Chapter Twenty-Five

Not a Lesson

Seb

"Mmmm." Larkin took another bite of warm bread thickly slathered in butter. With his mouth full, he asked, "See? Isn't it literally the best?"

I nodded, finishing my second slice. It had taken us a couple of hours to make it thanks to the time spent waiting for the dough to proof, during which we'd played more old video games, but it had definitely been worth it. Mainly because I'd got to spend all evening with Larkin again.

Sitting cross-legged beside me on the couch, he uncurled a leg to nudge me with his foot. "And now you have the stuff to make it again. The pan and everything."

I smiled, unable to stop myself from grabbing his foot and squeezing it gently. "I wouldn't risk making it again without you. I'd fuck it up."

He sighed dramatically. "Then I guess I'll have to come over every week to help you make fresh bread."

He peeked at me after saying it, curling his socked toes against my palm. My chest tightened with longing, but I managed to give him a wry smile.

"You don't want to spend an evening every week with a boring old wolf."

"I do want to," he said immediately, then stuffed the rest of his bread in his mouth as his cheeks flushed. "And you're not boring," he added in a muffled voice. "Or old."

I nodded at the TV. "My gaming set-up begs to differ."

"It's old-school. Nostalgic, like you said. It's cool." He cleared his throat and reached for his soda on the coffee table as he reiterated, "And I do want to. Come over every week, I mean. If you want me to."

"Of course I want you to," I said without thinking, then tensed as I worried about how he'd read into that. I quickly added, "Like you said, this is way better than storebought bread."

Larkin smiled, but it was a little wan. Not as radiant as it usually was.

Swallowing nervously, wondering if I'd said the wrong thing, I rubbed his foot with my thumb and asked, "Are you feeling better? After earlier? Sorry, I should've already asked."

"Yeah. Thanks." His voice was a little hoarse, expression hidden from me as he put his drink back down. "Um, sorry I didn't reply to your text. My phone was on silent."

"That's okay. I was just… worried about you."

Larkin looked up and stared at me, something flashing through his eyes. In a rush, he was suddenly scrambling up, grabbing my face and crushing his mouth to mine. I froze in shock for a split second, then kissed him back, my breath hitching when he clambered over to straddle my lap and wrap his arms around my neck.

Our tongues slid together hungrily for long moments, and my breaths were trembling slightly when the kiss finally ended.

"I thought… I thought you didn't want a lesson tonight," I croaked.

"I don't." His voice was barely above a whisper. "This isn't a lesson, Seb. I just wanted to do that. Is… is that okay?"

Fuck. Fuck. He couldn't do this to me. He couldn't make me hope like this. It didn't feel fair. It would ruin me.

"Yes," I still breathed, because I was incapable of saying no to him. "Of course that's okay."

"Only if you want to." Now he was staring at me like he was trying to detect something, which was making me nervous. "You obviously don't have to k-kiss me if you don't want to. Sorry, I should've asked before—"

"I want to." I always wanted to. Always.

Throat bobbing, he leaned back in shyly and kissed me again, soft and sweet. And for some reason, I knew at that moment that this would be the kiss that tortured me the most once this had all ended. The one I'd think about endlessly above all the others. The one he'd given me just because he wanted to—because he wanted to kiss me , not the guy teaching him all about sex.

This was the kiss that would haunt me long after he'd moved on.

—

It took me a second to work out where I was when I woke up. The back of my neck ached, and a weak blueish light was flickering, letting me see that I was in the living room when I blinked open my heavy eyes.

I'd fallen asleep on the couch, my head resting uncomfortably against the armrest.

And Larkin was on top of me.

We'd been watching a movie. The TV now showed a holding screen, cycling through ads for various new releases. I'd been tired after my run, and when I kept yawning, Larkin had chuckled and told me to lie down. Then he'd crawled over me, pausing to ask if it was okay as he gazed at me with big eyes.

Obviously, I'd nodded, my heart stuttering when he'd lain fully on top of me, our legs tangled together, his head on the front of my shoulder and his palm resting on my chest. I'd stopped watching the movie then. I'd just closed my eyes to take in the warmth of him, the feel of his heart beating steadily against me, the scent of his hair as I rested my chin on the top of his head. I must've fallen asleep quickly.

This was all I wanted. I didn't care if he stopped wanting sex lessons, as long as I could still have this. But when he decided he didn't need more lessons, that would mean he felt ready to go and have sex with someone else. So he wouldn't want to do this with me anyway.

He must've muted the TV before dozing off, because the room was quiet, which made my unsteady breaths sound even louder. Restless, panicked energy buzzed under my skin, the urge to tell him that I loved him, that I wanted this with him, climbing up my throat. It felt like I was running out of time.

I must've disturbed Larkin, because he stirred on top of me, tucking his long fingers into his sleeve and rubbing his nose with it as a sleepy little grunt escaped him. He lifted his head and gazed around blearily, then rested his cheek back on my chest with a tired sigh.

"I'm really hot," he croaked, because he was still wearing his giant sweater, and I tended to run warm. "Sorry, I'm probably making you overheat."

