2. Chapter 2

2

Heath

THE SMELL OF THE CIGARETTE LINGERS AS I STUB IT OUT WITH THE HEEL OF MY SHOE.

My chest should feel less tight, and my mind should be less crowded, but nothing changes.

I need one more. Then I'd feel fucking better.

"Where the fuck was your ass?" Sebastian approaches me with a scowl.

"Why? Are you fond of it?" I lit up my third cigarette. The prior two have been fucking ineffective at numbing the anger coursing through me. It never truly goes away, no matter what I do. Over the past year, it's become a permanent part of me, and I want nothing more to get rid of it.

He smirks playfully. "Unlike you, I have someone who's got a fine ass I can fond over for eternity."

"Touché. My ego is hurt." I exhale the smoke that fades Sebastian from view. But the sharp glare he's sending me tells me he's right here.

He's fucking stubborn. He doesn't know how to leave me alone—not that I want him to. He's the only person who's keeping me from drifting into the darkness. My best friend.

Sebastian clears the smoke with a wave of his hand. "Your ego should be the last thing hurting, considering, your grades are going to fall if you keep up this act. You can't come to school to skip classes and smoke until you're high as fuck." He agitatedly paces in front of me like a mad father.

I sigh. "My grades are fine, and I don't miss classes that often."

He arches an eyebrow accusingly. "Really? Because this is the third time this week and it is only Thursday." Annoyance covers his face. "You're better than this, Heath. Inhaling poison won't numb anything, and you fucking know that," he says every word with a finger pointing at me.

He's so wrong. Getting high helps to quiet my thoughts and numb my emotions. There is calm for a few minutes, my body stops vibrating with pain and anger. I crave that feeling. That's what makes me smoke.

"Except it does help, Bash," I say placidly, the chemicals start to work into my system.

There it is. The temporary calm to my relentless storm.

"One of these days you're going to regret ever doing this. Like me." The warning slips past his mouth like a bullet, but it doesn't hit me. It never does.

My best friend thinks I'm afraid of death. That's the best thing that could ever happen to me. I want it to happen to me. I've got nothing to gain or lose from life. Not anymore. Not since last year.

"I won't." Resenting the look of concern on his face, I throw the cigarette on the ground and smother it with my shoe. It's already done its magic.

Folding his arms over his chest, he joins me by leaning against my car. His gaze filled with concern. "Now tell me."

"Tell you what?" I rake my fingers through my hair as uneasiness bubbles under my skin. My hands aren't occupied which makes it hard to hide the shaking.

"What the fuck is wrong? You don't smoke unless there's a reason. And there's always a reason. So, tell me what it is or else…"

"Or else what?" I ask.

"I'll delete your Fortnite account." The mischievous glint in his eyes tells me that he'll do it.

"You wouldn't fucking dare," I hiss. I've spent long hours to reach the ‘champion' rank. I'm so close to becoming ‘unreal' which is the last and highest rank. Sebastian is ‘diamond.' Marie, his girlfriend, is higher than him. She is ‘elite.' She's better than him, but he doesn't mind.

"Trust me, I would. And hurry up. She'll be coming out any minute now. I can't cater to your grumpy attitude around her."

I steal some air to breathe out my next words. "Dad called."

Two words. They are enough to make Sebastian understand why I'm in a sour mood and why I was smoking. That man gets on my nerves like no one else. And when he tries to control me, it's even more aggravating.

Last week, I got into a fight and broke a guy's nose. He provoked me knowing I don't like it when there's anything said about her. Like a pussy he reported to the principal, who then called my father, who then called me. Our six-minute call today ended with me cursing at him, and then hanging up. I was so close to blocking his number—an urge that frequently crosses my mind—but I didn't. Like every single time, I didn't have the fucking guts to do it.

"Oh fuck, man. You okay?" Sebastian asks in a soft tone that irks me. I don't need his pity.

"I'm fine." I'm not fine. I will never be.

"What did he say?"

"Usual stuff. Freeze my credit cards, stop my allowance, and ground me. As if he can do any of that. I earn enough to support myself." I look away and catch a glimpse of the girl who bumped into me earlier.

