Chapter 38

W hen my girl put on that dress this Christmas morning, she chose violence. It's the best present. What I got her for Christmas is back home. Goddamn. I haven't seen her wear anything that hugs her bump before today, and my fingers itch to explore every inch of her. Again. After last night, I'd been satiated enough to get through the day—I thought—but as soon as she walked out in that sundress, all I wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder like a caveman and hide in the bedroom all day. She's too excited about today's excursion for me to deprive her of that, though.

Barrett rented a boat to explore the coast and soak up some sunshine to celebrate Christmas without a ton of gifts. His mother, Sue, is joining us on the cabin cruiser, along with Raleigh and the kids. Memories over material things. When we went to pick it up from the rental, one of the guys at the counter couldn't take his eyes off Kendra. I pulled her back to my front and placed a protective hand on her belly, then glared at him. I've never felt so possessive over someone. I'm usually pretty levelheaded, there's not much, outside of a bad referee call, that gets me worked up. Until her.

Ocean water sprays over the side of the boat as we cruise the area. I'm with Barrett in the cockpit while everyone sits in the deck seating at the bow.

"So…" He begins, handing me a beer.

I twist off the top and stow the bottlecap in my pocket. "So," I respond.

"And how was your night last night?" he asks with a smirk.

Shit. Did he hear us? We're in separate bungalows, but I suppose we had a few windows open…

"Good." Phenomenal . "Why do you ask?"

He shrugs. "I had to go out to the truck to get Arthur's stuffed koala…" He cuts me a look, and I feign ignorance.

"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through your house, the neighbors heard you screwing and making her shout—"

"Yeah, yeah, okay." I smirk.

"I can keep going…"

"We'll keep it down next time."

He chuckles and steers the boat down the shoreline. After a moment, he clears his throat. "I like her. Raleigh really likes her. Just want to say I'm happy for you, man. I know it wasn't the most conventional way—"

I scoff. Yeah, you could say that.

"But neither was the way I met Raleigh. I'm just glad you found somebody you click with."

I nod, looking down at my beer. "We definitely click… I really appreciate you extending the invitation for us to tag along on your holiday. It's been really nice not having to fake it. Not to turn into a total sap, but it's the best gift you could have given me. So, thanks."

He nods. "You love her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so now do you fucking understand why I was such a mess that season?!"

I laugh. "I'm sorry, I get it."

Barrett raises his eyebrows and holds his bottle out for me to clink. "Have you told her?"

"Nah." I shake my head. "I don't want to freak her out, but I know she's as serious as I am… we just have to get through the next couple months. It sucks, but I'll wait as long as I have to. I'm sure you understand that better than anyone." He waited five years for Raleigh, a few months should be nothing. I want her to move in with me. If I have to wait until we're outside of work to see her, I don't want to waste a second of our time off the clock.

Barrett nods. "Yeah, but damn, life is good now. We might try for a third."

I shake my head and laugh. "Hey… personal question for you. When Raleigh was breastfeeding… did you ever…"

He grins wide. "Fuck yeah."

I laugh. "Wait, seriously?"

"Absolutely." He lifts his shoulders. "I dunno why it's so hot, but it is."

He and I have far too much in common. "I knew we were best friends for a reason."

He nods out the window, toward the bow of the boat. "Ready for that?"

Following his line of sight, Kendra cradles Darby in her arms, and it sucks the air out of my lungs as I'm filled with visions of our future together. Family barbecues, our kids playing side by side, family vacations, celebrating birthdays and milestones. Hell, maybe they'll go to school together. Darby's tiny feet are braced on Kendra's thighs, where she uses them as a springboard to bounce.

"Yeah. I'm ready." I don't know everything there is to know about being a dad, but I'm definitely ready to find out. "Do you mind if I…?"

"Go for it… Hey, send Ral in here, would ya?"

"Gonna try for baby number three?"

He bounces his eyebrows at me and smiles before he takes a sip from the bottleneck. "Maybe."

