Chapter Four

"A re you ready?" Fang asks quietly as we shut off our bikes in front of my father's clubhouse.

My jaw clenches as I look at the clubhouse. The place that made me who I am.

My father and I have always had a strenuous relationship. He was the president and had a lot better things to do than raise a kid, one he didn't even want. He did his best, I guess. He made sure I was fed and had clothes on my body. When my mother would go off on a bender, he made sure I had a roof over my head.

He also threw me into the deep end when I was eleven, making me learn how to fight against his men. He built me into a ruthless machine that would do his bidding. It's how I got my nickname. Colt after the Colt nineteen-eleven that I took to and made my first kill with at fourteen.

When Reaper agreed to take me on as his VP, my father thought it was the best thing ever. He would have a son who was going to be president one day and help him expand his reach.

Only he didn't expect that I would break away from his chains and be my own person. It's the reason I'm rarely welcome home anymore. My father can't stand the sight of his failure of a son.

So am I ready to walk in here and face them knowing they might tell me I cannot stay?

No, I'm not, but it has to be done.

"Let's get this over with," I mutter as I get off my bike.

Fang follows suit, and we head up the porch steps.

"Look what the cat dragged in," one of my father's old-timers says.

"Rex. I see you haven't changed," I say as I stare at the man who has his feet kicked up on the porch railing with a cigar hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"Go on in. Your old man is waiting for you. Oh, and before I forget, welcome to fatherhood. Try not to fuck the kid up too much, yeah?"

I feel the corner of my eye twitch as Fang pushes me forward.

Dick.

"Let it go," Fang says harshly under his breath.

"Well, look who we have here. Haven't seen you around these parts in what? Nine months or so?" Donna says as she approaches.

"Hey, sweetheart, what are you still doing around here?" I ask as I give her a side hug.

Donna's the daughter of one of my dad's guys. She's seven years younger than me, but we always got along well enough growing up. Hell, I even remember when her mom was pregnant with her and the day she was born. She's probably the closest thing I have to a sibling.

"Don't worry, Colt, I'm on my way out of here. I got a full ride to a college up in Chicago." She smiles as she tells me the good news.

I pull away and place my hand on her shoulder. "That's fucking fantastic news. I'm proud of you."

Her eyes sparkle, but there's a hint of sadness in them. "Thanks, I'm glad someone is."

"Let me guess, they don't want you going too far from home," I muse.

Her shoulders deflate and she offers me a sad smile. "Nailed it on the first try."

"If you really want to go, go. Don't let this place stop you, and if you ever need anything when you're there, let me know. I know a couple of the guys in that chapter."

"Trust me, Colt, the last thing I want to do is get tangled up in another chapter when I'm trying to run as far away from one as I can," she says quietly.

"Colt. Fang," my father says, getting our attention. "We're ready for you," he says as he heads back into the room where they hold church.

"Good luck," Donna says.

"Thanks," I say as I squeeze her shoulder and then walk toward my father.

I let Fang walk into the room ahead of me and see all the usual players that my father has had by his side for years, with the exception of one, his VP, Fend.

"Take a seat," my dad says as he tips his chin to the two extra chairs they pulled up to the table.

"Thank you," I say as I take my seat, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Fang do the same.

"What can we help you with today, son?" my father asks, even though he already knows the answer.

I clear my throat, trying to check my irritation.

This is standard procedure. I know that, but I still fucking hate it.

When I came down for a little over a week to take care of my mother, they gave me a hard time. They wanted personal details about what she was going through in order to agree to let me stay. It was all bullshit. My father just wanted to push my buttons, knowing that even if there were times I hated my mother, I would always love her.

I have no doubt he will make this hard for me too. It's all a big punishment for turning my back on him.

"As you all know, I was granted emergency clearance to come to town because my woman lives here and was in labor with my son. Since then, he's been born, and I was hoping that myself and Fang would be granted permission to stay in the area for the time being."

Crank, one of my dad's board members, tilts his head and steeples his hands in front of him. "Are you moving here permanently?"

"We have yet to decide where we will settle," I say, even though I haven't even broached the topic with Kaitlyn.

It's something we both know we need to talk about, but neither one of us is willing to deal with it right now.

Crank shakes his head. "Your allegiance lies with another chapter. Are you willing to give up your rank with the Vegas chapter to stay here?"

