16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen

Silas

" H i," Fenella says as I slide into her car. Her smile is a mix of excitement and uncertainty, and the combination is adorable.

I never would have imagined Fenella could be adorable. There is a thesaurus-length worth of descriptives for her, but adorable? Cute?

Seeing her behind the wheel of a bright yellow Charger, with the engine rumbling like a low-grade earthquake? Definitely cute.

I hand her a cup. "Pumpkin spice and vanilla."

Her fingers brush mine as she takes it. "You remembered."

"It's not that difficult, since you had three of them already today. Maybe I should have made it a decaf."

She shakes her head as she takes a sip. "Caffeine does nothing to me. I think it was all the Red Bulls I drank when I was younger."

"That stuff will rot your stomach."

"Don't tell my brother or Gunnar. The company sponsored them for a while when they were playing at extreme sports. "

"That shouldn't be something you play with." I take a sip of my tea—caffeine does do things for me, so I've switched to decaffeinated Earl Grey with steamed milk—and study Fenella. "What's the plan?"

"I don't do plans." She laughs. "Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"There are quite a few things I've yet to figure out about you," I tell her honestly.

"I'm a woman of mystery. Actually, I'm not. My life is an open book to all. You said I should see more of Laandia." Taking another sip of her coffee, she settles the cup in the holder in the console between the seats. Her phone is propped up, playing the latest Taylor Swift album.

This should be uncomfortable; I barely know Fenella. She now works for me—sort of, since she refuses to let me pay her—but what do I really know about her?

I know she smells like cherries. That she favours silver jewelry, especially her collection of rings. And that her selection of coats will not be warm enough for October in Laandia. "And you should see more of it. Is that what you had in mind? Sightseeing in the dark?"

"Maybe some stars?"

The fact that she asks does strange things to my insides. "Sounds good to me."

"Where should we go then?"

"Seems like you're in the driver's seat. "

"Buckle up, baby." Fenella shifts into gear and pulls away with a satisfying roar of the engine. "You have a lot of faith in me, considering I was the one who was lost last night," she points out as she does a loop around the town square.

"Were you really lost, or just curious? Turn down this street."

From the flash of her eyes, I see I was right, and I chuckle softly. "Where did the soup come from?"

"Lobster chowder from Laura Schmidt. In case you're hungry."

"Nice. A full-service kidnapping. Turn right."

"How can it be a kidnapping if you came willingly? And are giving me directions?"

"You lured me with soup and a shiny car."

"Is that all it takes? You've got to work on your standards, Silas." Fenella grins at me. I've spent the day watching her smiles and this is another new one. Mischievous. Impulsive?

And—intimate? That's what it feels like, being caught in a bubble of new-car smell and Taylor singing about being forgotten.

"How come the car still smells new?" I wonder as I direct Fenella to the road south of town that hugs the coast. The moon hangs low in the sky behind us and I can already see the twinkle of Venus along the horizon.

Fenella pats the dashboard with a possessive smile. "I've no idea, because it's not new. But it's clean. Maybe Coy uses some special cleaning stuff."

"That doesn't sound like Coy."

She glances over at me. "Maybe it's magic."

"Do you believe in magic, Fenella?"

She shakes her head. "I'd like to, but no. I have a good life, but I know none of it is because of magic."

"Oh, I don't know, I've seen some of your makeup videos. That's a kind of magic, isn't it?"

Fenella gives a peal of embarrassed laughter. "Oh, my god, you've watched them?"

"Wyatt. He's obsessed. I'd be worried, but I know he's harmless. Do you know you have a Wikipedia page?"

"I do? Weird."

Fenella drives as fast as I expected but has full control of the car, shifting gears like a pro and taking the curves in the road like she grew up driving them. I revise my earlier cute impression because the way she drives this car is kind of hot.

I make a mental note to tell Wyatt so he can add to his Fenella collection of facts, but think better of it. He doesn't need the encouragement.

Waves crash against the shore on one side, towering trees with colourful leaves muted in the dim light line the other. The car's headlights illuminate ahead of us. I've always loved the loneliness of this road.

It's just Fenella and me in her new, old car.

I never would have expected this when she walked into the shop a few days ago. Or when I first saw her with Gunnar years ago .

