Chapter 25

C ould I have scheduled the doctor's appointment earlier this morning? Yes, they had several openings, but Sully has a dinner date at six with a new woman named Becca, and I don't want to be there to watch it. I made sure I was gone before he showed up.

I recline in the dimly lit small room while the ultrasound tech taps away on the keyboard. My first ultrasound. I keep my eyes fixed on the screen even though it's black.

"Ready to see the baby?"

No. "Yes."There's nothing that could make me ready for something so monumental. She smiles and squirts some warmed-up clear jelly on my stomach.

"Great! Let's see how far along you are."

She places the transducer wand, pressing into my flesh and moving it around, and my eyes are dry as I stare at the screen. I'm afraid to blink and miss it. It's all black and white. I don't know what I'm supposed to even look for. I've never seen an ultrasound performed.

"There," she says, I hear the smile in her voice. "This is the top of its head, you can see the arms on the side… Let's see if we can get a better view."

She adjusts the wand and suddenly, I see my baby. "Oh my God," I whisper. My jaw is nearly on the floor. It's a baby.

"There we go. Perfect profile… You can see the little nose and mouth. Arms and legs."

That's Bo. This is real. I stare in amazement at the life growing inside me. Wow.

"See that little flicker? That's the heartbeat. Would you like to hear it?"

"Yes, please"

The sound of static fills the room before it clears to make room for a speedy thumping. That's the heartbeat? I tense, it's racing too fast.

My eyes snap to the technician. "Is it supposed to be like that? That fast?"

She chuckles and nods. "Yes. It's measuring around 150 beats per minute, that's perfectly healthy."

I swing my head back to the screen and blow out a breath, relaxing my shoulders. Thank God it's normal.

"I'm going to take some measurements so we can confirm how far along you are."

She draws little lines on the screen, getting different angles and drawing new lines.

"This is the spine…" I can see it. It has a strong backbone. Of course it does, it's my baby. "Right here is a little hand… And here's the other one… And the legs and feet." As she takes her measurements, I watch my baby, its arms and legs jerking around. It's… cute. Really cute. My baby is alive in my belly, with the tiniest nose and mouth. I'm growing a human.

"Looks like you're about seventeen weeks. Baby looks very healthy."

"Will I get one of those little black-and-white photos?" It's the first picture of my baby, and I want to be able to look at it whenever I desire.

"Absolutely. I'll print you a few different pictures today."

I smile. "Thank you." I wish Mom was here to see this.

Afterward, I have a follow-up with my obstetrician. After giving a urine sample and getting vitals checked, I wait in the clinic room for my doctor to arrive. There's a lot of waiting involved with pregnancy. It's pretty much all waiting. Waiting for appointments. Waiting for doctors. Waiting to stop vomiting. Waiting for the next trimester. Waiting to show. Waiting to feel the baby kick. Waiting to tell people. So far, the only people I've told are Rachel, Pierce, Micky, and Raleigh. That's four too many people than I'd like.

There's a knock at the door before my doctor enters. "It's great to see you again, Kendra!"

"I've decided to keep my baby." I shrug. "Suppose that's obvious, huh? Considering I'm here." I wave the ultrasound photo I haven't been able to let go of.

"I saw the ultrasound pictures, they're adorable. It looks like you've got a due date of March fourteenth. That's exciting! How are you feeling? Has the nausea gotten any better?"

Anxious as hell. "A little? It's hard to tell. I throw up multiple times a day. I'm pretty miserable if I'm being honest."

She winces. "I'm so sorry. The good news is you're measuring about seventeen weeks, many women find the nausea improves in their second trimester. Since I saw you last, you've lost a couple pounds. I know it's not easy to eat, but I'd like to see you gaining more weight."

"Even when I do, it just comes back up again."

"Try eating smaller meals but keep them closer together. Don't wait a long time between meals. Nibble all day if you have to. Bland foods. Did you try the ginger like we discussed?"

