Chapter 44

Chapter Forty-Four

Anya

N icole shows up a short while later, carrying a doctor’s case onto the backyard terrace where I’m overseeing the dismantling of the gazebo. The rental company doesn’t really need my assistance. My help is just an excuse to escape a conversation I don’t want to have with Saverio. I said what I had to. So did he. Only, he said his part a long time ago. There’s nothing left to discuss.

“Hey,” she says, touching my arm.

She looks snazzy in a fitted, long-sleeved halter neck top and sexy cargo pants.

I smile. “Hi.”

“How are you feeling?” she asks with a sympathetic light in her baby-blue eyes.

“Not great. You?”

“Much better after a greasy breakfast.”

I shiver at the sound of that.

“Still nauseous?” she asks.

“The mention of your breakfast almost had me vomiting again.”

“I’ve got something that will help.” She tilts her head toward the house. “Study?”

Sav may be there, and I’m not ready to face him. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

“How’s Claire?” she asks as I lead her back into the house. “Did Sav tell you the good news?”

I stop, my heart thrumming in my chest. “The tests?”

“There are traces of a mild sedative in Claire’s blood but nothing serious.”

Relief sweeps through me. I place a hand over my heart. “Oh thank God. I was so worried.”

She frowns. “Didn’t Sav tell you?”

Continuing toward the staircase, I avert my gaze. “We, um, haven’t had much time to talk yet. A detective came around. He left not long ago.”

“Yeah. Sav told me when he called.”

I go ahead up the stairs.

“Where is Claire?” she asks as I open the bedroom door and step aside for her to enter.

“Livy is playing with her in the television room.”

Nicole stops in her tracks when her gaze lands on the suitcase on the bed. “Are you guys running away?” She gives me a panicked look over her shoulder. “Should we be packing?”

Blowing out a sigh, I say, “It’s nothing like that.”

“Oh no, Anya.” She turns to face me. “What happened?”

“I’m not giving up on him, not as a friend who’ll always have his back, but I can’t stay with him as his wife if he doesn’t love me.” Repeating my words to Saverio, I say, “We both deserve better.”

She drops her case on the bed and pats the mattress.

I pad over and sit down.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She unclips the case and takes out a vial and a hypodermic needle. “What happened to letting Sav’s actions speak for themselves? He couldn’t say it any louder than he did with the party he threw for you.”

“The party was amazing, and I appreciate everything he did for me. The dance touched me deeply. So did the cake and the beautiful flowers and all the hard work you put in to make everything so perfect. But coming close to death not once but twice made me realize I want more. I don’t want parties and sweet acts that give me hope only to have my heart broken time and again.” I swallow down my tears, my voice shaking with the effort not to cry. “Because every time he tells me he doesn’t love me, my heart breaks a little more, and I’m afraid it will destroy me bit by bit until there’s nothing left of me.”

Her gaze is compassionate. “Does he really have that much power over you, enough to destroy you? Is that how much you love him?”

I blink away the moisture that gathers in my eyes. “I’m afraid so.” I take a deep, calming breath. “I realized something else too. I realized that clinging to Saverio just because I’m madly in love with him is selfish behavior on my part. If we allow this obsession to continue, we’ll stay with each other for all the wrong reasons. If I don’t let him go, he’ll never find the woman who’ll heal him and allow him to love again, and I won’t meet someone who’s capable of returning my love.”

She sighs. “As much as it pains me to say, I understand your logic. But I still think you’re perfect for each other. And I know if you leave, Sav will be devastated.”

“Maybe for a short while, but he was devastated when Rachele left him too, not so? He’ll get over it.”

She purses her lips. “When are you leaving?”

“As soon as possible. There’s no point in dragging it out. The sooner I do this, the quicker we can move on.”

She digests that for a moment before giving a resigned nod. “I hoped for a different ending for the two of you, but I can’t fault you for putting your self-preservation and happiness first. I respect your decision. I’ll support you just as I’ll support Sav.”

“Thanks.” I take her hand and give a squeeze. “That means a lot to me.”

Her smile is rueful. “Shall we make you feel better?”

“Please. I really need to eat, but the sight of food alone makes me sick.”

“That won’t do, especially as you’re breastfeeding,” she says, going to the bathroom.

While scrubbing her hands in the basin, she calls from the open door, “Any idea where you’ll go?”

“I’m still thinking about that.” When she returns, I say, “I haven’t told Livy yet. I’ll appreciate it if you don’t mention anything until I’ve had time to speak to her.”

Fitting a pair of surgical gloves, she says, “Of course.”

“Thanks, Nicole. For everything. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Don’t mention it, darling.” She pushes up my sleeve and uses a disinfectant swab to clean a patch of skin on my uninjured bicep. “This should help immediately.” She empties the vial into the syringe. “If it doesn’t, I want you to call me.”

I flinch at the prick of the needle when it pierces my skin. “Let’s hope that won’t be necessary. I’ve bothered you enough as it is.”

