41. Chapter 41

41

Hope

Dad hit me again.

I thought he wouldn't.

For some silly reason, I believed that perhaps he had a good time with Mom on their trip so he would let me off the hook. Turns out, he couldn't afford to pay the bill and got into a tussle with the waiter and then the manager kicked them out of the restaurant. In the end, Mom paid, and it angered him.

Yesterday, he cornered me the second I stepped inside. He recited the whole incident to me while he was drunk. He slapped me twice, bruised my wrists, and then pushed me so hard I hit the wall and hurt my left shoulder. He also called me names and said awful things.

I cried in my bed for half an hour and took a long shower only to hate myself. There are prominent marks on my pale skin. I can't hide them with anything, except maybe makeup. And then there's the pain shooting everywhere in my body.

I dreamt of getting away from here. So far away that he couldn't reach me or hurt me. When the morning came, and the light fell on my face I knew it was wishful thinking. How could I escape him?

School goes exceptionally slow. My shoulder hurts badly and I can't move it at all. When I try, a trail of hot lava spreads under my skin.

Marie is busy with a presentation and later she has an extra class for her elective computer science. So I barely see her.

Heath and I share Math, but he doesn't talk to me. However, his attention burns holes in my face. I know he knows something is up. Even Sebastian suspects something.

I'm walking down the hallway with him when someone knocks into me. I wince and hide it by biting on my lip real hard.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian watches me with his curious green eyes that feel like they can see through me. Just like his best friend.

"I'm fine," I say weakly.

Sebastian doesn't believe me. His gaze falls to my shoulder that I'm holding. "Despite the fact that we don't talk too much, you can always talk to me. Anyone who's Marie's best friend is my best friend."

"I'm fine, Sebastian," I repeat, hoping he'll believe me.

With a smile he says, "No wonder he likes you. You two are the same."

A deep blush rises to my cheeks.

"C'mon, I'll walk you to your next class."

Later in the day, I try to get Tylenol from nurse Anna. But she's absent, and the infirmary is locked. Just my luck in play as usual.

By the end of the last class, all I want to do is get home because I'm in too much pain.

When the bell rings I'm the first to get up. Collecting my things I rush out and make a quick spot at my locker to put away all my heavy textbooks.

I step out of the school when a familiar black car pulls up in front of me.

Heath rolls down the window. He looks striking in a black shirt and jeans—his usual attire. I never get tired of how handsome he looks in it even if he wears it every single day.

Knowing he won't take no for an answer, I walk over to the passenger side.

He drives us to a drive-thru and orders food for me. At this point, I don't even fight him over it. It's no use. He does what he wants.

The AC is working efficiently but sweat collects on the back of my neck. I shouldn't be feeling hot in the October weather.

I squirm uncomfortably, having no idea what's happening to me.

Black dots appear in my vision and my head starts spinning like a dice on a board.

What is wrong with me?

I inhale a deep breath, but no air enters me.

What is wrong with me?

Nausea builds up in my throat and I hold the dashboard. I cup my mouth to keep it inside. It disgusts me but I can't puke in Heath's car. He keeps his car neat. He'll kill me if I don't hold it in.

"What's wrong?"

I hear him speak. It's like a whisper over my tumultuous state.

I want to reply but it might result in a vomit. I'm scared of opening my mouth.

A gut-wrenching cramp pumps my stomach. I seize it inside with everything I've got.

What is wrong with me?

I keep asking myself that question, but no answer comes to me.

I was feeling just fine five minutes ago, then suddenly my body started acting up.

Reaching for the handle, I push the door open and stumble outside.

Frantically I search for a trash can that is nowhere in sight.

No!

I can't puke in the middle of a parking lot.

Oh my God.

Heath comes into my view and frowns hard. "Will you tell me what's going—"

An agonizing wave hits my guts. I can't help but turn my head and puke on the asphalt.

Another wave hits me, and I empty my guts out.

Invisibility cloak better reach me now.

Wherever you are in the world, come to me.

Vomiting is humiliating, especially in front of the guy you really like.

I hug my stomach to contain the rest, but my body doesn't get the notion. It's decided to make Heath never kiss me again.

Oh my God.

What if he never kisses me again?

"It's okay. You're okay." Heath gathers my hair and rubs my back in a gentle manner. His touch is warm and light as if he's afraid to hurt me.

You can never hurt me. I want to tell him.

Once I'm done, I wipe my mouth with the back of my sleeve feeling every bit disappointed that I'm not like Harry in any way. The invisible cloak would've saved me from a major scene of embarrassment today.

On shaky feet, I stand but quickly lose my balance. Before I can fall, Heath holds me against him.

"I got you," he murmurs in my hair.

"I'm fine, really," I whisper and lean into him as exhaustion takes over me.

Seriously. What is wrong with me?

I feel his lips against my temple. "Can you walk?"

"I think so."

"Not fucking good enough."

In the next second, he lifts me in his arms as if I weigh nothing and holds me close to him. Without thinking much, I lean my head against his shoulder and close my eyes.

