Chapter 43

I return the clipboard to the front desk clerk and ask when we'll be seen. It's the same as before: shortly . When I get back to Kendra, she's hunched forward in her chair as we impatiently sit in the emergency room waiting room. This is purgatory. About fifteen other people sit in chairs around the room. I don't understand why she isn't being rushed back.

I crouch in front of her and take her hands in mine. "It's going to be okay."

She sniffles and wraps her arms around my neck. "Don't talk to me right now."

I'm sure there's a better way I could have snuck out of filming, but I panicked. I apologized in the car numerous times, but there was no getting around it. I needed to be here, and whether she admits it or not, she needs me here too. I nod, stay quiet, and hold her.

She clutches my shirt, and I swipe the tear that falls down her cheek.

"Kendra?" a nurse calls from one of the doors.

Fucking finally.

I stand, pulling her to her feet. She walks ahead, not letting go as I follow behind.

"Hi, Kendra, how are you doing today?" the nurse asks.

I roll my eyes. We're at the emergency room, the answer to that seems pretty obvious.

"I've been better," she answers.

We are led to a small room with a sliding glass door. Inside is a bed, two small chairs, the same kind they had in the waiting room, and a small sink. "I'm sorry to hear that. It looks like you're almost twenty-nine weeks?"

"Yes," Kendra mutters, her voice beaten down.

"Tell me what's been going on."

"Um, I haven't been feeling well, and then I noticed a small amount of blood in my underwear while I was at work, and I didn't know what to do." Her voice shakes. "I looked it up and saw that maybe some of my symptoms for being sick might actually be… I-I don't remember feeling the baby kick at all today. Or last night."

"Have you had any cramping?"

Kendra shakes her head. "I don't know. I've been achy, but it just seemed like normal discomfort from pregnancy. Maybe I didn't know they were cramps?"

"Are you still bleeding?"

She shakes her head. "I don't think so. I don't know."

"And roughly how much blood would you say there was when you found it?"

Kendra makes a shape with her hand, and the nurse nods. The woman passes her a thin polyester gown and closes the curtain that draws across the glass doors. "Let's have you put this on. While you're doing that, I'm going to get a fetal doppler so we can check for a heartbeat."

The nurse exits the room, and Kendra begins undressing. With each layer she removes, I take them from her and fold them into a small pile. She slips the gown on, which has a bunch of snaps and fits like a robe.

She sits on some pad the nurse put on the bed, then we wait. A minute goes by, and she speaks.

"I didn't even want to be a mom until a couple months ago. And then I wanted it. I wanted it so fucking bad." Her voice is hollow, and I wrap my arms around her. Grateful that she's letting me be here to support her. I clench my jaw and swallow. I'll be strong for her right now. "Lay back and relax." I pull a chair close to the bed and sit, holding her hand in mine and rubbing circles on the back of her palm. "We're going to leave this room together, regardless of the results. Is that clear?"

She rolls her lips together and nods.

Before long, there's a knock on the glass.

"Come in," I answer.

The sliding doors part, and the nurse returns with a physician's assistant. They introduce themselves and put on gloves.

Kendra lies on the bed, and they unsnap some of the buttons around her belly.

"Bleeding doesn't always mean miscarriage, though you are past the time we usually see it," they explain. After squirting this clear jelly stuff on her stomach, they push a small microphone-looking thing around on her belly. The sound of static fills the room. We're all silent while we listen. I don't even want to fucking breathe. They continue to move the device. So much static. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What the fuck is happening right now? The blood drains from my face. I have never hated the sound of empty static so much in my life. I squeeze her hand tighter.

Then a galloping thump fills the room.

"There it is!" both the staff give small cheers.

Kendra exhales a sob, and I take my first full breath since we got here.

Leaning forward, with an elbow on my knee, I blow out another shaky breath. I kiss her palm and stand, wrapping my arms around her trembling body, then press my lips to her temple. "It's okay," I whisper, trying to soothe her. She nods but doesn't answer.

They pass me a paper towel, and I wipe the clear gel from her skin. While I'm doing that, the nurse hands her a plastic cup. "We're going to take a urine sample to check hormone levels, and then we're going to put in orders for an ultrasound to cover all our bases. Sometimes these things happen, other times there's a cause for the bleed, so this way we can know if there's anything else going on."

There's a shitstorm waiting for us when we exit those doors. I will make sure everything is secure with our jobs, but all I care about are the health and safety of my family. Because that's what Kendra is, she's my family. She needs to be healthy, and our baby needs to be healthy. Everything else can wait.