Chapter thirteen

Ican’t help but smile when I wake up and feel the delicious aches all over my body. Especially my ass. Waking Ryder up with a blowjob seems like the perfect thank-you for such a great time last night. My smile freezes when I realize the space next to me is empty.

Well, okay then.

I guess I know how he feels about this. About me. Ugh, I am such an idiot.

Actually, you know what? I’m not gonna let this get me down. I never expected to even experience sex with Ryder, so if that’s all he could give me, I’ll take it and be okay with it. Because it was amazing.

Everything about Ryder fucking me was amazing. The way he used my body for his pleasure while making sure I was totally cared for was everything I dreamed of. More like my fantasies hadn’t done him justice.

I will not be sad about this. I will feel empowered.

My heart hasn’t quite got the memo yet, so maybe, for right now, I’ll just push it to the back of my mind.

Solid plan.

I get up and take a quick shower. I wish I could spend the whole day with the smell of Ryder on my skin, but I have cheer practice. I do not want to stink up the gym with a stale-sex smell.

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My classes go relatively quickly, and before I know it, I’m heading to cheer practice. I’m always one of the last to get to practice on Fridays because my classes are on the other side of campus. I change and head out to where everyone is stretching on the mat. Before I can open my mouth to say hi, Perry zeros in on me.

“Lexi had sex.”

Everyone turns to look at me. Deflection shields activate. When did my thoughts become nerdy? Growth, I guess.

“I didn’t have sex. You had sex.”

I think Ryder might have fucked my brains out, literally. That was the worst comeback ever.

It’s kind of comical how their eyebrows all rise in tandem.

“How do you know I had sex?” I close my eyes at my accidental admission.

“You’ve got an aura,” Bradley says at the same time Perry says, “Aha!”

“You’re into stuff like that?” Luke asks, full of curiosity.

“Yeah, not really. But I had a threesome with this hippie couple last weekend, and I swear they, like, fucked some sort of magical sperm into me.”

“That’s…disturbing,” Gio says, stretching his quads.

Brad just shrugs. “That’s sex.”

“And speaking of sex. Let’s bring this back around to Lexi,” Perry says with a faux-sweet smile. “Tell us about your sexcapades.”

“We need to stop saying that,” I hear Nate mumble from somewhere behind me.

“My last sexual encounter was a disaster. He quoted Kanye Fucking West,” Perry continues, dropping his chin to his chest in shame.

“Please don’t think for a single second you’re getting out of here without sharing that story,” Gio says, face alight with glee.

“Ugh. Okay, so it really was the literal worse. He was jerking me off, and I was just about to come when he said, ‘Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.’ When I tell you my dick tried to crawl up inside my body? I pick shitty men.” He sighs. “It’s okay. You can laugh.”

“I think we’re all too shocked,” Luke pipes up.

Everyone turns to me.

“Okay, I love you all, but I’m not talking about this with you.”

I know I should tell them they were right, but I just don’t think I can handle that right now. They’re gonna be supportive and say that this will lead to other things, or they’re gonna hate him. And I don’t want them to hate him because, I guess, I still have fucking hope.

But also, I don’t want to talk about how he left me in bed alone. The sheets were cold, which means he probably left right after.

They continue to stare at me. “Seriously, guys. I’m not telling you anything. My lips are sealed.”

“Your lips are sealed about what?” Kait asks, coming up behind me and startling me.

“We’re trying to get his lips unsealed about—ow, fuck, what did you do that for?” Brad asks, rubbing his rib and looking at Perry traitorously.

“I just slipped. I’m sorry.”

“Why is everyone being so weird today?” Kait declares, frowning with her hands on her hips. Perry glowers at her.

“Wait, who’s everyone? Because I’m just one person.” He crosses his arms, staring her down.

“Ryder. He’s been weird all day.” I tense up and do not make eye contact with anyone other than Kait.

“Aren’t you two besties? Why don’t you just ask him what’s up?” Perry just shrugs.

“Oh, like I didn’t think of that, Einstein. He wouldn’t tell me. Oh well, speaking of the devil,” she says, looking over to the gym doors. I follow her gaze and watch as Ryder strides confidently into the gym. How does he always look so beautiful? All he’s wearing is a bright-blue V-neck tee, black jeans covering powerful thighs, and biker boots.

God, he looks as hot clothed as he does naked.

“Kaitie, Kaitie, Kaitie, Kaitie. You forgot your phone,” he says, smiling at her. I will not be jealous of my sister.

“You are a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He finally looks at me, and his eyes widen. “Hey.”

I up-nod him.

I can’t say anything.

If I say something, I’ll babble, and then everyone will know we had sex.

