Chapter Twenty-Two

Confession

Larkin

"Psst."

I was busy lugging boxes of merch into the storage room the next day at work when I heard the whispered hiss from above.

Glancing up, it took me a few seconds to spot the glowing red eyes peering from behind a big pipe on the high ceiling. My mouth quirked up. "Hi, Kit."

Goliaths' mothperson wrestler gracefully flew down from the ceiling and landed in front of me.

"Heard something the other night," they said slyly, rocking back on their tarsal claws.

I perked up with interest. I loved a bit of gossip. "Noice. What?"

Instead of telling me, they drawled, "It was at the pool party."

I chuckled. "I bet a lot of shit came out that night. Half the guys were wasted."

"You weren't though, were you?" They were eyeing me with a tiny smirk.

I shook my head. "Nah, I was driving. So what did you hear?"

"Weeeellll…" They drew the word out, glancing around and moving closer. Grinning mischievously at me, they lowered their voice to say, " Sounded like a certain fae assistant having the time of his life in the house with a certain werewolf bodyguard."

I froze in place. Heat flared over my whole body, my cheeks on fire, before I grabbed their arm and yanked them into the storage room, closing the door behind me.

"Wh-what did you hear?" I whispered. Fuck, what if they'd heard me telling Seb about my tail? I didn't want anyone else knowing about that. It was private.

Kit snickered. "Just a very familiar voice moaning Seb, Seb, Seb through the bedroom window behind me." They sobered and gave me an earnest look. "I moved away after I heard it, bro. Swear."

"Um, th-thanks," I got out in a strangled voice, sweating under my shirt with embarrassment.

"So what's the deal?" they whispered eagerly. "You and Seb fucking on the reg? Sounded like you were really into it, bro. You know, before I moved away."

"Um… um…" What did I tell them? I could not tell them he was giving me sex lessons. That was so freaking embarrassing. Which meant the only alternative was…

"We're dating," I blurted, flushing even hotter, my belly fluttering with something. "But, um, it's… it's really new and… we're not really telling anyone right now…"

Kit nodded emphatically. "Nice. Cool. Seb seems really great. Kinda quiet, but super chill." They chuckled, crossing their arms and eyeing me with a raised brow. "Biff and Gabe will be disappointed when they find out. So will Dan. And Carl. And Heidi. And Vince."

I squirmed with a weird blend of relief and guilt and managed a weak laugh. "Y-yeah, I… guess so."

"But I'm really happy for you, dude." They reached out and squeezed my tense shoulder. "And I won't say anything until you two go public with it. Then I'll brag about knowing before everyone else."

"Y-yeah, thanks," I said weakly, rubbing my hot cheek. "It's just… Holt might get pissed. We don't know how he'd…"

Kit snorted. "As if he can say anything when he's just hired T-bone."

"He's the boss though," I mumbled. "He can do what he wants."

"Can't imagine him caring, though." Kit shrugged. "What's it got to do with him? People date their co-workers all the time. Look at Gabe and Biff. Holt doesn't give a shit about them fucking in their dressing rooms."

"That's true," I croaked.

"Either way, your secret's safe with me, bud." They lightly punched my arm. "You know I just had to tease ya about getting dicked down in the boss's spare bedroom."

I managed to laugh. "Yeah."

"Anyway, I'll leave you to it." They opened the door. "Come hang out with us soon, yeah? You haven't been around for a while."

The guilt intensified, swirling with the jittery feelings already making me fidget. "Yeah. Sorry. I've just… I had more to do while Holt was off…"

Kit chuckled. "I get it. See ya, Lark."

The moment they were gone, I powerwalked to the office to see if Seb was there, still overheated and a little jumpy. When I opened the door and saw him sitting on the couch doing his crossword, my heart thudded hard.

He looked up and gave me a tiny version of his grin. "Hey. Get all the boxes moved?"

"Not yet." I swallowed and stepped into the room, closing the door behind me and glancing at Holt's office. "Is Holt…?"

"Having lunch in Taylor's office."

