Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Anya

I wake up to the smell of coffee and pancakes…and to Saverio rolling his wheelchair toward me with a tray balanced in his lap.

“Morning, treasure,” he says, his smile crooked and sexy in a just-woken, still-warm-and-fuzzy kind of way.

His onyx black hair is disheveled, the ends sticking up in a bed-messy style, and stubble darkens his jaw. The eyepatch hides his artificial eye. He wears a white T-shirt and gray sweatpants, and his feet are bare.

“Brought you breakfast,” he says, stopping next to the bed.

I sit up against the headboard and push the hair out of my face. “You didn’t have to do that.” I leave the rest unsaid, that I should be the one to go down to the kitchen and bring him breakfast because his burns and cuts and gunshot wounds may have healed, but he’s a long way from walking normally.

“Yes, I did.” He puts the tray in my lap. “You didn’t have dinner, and I wore you out.”

The pleasant warm feeling that spreads through my chest has more to do with the fact that he made me a giant mug of coffee and honey-drizzled pancakes topped with blueberries and cream than his referral to the mind-blowing orgasms of last night.

“You must be exhausted.” A deep line cuts between his eyebrows. “You’ve been up with Claire every two hours. I would’ve let you sleep, but she’s going to make a raucous noise in…” he checks his smartwatch, “…fifteen minutes.”

It’s true. Claire’s feeding schedule is like clockwork. What surprises me is that he paid enough attention to have pegged her routine.

“Thanks,” I say, cupping the mug and lifting it to my nose to inhale the welcome fragrance of the coffee even though it’s decaf.

I’ll take my daily dose of poison again the day I stop breastfeeding, which won’t be until at least a year. I want to give Claire breastmilk for as long as I can.

I take a sip of the robust brew. “This tastes like heaven.” I utter a sigh. “If you weren’t already married, I’d propose to you.”

The words tumbled from my mouth in a sneaky unguarded moment when I allowed myself to relax. Given our situation, the humor is inappropriate. It’s a terrible compliment, an unfortunate comparison, but he only smiles.

“I wouldn’t think twice,” he says. “I’d say yes.”

His playfulness catches me off guard. Yet he’s not joking. Not only. There’s a serious undertone to his words.

This—making semi-funny statements that we semi-really mean—isn’t us.

“Seriously, Sav.” I lower my mug. “What are we doing?”

His gaze becomes shuttered. “What do you mean?”

“Until yesterday, you wanted me to leave. Now we’re sleeping together.”

His chuckle is wry. “We’re husband and wife, Anya.”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You’re confusing me.”

He watches me with that intense look that always makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Under scrutiny. As if he can see into my soul.

“Which part of my behavior do you find confusing?” he asks. “I think I made it pretty clear how badly I want inside you.”

“It’s not the sex.”

“No?” He raises a thick, dark eyebrow. “Then what is it?”

“You married me for Claire, yet Dante spends more time with her than you do.”

And if he doesn’t want to be a father any longer, then what am I doing here?

Wait.

Is this why he wanted to ship us off to Europe?

“What do you want?” I ask, my chest suddenly too tight. “Have you changed your mind about becoming a parent?”

His tone is flat. “I haven’t changed my mind.” His expression darkens. “Circumstances changed.” Studying me with a predatory gleam in his uncovered eye, he says, “I gave you an option, and you made your choice.” He shrugs, not quite managing to pull off a nonchalant attitude. “You’re just going to have to live with it now.”

I swallow, not knowing what to say to that. One night of explosive sex, and we’ve gone back to how things were before the wedding. I guess that’s the only way we know.

On cue, Claire’s fussing sounds on the monitor on my nightstand.

“Shall I ask Livy to take her while you finish your breakfast?” Saverio asks.

It’s not lost on me that he didn’t offer to go to Claire.

“No,” I say, putting the mug on the tray and pushing it aside. “I’ll get her. I can eat while feeding her.”

He gets out of my way when I swing my legs over the side of the bed.

“I’ll take care of dinner.” He goes ahead of me to the door. “You don’t have to worry about cooking.”

“Aren’t you coming to work?” I ask, my gaze glued on the back of his head.

“I am working,” he says without turning around.

“I mean at After Dark.”

The hesitation that follows is so brief it’s almost unnoticeable, but I pay attention.

