Chapter Thirty-Two

Desperate Desire (4 Letters)

Seb

I was worried about Larkin. He'd been jumpy over the last couple of days, and wondering why was making me feel a little sick.

Ever since I'd said that stuff to him… ever since I'd potentially revealed just how deep my feelings for him ran… he'd been acting off. Not cold or aloof, but nervous and distracted. I'd tried not to obsess over it, tried not to constantly ask him if he was okay, but I was worried. About him.

And what was going to happen now.

After he left the room, I exhaled and scrubbed a hand over my eyes. Holt was in his office—I could hear him on the phone in there, sweet-talking Goliaths' merch supplier—so I settled back on the couch and opened my book to the crossword I was working on.

When a folded slip of paper fell out from between the pages and landed on my lap, I went still.

That… hadn't been in there before. Glancing at the door Larkin had just gone through, I tensed up with foreboding.

Had he left me a note? Telling me he was done with our lessons because I'd made it weird?

I didn't move at first, staring down at the paper, trying to mentally prepare myself. I'd known this day would eventually come—at some point, he'd be done with his lessons. He'd feel ready to go and have sex with other people. I'd known this day was coming. I had. I'd been ready for it. I'd made sure to remind myself constantly that it would happen.

So why did it still feel like the end of the world?

Feeling sick, I took a deep breath and unfolded the slip of paper, then stared blankly at what was on the page.

It was a hand-drawn crossword puzzle. Messy and a little lopsided, the whole square leaning to the right. At the top of the page, Larkin had tried to recreate the doodled ‘S' I'd shown him before, writing out Seb's Special Crossword in the same style . There was a tiny drawing of a wolf in one corner, and one of a stick figure with fae wings in the other next to a daisy mandala.

I swallowed, not moving as I stared down at it. If this… if this was his way of ending things, it was creative as hell, but devastatingly fucked up.

That relentless fragile hope bloomed again in my chest, so delicate it felt like it would shatter if I so much as breathed wrong. Still not moving a muscle, I lowered my gaze to the clues written out in Larkin's messy handwriting. There were only four of them, and only four sets of boxes in the actual crossword, but they all had one connecting letter each.

He'd put effort into this.

My hand was trembling slightly as I picked up my pencil.

1 Across: The best fae you've literally ever met (6 Letters)

A fragile smile tilted my mouth as I quickly wrote Larkin into the right space.

2 Down: Solely (4 Letters)

That one took me a few seconds, before I wrote only in the relevant space, using the N from Larkin.

3 Down: Desires (5 Letters)

Swallowing thickly, I filled in the word wants , this time using the A from Larkin. The last word was only three letters, beginning with the S from wants . That tiny bubble of hope expanded in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I wanted to fill in that last word without even looking at the clue, but I forced myself to read it.

4 Across: The best, nicest, hottest, most handsome werewolf I've ever met. My favourite person. (3 Letters)

I cleared my throat roughly and blinked fast to get rid of the blurriness in my eyes. After quickly scribbling in the last word, I stared down at the completed crossword.

Larkin only wants Seb

My heart was pounding, body locked in place. Did this mean…

"Lark, have you emailed back the—" Holt's office door swung open and he stepped out, then froze when he saw that Larkin's desk was empty. He huffed in irritation. "Do you know where Larkin is?"

I didn't answer, still staring down at the crossword. When I saw Holt step forward from the corner of my eye, my head jerked up and I shot off the couch. "What? Sorry. Uh, what did you say, boss?"

My voice was unsteady. I couldn't feel my face, so I didn't know what expression was currently on it, but Holt was staring at me strangely. His hot pink eyes flickered down to the piece of paper in my hand, so I quickly folded it in half again.

"You okay?" he asked, tone concerned.

"I have to…" I rounded the coffee table and headed for the door, still clutching my pencil and the piece of paper. "I'll be right back."