"Okay." I walked over and stood on the other side of the coffee table, shifting anxiously from foot to foot. "Um… so, uh… Kit heard us. At the pool party."

Seb blinked in surprise, then calmly set down his crossword book. "Oh. Right."

"And I didn't know what to…" I fidgeted restlessly, picking at a hangnail on my thumb, then blurted, "I told them we're dating."

Something complicated happened to Seb's expression, several different emotions flitting across his face too quickly for me to clock even one. He let out a slow breath and repeated, "Right."

My chest squeezed in panic. I hadn't actually considered the fact that Seb might not want anyone to think we were dating. Not because I had assumed he'd be all, like, proud or whatever to be dating me , but… that wasn't what we were doing. We weren't dating. We weren't really together. And now I'd told someone we were.

"Sorry," I croaked, not sure what to say.

"No, it's fine." His brow was slightly furrowed as he looked at me. "But you do realise they'll probably tell all the others, right? If they haven't already."

"They said they wouldn't." It was my turn to frown as I made a face. "But even if they did, it's not like I'd be embarrassed or anything if they all thought we were dating." Trying to lighten the mood, I gave him an uncertain grin and added, "I told you before, I'd actually be super proud if they all thought I'd landed you ."

Seb didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. His brows pinched even more as his throat bobbed convulsively. He glanced away, then took a breath and looked at me again.

"But we're only doing this because you want to fuck some of them." His voice was weirdly… flat. Like how he always used to speak to me. I hadn't realised how much I'd gotten used to hearing him speak more animatedly and laugh and joke with me. Sound like a real person. "And they won't have sex with you if they think you're dating me, Larkin."

"Oh." For some reason, it was pain that tightened my chest and made it hard to breathe for a moment. Not worry or disappointment over the wrestlers thinking I was unavailable. Not sheepish amusement over the fact that I'd just made this way more complicated by telling someone we were a couple.

Seb sounded so… dismissive, even though I knew, rationally, that he wasn't saying anything harsh or incorrect. That was why we were doing this. So I could get good at sex before I fooled around with some of the wrestlers.

Suddenly, that plan felt horribly wrong. And gross. And uncomfortable.

I didn't like thinking about it. I didn't want to think about why we were actually doing this or what was going to come after it was done. In fact, the thought kind of filled me with dread. And this weird, desperate desire to do… something else.

"O-okay," I croaked, not sure why the backs of my eyes were burning. "Um, I'll… I'll go tell Kit that it… that we're not… that it's not… serious, I guess."

"Well, it's not, right?" His face was unreadable as he looked at me, voice a little terse. "It's not anything. It's just practice for you."

I flinched, and I wasn't even sure why. He still wasn't saying anything but the truth.

But it kind of hurt, to be honest. And made me feel really crappy. For multiple reasons that I couldn't decipher.

"Right," I croaked, taking a step back. "Okay. So I'll… I'll go tell them."

I hesitated for a moment—again not even sure why—then finally turned and walked quickly to the door. Just as I stepped into the hall, I heard him blurt, "Wait. Lark."

Pulse rabbiting in my throat, I turned and stood there awkwardly as he appeared in the doorway. His brow was still creased as he stepped closer, throat working as he swallowed.

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely, "for sounding… cold."

"That's okay," I said quickly, my voice embarrassingly thick. "You didn't say anything wrong."

"I just… don't want you to worry that I'm reading more into this than it… is."

That should've made me feel better, but it didn't.

I shook my head, finding it hard to look at him. "I know you're not."

Seb wouldn't really be interested in me . I was probably too immature and annoying for him. I wasn't as smart as he was. I didn't do intellectual things like crosswords or read the paper. I was loud and a blabbermouth.

And inexperienced. He knew just how much. I flushed, my eyes prickling. Suddenly, I felt small and… kind of pathetic.

"Lark." His voice was hoarse.

I forced myself to look up at him, hoping the small smile on my lips was believable. But it kept wavering.

"I… I love spending time with you, whatever we're doing," he continued, gazing down at me like he wanted to say more.

