17. Butterfly

Flick questioned me extensively about being kidnapped, rescued, and the aftermath. I’d blocked out as much of the memory as I could and wasn’t anxious to revisit it. I got why she wanted me to talk about it, though, especially the training I had afterwards.

While being abducted had been the worst, it wasn’t the only traumatic thing that had happened in my life, which meant I’d become proficient at compartmentalizing—otherwise known as survival. I could either let the bad things that had happened turn me into a bitter and unhappy person, much like my mom, or I could choose to find things to laugh and smile about and have joy in my life. I went with the latter.

“We’ll go through some basic self-defense moves first, then transition into offensive tactics,” she said after having me put on tactical gear similar to what she’d changed into.

After three hours of physical activity, I was exhausted. Something Flick picked up on immediately.

“We’ll need to build your endurance before we continue with the more difficult maneuvers. Don’t worry, though. It happens quickly. Are you a runner, by any chance?”

“It’s been a couple of years.” More like a few, but she was astute enough to figure that out.

“We’ll hydrate, then see how far you can go.”

I was about to ask if we’d be changing clothes, then thought better of it. If I were in a position requiring me to do something physical, like running, I’d likely be in street clothes, not workout gear.

“Let’s take a break,”Flick said after a thirty-minute run, during which I threw up more than once. I hadn’t realized how ridiculously out of shape I’d gotten.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be. Few realize the physical demands of undercover work. Frankly, I’m surprised you were able to do as much as you did.”

I doubted her statement was a compliment, so I nodded, then apologized a second time, albeit under my breath. I hated having my time wasted and imagined someone like Flick wouldn’t feel any differently.

“You remind me of me,” she said when we sat under a tree.

I’d just taken a sip of water and nearly spit it out. “In what way?”

She laughed. “You want to be the best at what you do before you even know how to do it.”

“I know how to run, and that wasn’t too impressive.”

Flick leaned back on her hands and looked up at the sky. “Tell me about you and Michelangelo.”

That was a loaded question. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“How did you meet?”

I thought back to the day Tara and I went to her father’s office and Brand was there, talking to his mother. She’d been her dad’s secretary for years and, as it turned out, his lover. It wasn’t until right before Brand went to prison that Tara found out he was her half brother. That he was two years older meant he was conceived after my friend’s parents were married.

“He’s the half brother of one of my best friends,” I responded.

“Tara Emsworth?”

“That’s right.” I wasn’t surprised she already knew. In fact, I wondered why she asked in the first place.

“The rest is history, as they say.”

Flick shook her head. “Not even close. Fast forward several years. What’s between you now? Are you lovers?”

“We were. Now, no.”

“Interesting,” she mumbled.

“In what way?”

She shook her head. “So, why not now?”

“Nope. Not answering you until you answer me.”

Flick laughed at my response. “Very well.”

I remained silent, hoping she’d elaborate. Just when I’d decided she didn’t intend to, she spoke.

“The two of you are clearly in love. There’s danger in that, as I’m sure you know. Not that it isn’t commonplace among our set. In fact, there are few outside of the intelligence business who can fathom the lives we live.”

“That’s true for Brand, err, Michelangelo, and me. Except it has nothing to do with intelligence. Just our backgrounds. How fucked up our parents are. Boarding school life.”

“Understood.”

She stood in one fluid and graceful motion, then held her hand out to help me get up. I’d say do the same, but there was nothing fluid or graceful about the way I did it.

“Come on. I still wondered what that meant, until I spent the next few hours staring at a computer screen, monitoring situations I wasn’t sure were real or simulated from around the world, I wondered if there was any aspect of this job I was suited for. Clearly, I was out of shape physically. And worse was my attention span for the things Flick was teaching me.

“They make it look far more interesting in the movies,” she commented when I yawned for the second time in minutes. “The next few days will be better, I promise.”

“What are we doing?”

“The stuff that is as interesting in real life as it is in movies.”

Not only was Flick right,but by the end of day five, I’d discovered the parts of intelligence work I might actually be good at.

I was a crack shot when it came to firearms of all kinds, all five of my sky-diving jumps were successful, and I excelled at the simulations, both on the computer and during live action for bumps, dead drops, and recruitment. I was also proficient at things like escape and evasion techniques and survival training once I’d put what I learned after the kidnapping into practice.

I couldn’t help but wonder how big a role knowing I wasn’t truly in danger played. Would I be as sure of myself when attempting to convert a target or doing drops if I knew real bullets were used for the shots that might be fired at me?

Flick made it clear I would never face the kind of danger “real” agents would. Not that she put it that way. There were varying levels of risk based on different levels of skill was how she’d phrased it.

The hardest part for me would come the day after tomorrow, when I’d go through captivity training. While I’d been “educated” in what to do if I was ever abducted again after the kidnapping, I knew as well as anyone that I needed to develop far more skill in that area. As Flick had pointed out, especially given if Brand or I were discovered to be undercover, the outcome would either be being held prisoner or killed.

Flick saidshe had a meeting to attend and that I could return to our quarters. I was on my way when I heard someone call my name. I turned and shielded my eyes from the sun, but I recognized Kade Butler’s voice without seeing him.

When close enough, he put his hand on my shoulder. “How are you holding up?”

“I understand why this is typically a six-month program. I feel like I’m about to get on the autobahn after only completing an hour’s worth of driver’s education.”

He smiled. “An excellent way of putting it, and you’re right. What you’re receiving is an overview, and a brief one at that.”

He motioned to a picnic table under a tree, and we took a seat.

“Are you here to check up on us?” I asked after we’d sat in silence for several minutes.

“Sundance asked me here. He and Flick suggested the five of us should meet.”

“I suck, don’t I?” I blurted, momentarily forgetting Kade was more than the father of one of my best friends.

He chuckled. “No, you do not. According to Flick, you’re doing very well.”

“Good to know, except…” I covered my face when my eyes filled with tears.

“Penelope?”

“Yes?” I said from behind my hands.

“Look at me.”

I wiped away my tears and turned my head toward him.

“The reason I’m here has nothing to do with your training or Brand’s. We’ve received intel I believe alters the plans for your undercover mission.”

Could I breathe a sigh of relief without it looking like I’d intended to quit? I held it inside instead.

“Before I say anything more, let’s find the others.” He pulled out his phone and sent a text message.

“I have to admit, I really miss being able to do that. Send messages, I mean.”

“About that.” He reached into a messenger bag. “You can have this back now.” He handed me my cell.

“Are you sure I’m not going to get in trouble with Sundance?” I was only half teasing.

“Positive. I outrank him.”

“I didn’t realize you were a general.”

He eyed me. “You make a good point. Let me rephrase; I’m bigger than he is. I’m also younger.”

I laughed. “I have to admit the man intimidates me.”

Kade leaned closer. “I’ll swear you’re lying if I ever found out you repeated this, but he intimidates me too.”