Chapter 8

Posey

Holding my phone tightly to my chest, I question whether sending that text to Ledger was a mistake.

What's that saying? If you play with fire, you'll get burned.

What they don't mention is the way the flame makes you feel as you play with it. How playing with fire engages multiple senses. The sight of flames, the warmth, the crackling sound, and even the smell of burning materials can be captivating for some people. Playing with fire is a primal force that's been essential for survival throughout history. Let us also not forget that fire is associated with control. Being able to manipulate fire can give individuals a sense of mastery over a powerful force of nature, which can be empowering.

So when I sent that text to Ledger, it wasn't because I thought it would be fun to play with fire. It was more about how I couldn't help myself. I know it's wrong.

It's late, and as I toss and turn in my bed, I find zero comfort. Why hasn't Ledger answered? I sent him the text hours ago, and all day I've been checking my phone, unable to think straight. The only thought on my mind is him.

As I glance at my phone, a text comes through.

I feel alone most days, even though I'm surrounded by people.

He must be at work, surrounded by beautiful women who are constantly throwing themselves at him. I can't say the thought of it doesn't piss me off because it does. I wonder how many times he's taken the women up on their offers. Even though he says he doesn't. Could he just be telling me that?

Why would he lie about it?

Ledger doesn't owe me anything. He has no reason to lie to me. As far as he knows, I'm happily in love with Bane. Ha.

That couldn't be further from the truth.

What do you do when you feel that way?

His response is immediate.

Where are you right now? It's late.

I'm in bed.

Under the covers? I mean this in the least creepy way, but what are you wearing? I need the full picture painted for me so I can get the image in my head.

I suck in a deep breath. He wants to visualize me right now, and there's something intimate about the whole thing.

Under the covers. In my sleep shorts and tank top. Lights are out.

I'm guessing Bane isn't sleeping right beside you.

He stays in his room. We won't sleep together until we're married.

I cringe after sending the last reply, not wanting to bring Bane into my personal space. Into this intimate area with Ledger. This is just me and him. My secret. I don't want to share with anyone else.

Ledger doesn't respond right away, and I wonder if I've pissed him off by mentioning Bane. Finally, he replies.

Is that why you're lonely?

My heart skips a literal beat, and I breathe in through my nose. I don't know why, but I don't want him thinking I'm lonely because Bane isn't asleep next to me.

I'm a horrible person, but I can't tell him the truth. That I'm only marrying Bane to pay a debt my father owes.

So, I change the subject and deflect, which is something I'm good at.

I need the visual of you. Where are you? What are you wearing? Lights on or off?

I'm in my office at the club. Suit. Lights on. Has anyone ever told you that you're sort of bossy?

I laugh.

Yes, my father calls me bossy all the time. Isn't it weird to think that people are having sex right now in your club?

I don't think it's weird. Do you think it's weird?

Sort of weird.

Why? Sex is just a release for some. It's a way to blow off steam after a stressful day. Sex can also be an intimate way for two people to get to know each other better.

I wouldn't know. I'm a virgin.

I can't believe I just told him that. Is sex a stress reliever for him? Is he stressed right now? Will he have sex as soon as we get done chatting? It's a way for two people to get to know each other better. I feel like that's what we're doing right now. Getting to know each other.

I think about sex with Ledger. What it would be like. Would I fear it?

You've really never had sex?

My cheeks flame hot.

Never.

Why?

I stare at his reply for entirely too long. I could tell him I believe in waiting for Mr. Right. I could tell him it just never felt like the right time, but I deflect once more.

I should get some sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow.

Night.

I don't have a busy day today, unless sitting with Bridgette and planning a wedding I don't want is considered busy. As Bridgette goes over the countless options for flower arrangements, I do my utmost to pay attention. Who knew there were so many different types of flowers? Sure, I want my wedding to be beautiful. I envision my father walking his daughter down the aisle, and gorgeous flowers lining the walkway. Just not with Bane. However, as Bridgette presents arrangement after arrangement, my mind keeps drifting to Ledger.

What is he doing at this very moment?

I glance at my phone sitting on the table. No new text message. I want to text him right now. The need to do so is stifling, making me feel like screaming.

Instead, I look at flower arrangements. Instead, I act like the happy bride, wondering what I should say to Ledger.

As it sits right now, I could never text him again, and things could go back to the way they were before I met him.

Before the night I was attacked.

I could live out the rest of my days remembering the time when I texted the elusive man for a few days. Going into my marriage, it's what I should do.

"Let me see if there are any red rose bouquets in the back," Bridgette says and I watch as she rises from her chair and makes her way into the back of the florist shop.

The owner of the shop gave us two large binders filled with pictures of flowers and said to let her know if we needed anything else.

I'm all alone, and my fingers itch to type out a message to Ledger. He asked why I was a virgin, and I don't want to tell him the truth. Will it sound stupid to him?

Instead, I text him something I've been thinking about since I met him.

How many tattoos do you have?

Too many to count.

But I'm sure you have counted.

Maybe.

There's that maybe again. And I'm wondering if his maybe means yes. That would mean that he did miss me. I push the silly thought away and ask him again how many tattoos he has.

A couple dozen.

That doesn't tell me much. I want to ask about every single one of them, but don't want to come off as too intrigued, so instead I ask which is his favorite.

I watch as the dots bounce away, and I wonder what he's doing right now.

You asked me once what I like to do, and the truth is, I like to draw. Every tattoo of mine is an original piece designed by me.

I was not expecting this answer.

Really? So you hand drew all of them?

Yes, and a buddy of mine is a tattoo artist. I wouldn't trust anyone else. Some are smaller doodles I designed when I was younger, but my favorite is the skull over my chest. It was one of the first real tattoos I designed.

That's cool. I'd love to see it.

I don't think about my message until after I hit send. I just asked to see his chest.

I'd love to show it to you.

I read his message over and over, but before I can respond, Bridgette steps up from behind me.

"Here are some red rose arrangements for the wedding flowers," she says, plopping a binder down in front of me.

My eyes are bombarded by flower arrangement after flower arrangement for the next hour. Then we head back to Bane's estate to plan how we're going to transform the backyard into the event of the century.

We walk the length of the backyard as Bridgette makes a list with everything we'll need. There's a lot to be done, and Bane wants the wedding to happen soon. Like a few weeks soon. My palms sweat at the thought of marrying that monster.

But I put on a brave face, and smile, because I know what I have to do. I will do anything to protect my father from Bane.