"Uh…"

I strode out of the office without waiting for him to answer, my legs trembling wildly as I walked fast through the corridors. When I reached the arena, the lights over the bar were on, but I couldn't see him.

"Larkin?" My voice sounded too loud and shaky as it echoed around the empty space. I strode toward the bar, breathing fast. "Lark?"

"H-hey."

My head snapped toward the ring to see him standing from one of the seats surrounding it, hurriedly putting his phone in his pocket. He almost tripped as he edged out onto the steps between the rows, his skin looking paler than usual and his eyes big and burning with nerves.

I took a few steps closer, still standing in the space between the bar and the ring, which seemed so much bigger when the arena was empty. It was cold and dim in here, only a single spotlight illuminating the wrestling ring.

"Wh-what…" My voice was rough as I held up the piece of paper. His eyes darted to it as he walked unsteadily down the steps, throat bobbing. "What does this… What do you mean, Lark?"

He stopped a few feet away, fiddling anxiously with his poorly knotted tie. Part of me wanted to comfort him, but I was too stunned. I couldn't think clearly. I'd been squashing down that fragile hope for so long now that if I let myself feel it in full but had got this all wrong, it would shatter me completely.

"I don't want anyone else," Larkin blurted hoarsely. I stopped breathing entirely. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want to do any of the stuff I… I talked about when I asked you to—I don't want to just keep having lessons with you, Seb."

"What…" I struggled to get any words out as my throat convulsed. "I…"

"They're not just lessons to me anymore, Seb," Larkin croaked, gazing at me with those big eyes. "They're… I just want them to be… me and you. I want it to be me and you. Properly."

I almost staggered back a step, reeling with shock. "But I-I thought…"

"I realised a while ago that I didn't actually want to do any of the stuff I'd talked about." He grimaced slightly. "The thought of being with someone else feels so wrong. But being with you is… amazing. All of it. I want all of it. Not just, um, the sex and stuff. The rest. I want us to… b-be together. If you want to."

He squirmed, flushing dark blue, and rushed out, "But I understand if you don't. I know that wasn't what you agreed to. I know you were just helping me out. But I… had to try. Asking, I mean. I had to try asking you."

"Larkin." My mouth trembled. "It was never just helping you out for me."

His eyes flared with nervous hope. "What… what do you mean?"

"I've always wanted you," I admitted hoarsely. "Always. Since the first moment I saw you."

His throat hitched as he took a tiny step closer. "Really?"

"Yes." My breath shuddered out of me. It felt like I'd just lanced a festering wound that had been paining me for a year and a half.

Larkin's lips trembled a little as he inched closer again. "Why didn't you… tell me?"

I let out a weak laugh. "Because it wouldn't have worked then—you and me. You didn't really know me, and you weren't interested in anything like…" I shook my head and gave him a wobbly smile. "But it's okay. I didn't mind waiting. It was worth it. I would've waited even longer, Larkin."

"Seb," he choked out, taking a final step to bury himself against my front, tucking his face into my neck. I made sure not to crinkle the piece of paper as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my lips to his hair.

"Does that mean you… want to?" he mumbled. "Be with me?"

"Yes." My voice came out steadier this time, but still thick. "That's all I want, Larkin."

He lifted his head to gaze up at me. "I don't want anyone else."

A sense of calm stillness settled in my bones. "Neither do I."

His chin wobbled. "I'm sorry for asking you to be my fuckletics instructor. That was so… thoughtless of me."

"It wasn't." I smiled at him, lifting my free hand to cup his chin. "You didn't know."

He let out a tiny sob and blubbered, "I really didn't. I had no idea. Wh-why didn't you tell me?"

I suddenly couldn't stop smiling, even as I said, "Because I didn't think you'd ever be interested in a boring old wolf like me."

"Shut up," he croaked, wrapping his arms around my neck. "You're not boring or old. You're amazing. You're, like… the best person ever. Honestly, I don't really get why you… w-want me."

"I told you the other night." I pulled him closer. "And I told you not to ever doubt it."

