6. Chapter 6

6

Heath

THUNDERING DOWN THE STAIRS, I CROSS THE HALLWAY WHEN THE OPEN DOOR CATCHES MY EYE AND MAKES ME STOP. The room belongs to my sister—dead sister.

My feet stay glued to the floor as I stare at the purple walls with floral murals drawn over them. The bed is unmade from when she last stepped out of it. Even the little things on the nightstand—her phone, Hello Kitty keychain, journal, and purple glitter pen—rest there messily, exactly where she left them. Her study table with books, pens, and a laptop in the same condition.

This is the only place in the mansion where time has frozen, and nothing has changed. While everything else and everyone else has moved on. Not me . I'm right where she left me. Both mentally and emotionally.

I think about stepping inside, sitting on the floor, and looking at the photo frame that has our picture. A selfie from when we were getting ready for the fair a few years ago. I took it and sent it to her, not knowing that it'd become one of my favorite pictures after she'd been ripped away from me. I was oblivious to the pain, despair, and loss waiting for me down the years.

If only I had known sooner. Maybe I could've helped her in some way. Saved her perhaps.

Regrets are heavy to live with. They have the power to pull you down and drown you.

Every day, I feel like I'm one second away from drowning. That darkness that awaits me deep in the ocean scares me, but someday, I'll have to meet it.

The laughter pouring out of the living room draws me away from my dark thoughts—each one consists of me blaming myself and rolling in guilt.

Closing the door, I lean my head against it and take a long breath.

Fuck. I miss her. I miss her so fucking much.

I join the two people who live more at my house than theirs. They even have a room here.

Sebastian sees me first. "Glad you're finally here. Tell Marie Fortnite is the greatest game of all time."

Before I can say a word, Marie jumps in. "Wait until you play Elden Ring or GTA five. Those are pretty great."

I sit with them on the sofa and take a slice of pizza that I didn't order, but I'm sure they paid for it using my card. "I agree with Blondie. Those games are something else."

Marie beams since I sided with her. "See? Heath is versatile. You can't just play one game and say it's the greatest of all time. You have to try a lot of something to pick one top favorite. Also, open-world games are difficult. I once spent a week doing a GTA mission because I kept getting killed. Elden Ring is ugh! Don't get me started on it. It's on another level. That game is the complicated complicate of complicating." She hums. "That was a tongue twister, but you get the point. It is—"

"We get it. Now shut up, Blondie," I grumble at Marie.

With a sigh, she says, "All right."

"I need to buy a PlayStation." Sebastian pipes up.

"I can get you one," Marie replies excitedly.

Marie's father is a successful businessman, and her mother is a brilliant lawyer. Both of them have made enough money to live off of it for years.

Marie comes from money. So, Sebastian felt uneasy around her at the start, but now he's gotten used to the fact. Besides, she never lets him feel little. She's always trying to help him. If it were up to her he'd be living in one of the houses uptown, the residence area of the affluent families where she and I live.

"Don't you dare! You know I hate when you surprise me with things I want," Sebastian warns her softly.

"Isn't that the point of the surprise?" She kisses his cheek and my best friend sighs.

"Just don't. Get me a T-shirt but not a five-hundred-dollar PlayStation."

"Okay." The way she agrees quickly is a dead giveaway that she's going to get it for him.

Before Sebastian can argue with her, she directs her attention to me. "I met Hope today. She's so nice. And you were right. She's pretty. Like really pretty."

My heart drops right into my stomach. "You met her?" I croak out.

She nods excitedly. "Remember Mr. Carlie told me to get help from someone named Hope? Turns out she was that Hope. Your Hope."

"She's not mine. What is fucking wrong with you two?" I scowl at both of them.

Marie shrugs. "Nothing. You're the one getting antsy—which you shouldn't, I just mentioned her."

"Then don't fucking mention her. She's no one."

Her expression turns fierce. "She's my friend now and she's someone . So, you better be good to her. I don't want—"

"What do you mean friend?" I'm so fucking confused.

"—want you to drive her away. She's my friend. Like you and I."