Or when Wyatt showed me that handbag ad with its millions of views.

I'm alone with Fenella Carrington, and I better make the most of it.

I point to her phone as the song changes. "Favourite song?"

"Off an album or of all time?"

"Off the album."

"Are you a Swiftie?"

"Actually, no. But it's a way to get to know my latest employee."

"You want to get to know me because I'm your employee?"

"Sure. I'm a good boss."

Fenella chuckles. "Okay, then. I'll go with Smallest Man Alive because it reminds me of Tiger."

"He really messed you up, didn't he?"

She takes a moment before answering. "He really didn't. It wasn't enjoyable to catch him cheating on me, but I'm almost as mad at how I reacted as at what he did, and that shows that I didn't care all that much."

"Very mature of you."

"I have my moments. Why aren't you dating anyone?" She glances over to gauge my reaction. "Just getting to know my boss," she says cheerfully.

I take a moment before I answer. This isn't like Stella or Sophie, or even Edie, with their constant questions about my lack of dating life. Or Wyatt bugging me. This is me alone in a car with Fenella, and since it's probably going to be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, why not be honest?

"I guess it's because someone messed me up," I confess. "It took me a while to get over it, and I didn't want to start anything until I was sure."

"Why did she leave? Small town," she adds. "People talk."

"Edie or Leodie?" I guess. "Or Sophie."

"Possibly all of the above."

I chuckle. "Mia." Her name doesn't completely eradicate my good mood, so that's a start. "If you didn't get her name."

"It's more important to find out what she did and why," Fenella says. "I can make up some good names after that."

"She left… she left because she didn't want the life I offered her," I admit. Saying her name is one thing, rehashing her reasons is another. "The life I wanted wasn't enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her."

My words hang between us, lit by the dim light of the dashboard.

I probably shouldn't have admitted that.

"I don't see it that way," Fenella says quickly, too quickly for the thought to have just popped into her mind. The way people talk about my relationship with Mia shows how everyone has an opinion. Everyone has a way it could have been fixed, salvaged, saved.

Ask anyone in town, and they have an opinion on what went wrong with Mia and me, even if they don't know the details .

For the first time, I realize Fenella and I have more in common than I would have thought.

"And how do you see it?" I ask stiffly.

"You say she didn't want what you were offering, which I guess would be safety and security. A comfortable life, with family and friends."

I can't help but cringe at her explanation. "You make it sound extremely boring."

"Not for some."

"For you?"

Fenella pauses, mulling over the question like she's got a new flavour of candy in her mouth. "I have financial security, but that's it," she begins. "I've never been in a long-term, committed relationship, but if I was, and it wasn't the right guy, I could see feeling like I was trapped."

Trapped? "So you're saying I wasn't the right guy for her."

"That's obvious." She glances over at me. "You probably don't want to hear this, but I think she made the right decision to leave. She wanted a different kind of life, and if she'd stayed—and I'm sure that was the easier decision because you're amazing—if she'd stayed, she'd have ended up resenting you. I don't believe in regretting things, but in my opinion, she'd have ended up regretting not leaving. And if you had a marriage and kids, that just gets messy."

Messy. Isn't that what Mia told me—she wanted a clean break?

"Sorry if I hit a nerve," she adds softly.

"I think all my nerves about this were cauterized years ago," I tell her ruefully.

"Ew. That sounds painful."

"It was. But not so much anymore."

I've spent years hiding my feelings and telling everyone I was fine. Mia leaving did mess me up—not only was it the ending of a real, serious relationship but I lost my best friend.

I wasn't what Mia wanted, and for years, I've thought it was my fault. That I was lacking.

But maybe it wasn't all me. Maybe she was missing something. Maybe she wouldn't have been able to give me what she wanted and leaving really was the best for us both.

Maybe. The word looms ahead of me like the empty road, opening up so many possibilities.

"Turn left after the next curve," I instruct Fenella.

"Ah. You do have a plan," she says as she slows down for the curve—not enough, but at least we don't take the turn on two wheels.

"Not really, but I have ideas," I admit.

"Ideas are always good."

"Sometimes. So you think I'm amazing, do you?"