Exhaustion lures me in like a spell and I fall under its magic.

I'm tired. I'm so very tired. Not just physically. My mind is empty right now, and when it's not, there's a storm of thoughts in there. So many voices speak. I can't escape them. I can't mute them. I can't do anything.

I'm losing a battle. One I can't see but only hear.

Heath sets me down in the car and bends over me with eyes flaming with anger and concern.

"I'm going to get you something to drink," he says.

"Water. I need water," I tell him, hoping he can hear me.

"Okay." With that, he shuts the door and leaves.

I lean my head against the seat and look out. The sight of my pool of vomit disgusts me.

Oh my God. I can't believe I did that.

The worst part is that Heath saw it. He saw all of it. I believe there's nothing more embarrassing that's left to be seen by him. He's seen me cry, sob, have a panic attack, and now puke.

I want to dig a big hole, throw myself in it, and never climb out. This time even the invisibility cloak can't save me. I just want to disappear.

Oh my. I'm so incredibly embarrassed.

The same mouth he's kissed just retched up in a parking lot. I bet he's sworn to never kiss me again.

With a groan, I cup my face in my hands.

I loved our kiss. It was the only good thing in my life. Now, it won't happen again.

Why did I have to ruin it all?

Well, I'm not sure what really happened.

One minute I was okay, the next minute I was nauseous.

Heath appears with two bags. He opens one and gives me a water bottle.

I quickly take it from him and drink a quarter of it. The cold water goes down my throat and washes off the remnants of the mess I threw up.

"How do you feel?" he asks.

I look over and find him watching me.

The streaks of warm orange rays from the setting sun, lovingly kiss his face. The hue of blue resembles the waves of a calm ocean touched by the last light of the sunset. Under that soft glow, his features emerge more strikingly. The perfect cut of his face, the sharp jawline, the strong nose, and the contours of his cheekbones. Every curve and edge look sharpened.

He smiles. "Are you lost in my eyes again?" he asks, in a raspy, deep voice.

"I…I…" No words come to my mind.

A chuckle breaks out of him and when he sobers up, his eyes stare at me so softly. Like all the tenderness and gentleness has collected in his eyes just for me.

Lifting his arm, he tucks my hair behind my ear, then cups the side of my face. "I asked, how are you feeling?"

"I'm better." Somehow, I manage to say, even though all I can think about is his hand cupping my cheek.

"You promise?" His thumb caresses my cheek, and his eyes never look away from me.

Has he always ever looked this much at me?

Definitely not.

Ever since we first kissed, he looks at me with these long stares that don't end, even when I look away. It's like his eyes love me or something.

It's probably something, not love obviously. I mean—

My nose twitches when I feel a kiss there.

I startle in shock and find Heath very close to my face.

"What are you cooking in that pretty little head of yours?"

"I…You…" That's all I can utter.

"What about us?" He looks amused.

My cheeks burn in embarrassment. Of course, I can't tell him what I was thinking.

"Nothing," I whisper.

"Tell me. I want to know what you were thinking about us."

"I'm sorry," I say instead.

That word changes his expression, and he backs up.

Heath narrows his eyes on me with a hint of anger in them. "What the fuck are you sorry about?"

"For puking and causing you all this trouble."

With a sigh, he looks away. "What you should be sorry about is not telling me what's going on. Seriously! What was that? Were you that sick the whole day at school? Or is there something else?"

He asks too many personal questions—inching closer to scraping off the last layer that's holding all my secrets.

"I don't know," I cry out, feeling confused and vulnerable all at once.

I want to talk about what happened yesterday, but I can't. Knowing Heath, he will confront Dad, and a fight will start between them. Possibly him getting hurt worse than at that illegal place he fights at.

I can't let anything happen to him.

I want to protect him.

Heath is like my favorite book out of the five hundred and ten books I've read so far.

He's the best thing that has happened to me.

I'm scared of Dad hitting me, but I'm terrified of losing Heath.

I've always wondered why people in books keep a secret when they can simply tell the other person. Now that I'm in the same position I understand why the big reveal doesn't happen until the last few chapters. It's because, like them, I don't want things to change between us. It's going good so far. Even when my secret looms over us like an evil eye.

"You don't trust me," he says harshly.

"That's not true."

I trust him, but not enough to talk about my family.

He arches an eyebrow "Isn't it? You hide things from me—"

"I don't know about your family. You never talk about them."

Heath's jaw flexes in response. I've hit the mark with those words. He knows I'm right, just as I am.

With a scoff, he replies, "I don't talk about them because I don't want to."

I gulp hard. The air is dense between us due to tension.

"And I don't talk because I can't."

"You keep saying that Hope. I'm fucking sick of it."

I look at him with tears burning my eyes. "I'm sick of it too. But sometimes you have to risk something to keep someone."

Heath stares at me for what feels like hours when in reality it's only been minutes.

I watch the sun set in his eyes and I watch the dusk arrive the same.

I could look away. I should. But I don't. Because in his eyes I find all I've been searching for.