My jaw clenches. "With all due respect, I shouldn't have to give up my rank with my chapter in order to give my woman a little more time to heal after childbirth. At the end of the day, I'm still a Lotus, just like all of you."

"How long are you asking for?" my father asks.

"Three months," Fang says, cutting me off.

I turn my head and look over at him, but he doesn't even glance my way.

He continues, "And during that time, if you need assistance, we will answer the call."

I want to curse him out. He knows I want to stay as far away from this chapter as possible, yet he practically just tied us to them. I have no doubt my father will be asking for favors.

"Colt, are you on board with that?" my father asks.

Through gritted teeth, I say, "Yes."

"All in favor?" my father says.

Almost everyone says "aye," but two keep quiet. They lean over and have a silent conversation before turning back to us and nod.

"We don't like it and don't trust you, but since you are Rogue's son, we will grant you this."

"Thank you," I spit out, hating that I have to kiss these guys' asses to stay with my son.

"That's settled. During your time here, you need to stop by at least once a week to check in with us and come to any get-together or ride we deem necessary," my father adds.

"I'll agree as long as it doesn't take me away from my son overnight."

The corner of my dad's mouth twitches. "I think that's agreeable. Do you have anything else you would like to bring to the table?"

I look over at Fang, who shakes his head no.

"That's all," I say as I look back at my dad.

"Then you may leave," he says, looking away from me.

I stand and make eye contact with every man in the room before exiting. Fang and I stay quiet until we are out in the parking lot and on our bikes.

"Three months?" I ask as I slip on my sunglasses.

"I figured that was long enough to get things with your woman figured out."

"It's not like that between us," I tell him.

"But you want it to be. Don't make my mistakes, brother, if you want her, don't let her go," he says as he starts his bike.

He's not wrong. I've wanted Kaitlyn since I was a teen and knew nothing about her. Then I happened to see her in that bar months ago, and it was like the universe was giving me the shot I always wanted. I had no idea that I would get to know the girl and like her even more.

When she told me she was pregnant, I was over the fucking moon, but if it had been anyone else, I doubt I would have felt the same way. As much as I know a surprise baby can be stressful, I knew that it was the universe coming through for me once again and giving me a reason to keep this woman in my life.

Maybe he's right, and it's time to talk to my girl and see what it is that she wants.

I hear the jingling of keys and the lock disengaging before the door swings open. Colt comes into the apartment, looking as haggard as I feel.

"Hey, how was your afternoon?" I ask as I fold laundry on the coffee table.

"Long. You?" he says.

"Same."

"How was the visit with your mother?" Colt glares when he catches my flinch at his question. "That good?"

"Let's just say there were questions about when you are leaving and her reminding me of the path she wants me to take," I inform him.

His eyes narrow, making me squirm. "What does that mean?"

"My mom always assumed I would end up with another club member, and while I'm sure she loves Kolby, she's not exactly sold on who his dad is," I tell him honestly.

"Who does she want you to end up with?" He steps closer, his tone lowering an octave.

I cringe. "Morgue, horrible fucking name, I know, and before you ask, no, I never have been and never will be interested in him in that way."

I don't even know why I'm defending myself. It's not like Colt and I have made any promises to one another. We were a fling that turned into something more because of a baby. Hell, I don't even know what Colt thinks of me now. He could see my stretch marks and flabby stomach and think I'm gross.

"Good to know," he growls, turning away from me.

"What about you? How was business?" I ask, hating the way I feel so insecure now.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch his hands flex at his side.

"I was granted permission to stay in the area for three months. If I need to stay longer, I'll have to go back and plead my case," he admits.

"Three months is good though, right?" I ask as I drop the last piece of laundry onto the pile in front of me.

I didn't know how it would go, but I figured they wouldn't allow him to stay that long. This feels like a weight off my chest for me. He won't be leaving right away. We have time to figure everything out.

Colt leans forward and rests his arms on his knees. "Technically, yes. They didn't have to give me that long, but at the same time, it came with conditions."

"Such as…" My stomach drops.

Of course, there are conditions. When are there not with MCs?

His jaw clenches. "I have to go if they call for assistance, and they want us to come over when they have get-togethers."

"What aren't you saying?"

"I have three months for us to either pack our bags and head to Vegas or to renounce my loyalty to the Vegas chapter and join the one here."

I nod slowly. "And you don't want to give up your seat as VP."

I'm not surprised. My father would never give up his seat, either. Not even for family.