That's what I thought. I grin and shake my head. "Fuckin' perv."

When I get to the bow of the boat, I squeeze next to Kendra and slide my hand up her back to massage her neck. It's chilly out here, everyone has a weighted blanket they're wrapped up in. Darby must have tired herself out, because she's resting peacefully against Kendra's chest. Well, as much as she can while wearing the smallest life jacket I've ever seen. She hasn't fallen asleep, but it won't be long, based on the lazy blinks she's doing.

Arthur is updating his grandma on the latest and greatest drama from the elementary school playground. Some kid gave another kid stickers but didn't give them to a different kid… or something equally heinous. Raleigh and Kendra are discussing smart sleepers, which I've learned are basically robotic cribs. Parenting has changed a lot from the days when I used to babysit cousins. When their conversation dies down, I lean over to face Raleigh.

"Barrett mentioned he wanted to talk to you about something." I gesture behind us to the boat's cabin.

She rolls her eyes with a smile. "I can take her back if you're getting tired?" she asks Kendra. "That girl doesn't skip leg day."

"Nah, she's doing great. I think she's about to fall asleep."

"Perfect! I'm not going to get in the middle of that." Raleigh hands me her blanket and hops up to make her way over to the bridge.

Kendra turns to me. "Hey, could you fix the blanket to cover her back?" She leans forward to give me access, and I tuck it over Darby's shoulders.

"There we go," she says to the baby, then turns to me. "Thank you. I think the temp has dropped a little."

I adjust us so she's leaning her back on my chest rather than the seat and rub my index finger over the tiny hand that's clutching my girl's dress strap. Pressing a kiss to Kendra's temple, I wrap an arm around her and the little bundle she's cuddling. My chin rests on her shoulder, the one facing away from Arthur and Sue.

"I was watching you and Darby from inside," I mutter. "Couldn't help but wonder what you were thinking. Does holding a baby make it feel more real?"

She grins. "I thought it was going to be weird, but it doesn't feel awkward."

I nod. "I can tell, you make it look natural. Like you've done it a hundred times before. You're going to be so good at this."

"Yeah?" she says. "I think there's a lot I don't know. I'm going to screw something up."

I chuckle. "We both will. I think that's part of it."

She hums agreement and combs her fingers through Darby's white-blonde curls. "Are you nervous?" she asks.

"Terrified… but I don't think there's any first-time parent who isn't."

"True," she agrees.

"I'm also excited." I don't want her to think that just because I'm nervous, I'm not thrilled to be starting a family with her. It may not be the way either of us envisioned our journey going, but I regret none of it. Darby moves her mouth as if she's eating in her sleep. I wonder what Bo will look like. Will they look more like her or me or be an equal mix of both of us?

"Damn… We're having a baby, Kendra." I squeeze my hand under Darby to rest it on Kendra's belly.

"What? Since when?" she whispers, panicked, before smiling.

Turning my head, I nip at her neck. "Smartass," I mutter. "How are you feeling?"

She nods. "Good. Just a little bit of nausea this morning—" I know how her body is feeling, but I want to check in with where her head is at.

"Mentally. How are you doing?"

She sighs. "Scared… I'm also excited, but I'm young, Sully. You were able to focus your whole life, up until this point, on your career. I thought I could do the same. Grind for a few years and work my way up the ladder. When I chose to keep our baby, I knew I was trading it for rungs on that ladder. I won't be able to climb as high—"

"Kendra—"

"It's true. They can say women can have it all, but you and I both know that's not true. I won't be climbing as high as I would without children. But I'm at peace with it. I want this baby. I already love them… I just need you to understand motherhood isn't enough for me. I need to have a career. I want to be creative, I want to make more than just babies. Okay?"

I hurt for her in that way. She's growing up quickly. Even if she continues working, she's still sacrificing her dreams. She's right. Society will likely gift opportunities to those without children. I nod. "I'll do everything I can to make sure you have the resources you need to keep creating for as long as you desire."