"I'm fine," I said quickly, tightening the arm around his waist. "What time is it?"

Larkin stretched out an arm to pick up his phone on the coffee table, wincing when the bright screen illuminated.

"Oh shit, it's like two a.m." With another sigh, he struggled up onto one arm. "Sorry. I better go."

"You don't have to," I blurted, because I'd only just woken up, so the stuff I shouldn't say was just coming out of my mouth. "You don't have to go. You… you shouldn't drive home when you're this tired. It's not safe."

He gave me a sleepy smile and rubbed his eye sweetly, and it was all I could do not to crush him back to my chest. "I don't want to, like, impose. Any more than I already have."

"It's not. You're not." There was a desperate edge to my voice. This might be the only chance I ever got to actually sleep with him. "We'll sleep here. It's fine."

He looked uncertain. "You don't have to… You should go up to bed—"

"I want to stay here." Realising I was making myself far too exposed, I managed to fix a tiny smile on my face. "I'm really comfy. I just don't want to move. You're a good blanket."

After a pause, Larkin nodded quickly and settled back down on my chest, his cheek rubbing against my hair-roughened skin. "Okay, yeah. Me too. This is… Thanks."

Exhaling with relief, I closed my eyes and let my hands slip under the hem of his giant sweater to smooth over his lower back. His skin was hot and slightly damp with sweat. When he shifted, my eyes popped back open to see him reach for the remote and turn off the TV, plunging us into darkness.

I relaxed again, stroking my thumb over the dip of his spine. My heavy eyelids slid shut, breaths steadying and growing deeper as I drifted back toward sleep.

Then I heard Larkin whisper, "I want this."

My eyes snapped back open, pulse immediately speeding up until my heart was racing. "What?"

What did he mean? What did he want?

"Nothing," Larkin said quickly. "Sorry. Just… mumbling."

He had to feel my heart pounding against him. I'd gone rigid, my breaths leaving me in little spurts, but when he stayed silent, I forced myself to unclench again. I wanted to ask him what he meant—what it was he wanted—but I was too scared to hear the answer.

I want this when I find the person I want to be with.

I want this with someone else.

I want this, but you're just my fuckletics instructor, Seb, so of course I don't want this with you.

I wasn't tired anymore, my mind too busy churning through all the different devastating ways he could tell me that I'd never, ever get to truly be with him. Which meant I didn't notice, at first, when his fingers started trailing lightly over my pec, sifting through the short hair there.

When a fingertip traced my nipple, my breath hitched as I tensed. But he didn't say anything, so I didn't either. I didn't even know how awake he still was. This could've just been… absent touching while he drifted off to sleep, like a self-soothing gesture.

Although that seemed less likely when he turned his cheek, his breathing growing unsteady, and pressed a kiss to the centre of my chest.

My fingers tightened on his back, cock twitching against his thigh. I still didn't move, feeling like I was going to vibrate out of my skin when he rubbed the tip of his nose through the hair on my chest, then kissed me again, this time directly over my nipple.

I sucked in a sharp breath to say something, but ended up just exhaling in a rush when I felt the soft, wet warmth of his tongue circling my nipple. Then he gave it a light, hesitant suck, a tiny sound escaping him as my cock stiffened in a rush, pushing against his thigh.

"L-Lark," I whispered unsteadily as he propped himself up and nuzzled my chest hair on his way to my other nipple, which he sucked with a bit more confidence. I gasped, a hand shooting up to tangle in his hair.

"This still isn't a lesson, Seb." His voice was hoarse and quiet. "I just want to do this. Can I?"

I should have said no. This was blurring the lines of our arrangement even more than the sweet kisses he'd given me earlier. This was him telling me that he wanted to do this with me , and I didn't know what to think about that. I didn't want to let myself hope only to be crushed even worse later down the line.

I should have said no. I should have been smart and gently formed boundaries with him. It was the only way to cling to the tiny scrap of self-preservation I had left.

I should have said no.

"Yes," I whispered, smoothing strands of hair back from his face. "Only if you want to."

"I want to. I love doing this with you." I heard him swallow. "With you, Seb."

What the fuck did that mean? I couldn't think as he started kissing my chest again, shifting lower to nuzzle the line of hair bisecting my abs. I was already breathing fast. This was overwhelming me, because Larkin was kissing his way down my front just because he wanted to. Not for a lesson. Not to practise.

"Lark," I croaked again when he reached my navel and nuzzled it, then rubbed his nose against the hair trailing into my shorts, inhaling deeply.

His hand was unsteady as he reached inside and clumsily grasped my cock, pulling it free. A tight groan escaped me through gritted teeth, my knee shifting outward to hang off the edge of the couch.

I took a gasping breath when his hot mouth engulfed the tip. He sucked softly, still a little unsure from having only done this once before, but soon he was circling his tongue around the head and moaning breathily against me, as if he genuinely loved doing this. To me .

His mouth sank lower, the hand ringing the base sliding up and down in little strokes, uncoordinated at first as he started bobbing his head. Then they synced up as he settled on a slow, lingering pace that was likely to make me shatter.

