33. Chapter 33

33

Hope

I'm bleeding.

I stare at the red liquid on my fingers.

Standing up with the help of my bed, I weakly stumble into the bathroom.

My vision blurs and black dots appear in front of my eyes. I barely make it inside on my two very imbalanced feet.

Turning on the light, I take in my disheveled state.

My hair is wild, and my eyes are puffy and red with the tears I shed in the past five minutes. But nothing is as horrific as the handprint on the left side of my face, and the gnash on the side of my head from hitting the edge of the bed.

Everything inside of me hurts. My skin, my bones, my heart, my soul, even the blood in my veins is searing hot like lava.

The door opens downstairs and a few minutes later the unmistakable sounds of pleasure phase through the walls. I gag and try to hold back the storm of sickness brewing in my stomach.

I can't believe Mom can let him touch her. He was drunk when he attacked me.

I enter the room with my heart beating out of my chest. I press my hand against my skin to keep it in. I truly believe Heath was going to kiss me. The way his blue eyes darkened as they stared at my lips, and his breathing turned ragged. Erasing those couple of centimeters between us, he could have been my first kiss.

The thought gives me butterflies as I step on the porch with an excited smile.

I feel something for him. Somewhere deep inside my heart, under layers of fears and doubts, there is something that blooms whenever he's near me. His proximity makes me feel safe.

And gosh, the way he looks at me. I feel his stare in my bones. Like he can see right through me—which is scary when I'm hiding secrets from him. Even knowing that he doesn't look any different at me.

I'm still thinking about him when I step inside the house and come face to face with Dad. He's in a white tank top and jeans. A cigarette hangs between his fingers as he exhales the smoke in my face.

I wave my hand around to brush away the smoke.

"Where are you coming from?" He stands in front of me.

"I was at the library," I lie.

He smiles. "Funny you say that. I was at the library earlier and Anastasia said you weren't there."

Air whooshes out of my chest. "I left early."

Sweat builds on the back of my neck. I'm nervous. So nervous.

"Interesting." He smothers the cigarette against the wall and throws it on the floor near my feet.

When I look up, he grabs me by my hair and drags me up to my room. His grip is tight, and he yanks my hair out of roots as his strides are long and mine aren't. I can barely keep up with him.

Shoving me inside my room he slaps me so hard my ears begin ringing.

For a second there my brain stops working.

"You're stupid if you think you can lie to me, and I'll let you go." Yanking me up by my arm he shakes me. The smell of alcohol is on him and his eyes are red.

"Where the fuck were you?" He raises his voice.

I try to cower away from him. But he's too strong and big compared to me.

"Let me go, please," I beg him with tears streaming down my eyes.

My cheek hurts so bad from the sting of his slap.

"I asked you a question." He pulls my hair.

"Where were you?" he asks again, gazing at me with his dark, menacing eyes.

My lips tremble from the pain. I'm in so much pain.

"Dad, let me go."

"I'll get the truth out of you, bitch. I bet you're whoring around the town thinking I won't find out. But I will. And when I do I'll kill him."

Chills race down my spine at the thought of him hurting Heath.

My face must've shown my worry because a smirk splits on his lips.

"I knew it. There is an asshole you're fucking."

"No!" I fight him but he tightens his hold on my hair.

"I can see it in your eyes. There is a guy. Tell me his name."

I shake my head. So hard and so fast I lose balance and stumble, but he keeps me in place.

"You're a fucking cunt who spreads her legs for the first guy she saw. Do you need attention, Hope? Is that what it's about?"

"No."

"Whoever it is, stay away from him, or else you won't like the consequences."

"Don't hurt him," I whisper, my eyes closing from the pain in my head from all the hair pulling. I'm half unconscious.

"I fucking knew it." Dad slaps me again. I fall and hit the side of my head against the edge of the bed.

I slump on the floor.

I don't know when he leaves, but the shift in air allows me to catch my breath.

I clean myself and then curl up on my bed. Lying on the side, I look out of the window.

The hills hide the view of the other side. I wonder what it's like out there. I've never been to the city before. From the whispers of the townspeople and the knowledge I've gained from books and TV, I bet it's wonderful there.

I've never wished to go to the city before. But tonight, I do. I wish to go away from here.

In more than a month Dad has traumatized me enough to be afraid of sleep. He's breaking me little by little. I'm losing pieces of me. Or maybe he's already broken me.

Tears drip down my chin and wet my T-shirt.

I'm in pain. So much pain.

The thing is, I don't even know why he's abusing me. Ever since he's come back, I've become his target, and Mom has become his biggest supporter. Everything has taken a three hundred and sixty turn around. I can't make sense of anything.

Dad threatened Heath. I can't let him hurt the one friend I care about the most. The person who makes me feel safe. The person I can share stuff with. The person who cares about me.

Heath is a good guy, despite what the school says. I don't even care what anyone says.

I see him, and I know he sees me too.

The mere thought of him accelerates my heart. The kind I've read about in books when a character starts to catch feelings.

Am I catching feelings for Heath?

You can't, my mind warns me.

After what Dad did tonight, I can't.

I care too much about Heath to get him hurt because of me. I won't allow it.

Even when the idea of being away from him makes me weep hard.

The next day at school I avoid Heath at all costs. It starts with the locker and then our first class together which is Math. I take the furthest seat from him, but he moves the guy sitting next to me and takes his seat. His stare burns my face throughout the class, but I refuse to acknowledge it.

Luckily we have different classes. I'm in AP classes for most of my subjects so I don't see him until physics. Like before, he sits next to me but I'm quick to change the seat. The lecture starts before he can do anything.

Marie and Sebastian don't say a word during lunch, but they know something is up.

By off time, Marie pulls me to her car.

"What's up between you two?" she asks.

"Nothing." I tightly hold my book to my chest.

"If there's something, you can tell me." She touches my arm, and I flinch.

She frowns. "What was that?"

"Nothing." I smile.

She shakes her head. "It wasn't nothing. You flinched when I touched you."

"Just a stupid body reaction," I say, hoping she believes me.

"But—"

I start to back up. "I should go. I have to be home to make dinner."

"You want a ride?"

"No, thank you."

She nods and watches me as I hurry out of the school.

I don't want to hurt Marie. She's my friend. But I also can't burden her with my worries.