"Me too." I hoped I didn't sound too desperate. I'd had so much fun with him—not just with the sex stuff, but everything else. Talking and playing games and eating pizza and just spending time with him—just the two of us.

"I hope we don't stop once this—once you decide you're… done with your lessons."

I shook my head immediately as my belly clenched with dread at the thought of our lessons ending. Suddenly, I was terrified that he was going to put a stop to them right now because of my fuck-up.

"No way, no. I—We're friends, right?" I gazed up at him pleadingly, and my mouth trembled as I blurted, "I'm sorry. For what I told Kit. I just… I didn't expect them to tell me that and I didn't know what else to say."

I hated the thought of Seb being mad at me, and he still seemed a little off. Almost sad.

He shook his head, lips tilting into a tiny smile that I was almost positive wasn't real. "You have no reason to be sorry. And you don't need to go and speak to Kit again if you don't want to. You can tell whoever you want that we're dating. But… we're not. Are we?"

I stared up at him, my limbs locked and trembling lightly. I parted my lips, but couldn't get the words out. I couldn't bring myself to speak, and I didn't know why, but it felt like if I agreed, I'd be saying something I couldn't take back and it would feel really, really terrible.

I was panicking for some reason. That desperate urge to do something rose up again, making me jittery. I wanted to lunge at him and crush my mouth to his as if it would fix this weird, awkward conversation we were having, as if it would make it go away so I didn't have to answer.

But that felt like the wrong thing right now too. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't make sense of the emotions churning inside me.

"I better go finish moving those boxes," I heard myself say. I tried to smile at him, but wasn't sure I achieved it. "I'm sorry again for… making this weird. Um, I'll see you later."

"Please stop apologising," Seb said hoarsely as I turned, sounding almost as panicked as I felt. "Larkin. You didn't make it weird."

It wasn't like me to walk away from something. I usually faced everything head on, except the one thing that had gotten me into this situation. But then, I supposed I had eventually faced that in my own way. A way that suddenly felt really… confusing.

I walked quickly down the hallway, feeling him watching me. Just as I heard him say, "Larkin," again, Holt appeared around the corner from Taylor's office and we almost bumped into each other.

"Shit, sorry." Flustered, I stepped back and tried to move out of the way, but Holt's fingers curled around my arm as he frowned at me.

"What's wrong?"

Fuck. Shit. Why did my stupid boss have to be a stupid, perceptive emotion-sensing empyn?

"Nothing," I said quickly, trying to give him my usual grin. "I'm great as always, boss."

"No, you're not." His frown deepened. He glanced behind me, which reflexively made me look back. I cringed as I saw Seb sigh and turn to go back into the office, his wide shoulders slumped.

"Did Seb say something to upset you?" Holt asked in a hushed voice, looking and sounding like he couldn't believe that was possible.

"I'm not upset," I said automatically. "And no. Seb didn't say anything."

"You are upset, Lark." Holt looked shockingly concerned about me. I mean, I knew he had to like me at least a little to keep me on as his assistant when I admittedly could sometimes be… not the best, but I hadn't known he actually, like, cared about me.

To my utter humiliation, I felt my vision go blurry as my chin wobbled.

"I'm fine," I got out, even though now I was getting upset and I had no fucking idea why.

"Come with me." Holt tightened his grip on my arm and started pulling me forward.

Terror filled me for a moment as I wondered if he was dragging me back to the office to do something embarrassing like confront Seb and force us to express our feelings while he mediated, but then I realised he was pulling me in the other direction.

"I haven't f-finished m-moving the b-boxes," I stammered tearfully, scrubbing roughly at my eyes with my shirt sleeve.

"Who cares about the fucking boxes?"

That made me stare at the back of him in shock. Um, Holt cared about the boxes. He was the one who'd asked me to move them all into the storage room.

I let him drag me past the staircase that led upstairs and down the one into the arena, which was empty and cold. Holt paused to flick on several light switches, turning on the big neon Goliaths of Wrestling sign behind the bar and the rest of the wall lamps dotted around the same area.

