Chapter 21

TWENTY-ONE

I stare at my vacant reflection in the mirror, my hands gripping the sides of the countertop as I try to ground myself.

Romel has a gorgeous house, and it’s a far cry from any of the ones I grew up in. So far, in fact, I feel like an imposter for even being here.What am I doing with a guy like Ty? Or maybe the better question is what is a guy like Ty doing with me ?

My nose burns as the threat of tears builds behind my eyes. Gah, fucking hormones. I’m so sick of being an emotional basket case. I’ve met pregnant women before, and while I was never friends with any, I don’t remember any of them talking about the emotional land mines everywhere. Or maybe it’s just my hormones further conspiring against me.

My gaze drops from my eyes in the mirror to the reflectionof my stomach. It’s still mostly flat, not much sign that there’s a little life growing in there, except for a small bit of pudge that I could brush off as bloat.

I have to remember the real reason Ty’s with me is because we’re having a baby. I can wish for more, but wishing’s never gotten me anything in life. I know better than most that reality is a cruel bitch just waiting for the next chance to tear me down. I rest my hand over my belly and close my eyes.

“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper, but I’m not sure if I’m telling myself or the baby.

I turn on the faucet and splash a little cold water on my face. Meeting new people has always been hard for me. I’m better with kids. Adults, in my experience, always had ulterior motives. Their words carried double meanings I was often too young or naive to fully comprehend, which put me on edge. They couldn’t be trusted. The kids had simpler motivations for saying or doing what they did, and it was always easier to let my guard down around them. It’s one of the reasons I considered teaching elementary school, but it was a middle school teacher who saved me when I was younger—when I was so close to giving up completely. I wanted to be that person for someone else, to pay it forward.

I’m pretty sure I’d be a hermit if it weren’t for Blaire, and who the hell knows what she saw in me that kept her coming back and chiseling away at my icy exterior. It’s not something I do on purpose—more like a self-defense mechanism. All of Ty’s friends are boisterous and friendly, but are they really being that way just because Ty’s here, or is this genuinely how they are around new people? What must that be like to be so carefree when meeting someone new?

Will Ty think less of me now that he’s seen this side of me?

Probably.

And I can’t even blame him. Hell, he wouldn’t even be the first to do it.

I hate that I’m this way. I hate that I can’t laugh and make small talk with his friends easily.I hate that I second-guess the meanings behind every sentence they speak.I hate that my brain immediately starts worrying about what they’re thinking of me, but instead of trying to fit in, I shut down.

A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. “Just a second,” I call out.

“It’s me,” Ty’s voice comes through the door. “Can I come in?”

My eyes close briefly as I take a centering breathand then open the door. His handsome features are etched with concern, and as soon as the door is open, he doesn’t hesitate to push his big body through, crowding me against the sink. His warm hands cup my face, and he drops his lips to mine in a featherlight kiss. Warmth from the small sign of affection infuses my bones and eases some of my tense muscles, but doubts still niggle in my gut.

He pulls away just enough to look at me, his brown eyes filled with care instead of the scorn or judgment I expected.“I’m sorry for what I said out there. It came out wrong.”

I shake my head, my gaze dropping to the floor. “No. I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m…I’m not good with new people. I should’ve told you before we came.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem when we met.”

Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I remember the first time I saw him. The way speech completely escaped me and I had to remind myself to breathe. “That was different,” I whisper.

“How so?”

“Well, for starters, I’d had quite a bit of alcohol at that point or else I would’ve probably frozen up or stumbled all over my words.”

His mouth quirks up on the right in a small grin. “And why is that?”

I roll my eyes. “You know exactly why. You’re too hot for your own good. It’s not fair.”

He chuckles, leaning his forehead against mine. “I spent that whole night thinking you were too good for me. Too sweet. Too beautiful.”

There’s no way that’s true. This man could be surrounded by supermodels and I wouldn’t be the least surprised. I’m nowhere near as beautiful as what I’m sure he’s used to.

He brushes away a tear from my cheek that I didn’t even realize had fallen. “You made me feel things I’d never felt before, and I’m not just talking about the earth-shattering sex. Lexi, I was devastated when I woke up and you were gone.”

“You were?” God, I want to believe him. I want to believe in us , but I’m so fucking scared.

He brushes his fingers through my hair, and it feels so good, my lids grow heavy. “Walk me through what’s going on in that brain of yours. How can I make this night better for you?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I’ve always been like this.”

“What makes you feel comfortable?”

I stare up at him. “Being at home in my pajamas.”

He smiles again, his eyes softening as he looks at me with such tenderness, it makes another tear escape. “Please don’t cry, Precious. Tell me how to make this better.”

I shake my head again because I feel completely helpless and don’t know to explain it to him. “I don’t know how,” I whisper. If he thinks I enjoy being this way, he’s an idiot.