"I'm not your friend. I tolerate you, Blondie." I tell her but we both know it's not true. She's my best friend. I don't want to feed into that because she'll make a great deal out of it. Like, bring out balloons and cake to celebrate friend anniversaries.

Marie ignores my remark and continues, "Hope will be hanging out with us now. It'll be so cool. Now, I can have sleepovers and girl's nights doing girl stuff. I've never had one of those before." She slumps against Sebastian who wraps his arms around her and kisses her neck.

"If someone doesn't hang out with you, then they're the ones missing out. You're an amazing girl, Mare. The absolute best." He consoles her as he further pulls her to him. If he could, he'd fuse her into his body to protect her and never let her feel alone like she once did.

Those days are gone now. She has a boyfriend and a best friend. She isn't on her own anymore.

"I know that. It's just hard to believe when no one wants to be my friend and invite me to parties or sleepovers."

Sebastian bends down his head and murmurs something into her ear that makes her body relax and grows a smile on her face.

It's interesting to watch these two interact. They share a bond I've never seen before. They're in love but they're also best friends.

"When Hope said she doesn't have any friends, it made me so sad. I know what that feels like." Facing him, she says, "Can I invite her to our next hang out? Please!" Marie pleads with Sebastian who smiles at her.

"Of course you can. Right Heath?" He pins me with a hard stare.

The dickhead had to throw me under the bus.

"Sure," I mutter and eat the fifth slice of pizza.

"I can't wait," Marie chirps.

Sebastian kisses her. He truly loves that girl, even though she's too bright for him. Well, she's too bright for anyone.

Taking the remote, I put on Lucifer season two episode one. Last weekend the three of us were hanging out—much like now—and started the show. Whenever we're at my place we pick a show and watch it together. Before it'd be Sebastian and I, but when Marie joined she shifted our taste, but we don't mind. I mean, I wouldn't watch One Tree Hill and Friends on my own, but together it becomes bearable.

Marie hurries to the switchboard and turns off the lights. I shake my head as she walks past me grinning like she won a lottery.

Like always, she cuddles up next to Sebastian, while I sit at the other end of the sofa like a loner. Not that I mind. I like being alone. But I don't like being lonely. My best friends don't make me feel lonely.

The family dynamic on the show makes me think about the relationship with my parents. Nonexistent . One word that perfectly sums up my current status with them.

After my sister's death, my parents left me in this mansion and ran off to Canada to take care of their businesses. Sweeping away the huge loss and pain like dust pushed under the rug. The one week they stayed here, after the funeral, was filled with fights and arguments. I was a walking volcano bursting and firing at anyone or anything, that included my parents, especially my father. He and I argued over everything. I know we were both mourning, but it all wouldn't have happened if he were here with us and played the parental role for once in his goddamn life.

Now that Emery, my sister, is gone Dad is reminded of his duties. Every day he calls me, and every day I ignore his call. It's a cycle that starts and ends the same each day. My mother and I haven't talked for months. To be honest, I don't want to talk to her. She abandoned me in a huge mansion with money and staff as if anything could suffice for the care or attention a child needs from a mother.

I've grown up in this mansion on my own. My parents left me here when I was one and my sister was a few months old. In this maze of ten bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and plenty more rooms, I've lived my entire life. From childhood to teenage years. My sister and I have spent more than a decade here. While this place has everything a person could wish for, I resent it. If it weren't for Emery, I would've moved out. I would live in a dump, anywhere but here. Her room and our memories here are the only two things she left me with. I want to be as close to them as I can be.

"Heath, you okay?" Sebastian asks me as he rubs Marie's arm who's dozing off on his chest. It's past ten. We've been watching the show for the past two hours.

"I'm fine." My throat grows thick with my lie. I refuse to burden him with my issues. He can't or won't understand what it feels like to lose a sibling who is—or was—your best friend.

Never in my wildest dreams, I'd wish anyone to go through what I did.

Every single day is a battle, every memory is a weapon, and guilt is the enemy.

"Sir, dinner is ready," Derek announces. He's the butler of the mansion. He enters the room dressed in a black suit that he never takes off. Since I was a kid, I've never seen him in informal clothes.

"For fuck's sake, it's Heath. I've told you a thousand times." I narrow my eyes on him.

