through me until the orgasm finally hit.

My muscles seized and my brain fractured as I screamed his name and felt him swell deep inside me. His hips lost their rhythm as he finally found his own release before we collapsed onto the bed together, sated for now, but not for long.

We spent most of the day in bed, but that night, I put on another one of his shirts and he wrapped his arms around me in the theater room. “What scary movie would you like to watch?”

“I want to watch something you’re actually interested in,” I said, burrowing into his side on the seat we were sharing.

Today had been like something out of a fantasy, and while I was afraid of what tomorrow might bring, I was also really looking forward to finding out.