32. Lyla

The door to my bedroom swings open, and Sage steps inside without knocking. We've breached so many barriers in the last few days, that's simply another one that doesn't exist.

I'm not even sure why I'm back in here when I know I'll end up in his bed later. It just felt like I needed some space to think after seeing the wings. My stomach might as well be filled with lead because my insides are so heavy.

"I could have been changing," I say, like that would matter to him.

He shrugs. "Guess I'm out of luck then."

When he drops down onto my bed, the weight of his body shifts the mattress and messes up my tarot cards.

Looking up at him, I frown.

"This isn't going to give you the answers you're looking for."

"And you will?" I purse my lips.

"What answers do you want?"

I look into his dark brown eyes, fanning my deck out. "Pick a card, Sage. I just need one more."

On any other day, he'd roll his eyes. He would argue this is ridiculous. But today, he reaches forward and picks one, flipping it over.

"Ace of cups." I would laugh if it weren't so ironic.

Possibility. Hope. Something on the verge of blooming if it could only have the chance. Sage and I are finally finding our way together, right when it feels like we'll be inevitably torn apart. Good things never last and they always have the worst timing.

I'm staring at the spread, but no matter how many ways I look at it, I'm always told the same thing. That being with Sage is the best outcome at the worst time. Maybe if we were different people with different fates, this could all play out how I want it to.

"Aren't you going to read my fortune?" Sage asks, even though I know he doesn't believe in it.

I shake my head. "Maybe another day."

Stacking the cards into a pile, I set them on my nightstand and lean back against the headboard, burying my face in my hands. But Sage grabs me by the waist and tugs me into the middle of the bed. His chest is to my back as he buries his face in my hair.

"Did you tell Kane about the package?" I assume that's why he disappeared to make a phone call when I said I was going to my room.

"Yes."

"And?"

"He's sending one of the guys to come pick it up this afternoon."

If I could just pause time maybe I wouldn't spend so much of my life feeling like I'm holding my breath.

"I guess that's it then. We know it's the same person if they used the whole wing reference." I cling to Sage's arms when he tightens them around my waist. "Like Ellie's ear wasn't enough."

His body tenses at my comment, and I roll to face him. So much works in his dark eyes that they might as well be playing tricks on me. Time moved on but I haven't. I'm still the girl who has only ever wanted to be his.

It's absurd to think I'm safe with everything going on, but in Sage's arms, I know he'd never willingly let anyone get to me.

"You haven't asked me what happened when I was taken," I say as he brushes my hair from my face.

"You'll tell me when you want to." He kisses my forehead. "If you want to."

"Sometimes I think I don't even remember all of it." I close my eyes, and my mind sets itself between those four concrete walls. "But I remember Ellie. I remember promising her we'd get out of there when she started to fade. I was lying to both of us."

Blinking my eyes open, Sage is watching me, but he isn't saying anything. He just listens and holds me.

"I don't blame her for letting go, even if I begged her not to. Sometimes I wish I hadn't made it out of there either."

It took years not to feel the shackles on my ankles. Not to see the malice in the eyes of anyone who looked at me. It took seeing Sage again to remember I could feel warm, safe, whole.

But without my sister, I'll always be half in certain ways.

I'll always remember the light in her eyes fading out, and trying to be strong for her in those final moments like it could offer peace after everything they'd done to us. I wanted to stop fighting once she was gone. There was no point—no hope. I wanted them to kill me so I wouldn't have to sit beside her and watch her slowly rot.

Whoever Sage saved from the basement wasn't me. At least, not for a few years. I don't think I existed again until Sage once more found me.

"You said you never saw the man who was behind your kidnapping?"

I shake my head. "I heard them talk about him, but he never showed his face."

Something about my comment has Sage's eyebrows pinching.

"What is it?"

"It's just if he didn't let you see him, he probably thought you'd recognize him."

"You think it's someone close to Kane?" It would make sense, even if it's more unsettling than thinking it's a rival club.

"I think it's likely." Sage runs his fingers up and down my arm. "And so does your dad."

I'm not surprised, even if I'm not comforted by the prospect.

"I tried to find her, you know?" I twist my fingers together.

"Who?"

"My mom."

"You did?" Sage holds me close, brushing my hair back.

I nod. "I thought she'd want to know about Ellie, even if it had been a few years since she'd seen us."

"I'm sure she would."

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. "I couldn't figure out where she was. The last letter I got from her was postmarked from Santa Fe, but I might as well have been searching for air. It was no use."

"I'm sorry."

And I'm sure Sage is, even if it doesn't change anything.

"It's not your fault. And it's not hers either." I shake my head. "I grieved enough for the both of us."

"I can see if one of the guys at the club can track her down. I'm sure Kane's kept tabs."

"It's fine. At least one of us doesn't have to live with knowing what happened to Ellie."

Sage rubs circles over my skin, and even if I can tell he doesn't agree with my logic, he'll let it go.

"Hey." Mason stops in my doorway, and I jump at his voice. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Or interrupt."