“I can work better here,” he says.

Without another word, he disappears around the door frame, the sound of the wheelchair soundless on the carpet runner.

At some point, he has to face people. He has to confront his demons in order to move on, but today isn’t that day. It’s too soon. I get that.

I fetch Claire and hold the fragile, perfect little girl on my arm, watching her hollow her tiny cheeks as she drinks greedily while I finish my breakfast with one hand.

I’m ready, dressed in champagne-colored pants and a matching sweater when Livy blows through the door in skinny jeans, a T-shirt with sweet as sugar splashed over the front, and military style boots. An array of enamel pins with old pop group names are pinned onto the lapels of her oversized jacket, and a black scarf with a silver thread is wound loosely around her neck.

“Dante’s here. I packed homemade veggie lasagna to nuke at the office. It’s healthier than pizza and burgers. Do you need help with Claire?”

I smile. “I’m good, thanks.”

Livy grabs the diaper bag before darting to the door. I take the baby carrier.

“Where’s my gorgeous goddaughter?” Dante calls from the bottom of the stairs.

Leaning over the rail, I wave. “Coming.”

Saverio stands next to Dante, leaning on his crutches.

“You sure you don’t want to come?” Dante asks him. “The guys are asking about you at the club.”

Saverio purses his lips. “I have a physio appointment in ten.”

At the bottom of the staircase, Dante takes the baby carrier from me. “Hello, gorgeous.” He blows a kiss at Claire. “You’re going to have a ball today. I got us a stack of Disney movies.”

I laugh. “She’s too young.”

“There’s music.” Dante grins. “Babies are never too young for music. Got all the big classics too.”

When Dante changes hands, shifting the baby carrier to Saverio’s side, Saverio turns the scarred side of his face away from Claire.

“Please tell me you’re not going to make the DJ play Beethoven and Bach at the club,” Livy says. “I like them, but we can’t afford to lose more patrons.”

Dante snickers. “We’ll turn it into a new fashion.”

“You don’t have to come all the way out here to drive Anya and Livy,” Saverio says to Dante, not bothering to hide his irritation. “Kevin can take them.”

“In two weeks, I’ll be able to drive again,” I remind him.

Dante winks. “I don’t mind.”

“I can see that,” Saverio says with a narrowed gaze.

“We better go,” Livy suggests wisely.

Before Saverio’s unfounded jealousy gets out of hand, I usher Dante to the door. I’m about to follow when Saverio takes my hand.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, tesoro ?”

The words recall that earlier version of us, the one we returned to last night. A memory of Saverio kissing me in front of the firm brings back bitter-sweet memories.

He reels me in until I stand flush against him, close enough for the heat of his body to wrap around me. I want to burrow deeper and pull away at the same time. I don’t want to be stuck in this strange limbo where I don’t know why he keeps me around.

Yes, he wanted me to leave, and when I made it clear I wasn’t going to abandon him when he was at his most vulnerable, he told me—no, warned me—that I made my choice and that I’d have to live with it now.

If he doesn’t want me for Claire any longer, what does he want? The obvious answer is sex, and it’s no longer enough. I told myself I wasn’t going to fall more for him than I already have, and I haven’t. The problem is that I already lost my heart long before our wedding. It took an explosion to make me realize what I could’ve lost, and it was a lot more than my heart.

I can never lose him. I won’t be able to bear it. I already loved him before—I just didn’t want to admit it—but when he sacrificed himself, I saw a man who was worthy of my love.

Too bad he can never return it.

“Have a nice day, treasure,” he says, brushing his lips over mine and lingering too long, making a show of it for Dante’s sake.

Dante only shakes his head, clearly getting the message Saverio is sending.

Hands off. She’s taken.

I’m quiet on the way to the office, contemplating the plan I concocted while I was awake with Claire during the night.

It’s dicey, and Saverio will be furious if he finds out, but we’re running out of time.

I wait until Dante leaves to do his rounds with the men before I pick up the phone and call Rachele.

She answers with, “This is an unpleasant surprise.”

“I know how to guarantee Elena’s safety.”

Silence stretches on the other end of the line. After another beat, she says, “I’m listening.”

“I need to meet with Elena.” I stress, “Alone.” Taking a deep breath, I plough on. “And you’re going to arrange it.”