Derek shakes his head. "Sorry, sir. It's a habit."

"Dinner's ready?" Marie mumbles, rubbing her eyes and looking at Derek. "Oh hey, Derek. How are you? What's for dinner?"

"Good evening ma'am. I'm well. Miss Kelly made chicken casserole and meatloaf."

"Not again," I mutter.

"If you want something else, sir, we can make it," Derek suggests quickly.

"It's fine." I nod, feeling like dick for saying that out loud.

Once Derek leaves, Marie turns to me. "You're such a jerk."

"Eat that dish ten times a month and you'd say the same." I get rid of the empty pizza boxes and dirty glasses.

"I definitely won't. I love food."

The three of us sit in the dining room where the meal is already laid out hot and ready. The rectangular long table is meant to serve twenty people, but it's always just the three of us—or Emery and me before she passed away.

Kelly, who's the chef and the housekeeper, brings over the leftovers on Marie's request.

We all start eating, when Marie says, "You're a princess."

I choke on my bite. "Excuse me?"

She waves around her hand. "You live in a mansion, have a staff for almost everything, and also have the attitude."

"That was good, Marie." Sebastian snickers and I kick him under the table.

I glare at her. "I'm not a princess and I don't have an attitude," I grumble.

Marie pins me with an accusing gaze. "You do. We should name you something. Princess—"

"I swear to God I'll—"

"Or not," Marie mutters with a mouthful of pasta from last night.

According to Marie, I get the royal treatment. What she doesn't know is that money doesn't fill the gap in my chest from the loss of my sister. We tried everything that we could to help her. Every expensive treatment that we could avail, we did. But money didn't save her. Since then—her—I hate money. It's the reason why my parents live in Canada, the reason why my sister couldn't be saved, and the reason why I feel hollow for every second of my life. I hate that she died and left me alone here.

What the fuck am I supposed to do without her?

We did everything together and now it's just me.

My best friend is gone.

My sister is gone.

It's been more than a year, but the pain is still alive. There's not a day I don't think about her and not mourn her. She lives in my mind and heart. I never want her to die. Even when it comes to holding onto this black hole called grief. It eats me and kills me, but I won't ever let it go. I don't want to forget her or get over her death. I want to keep remembering her. I want to hold onto this grief tightly that still binds me to her. The only connection that's left.

"Hope told me she bandaged your knuckles. They were that bad?" Marie asks worriedly.

Sebastian looks at me and smirks, probably recalling our conversation from yesterday.

"They're fine." I shut down the topic. But it's Marie, she never shuts up.

"Please tell me you didn't break any bones."

Sebastian bursts out laughing. I grip my spoon tightly.

"Am I missing something here?" Marie asks Sebastian.

"No, babe. You aren't missing anything," he says, trying not to laugh, but fails miserably.

She frowns. "I kinda feel like it. He did break his bones, didn't he?" She worries too much. I'm happy that she'll have Hope now and will leave me the fuck alone.

"I'm right fucking here," I grit out.

"I think we should head to the ER and get him checked out."

Sebastian nods. "You're right. While we're at it we should also pick up condoms on our way." The wink he sends my way makes me want to strangle him.

"Condoms? Why would he need them?" She looks at me in question.

"He will need them," Sebastian presses.

Marie grins. "Oh, you're going to hook up with someone?"

For fuck's sake.

"I'm not. Don't fucking listen to him." I glare at my best friend who's chuckling.

"Sebastian's right. It's better to be safe," Marie argues.

"For fuck's sake." I stuff my mouth with food.

"You won't be saying that when you have a baby," Marie adds.

"Marie Anderson, stop fucking talking."

"It's Marie Lia Anderson, and okay."

I breathe in some air to calm myself down.

"Should we get a lube, too?" Sebastian asks.

I throw my spoon at him, but he misses at the last second. "Both of you get out of here!"

Sebastian laughs while Marie looks between us.

"Damn, you're extra grumpy today," she says absentmindedly.

"I'm always like this." I run a hand through my hair and grimace when my knuckles get scratched. I shouldn't have removed the bandage, but it kept reminding me of Hope. I didn't like that.