18. Taylor

"Studies have shown that people who hide their feelings care the most." ~ Tim Rhodes

My feet were super gluedto the gravel as I stared at the sign hanging on the door of The Tipsy Cow that read Closed for Private Party. Kenna, who was working the bar, had texted me half an hour ago, asking where I was.

The owner, Bryson O'Sullivan, shut the entire place down for Kane and Ruby's bachelor/bachelorette party, not that it mattered because the entire town knew the couple and most of them were planning on stopping by. One person who was sure to be in attendance was the Man of Honor, Remi. His presence was the reason I'd been standing like a statue outside the building for the past few minutes. The last time I'd seen him, things had gone way too far.

I was not a person who had orgasms in public, especially not at the hands of my baby daddy's best friend. But that's exactly what happened. And every time I'd replayed the scandalous event, which was a lot, I couldn't seem to muster up any regret for my behavior. The opposite, actually. I'd wanted to do it again. And again. And again.

I'd thought that my sex hangover after the first night I'd spent with Remi was bad, but the withdrawals I'd been having since I'd stood in the changing booth and Remi had played DJ Diddles were practically debilitating. My body ached. I was distracted. I'd barely slept. I feared that one look from him, and I'd be begging for another hit. Which I absolutely, under no circumstances, could do.

Which was, again, the reason I was impersonating a mannequin and not going into the party. I didn't trust myself around the man. He brought out a side of me that I'd never even known I had before I met him. I decided to call my sexually adventurous alter-ego Ana, of course. She was a wonton woman who valued pleasure above anything else. That was about as far from who Taylor was as one could get.

A man in a cowboy hat, wrangler jeans, and boots, with a toothpick hanging precariously from his lip, walked past me.

He did a double-take before asking, "Taylor, right?"

It took me a second, but then I remembered meeting him. He was friends with my cousins, Milo and Mason.

"Brady?"

"Yes, ma'am." Brady tilted his hat. "Brady Calhoun." I smiled as he opened the door. "You comin' in?"

It looked like my time impersonating a big fat chicken had come to an end. I took a breath and nodded.

Being a good Southern gentleman, he gestured for me to walk ahead of him. "After you."

"Thank you." I knew this was a party, logically, but with each step I took, I felt like I was taking a long walk off a short pier and was about to be plunged into shark-infested chum-filled waters.

Once inside, I sensed that Brady was going to continue engaging, so I put up my ice queen walls and took a direct path to the bar without passing go. I wore my imaginary blinders and made sure not to scan the crowd for fear that my eyes would land on the dreamiest chocolate brown gaze I had ever seen.

Kenna must have clocked me coming in because by the time I found an empty barstool and sat down, there was a vodka soda with a twist of lime waiting for me.

"Long day?" she asked.

It wasn't—not really. Harper and I had gone down to the river, skipped rocks, picked flowers, and had a picnic. Then we'd gone home, painted our nails, read books, and unpacked some of the boxes that were in the garage.

The reason it might appear as though I had a long day, was because I'd had a very long night. No, make that four very long nights. Ever since I'd spent the night with Kyle, aka Remi, I hadn't been able to get any real sleep. I tossed and turned relentlessly. I wasn't sure if my restlessness was because I was scared someone would find out our very dirty secret or if it was because I knew who Kyle was now and his proximity. One text, and I was sure he'd show up on my doorstep, ready to deliver me more earth-shattering orgasms.

It was the most frustrating situation to be in. For once in my life, I actually wanted someone to touch me. For the first time in my life, a man had the superpower to switch my brain off. For the first time in my life, my body was not only responsive, it was eager. Too bad the man who made all those things true was also the man I considered to be off-limits.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself. The truth was, I had spent many more hours than I cared to admit fantasizing about what life would look like with Remi Rhodes in it, which was a complete waste of time. I kept reminding myself there was no hope for a future with the man, but my head, heart, and hormones were determined to keep hope alive.

I picked up the highball glass and took a sip. Then another. Then another. Except, they weren't really sips; they were more like gulps. Liquid courage—that's what I needed. After finishing the last drop, I finally took in my surroundings. The place was packed with people gathered to celebrate the happy couple.

As I scanned the crowd, my eyes automatically locked on the one person I was doing my best to ignore. Remi Rhodes. It was like he was a magnet, and my ocular perception was metal. Just two more days. That's all I had to get through, and then my life could start without the anxiety that had been my constant companion, thanks to one Remi Rhodes.

I watched as Remi pulled his sister into a big hug. Even from across the room, you could see and feel the affection the siblings had for each other. Their relationship was special.

"He's always been so sweet with her," Kenna commented beside me.

I'd heard that a lot. Even before I'd met ‘Kyle,' Kane talked about how Remi basically had to raise Ruby and how hard it had been for him to leave her when he enlisted. I could definitely see the bond between the two of them. It made me even more attracted to him, not that he needed any help in that department.