"The only thing that stays down are these little ginger spice cakes from one of the local bakeries."

"So eat them. We'll get you eating healthy, but for now, I just want you to focus on getting calories in. Do whatever it takes. I don't want to have to put you in bed with an IV."

That could happen? I can't sit around with an IV!

"Okay. Okay, I'll gain the weight back. I'll find a way to do it." The thought of not being able to work scares me enough to try harder than I have been. I need to make it more of a priority.

"Good. Now let's talk about vitamins and nutrition—for when we get you eating healthier."

I wander around the grocery store. The meat department was an instant no-go. I had to hustle out of there. The produce section has proven much safer.

I downloaded one of the apps my doctor suggested to help me track my pregnancy. It says my baby is as big as a fig. I've never seen a fig in real life.

As I walk by one of the employees restocking apples, I pause. "Excuse me, do you have figs?"

"No, sorry. You might want to try Garrison's. We have some fig cookies in aisle twelve. Would you like me to show you them?"

I shake my head. "No, but thank you."

Well, I guess I'll wait until next week to see how big my baby is in fruit form. I place a container of strawberries in my cart. Then a container of raspberries. Peanut butter kind of sounds good. I turn toward the shelves in the center of the store and stand in front of thirty kinds of peanut butter. Should I be eating organic now? I didn't think to ask the doctor. I Google my question and get too many answers, so I decide to simply find the peanut butter with the least amount of filler ingredients. By the time I pick a jar, it doesn't even sound good anymore. Oh well, I'm still getting it. Along with some fluffy white bread to eat.

As I wander around the store, I find a display of nail polish and select a pretty sky-blue color. It probably won't be too long until I'm unable to reach my toes anymore. I plan to spoil myself with an at-home pedicure tonight. Peanut butter sandwiches and pedicures. What a party animal, really tearing it up this Friday night.

I'll invite Raleigh, and we can make it a girl's night.

As I stand in the checkout lane, I dig my phone out of my purse. I wonder how Sully's date went, or maybe it went so well that it's still going. I didn't want to watch, not when I have to muster up the courage to tell him I'm going to have his baby. There's a couple text messages from him about scripted conversations? I have no idea what he's talking about.

I'll figure it out tomorrow. Besides, who knows, maybe I'll be out of a job within the week. If anyone finds out the baby is Sully's, I'll never get a job in television again. The other networks will get a hold of the scandal and use it against me. I'll be vilified beyond repair. My only hope is that he'll care enough about his new coaching job to keep his mouth shut.

I need this job to support my baby. It's probably time I formulate a backup plan. One thing's for sure, I can't jeopardize either of our careers. If we can get through the remaining months of the contract, then maybe we can do this whole thing quietly… Unless Sully ends up in a relationship with someone from the show when it's over. I wouldn't blame the woman he chooses for hating me, but will she hate me enough to do an exposé?

"Find everything okay?"

My daydreaming eyes lift to the cashier, and I grin. "Yup. All good." I glance at some flowers on the endcap. They're pretty, and I'm tempted to grab some. It might brighten up my house. It's been a long time since I've bought fresh flowers.

"This is a cute color." She picks up the nail polish and looks at the name on the bottom. She chuckles and then reads: "Shoulda Blue Him."

Well, then.

"Ain't that the truth," I comment, glancing down to my barely showing stomach.

I'm sure she thinks I'm being sarcastic. Wish I was.

My life is so messy, even my nail polish thinks I'm fucked. I need to tell him. Whatever happens, happens. We'll take it from there. Because if I don't, Raleigh will. That's not the way I want him to find out. Besides, he will learn soon enough, anyway. It won't be long before my clothes don't fit, and there's only so long I can get away with wearing a baggy fit every single day.

Sully's a good guy. He'll be understanding. I hope.

After I pay for my items, I call Raleigh on the way to my car.

"Hey!"

"Hey. What are you doing tonight?"