A shift in air happens when he moves forward and cups the side of my neck. Gently, he pulls me to him. I go without a struggle. Pressing his forehead against mine he says, "You think I don't see the marks on you, but I do."

His hand takes mine, and he pushes up my sleeve revealing the bruises. "I know your arm hurts. I've been watching you all day. I only wished you'd tell me about it yourself."

"It hurts a lot."

His eyes soften, the anger from earlier dissipating a little. "Is there a bruise there?"

I nod.

"Did you take medicine?"

I shake my head.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?"

"Don't leave me." I pause. "I don't want to lose you. Not you ."

"I won't leave you. All I ever really think about since I've met you is you , Rose. I think about you all the fucking time. It doesn't matter if we're talking or not, you are there. Silence in my alone moments, or chaos in my mental breakdowns. In the middle of it all, you are there. You are always there."

"You are there too, in my chaos and silence. You're always there. Right in the middle of it."

His expressions turn serious. "You can trust me with anything. Anything . Whatever's going on that's causing you pain, I'll end it. I promise you. Just tell me. Talk to me."

"He's stronger than you," I whisper.

Realization sinks in until it's too late. I just told Heath. I gave him a hint.

I search his eyes and sure enough he's trying to piece it together.

His lips thin. "It's a man."

I don't speak a word.

He closes his eyes. "Fuck! I knew it. I knew there was someone."

"Heath, please let it go. I'll be fine—"

He turns to me with a dark look. "Fine? Hope, he's leaving fucking marks on you. Do you know how violent he must be—"

"I know how violent he is," I burst out.

My chest burns with heat, but I continue, "He hurts me. He hits me. Pushes me. Slaps me. Chokes me. He does so much to me, so believe me I know. I know how violent he is. You don't have to say it. It hurts a hundred times more when you say it."

He breathes heavily. "Tell me who he is, and I'll swear I'll bury him six feet under. You won't ever have to be afraid of him."

I hate how much it hurts when I talk about that monster. He isn't a human to me anymore.

My phone buzzes with a phone call. I retrieve it and see Mom's name.

I let it ring until it gets sent to voicemail.

A minute later, a message pops up on the screen.

Mom: Hope, where are you? I told you there would be a family dinner tonight. Why aren't you here?

Mom: Get home right now.

Mom: Your dad and I are waiting.

I switch off my phone with trembling hands.

Right. The dinner. It's why I vomited earlier.

A stare burns the side of my face. I know Heath is watching me closely. I bet he can read my emotions right off of my face as I do with books.

The panic starts to bubble under the surface, but I diminish it. I can't have another breakdown after having one just minutes ago.

I clean my face and sit up straight. "I need to go home."

"Home? Is that where he is?" He pauses. "You told me you live alone with your mother."

He's back. Two words. Certainly, they shouldn't be this difficult to speak—they are.

"I…" Silence follows.

Heath stares at me with patience. "Tell me what's going on? Who is this man that hurts you? Is this a man your mother is seeing or something? Give me something, Hope."

My phone buzzes again and I see another text from Mom.

Turning to him I say, "I need to go home. Now. Please."

He looks torn between interrogating me or taking me home. I understand the dilemma since I'm stuck in one myself. I want to tell him everything but protect him too.

Starting the car, he gives me a hard look that says I don't want you to fucking go.

"Will you be okay?"

I could lie to him—I should lie to him. But he's the last person I want to lie to anymore.

"I think I will be. I'm here, aren't I?" I give him an encouraging smile, wishing it raises his spirits.

It has no effect on him. If anything, he looks more infuriated.

"What if—" he bites his lip and closes his eyes.

What if you aren't? He's thinking about Emery. The sibling that he loved and cherished, then lost.

For once it's me who cups his cheek. His eyes shoot open and gaze at me with a magnitude of sorrow and grief—it almost buries me.

"I will be fine. I promise you," I assure him with a bright smile.

His eyes drop to my lips then return back to my eyes. He scowls. "That's what I'm fucking afraid of. You being fine ."

"Don't worry about me," I tell him.

He narrows his eyes on me. "I will always worry about you. It's not something I can just fucking stop. I don't think there's a stop button in my system."

I nod slowly.

His tone softens as he says, "I care about you a lot, more than the fucking limit."

"I care about you, too."

He gulps hard as if it physically hurts him. "If anything happens, call me. I will take you away from that house. I will come for you, no matter the time or day. I will come for you. You just fucking call me and I'll be there. You understand?"

Tears well up in my eyes. You just fucking call me and I'll be there.

Those words move my heart with an indescribable emotion. "You will come for me."

"Always."

Heath drives slowly as if prolonging the little time so I can't get home. I'm sure he's thinking about everything that I said to him. I gave him all the clues except for one.

I should feel better now that Heath knows a little, but all I seem to experience is anxiety.

I'm worried for him.

I can only wish he doesn't look into things deeply. If he does, I know it's a matter of time before he unravels the rest of it. I'm unprepared for that moment. I don't know what I'll say or do. What I do know is that everything we've built will splinter into pieces and my heart will be one of them.