"Look I know—" Sebastian speaks, but I hardly hear a word. All my attention is centered on that girl. The pretty girl with her prettiest eyes.

My eyes follow her. Holding a book in front of her she paves her way aimlessly, as if telling the universe to clear her path because she's too busy reading. At this rate, she'll end up bumping into another guy, and he might not be kind enough to help her.

For fuck's sake. She needs to be careful.

"—you could've attended the last three classes. Two of them were free anyway." Sebastian finishes just as she disappears around the corner.

It takes me a minute to construct a reply. "I was pissed, especially after some girl walked into me. I had to collect her papers and folder for her." I shove my hands into my pockets to not reach for another cigarette. I'll get lectured and I'm not in the mood for it.

Sebastian's eyes grow big. "You helped her?"

I'm surprised too.

"It wasn't a big deal." I shrug carelessly.

He chuckles. "Yeah right. I see you helping girls every day."

"I don't help anyone."

"Then why did you help her?"

"Because she needed it," I say, running a hand through my hair, wishing this conversation would end soon.

He arches an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

Sending him a glare, I ask, "Why else would I help her?"

"What does she look like?"

Is he fucking serious? "Why the fuck are you asking me that?"

He puts a hand on his chest. "Tell me. You're entitled to tell me everything." If it isn't obvious already, my best friend is dramatic.

"Don't bullshit me. In no form of words, I ever want to hear you talk about fucking your girlfriend."

Sebastian gasps. "I wanted to talk about my feelings."

"Feelings? You told me the seven fucking ways you fuck her to Sunday."

I was traumatized by those gruesome details. No one needs to hear them. Least of all me. I don't need to be reminded of what action he's getting when I get none. Not that I'm looking for sex. My hand does the job just fine. Besides, I might get addicted to it just to fill the emptiness in me and end up with a baby. Thanks fucking not.

"I mentioned how I felt while doing it. So, it counts." Sebastian shrugs like it's no big deal that he injected explicit images into my brain.

"Just don't talk about it to me ever again," I warn him.

He sighs loudly. "I hope you get so choked up in feelings that you ask me about sex and feelings."

That would never happen. "Not a fucking chance."

"We'll see." Sending me a smile, he snaps the hair tie on his wrist that his girlfriend gave him for anxiety. I often find him snapping it when he's stressed, but occasionally, he does it out of habit. It helps him to not get lost in his head.

Only someone who knows him from the inside out can tell when it's serious and when it's not. Right now, it's not serious.

"You didn't answer, Heath," Sebastian prods.

"For fuck's sake," I mutter, earning a chuckle from him.

"C'mon tell me. It's not like I'll talk to her or anything."

Strangely that idea lights fire under my skin

"Why the fuck would you do that?" I pin him with a glare.

With a smile he says, "I'll figure it out." That's his catchphrase. Four words that mean trouble.

"Hey guys." Marie, his girlfriend, skips up to him with a grin so bright it could compete with sun. She is a goddamn sunshine. If the light of a thousand suns was trapped in a human form, it'd be Marie Anderson. The five-foot-seven who's got a six-foot-two wrapped around her finger so pathetically I wonder if she's a witch behind all that light.

"That's no way to greet your boyfriend, babe." Sebastian wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her to him. "You know the right thing."

"I do." With a giddy smile, she stands on her tiptoes and kisses him.

One kiss turns into a make-out session. I have to clear my throat to pull them apart. "You'll get plenty of time to continue."

Marie breaks the kiss and turns to me. "Not really. I've got tons of homework. Also, we have a chemistry test next week. I barely understood the topic. The concepts are so weird. Like puzzle pieces scattered and nothing makes sense. I asked Mr. Carlie to explain to me again, but he said he couldn't repeat a whole forty-minute lecture. But I really need the help. Besides—"

"You talk too much, Blondie." After a year I still haven't gotten used to her ramblings. How does she find so many words?

Marie beams. "I know, but Sebastian said it's okay and you don't mind. You just tell me otherwise."

I shoot him a curious look and he pins me with a ‘you better agree with that, or I'll kill you' look. For her, he will.

"Of course," I mutter and earn a smile.

Fuck. What's there to smile about in life?