I feel like I want to cry, but I won't. Not in front of him, but the feeling is there. Here I was so happy to have him here for three months, and he's already thinking about his club back home. How could we ever make this work? I always promised myself I wouldn't lose myself to a man who put the club above me. It's the reason I would never date any of my father's men. Yet here I went and had a baby with someone just like him.

His words confirm my thoughts. "Not if I can help it."

My heart clenches. I fucking hate the idea of him leaving and going back to Vegas, but if he isn't willing to give up his life, then why should I?

"My family, my support system are here. I can't leave." I swallow hard.

Pain fills his eyes. "I'm not asking you to, but at the same time, I want to watch my son grow up in person rather than through a screen."

"Colt…"

He raises a hand, making me pause. "Let me get this out, yeah?"

I nod, silently telling him to continue.

"I will do whatever I need to do for you and that little man over there," he says, nodding toward the bassinet where our son peacefully sleeps. "But at the same time, you need to realize that while this might be your home, this place holds nothing but bad memories for me. I have a junkie for a mother who only shows up or calls when she wants something, and a father who…" He shakes his head. "I don't even know how to describe our relationship, but the point is I left here as soon as I could and started my life over. If I stay here, I'd be staying for you in a place that I truly fucking hate. I'll do it for you, but I'm asking, shit, I'm begging you to think about moving. It doesn't have to be Vegas even. I don't care as long as it isn't here."

My stomach rolls as the guilt hits. He's not wrong. I hadn't even considered his feelings in all of this.

Can I really ask him to stay here when I know he hates it? When I know that it is a place that brings him such pain?

Is my support system really that good when no one has stopped by or called asking if I need anything? Is it worth staying when my mom is breathing down my throat about being with someone I'm not interested in? Especially when the one man who I am interested in is the one who's asking me to leave.

All these thoughts roll through my head like a tidal wave.

"Kaitlyn, you with me?" he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I clear my throat. "Yeah, I'm with you. I'll think about it."

Relief fills his face. "Thank you. There's no rush. We have three months. All I ask is that you consider it."

I nod. "It's not off the table."

Kolby starts to whimper, and Colt smiles.

He walks over to the bassinet and picks up our son. "Hey there, little man, how was your afternoon with your momma?" He looks over at me. "I'm going to go change him real fast, and then you can feed him."

"Okay." I smile as I watch him walk away.

Could I really take this from them? Make them both miss out on moments just like this?

Colt has been nothing but a godsend since he showed up, and I honestly can't imagine doing this without him. You hear so much about women who have deadbeat dads. Men who want nothing to do with their children.

Then I get lucky and find the one man wanting to give us everything, but I'm too scared to actually trust him.

It's such a shitty place to be.

On one hand, I want to say yes and leave this town. At least then maybe my mother would get the hint and stop trying to make me into what she wants me to be.

Then again, I would be leaving my father. I think that's what hurts the most. Knowing that I can't just go to the garage and catch him tinkering on his bike.

I'm still so lost in thought that I don't even realize Colt has come back into the room until he's standing in front of me.

"Here you go, Momma," he says as he smiles down at our son.

Reaching over, I grab the nursing pillow and place it on my lap and unbutton my top. He places our son in my lap, and I get him situated. Immediately, Kolby latches onto my breast and starts eating.

Colt leaves the room for a moment.

"What are we going to do?" I whisper to Kolby.

He doesn't respond, of course, but I can imagine what he would say if he could talk.

"I brought you this," Colt says as he comes back into the living room with my drink and snack in hand.

"Thank you," I say as he sets them on the end table.

He's so fucking sweet. Every time I'm breastfeeding, he always goes and gets me things. If we were together, I would say he was the most supportive boyfriend ever. We agreed that anything about us would have to wait, though. Kolby is our priority.

Still, when I'm lying in bed at night, I imagine what it would be like to have him there holding me like he did that week we spent together.

Colt takes a seat on the couch next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. He reaches out and runs his thumb over our son's hair.

"I don't think I will ever get tired of looking at him," he murmurs.

Yeah, I don't think I could ever take this away from him. It looks like in the next three months I have some decisions to make.

"I feel the same way."

"I should put those clothes away for you," he says as he moves to get up.

I shake my head. "No, stay. The clothes can wait."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I lay my head on his shoulder, and he cups the back of my head and starts playing with my hair.

Yeah, I have a feeling this choice won't be as hard as I first thought it would be.