"It's fine." I expect Sage to pull away with Mason catching us in my bed, but he doesn't let me go when I try to shift.

"I'm headed to the shop." He glances at Sage now, and they share a look. "Unless you need anything."

"We're good. Thanks."

Mason nods at Sage, knocking on the doorframe once before disappearing.

"What was that about?" I ask when the front door opens and closes.

"He overheard me talking with Kane."

"Does Mason know about your history with the Twisted Kings?"

"Some," Sage says, and if I had to guess it's probably not much. "I have something for you."

Sage pulls away, climbing to stand while I sit up on my bed. I watch him make his way across the hall to his own.

And when he comes back, he almost looks nervous about whatever he's going to give me. His hands are tucked in his pockets, and his gaze skims me up and down for a moment before he grabs my hips and pulls me to the edge of the bed.

It's so swift and sudden that I catch myself from falling by grabbing his shoulders while he kneels between my legs.

Taking my right hand, he holds it up between us.

"This." He opens his palm, and my heart seizes when I recognize the silver band sitting in the center of his palm.

It's identical to the one that lives on my pinkie finger, and I haven't seen it in years.

"Ellie's ring?"

"Yeah." He slips it onto my right hand, while mine sits on my left. "I thought you might want it someday, so I saved it for you."

I hold my hands up and look between the identical bands. Ellie and I got them at a craft fair when we were nine, and at that point they fit better on our thumbs than pinkies. They were our butterfly wings. Mirror images. And now I wear both of them because she's gone.

"You kept it?" I blink back my tears, looking at Sage.

"I did."

"You assumed you'd see me again?" I rest my hands on my thighs as the weight of the realization sinks in.

"Maybe I hoped I would."

"Mm-hmm." I wrap my arms up around his shoulders. "So this was all a just in case?"

Leaning in, I plant a kiss on his mouth, and I'm pretty sure a part of me breaks off and stays with him when I do.

"Thank you," I whisper against his mouth.

Just like Sage did back then, he finds ways to make me whole. He takes care of the wounds I don't realize are still bleeding. There is no defining us, and I've stopped trying. We're meant to be and that's all that matters.

Pulling back, I look Sage in the eyes. "Can you tell me about Ellie's funeral?"

He must know something—or enough. If he had her ring and knows where she's buried, then he was around for the aftermath.

His throat moves with his swallow, and it draws out the veins in his neck. There's a bit of hesitation in his eyes before he nods once and climbs back into my bed.

He's still shirtless, in his sweats, as he leans against the headboard. He pulls me down to sit between his legs, with my back to his chest.

"What do you want to know?" he asks, rubbing my bare thigh with his thumb, grazing back and forth where his oversized T-shirt rides up my thighs.

"Everything."

Even if it hurts. Even if it's salt in old wounds. It doesn't matter. They haven't started healing because I left them wide open. Until I face these truths, I'm never going to escape the past I've spent years running from.

"Okay." He takes a deep breath, and I settle in. "It was big. Bikers from chapters across the country came for it. And it was cold. The ground was like digging into iron."

"You helped dig her grave?" My throat tightens.

He nods. "We held my dad's the night before. I helped dig them both."

I squeeze his hand like it can absorb his pain. I've spent so much time drowning in grief that sometimes I forget Sage was doing the same. We both left that house with less than what we walked in with.

Sage was close to his father. He looked up to him. He talked to him about everything, and he wanted to be a Twisted King because of him. It's clear the weight of his grief still hangs heavy.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for your father's funeral."

I'm sorry I'm only alive because he's dead.

But I don't say that part. I swallow it down with all the regrets I've buried these past eight years.

"It's probably for the best after what happened. You didn't need to stick around for more death." Sage sighs, planting a kiss on the top of my head. "We waited to have Ellie's funeral until the morning after my dad's. Kane said that was her favorite time of day."

It was, and it surprises me that he remembered that.

"It started to rain a little in the middle of the service, but everyone just stood there pretending not to notice. It was so fucking quiet. Like how it should be when you lay someone to rest. Like the rain was a sign that she was going to be at peace even after everything that happened to her. It's hard to explain."

"I get it." Or I feel it at least.

"And even after it ended, I stayed out there for a while with Kane."

"In the rain?"

He nods against the back of my head.

I close my eyes and try to imagine the Twisted Kings cemetery. I try to imagine standing beside Sage that day and putting my sister to rest. I imagine the funeral like it can offer the serenity I never found when I ran.

"It sounds peaceful."

"Surprisingly, given where we were." He kisses the back of my head. "I can take you to her grave sometime if you want me to."

"I'd like that." Closing my eyes, the weight of sleep starts to pull me under. "Tell me more. What did you do after it was over?"

Sage starts to tell me about the muddy ground and how his boots stuck to it like he wasn't supposed to leave. About the cool air and the music playing in the background. About how he left the compound and didn't come back for three days.

And I drift off to the sound of his voice rocking me to sleep. Imagining I can rewrite our history in my dreams, creating one where I was strong enough to be there for him.

One where I'd let him be there for me.