"I can't believe that Misty and him broke up."

"Did you know her?" I was curious about the woman who had slept with another man when she was engaged to Remi. I couldn't, for the life of me, relate to what would possess someone to do that.

"No, not really. I met her once a few years back when Remi came to visit his mom right after they got engaged. She was nice and gorgeous—one of the most attractive people I've ever seen in real life. I'm pretty sure she's a model."

Cool, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. Remi's ex-fiancée was professionally beautiful. Cool, cool, cool.

"They seemed so happy," Kenna continued. "I wonder what happened between them."

I knew the answer to that. She cheated on him and got pregnant.

"I always figured he'd be married by now and have kids. He talked about wanting a family all the time when we were together."

"When you were together?" I repeated, sure I must have heard her wrong.

"Yeah, we dated off and on when I was a freshman, and he was a senior. It was nothing serious."

The news of Remi and my cousin's past hit me like a swinging wrecking ball to the gut. Any flicker of hope that anything, even something casual, could happen between us just got doused with a cold bucket of ice water. That was the third strike—the final nail in the coffin of our future. I absolutely could not be with one of my cousin's exes.

I needed to chalk whatever happened between us up to a blip on my sanity radar and move on. Just as I made that determination, Sam Whitlock walked by with a sexy brunette on his arm, giggling up at him.

Kenna noticed it, too. She looked like that wrecking ball had just hit her in the gut.

"Has anything ever happened between you and—" I started to ask.

"No—" Kenna cut me off before I could even say his name. "We're just friends. We grew up next door to each other. That's all. Nothing's ever happened between us. Nothing. We're just friends."

"Yeah, you mentioned that." Her response had me thinking that she protesteth too much.

Kenna moved down the bar to help other customers, and when I glanced back at Remi, I saw he was gone, and Ruby was heading straight toward me.

"You made it!" She smiled widely.

"Yep. It took me a little longer dropping off Harper at Lilah's than I thought," I lied. The truth was, I'd been the one who was running late because I was procrastinating.

"Hey, Ruby."

Ruby and I turned and saw the man who had just sucker punched my cousin by parading his current flavor of the week by her.

"Is it too late to bring a plus one on Saturday?" he asked.

"Um, um…" Ruby stumbled over her words. "Um, no, that's fine."

"Great. You're gonna love Camile."

Ruby and I both watched as he walked back to the brunette and asked her a question, one she enthusiastically replied to with a head nod.

As I turned back around, I wondered how Kenna would feel about that interaction. My curiosity was quenched when I saw that Kenna was back on this side of the bar, and from the pain on her face, she'd definitely witnessed the exchange.

Ruby must have come to the same conclusion as I did, because she explained, "I told him he could bring a plus one. I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, of course! It's great!" Kenna replied, a little too enthusiastically.

Ruby started to say more, but she was called away by one of the Calhoun twins, either Molly or Olivia. I couldn't tell which one.

When I saw Sam and Camile start playing kissy face on the dancefloor, I turned to Kenna and suggested, "You should ask Remi to go to the wedding."

Her brows lifted, causing her forehead to wrinkle. "What?"

"He just broke up with his fiancée, so he doesn't have a date. You don't have a date. You two used to date. It's perfect."

She started shaking her head no, when Camile giggled loudly, drawing our attention as Sam attacked her neck like a vampire. I turned my head back to Kenna in time to see her close her eyes slowly and inhale through her nose. When she opened them again, I could see the determination in her gaze. "I'll be right back."

I watched as Kenna strode through the crowd to where Remi was standing, talking to his mom and Tami Lynn. She tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around and saw who was there, he smiled widely, then hugged her.

Seeing the embrace felt like a donkey kick to the ovaries. I'd never been a jealous person, at least not when it came to anything romantic. After learning about their past, watching Remi's face light up when he saw Kenna seemed to be all it took for the green-eyed monster to make his first visit.

The two talked, and I noticed Kenna motion toward me a second before Remi's head turned in my direction. I turned away and picked up my glass, even though it was empty.

About a minute later, Kenna returned.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"He said yes." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I have a date to the wedding."

She headed back behind the bar, and even though my back was to him, I could feel Remi's eyes on me. Unable to stop myself, I glanced over my shoulder. Even from across the room, I could see that he was confused and not very happy about my suggestion for Kenna to ask him to go to the wedding with her. I wasn't that happy about it either, but I considered it a necessary evil.

I didn't trust myself with him. At least now, I had one more line of defense. He was going to have another date at the wedding. And bonus; Kenna wouldn't be flying solo while she watched Camile and Sam play kissy face all night.

It was a win-win.

So why did it feel like such a loss?