“Not at all.” She injects the medicine into my arm. “I’m happy to help.” After discarding the vial and the needle in a zip-lock bag, she removes the gloves and throws everything in the trash can. “Calling me goes for not feeling okay in a non-physical way too.” She pats my hand. “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, biting hard on my lip not to cry.

“I wish I could stay longer, but I better get going. Logan invited his parents for dinner a long time ago, and I don’t want to cancel.”

I get to my feet. “I understand.”

She makes a sad face. “When you’re falling apart, we’ll make an illegal fire in my backyard and grill marshmallows. We’ll top that off with lots of chocolate and wine.”

I laugh through the tears that I can’t contain any longer. “That sounds kind of wonderful.”

She gives me a hug. “Take care of yourself, darling.”

Sniffing, I pull away. “I am. That’s why I have to do this.”

She gathers her bag and leaves me with a promise to call soon.

Once alone, I use the time to finish packing, taking only a few outfits. The future seems daunting, and the unknown is scary, but I’ve done this before. I can do it again.

While I work, I try to come up with a plan. First, I need to decide where Claire and I are going. I need to rent an apartment and find a job. My car was a gift, but I don’t want to take anything from Saverio. Pride dictates that I make it on my own. Maybe I’ll just use the car until I’m on my feet and my financial situation is stable enough to afford one.

As Nicole promised, the effect of the injection is immediate. The nausea is something of the past, and now that I no longer feel sick at the thought of food, I’m starving.

Reluctant to run into Saverio, I tiptoe to the kitchen where I rummage through the fridge. I have a terrible craving for plain Greek yoghurt with honey. Having found my prize, I snatch it from the fridge and carry it to the island counter where I dribble honey over the half gallon of yoghurt and eat it straight from the container.

Yum, this tastes amazing.

It’s so good to eat again that I’m scraping the bottom of the pot before I know it. I lick the spoon clean and put it in the dishwasher. Feeling considerably better, I pour a glass of milk and polish that off too.

Thanks, Nicole. You’re a life saver.

Rubbing my content stomach, I go upstairs to shower and change. Claire will need to be breastfed soon. I can use the time under the relaxing spray of the warm water to think of a way to tell Livy I’m leaving with Claire. We have a lot to talk about. Maybe she’ll decide to continue working at After Dark. She seems to love the job. Plus, she’s cut out for it.

When I pull the T-shirt over my head, I wince at the pain in my arm. I’ll ask Livy to help me clean the wound and change the bandage after my shower. Nicole covered it with a waterproof plaster. Yet the pull from the stitches and the burn in my bicep where the bullet lodged into my muscle aren’t the only aches. The brush of the cotton over my nipples is painfully uncomfortable. My breasts ache, and they’re more swollen than usual. Maybe they’re sore because I’m overdue for expressing milk, but it’s the thin blue veins running underneath the pale, tautly stretched skin that give me pause.

The nausea, the tenderness, and the cravings are all symptoms I had when I was pregnant with Claire. It’s impossible that I’m pregnant again. Saverio is infertile. I saw the tests with my own eyes. Yet I can’t squash the sliver of doubt that wormed its way into my mind.

I shower and change, doing my best to think about the life-altering decisions that deserve my attention, but it’s futile. I can’t focus on anything but the far-fetched notion that my symptoms are born from a different reason than delayed shock and accumulated breastmilk.

I leave the room quietly, looking up and down the hallway before going downstairs. Saverio is nowhere to be seen. The study door is closed. He probably isolated himself in there, and I’m pathetically grateful for that. I can’t avoid him forever, but I need a little time to pull myself together.

When I’ve fed Claire and put her down for her nap, I drive to the pharmacy with a convoy of guards following me and buy a box of pregnancy tests.

At home, I lock myself in the bathroom and follow the instructions on the leaflet. While I wait for the results, I let my imagination run wild. I sit on the edge of the bath, biting my nails as I contemplate what it will mean if the test is positive.

Saverio will never believe me. He’ll think I cheated on him. Maybe he’ll suspect Benson Bennett, who offered me fifteen million to have sex with him and who sent me a ridiculously huge bouquet of roses.

The thought hurts my chest. I wouldn’t want Saverio to go through that after the pain he suffered when Rachele cheated on him. I’d hate for him to accuse me of doing the same when I’m innocent. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stomach or forgive such an accusation.

Wait.

Why am I even wasting my time with this line of thought? The only man who touched me was Saverio, and he can’t have children. I’m being silly. Stupid, really. I’m not pregnant. I just panicked and jumped the gun.

I huff out a laugh at how ridiculous I’m being, relief already setting in when I pick up the stick and look at the test window.

Two blue lines.

What?

Shock pelts me from all directions like hail raining down from the sky.

Impossible.

It can’t be.

I cup my stomach, shaking as my body turns to ice.

I blink once, twice, but there it is.

Two blue lines.

I’m pregnant with Saverio’s baby.