"So you've really…" He faltered, voice hoarse and mouth trembling as he gazed up at me. "This whole time?"

"Yes." Fuck, it felt so good to say it. For him to know.

But guilt flooded Larkin's eyes before he lowered his gaze. "And then I came and asked you for that… stupid fucking arrangement. God, I feel like such a dick."

"No," I said patiently, cupping his chin to make him look at me again. "You didn't know. I made sure you didn't know, Larkin. It wasn't your problem, and I wasn't going to make it your problem. Even once we were fooling around."

He still looked guilty, and I hated seeing it. I smoothed my thumb over his chin and along his jaw, then found myself hesitantly asking, "What… what made you change your mind?"

His eyes darted back to mine, and he wet his lips. "About us, you mean?"

Us. God. My belly tightened. My heart squeezed. Every muscle in my body tensed, my wolf threatening to burst out from under my skin, sweep him up into my arms and cart him off somewhere private, snarling at anyone who got in my way.

When I nodded, Larkin swallowed thickly and fiddled absently with my hair. "I mean, I just felt… safe with you. From the beginning. And once we started having sex, I didn't start feeling excited or eager to go… you know… with the wrestlers. Or anyone else." His lip curled a little. "The thought of doing it just made me feel really shitty. And then it was… it was just everything else." His voice grew hoarse. "Everything else we did together. Getting to spend time with you, and sleep with you, and…"

He trailed off, then swallowed again and looked at me.

"It was just you, Seb. I just realised that all I wanted was you."

Fuck. My eyes were burning, my throat bobbing convulsively as I tried to muster up some kind of response that would be even half as good as that.

"Lark," I eventually croaked, exhaling a shaky breath.

"You're way too good for me," he mumbled self-consciously. "You're all, like, smart and well-adjusted and good at everything—"

I burst out laughing at the absurdity of his statement, and after a moment of surprised blinking, he tentatively grinned back, his cute little fangs peeking out.

"What?"

"You, thinking I'm ‘too good' for you." I snorted, shaking my head. "It's just complete dogshit."

Larkin gurgled with laughter, cheeks sweetly flushed and those little fangs nibbling on his lower lip as he grinned up at me. Then his eyes softened, tongue swiping over his lower lip as his gaze darted down to my mouth. He lunged up and kissed me, but it was a little awkward because I was still grinning like a fool. He huffed against my mouth and pulled back with his own wide smile.

"I've only ever seen you smile at me like that," he said shyly. "Maybe I should've figured it out sooner."

"Maybe." I chuckled, then held up the slip of paper. "But then I might not've gotten this. And this is the best thing anyone's ever given me."

"Oh my god, you don't have to say that." He flushed and scrubbed his cheek. "It probably sucks, right? I had to use a thesaurus online for some of the clues."

"It doesn't suck. It's perfect." I tucked it carefully into the inner pocket of my suit jacket, then wrapped my arms around his waist to tug him closer again. "I'm going to frame it."

His eyes brightened. "My mom went through a frame-making phase once. We have a buttload of empty frames in the attic. Maybe I could find a good one."

I grinned. "That sounds nice."

"Or maybe… you could come over at the weekend and we could look together." He gave me a nervous grin. "And you could meet my family. I mean, I know you met my mom at the diner, but… my dad would lose his shit. In a good way. I want you to meet them."

It almost felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. Or maybe I was in the middle of an incredibly lucid dream.

"I'd like that," I said hoarsely. "And you'll have to meet my family too. Just ignore whatever embarrassing nicknames my sisters call me in front of you."

He gurgled with laughter, darting up to kiss me again. "Um, no, dude, I'll be writing them all down."

The sudden sound of fists banging into glass made him jump. We both looked up to see Vince and Dan staring down at us through the windows of the wrestlers' backstage area above the arena. The latter had his head tucked under his arm and was holding an apple up to his mouth so his head could take bites. Bits of masticated apple were falling from his neckhole onto the floor.

