Chapter 32

F irst thing I do on Monday is make an appointment with my primary care physician to put in orders for a genetic test and to meet with a genetic counselor. I did some of my own Googling and it's a concern, but I don't have it in family history that I know of, and I'm using that to keep the glass half full. After all, I have Kendra, and we're in this together.

The fact she's agreed to see me, even in secret, has me practically whistling into work. It's the best I've felt in weeks. I finally have my cake and can eat it too… I have to eat it in the closet, but only temporarily.

In my office, I spend about an hour going through my inbox and responding to emails. Most items get forwarded to the public relations coordinator. At five minutes to ten, my calendar flashes a notification reminding me that I'm meeting with Whit to go over lineups.

I grab my laptop and head toward his office, then knock on the open door.

"Ready?"

"Yup."

He closes a couple windows on the shared screen and brings up the software we use to monitor our players and their stats. I want to be a coach who's known for running a good bench. It's all about getting the right players in the right situations, not being tripped up by unexpected changes, and making sure our athletes are put in positions that allow for successful plays.

"I noticed that Paulson has a better rapport with Walters than she does with Grattle," Whit says.

I sigh. "Unfortunately, Grattle does best with Paulson. She's improving, but it's taking longer than we anticipated."

He nods. "What about Delta Makkonen?"

"She and Cori Kapowski are a powerhouse. I'm very hesitant to split them. They make a killer training drill for the other players. Add in O'Hara and they're a dream team. We have to watch Delta, she tends to push herself a little too hard sometimes. But the trainers have been talking with her about it."

He furrows his brow. "If it becomes a problem, let me know."

I cock my head to the side, looking at him. Why would I let him know? This feels like a line is being crossed. I can't quite place it, but there seems to be a strange tension between Whit and Delta Makkonen that I can't figure out. It caught me off guard when he postponed her pick on draft night. Yet minutes later, he was on board to make her captain. In addition, he's more acutely aware of her than the other players. I don't know if that's because she's the captain or if there's something else going on.

"Will do," I respond.

We continue going over our O line and make a few changes, but overall, things are looking pretty good for a new team. It's not as smooth as what I've experienced in the NHL, but we're dealing with all new players and a new league.

"Great job," Whit says. "I think we're on the right track."

I shrug. "The real test will be game time, you know as much as I do lines can change minute to minute." The more we learn about our players and the way they operate, the better prepared we'll be when we need to make those adjustments in real time.

Jeanine has been working with the players this morning, so she arrives halfway through the meeting. She and I spoke earlier today to go over the changes I planned to present to Whit, just to make sure she was still on board with everything we discussed after the last practice. She's a great assistant coach and has a good eye for our defense positioning. It's nice having a female coach as part of our team, as she brings a lot of knowledge and insight to our players.

"How much did I miss?" she asks, taking the seat next to me.

"We're just about to start defense. Whit is on board with implementing the changes we discussed previously."

"Excellent," Jeanine states. "I want to talk about Joey Breck."

After the meeting, I make a quick stop in the gift shop and notice there's way more Lakes gear than there is Rogues merchandise. The Lakes have a larger fan base, but still. It shouldn't be this obvious. I was hoping to pick up a Rogues onesie to surprise Kendra with. However, the smallest Rogues apparel is youth sizes. I should talk to somebody about that.

Our kid will require both Lakes and Rogues gear, so I head to the other team's baby section. The pickings are slim. Lots of branded items, but I frown when I stare at the onesies on display. There are two. One in Lakes team colors that reads: Future Hockey Star . The other is pink with sparkly white letters spelling out Cutie , with a small Lakes logo underneath. Jesus, really?

I pull out my phone and dig through my email contacts until I find the director of merchandising. I snap a photo of the two onesies side by side and attach it to the email with the caption: WTF? I make sure to CC the public relations manager to remedy this situation before it gets picked up on social media. I'm not sure what the sex of our baby is, but it makes me mad as a goddamn hornet that these are the options young future hockey fans are given. I add a PS to the bottom of the screen with a request for more Rogues gear in our gift shops. Everything Lakes players have, Rogues should also have. Hell, our team needs the funding more than the Lakes do.

There's a lot of misogyny in women's hockey—that's already been established, especially when you look at salary caps, sponsorship deals, and physical game play. I would not be surprised if a few fights break out this year. I wouldn't be surprised if some include my players. These women are tough as nails, they play hard, and they have just as much aggression as their male counterparts—if anything, they have more since the option to throw a punch is taken away from them. I certainly anticipate our left defense, Joey Breck, in the penalty box a couple times.

Had I walked past this clothing display before coaching the Rogues or having a baby on the way, would I have even picked up on the inequity between the PWHL and NHL? There are so many things hardwired in my brain since playing in the NHL. Our female players have to put up with way more shit than we ever did. For example, the comments during the player draft about Makkonen's appearance. It makes me respect Whit Moreau more for putting that shit to bed on the spot.

It's late when I finally get out of the arena. I spent a couple hours in the gym training center. The only exercise I did over the weekend was in Kendra's bed, so I was overdue for a workout. By the time I get to my truck, it's almost seven. I use the time on my drive home to return Barrett's call since I ignored it when it came through during my treadmill run. I haven't spoken with him since last Friday before I ambushed Kendra at her house.

"Hey Dad ," he drawls.

I chuckle. "I take it you heard the news."

He laughs. "Raleigh can't keep secrets from me. When I found out is when I told you to go find her. She would have killed me if I came out and said it, and to be fair, it wasn't my news to tell." That's fair. "From what I hear from my wife, things went well this weekend?"

It's impossible to keep the smile off my face. "Yeah. It went well."

"Does this mean you're quitting the show?"

The smile falls from my face. "Unfortunately, no. But we're going to keep everything under wraps until my contract is up. I'll still have to do the dating shit, but it's going to be performative, and I made sure Kendra knows that. Not ideal, but that's all she's giving me right now, so I'll take it."

"Hope all that passes quickly. Raleigh really likes Kendra, they seem to get along, which is pretty fucking convenient for us." He clucks through the speaker in my truck. "Hey, speaking of, Raleigh wants to go to Florida for Christmas so we can spend some time with my mom while she snowbirds down there. She suggested you and Kendra come along, what do you think?"

"Spend the holidays together?"

"I mean, we'll be doing the Conway thing, which you're welcome to join. I'm thinking I'll rent a boat so we can cruise around. You know how my mom is, she can be a little much . Figured we could rent a few houses on the beach, and y'all could get your own place." He singsongs the last part.

My grin spreads ear to ear. I love the sound of that—and love that our girls are becoming close friends. The thought of being out of town with Kendra over Christmas, where we don't have to hide from cameras, sounds like a dream come true. It would also be a good time to have contractors work at the house without raising suspicion. However, spending the holidays together is a big step, then again, so is raising a baby. I'm not sure how she will feel about it. I'm coming on strong, but after not having her for months, I don't want to waste a second. I don't want her to be alone on Christmas—and truthfully, I don't want to be alone on Christmas either. Since my brother married, he has been spending the holidays with his wife's side of the family.

"That sounds great. Let me talk to her about it."

Absentmindedly, I pass by the studio we've been filming at. I do a double-take when I see Kendra's car is still there. Why is she working so late?

"Hey, I gotta go. But I'll get back to you about holiday plans later this week. Tell Ral and the kids I say hi."

"You bet. Take it easy."

I end the call, pull off the boulevard, and park next to her car.