26. Sam

Hanging out with Carter’s family was eye-opening. For starters, there’s like a million of them. Being packed around that table with competing voices and conversations was tough to keep up with.

Then there’s the bond between the siblings I can’t fully describe. It’s as if they’re all connected by some invisible string that allows them to trust each other without question. I’ve never seen anything like it. I felt so separated from them in that moment. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing; it just made me realize how very different my life was compared to Carter’s.

It was overwhelming, to say the least. I feel like I held my own enough to not make a fool of myself, though. Carter seemed happier than I’d ever seen him. I’d like to say it was because of me, but it could’ve just been a product of being around his family.

My thoughts continue to swirl as I drive into Greensboro. I had a Saturday off, and Mom asked me to come for a visit. I haven’t seen her since she got the new apartment.

In my passenger seat is a container of Carter’s monster cookies. He made them for me last night when I told him Mom had been begging me to come for a visit. He said that since he couldn’t come with me himself, he’d send a little present in his place.

Adam and Matthew’s Fit for All foundation is putting on a free sports training camp for any kid who wants to participate. Carter volunteered to help lead some of the drills they were offering to the kids. I wanted to be there, too, but Mom guilted me into coming to see her instead. Carter promised me there would be plenty of other opportunities to volunteer.

When I pull into the parking lot of my mom’s apartment complex, I can’t help but smile at how different her life seems now. The security system for the main doors actually works, and the building doesn’t look like one stiff breeze would knock it down. There aren’t dirty needles in the dead grass or plywood over the windows. It’s a great place.

She’s finally turned a corner. I couldn’t be prouder of her.

I send her a text that I’m outside and then head toward the doors for her to let me in. She’s already standing there when I get to the entrance, and I laugh at the grin on her face.

“I swear this will never get old,” she says when she opens the door.

“No, I can’t say that knowing you are safe will ever get old for me either.” I lean in to kiss her on the cheek.

“How are ya, honey?” We walk to the elevators side by side. Everyone else seems to be out and about today. The complex is super quiet compared to the last time I was here.

“I’m doing good, Mom. Real good.”

“And you’re still happy with your boyfriend?”

Once we’re on Mom’s floor, we walk down the hallway to her small one-bedroom. The living room and kitchen share the main space, and her bedroom and bathroom are toward the back.

“I’m very happy. We’ve only been dating for a couple of months and have already said I love you. It’s probably fast, but it’s what we want.”

“And Lord knows you’ve had plenty of examples of the wrong kind of guy. I’m not surprised you’d move quickly when you found the right one for you.”

I don’t say that I agree with her out loud, but it is true. I learned the signs early on of what to look out for based on the examples she set.

“Speaking of, are you dating anyone?” I ask. I couldn’t mask the hesitancy in my question if I tried.

“No. Well… maybe?”

I frown. “Maybe? How can you not know?”

“I’ve had a crush on this guy in my office since I started working there. But I told myself, ‘Danika, you can’t go there. He’s your colleague, and you can’t screw up this job.’ So, I pretended like he didn’t exist. Until one day, he brought me a cup of coffee with a handful of different creamers. Then he just walked away. I sat there, stunned. And then I drank the coffee and didn’t think anything of it. Then he did it again the next day, so I told him what kind of creamer I liked, and he’s done it every day for a week. He’s also brought me breakfast a couple of times, too.”

I open my mouth and then close it again. I don’t have any idea what to say to that.

“See! Exactly.”

“He’s not, like, your boss or anything, right?”

“No. God, no. I would not be thinking about him if he was.”

“And he hasn’t said anything to you?”

“Only, ‘You’re welcome,’ when I say, ‘Thank you.’ He’s fuckin’ adorable, Samuel. He’s got glasses and silvery hair. And he doesn’t have a paunchy belly either, which is novel to me. He’s lean and wiry, and he smiles at me when he brings me coffee. This adorable, shy smile.”

I laugh. Most of the guys my mom used to date had beer bellies to rival Santa Claus’s. “Well, maybe you should say something else to him. Or see if he wants to eat lunch with you one day.”

Mom’s eyebrows furrow. “You think? I don’t know. It makes me nervous.”

“Why’s that? Are there any rules that you can’t date a coworker?”

“I don’t think so. I just… am finally happy. I don’t want to screw it up.”

Her words settle something inside me. “It sounds to me like this guy has a thing for you. Even if he goes about showing it in weird ways. If there’s no rule about dating your coworker, then I say go for it.” Hell, maybe a healthy relationship might do her some good. Who knows?

A little smile quirks the side of Mom’s mouth. “Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

“Good.”

She turns her shrewd eyes to me. “Now, tell me what’s going on with you. I want to know everything there is to know about your Carter.”

I roll my eyes, but the smile on my face could light up a billboard. Before I get into too many details, I grab a cookie and offer it to Mom.

“Well, goddamn.” She hums around her mouthful. “Did he make these? If so, you need to marry him right now.”

I laugh. “Yes, he did make them, and maybe one day, he’ll marry me.”

“So, it’s that serious?”

“Mm-hmm.”

She narrows her eyes. “What’s that mean?”

“I don’t know, Mom.” I exhale. I stand up from the couch to pace while my doubts begin to spill out of me. “Sometimes I wonder what I bring to the table. I’m a blockhead smoke eater. I didn’t have the grades to go to college, and while I have a decent job, it’s not some well-paying career. Not to mention the dangers I deal with every shift. And Carter is so smart. His brain is like a computer that’s constantly analyzing and perceiving the world. He knows so much about everything. Why would he want to be with me long term?”

“Because you’re solid, Sam,” Mom interrupts my word vomit. “I know from firsthand experience that you bring calm into any situation you’re in the middle of. It’s what makes you an amazing firefighter and what will make you a wonderful husband—and father, if that’s your journey. Carter knows that no matter what life throws your way, he will be able to count on you to keep a steady head while he does all the analyzing and freaking out.

“Now, I don’t know Carter all that well, but from what you’ve told me, he sounds like a guy who needs a partner in his life. Someone he can trust to stand with him when he’s in the middle of a crisis. You are that person. How many times did I call on you to help me out of a shitty situation I never should’ve gotten myself into?”

I make a face at her. “You needed me, Mom. Of course, I came.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and how incredible you are. I never would’ve gotten to this point if I didn’t have you to help me fix my mistakes. You didn’t deserve to be the adult in our relationship, Sam, and I will always be sorry I made you grow up too fast, but somehow, despite the messes I made, you turned out to be the most amazing person I know. I’m sure Carter sees that in you, as well.”

I sit down on the couch next to Mom and throw my arm over her shoulder. She hugs me around my waist.

“I never, not for one moment, have regretted bringing you into this world. I wouldn’t have traded even the most high-end luxuries for you. Now, I need you to stop doubting yourself and realize you’re the best thing since sliced bread and lock down that man.”

I drop my head back in a laugh. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you more, Sammy.”

I groan. “You know I hate when you call me that.”

She giggles. “That’s why I do it. Now, hand me another one of those cookies.”