Vince pointed at us, held up a finger, then vanished for a few seconds. When he reappeared, he was holding a big piece of cardboard, which he flattened against the glass, a permanent marker still clutched in his hand.

U 2 TOGETHER??? it said. He peered over the top of it with a grin, waggling his eyebrows.

Then Mads, Susan and Carl appeared, pressing their noses to the glass and staring down at us. Kit's head popped into view at the top of the window, their shaggy hair falling in a curtain as they hung upside down.

Susan was clasping her hands together over her chest, her eyes wide and glimmering. She looked back to say something over her shoulder, before Gabe and Biff joined the others at the window. Then Holt appeared, shoving between them to get the best view and dragging Taylor with him.

Jesus Christ.

Larkin snuffled a laugh. "Oh my god, they're so fucking nosy. Yeah," he shouted, giving them all a thumbs up before lunging up to smack a kiss on my cheek with a grin.

Taylor shoved Holt's shoulder and said something to him excitedly, then grabbed the card and pen from Vince to scribble on the back of it.

He slapped it onto the glass. I KNEW IT

I chuckled warily, brows pinching. "What?"

"Oh my god." Larkin rolled his eyes and looked up at me. "I kind of… talked to Holt about stuff a while ago, and he said Taylor was convinced there was something going on between us."

"You talked to Holt about it?" I asked in surprise.

"Um, yeah," he said sheepishly. "That day when it was all… weird. Sorry," he added, nibbling his lip as he gazed up at me.

I shook my head. "Don't be sorry."

"I was just really sad," he blurted, "because I thought you were gonna end our… thing."

I melted, cupping his chin to hold him steady while I leaned down to kiss him. I'd forgotten about our audience until one of them started pounding on the glass, and I detected the faint sounds of someone whooping.

With a huff, I pulled back and smiled down at Larkin, stubbornly ignoring the crowd of wrestlers watching us.

"They're, like, so embarrassing." He rolled his eyes, then leaned up to press another kiss to my chin before pulling back and hesitantly saying, "Um… I know I don't have to, like, ask for your permission or anything, but… I don't want to stop being friends with them, Seb."

I blinked. "What?"

"I swear I don't want anyone else," he said worriedly. "Seriously, the thought of it makes me feel super weird in a gross way. But they're still… I'm still friends with them. Is that… okay?"

"Larkin, you don't…" I shook my head. "You don't need to ask me if that's okay. You can be friends with whoever you want. And I trust you. You've never been dishonest."

After a second, he beamed up at me. "Okay. I just… I've kinda missed hanging out with them."

I chuckled. "Why haven't you been?"

"Because I got all stressed because I didn't want you to think things," he grumbled. "I was just all confused. And then I started feeling guilty, so I just… I dunno. It's been a rollercoaster, honestly."

Laughing, I glanced back up at the windows. A couple of the wrestlers had wandered off, but most were still watching. Gabe shot me a huge grin and a thumbs up. Holt had his head tipped back in exasperation as Taylor said something and poked his chest with a teasingly smug expression.

"I mean…" I looked back down at Larkin and smiled. "Yeah, I was ridiculously jealous before, but like I said, I trust you, Lark. And now they all know you're mine," I added.

He grinned sweetly, tightening his arms around my neck to drop a firm kiss on my mouth. "Fuck yeah. Oh shit, I better text Hans to let him know it went okay." Except he didn't move, his lips twisting into a little pout. "I wish the show wasn't on tonight so we could just go back to your place."

"You could still come over after," I said immediately, my voice growing a little husky. I fought the urge to slide my hands down onto his pert ass, aware that we were still being watched. Possibly by the boss.

"Yeah, okay. Shweet." Larkin's gaze dipped back down to my mouth, before lifting once more, filled with fragile hope. "But no more lessons, right? Just… me and you."

"Yes." Unable to resist, I lowered my mouth back to his. "Just me and you."