"You could ask someone to help you," Sebastian suggests, caressing her cheek with his knuckles.

She blushes under his touch, and continues, "I did. Mr. Carlie said I should ask Hope. She's extremely smart and offers help. I'll look for her tomorrow."

Hugging her from behind Sebastian kisses Marie's cheek. Twice . As if once wasn't enough.

"You'll do great," he assures her with another kiss.

She tilts her head to face him. "I hope so. I don't like it when I score below C. It's not a bad grade, but I feel—"

"It is bad." I put her rambling to stop.

She faces me. "No, it's not. It's an okay grade. Meaning you can improve if you work hard."

I don't know if she's saying it because she believes that, or she's seen the C on my Biology test. The only subject I don't get an A-plus in.

"Heath met a girl." Sebastian changes the topic.

I don't know if I should thank him or punch him.

" Girl ? Heath met a girl?" Marie looks between us in excitement. She's been waiting for me to meet someone. She hates that I'm a loner.

I do, too. Third wheeling with a couple who are nauseatingly in love isn't fucking fun.

"I'm straight, Blondie," I state in a grave tone.

"You are?" she asks with her hazel eyes peering up at me.

I narrow my eyes. "Why the fuck would you think otherwise?"

"You never talk to girls and hate when they hit on you," she says without skipping a beat.

"That doesn't mean I'm not straight."

"Well, I thought… anyway, so, you met a girl. Where did you meet her? What does she look like? What grade is she in? Do you have the same classes? No wait, tell me her name. I wanna know her name. I'll find the rest. But really does she—"

"She bumped into me. That's all that happened."

The hyper-energy whistles out of her like a deflated balloon getting pricked. She leans back into her boyfriend. "So, no talking and exchanging numbers?"

"We didn't go that far." I humor her.

"How far did you go?"

"Nowhere."

"That's a bummer. You should've taken a few steps."

"I stayed put." I'm getting annoyed with this topic. Seriously! So I bumped into a girl and helped her. What's the fucking big deal?

"He helped her by picking up her papers and folder," my best friend adds.

Marie gasps. "Heath helped her!"

Why is it so strange that I helped a girl? I've helped people bef—never mind I haven't. I hate people and do everything to avoid them.

"It wasn't a big deal." I grind my molars in frustration.

"What is she like?" Marie asks just like Sebastian. The two of them are so similar in ways. Like two sides of a coin.

"Pretty," I say without thinking.

What the fuck? I didn't mean that.

What the fuck is wrong with my head?

"What?" Marie and Sebastian exclaim, making me grimace. There's no way they missed it.

"Clumsy. I meant clumsy." I correct, as if that'll help my case in any way.

The damage can't be undone, but good luck with that.

Marie shakes her head. "No! You said pretty . You called her P-R-E-T-T-Y." She spells it out as if my ears didn't hear my mind betraying me. Fucking traitor.

"It was a mistake. I meant clumsy, silly girl." Yes. I meant that. Not that other word from any fucking angle.

"No. I heard you." Like her boyfriend, Marie folds her arms and fixes me with a calculated look. "You can't take that back now. It's set in stone."

"I'll set the stone on fire," I say.

"You can't do that. They are made of oxide which is—"

"I'm leaving." Opening the door to my car, I get inside and switch on the engine. Just when my foot is about to press onto the accelerator a knock on the window stops me. I slide it down.

"It's okay, you know," Marie says softly. She tries to sprinkle sunlight on my dark life, but it doesn't work. I'm a black hole that destroys it.

Marie started dating Sebastian last year, and I've spent enough time with her to tolerate her presence. She's my best friend, and I care about her, especially when she's been through so much. I'd protect her from the bad, and ruin anyone who tries to make her miserable—I did do that. I don't show it often. I'm an angry, cold guy, but she knows me enough to not take my tough remarks to heart. She knows I'll be there for her and it's all that matters.

"It was an accident. Nothing more."

"Some accidents are too good to not be coincidences." Her gentle smile doesn't stop me from my crude reply.

"Nothing in my life is a coincidence. Everything is a fucking accident."

I drive out of the school feeling my chest packed with the returning heaviness.