My body instinctively relaxed back into the couch at the sensation of hot, sucking draws on my cock. I threaded my fingers through his hair, which made him shiver and moan as he swirled his tongue around the head then sucked on it, his tongue moving rhythmically against my frenulum in a way that made my balls tighten. God, he was already good at this, mainly because he seemed to genuinely enjoy it. He was in no hurry as he sucked me, lavishing attention on the tip while his fist stroked over my length, before he started bobbing his head again and the soft sound of his sucking mouth filled the quiet room.

A deep groan rumbled from my chest. I was so hard my cock ached, which hopefully told him how much I was enjoying this, but I wanted to make sure he knew for certain.

"That feels so good, Lark," I rasped, savouring the feel of his silky hair sliding between my fingers. "You love doing this, huh? I can tell. It's fucking hot."

"Mmm." That desperate little moan made me shudder, bolts of pleasure racing down my length and into my balls.

Larkin slid his mouth free to smooth his tongue over my frenulum, lapping at it before gliding his tongue down my shaft to my sac. He sucked a ball into his mouth, moaning again when I hissed with pleasure and my hips strained up.

"You feel how tight they are already?" I panted. "You're going to make me come. I'm so hard it hurts."

I released his hair to play with the head of my cock while he sucked my balls, shuddering as slick pre-cum coated my fingertips.

"I'm leaking so much, Lark." The words were almost a growl as my chest started to heave. He whimpered, lifting his head to lap at the tip, his breath hitching when his tongue bumped over my fingers.

He licked them desperately, tearing a hoarse groan from me, then another when he sucked my fingertips into his mouth with a whimper. My cock jerking, I slid my middle finger deeper, gliding it over his tongue. His cheeks hollowed as he sucked on it, before I pulled it free and guided his mouth back onto my dick.

The moment his hot tongue swirled around the tip, I grunted as my hips snapped up. Larkin moaned loudly and kept his head still, his lips wrapped around the tip, wordlessly telling me what he wanted.

Reminding myself to be careful, that this was still new to him, I started thrusting shallowly into his mouth. Just the head and the first inch of shaft, so I didn't overwhelm him, but it was more than enough to send me careening toward the edge of orgasm.

"F-fuck," I gasped, clutching restlessly at his hair. "I'm going to come, Lark. Your mouth feels s-so fucking good."

He moaned breathily in encouragement, pumping his fist over my length faster and sucking hard as I fucked his mouth. My thrusts grew jerky and unsteady, breaths sawing out of me, until I stiffened up and began to shake.

"Fuck," I bit out, thighs quaking. "I'm coming—"

The pressure broke, tearing a harsh groan from my throat. My cock bucked between his lips, pumping cum onto his tongue as my vision briefly whited out from the intensity of it. Larkin sucked feverishly, his fingers digging into my trembling thigh.

I tried not to writhe as my head ground back into the armrest. "Jesus—fuck."

When I started twitching with oversensitivity, Larkin moaned softly and gentled his mouth, giving my cockhead one last lingering suck before sliding it free. As I sagged and tried to calm my thundering heart, he lunged up to kiss me, breathing hard. I cupped his cheek with a trembling hand, shuddering at the taste of myself on his tongue. When I felt his hard cock digging into my hip through his sweats, I moaned and started wriggling a hand down between us to stroke it.

But he shook his head and broke the kiss to whisper, "No, I'm okay."

I stopped and slowly settled my hand on his hip. I could feel how hard he was, and I wanted nothing more than to make him come, but he'd said no, so that was that. Swallowing thickly, I lifted my head and kissed him again, slow and a little unsure. I had no idea what to think about any of this.

And I was too scared to let myself really think about what it might mean. Or not mean.

Larkin pressed one more sweet kiss to my chin before settling back down with his cheek on my chest, letting out a deep sigh. His fingertips traced an idle pattern over my stomach as I felt his mouth curve into a smile.

"We're gonna be so tired at work tomorrow."

"Yeah," I croaked. I'd already decided to skip the gym in the morning. No way in hell was I going to wake up early and kick Larkin out just so I could go lift weights, when instead, I could have this for a little bit longer.

Maybe I could even cook him breakfast. I could let myself play pretend for one morning—pretend this was real, pretend this was what I could have every day. Pretend he was really mine.

"Are you cold?" I asked, my heavy eyelids drooping already, my body still thrumming with pleasure.

He shook his head and snuggled deeper into me. "No. You're really warm."

Wrapping my arms around him to pin him to me, I kissed the top of his head and settled back. I forced myself to stay awake until I sensed him fall asleep, his body growing lax and heavy on top of me, his breaths evening out and getting deeper.

That restless, almost panicked energy was back. I wanted to beg anyone who was listening to let me have this—let me have him. I wasn't even a religious person. Some werewolf packs worshipped the moon or a god associated with it, but my parents were too down-to-earth to have enforced anything like that in their own pack.

Still, I found myself squeezing my eyes shut and pleading.

Please just let me have this. I don't want anything else.