“Okay, well. I am…I mean…I gotta go.” And he turns on his heel and walks quickly back out the door. Taking my bruised heart with him. He can’t stand to be in the same room as me. This is so fucked up.

Kait watches him go and turns back to us. “See? Weird! He’s being weird.”

“Yeah, he is,” Perry says, his eyebrows knitting together. He turns to look at me. “I wonder why that is.”

“I have no clue,” Bradley says. “But he’s definitely had sex recently. It’s all about the auras.”

Thankfully, we’re saved by Coach Phillips’s whistle calling us all to action. We spend the next hour and a half practicing our cheers for tomorrow’s football game. I swear that if I hear the chant, “Flora Vista, you can do it, Flora Vista get into it!” one more time, I may stab myself in the eye with a fork. We’ve got some cool chants, but repetition is no one’s friend.

I walk over to my bag and throw my towel in it.

“Hey,” Bradley says as he jogs over to me.

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

“You seem a bit sad. So I was wondering if you wanted to come to a costume party with me tomorrow night? A frat two houses over from us are having a movie-themed costume party. I asked a bunch of the other cheerleaders, and most are going. You in?

“Yeah, okay,” I say, a plan forming. This could actually be kind of perfect. Because I can go to the party and hook up with someone while wearing a cute outfit. Even if I don’t actually want to sleep with anyone else, I can’t have Ryder as the last person I had sex with. My heart won’t handle that. No one usually blinks an eye when guys wear skirts on campus, especially when it’s a costume, but I should check. “Hey, Bradley, will I get hate-crimed if I wear a skirt?”

“No, man. The PSI guys are good. They have a few queer members themselves.”

“Okay, cool. Awesome. This is going to be fun.”

And it will be.

I, Lexi Hart, a demisexual, can totally hook up with someone to ignore the fact my heart really fucking hurts.

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“Lexi, stand still. I’m going to poke you in the eye with my mascara wand,” Perry grumbles.

“You’re putting highlighter on me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re fidgeting is annoying me, so I’ll get it out and do it on purpose,” he says with a final brush sweep.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never worn makeup or femme clothes in public,” I say without thinking. He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything.

“You have nothing to worry about. You look gorgeous.”

“You really think so?” I look down at my outfit: a pink tartan mini skirt that reaches mid-thigh, with a tight white crop top tank that shows off my belly button. I decided not to wear a wig or heels, so I have my white Vans on. I am wearing my new hot-pink jock. So, while my junk is covered, if I twirl, my ass will be on display for everyone. My makeup, done by Perry, is minimal but feels amazing. A bit of highlighter, lip gloss, and mascara. Maybe one day, I’ll want to dress more femininely outside the bedroom.

“Lexi, you’re perfect,” he says softly with a smile. “Come on. Let’s go downstairs and show you off before we leave.”

I decided to get ready at the cheer house because it’s closer to the party. Not at all to avoid Ryder if he’s hanging with Kait tonight. Though, given how quickly he ran away from me yesterday, he probably isn’t planning to hang out at our house for a while. That thought makes me sad.

I follow Perry, dressed as Prince Charming, and we descend the stairs into the living room, where chaos reigns supreme.

Gio is dressed as Thor, Bradley is dressed as Jack Sparrow, and Luke is wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume, so I’m guessing he’s either Rex from Toy Story or the dinosaur in Jurassic Park. There are a few different characters dotted around the room. Hudson and Wyatt have come as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

“Wow, looking gorgeous, Lexi,” Bradley says, engulfing me in a hug. “Oh, you should totally take a photo with Jay.”

“Who’s Jay?”

“This is Jay,” Bradley says, pulling a guy dressed as Joe Burrows, the Bengals quarterback, out from behind him.

“Hi,” Jay says, looking confused. Can’t say I blame him.

“Hi.” I awkwardly wave at him.

“Come on, Lexi. Can’t you see it? He looks just like Aaron Samuels!”

“Oh, is that who you’re supposed to be?” I ask him.

“No, I just borrowed my brother’s uniform and a spare jersey I found in his closet. I figured I’d be an extra in The Blind Side.” Jay shrugs.

“Oh, well, okay, that’s cool,” Bradley says. “Scooch together. Perry’s going to take a picture.”

“Yes,” Perry says, getting his phone out of his tight pants. “Jay, put your arm around Lexi’s waist. Perfect. Now, Jay, kiss Lexi on the cheek.” We do as he says, and then Jay is gone and Perry is fiddling around with his phone.

I would find this weird with anyone else, but Perry really loves photography and capturing moments. I wonder if it will end up on his socials?

“Right. Let’s head over to the party.”

I take a deep breath. Let’s do this. Operation Find Someone Else to Help Forget Ryder commences.