There’s another knock on the door, and when Ty opens it, Danae is standing there. “Hey, sorry to interrupt.” Her kind eyes look past Ty to me. “Mind if we chat for a minute?”

“Uh, sure,” I say, hating the uncertainty in my voice that gives away how I feel, putting me at the disadvantage. And there I go again. God, why can’t I just assume the best in people?

Ty looks back at me to make sure I’m really okay with this, and then steps out in the hall. “I’ll just be right out here.”

Danae closes the door and then moves to sit on the edge of the bathtub. She looks around the room that’s bigger than my bathroom and walk-in closet combined and offers me a smile. “I still can’t get over the fancy bathrooms these guys have. It’s a far cry from what I grew up with.”

I let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Same here.”

She nibbles her lip for a second. “Feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I feel like we might be kindred spirits.”

“How so?”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep inhale. When she opens them again, there’s a haunted expression in them I know all too well. “Do you ever feel like sometimes you see a person and just know they’ve been through some tough times?”

I nod, but can’t speak over the lump in my throat. I rarely see it in other adults, at least not the adults I’ve been around. But I’ve had a handful of students in the foster care system—or ones that ultimately ended up in the system due to being removed from their homes by CPS—during my time as a teacher and recognized it, whether in how they looked or how they behaved. Behavior was often a better indicator that things had gone bad for them.

She continues. “I’m not saying we’ve been through exactly the same thing because even if you go through the same event, everyone experiences trauma differently. But trauma recognizes trauma.”

“And you have trauma?”

She hesitates, and man, do I understand that hesitation better than any other part of this conversation so far. “I was in an abusive relationship,” she says, and I can’t imagine the amount of therapy she’s probably had to be able to say it as if it doesn’t haunt her every move.

“Foster care,” I whisper, but my shoulders feel lighter as I voice the truth.

She nods, and I appreciate that it’s not sympathy in her eyes, but solidarity. She’s not judging me; she’s recognizing a survivor.And that takes even more of the weight of this night off my shoulders.

“These people are some of the best I’ve ever met. I know you don’t really know me, but I’m hoping you’ll give them all a chance. They aren’t the type of people to judge you for where you came from, but to lift you up as much as they’re able. You’re safe here. You can be as open or as closed as you want, and we’ll accept you. The truth is, you make Ty happy and that speaks volumes. You don’t have to do anything else to prove your worth to us, okay?”

“Okay.” Because what else do I say to that?

She stands up and walks toward the door, but stops before turning the handle, looking back and giving me a sincere smile. “I’m really glad you’re here tonight. See you out there.”

With that, she walks out, and Ty is immediately standing in the doorway, looking at me and then glancing at Danae’s back as she walks away.

“Everything okay?” he asks, the corners of his eyes etched with concern and his jaw tight.

I nod, meaning it this time, and feeling much lighter than I did before she came in here. I may not be ready to spill my whole life story, but for the first time tonight, I’m not terrified about sitting at the table and attempting conversation.

“I’m okay. Let’s go back out.”

“Are you sure? We can leave if you’d be more comfortable.”

The fact he even offers makes my feelings for him grow so much stronger. He’s not shaming me or making me feel bad for how I feel.

I step up to him, slide my hand around his neck, and kiss him softly. His arms instantly wrap around me as he falls into the kiss, moaning in objection when I pull back. He keeps my body pressed to his and his forehead on mine.

“What was that for?” he asks.

“For worrying about me, wanting to take care of me.”

He kisses my forehead, and my heart feels like it grows two sizes from the tender affection. “I’ll always take care of you, Lexi. I’m yours,” he murmurs.

“I’m yours too,” I whisper back. I’m his more than he could ever know, more than I’ve ever belonged to anyone.

“Come on.” He steps back, taking my hand in his. “You’ll tell me if it’s too much? I have no problem leaving whenever you want.”

And that’s why I need to stay. He’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to make me comfortable. The least I can do is try to get to know his friends.

“I’ll tell you, but I’d really like to stay.”

He nods, and together we head back out to the dining room where everyone is still chatting and eating. None of them stare at us as we take our seats, but they do bring us right into the conversation. Dom focuses on Ty. “Dude, remember that one time…”

And that’s how the rest of the night goes. There’s rarely a lull in the conversation—which is kept blessedly light—and by the end of the night, I’ve gotten to know Alayna and Danae some more and agreed to go with them to a home game sometime.

When we head to Ty’s place for the night, my stomach is full, my heart is light, and for the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful that I might actually be able to keep this paradise Ty has brought into my life.

That is, until later that night when we’re snuggled in Ty’s bed, and he opens his mouth to say what I assume is goodnight, only to completely shock me.

“Will you come home with me for Thanksgiving and meet my family?”