"Um… what are we doing?" I asked warily, wondering if he'd brought me here to give me another task.

"We're having a drink." He pulled me over to the bar and finally let go of my arm.

I stared at him in disbelief. "It's, like, one p.m. In the middle of a workday."

Holt waved a careless hand as he rounded the bar. "Yeah, well, it's Wednesday. Hump day drink or something. Whatever. It's quiet and empty in here, and aside from Taylor, I'm not really in the mood to be around other people."

But he'd brought me here. Shifting from foot to foot, I said, "Um… I can go—"

"No. Sit down, Lark."

Not sure what was going on, I slipped onto a barstool and watched as Holt grabbed a bottle from the back shelf, then bent to open the fridge under the counter.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?"

I flushed and shook my head. "Really, boss, I'm fine—"

"You can't lie to an empyn when you're this bad at shielding your emotions, Lark," he said wryly, making me realise that I hadn't been attempting to shield them at all, even though I'd gotten better at it.

My cheeks burned hotter as I looked down at the bar, dragging a fingertip over a gouge in the polished wood.

"Fucking claws." Holt's unimpressed voice made me look up again to see him nodding at the gouge marks as he set two glasses on the bar. "Do you know how many times I've had to get this thing sanded down and repolished over the years? It's those damn werewolves when they get drunk. Don't know their own fucking strength."

A tiny laugh snuffled out of me as I placed all five fingers in the indents and followed them to the edge of the bar. I wondered if Seb had ever accidentally gouged something with his claws. Surely not. He was too calm and careful. When he'd been in his half-shifted form in the bedroom at the pool party, he'd been so careful not to hurt me with them.

My chest ached a little, for some weird reason. Part of me wanted to go back to the office just to be near him, but most of me was scared in case he wanted to continue that conversation, wanted to tell me that he was done with our whole thing because I'd made it awkward and messy.

"Here." Holt placed a glass filled with ice and a pale amber liquid in front of me. And a little pink umbrella. I lifted it to my nose and warily sniffed. It smelled like vanilla and apple, and something else super sweet.

"It's The Creamed Jeans," he told me dryly. "Your signature cocktail. The umbrella makes it a cocktail."

A wobbly laugh burst out of me. "Seriously? Noice."

Holt tapped his glass to mine and took a big gulp, then shuddered. "Fuck, that's revolting."

I grinned, feeling a little better. I'd just gotten… overwhelmed after finding out Kit had heard us at the pool party, and then that weird, awkward conversation with Seb. Maybe a drink would help. I wasn't actually that much of a drinker, I just got drunk every now and then with the wrestlers because they were fun.

"It's not revolting, dude." I sipped mine. "Oh man, it's so good ."

"It's too fucking sweet. You can't even taste the alcohol! What's the point if you can't taste the alcohol?"

"I can taste it." I lowered my glass and shot him a sly grin. "But then, my tastebuds are way younger than yours. They haven't had a chance to get all, like, numb and crusty yet."

"My tastebuds are not numb and crusty, you little shit," Holt said without any heat, leaning his elbows on the bar and quirking a brow at me. "So, want to tell me what upset you?"

I squirmed uncomfortably and looked down. "Um, nah."

After a pause, Holt quietly said, "Alright."

"It's just… there's this thing," I burst out, going hot again. "I kind of did this… thing, and now I feel… It's weird and I don't know how to…"

Holt sighed in resignation. "Did you finally fuck one of the wrestlers?"

I found myself grimacing. "No. No way. Definitely not."

" Definitely not? " Holt spluttered. "Larkin, you spend eighty percent of your time at work talking about how you want to fuck all the wrestlers."

My shoulders hunched up as I guiltily mumbled, "No, I don't."

He snorted. "Yes, you do. Or at least you did until recently. So what's changed?" He suddenly stiffened, straightening from the bar, his eyes growing hard as he stared at me. "Did one of them do something to make you uncomfortable?"

"What? No." I shook my head emphatically, wanting to shrink under that scary look. "No, definitely not. They're all really nice."

"Are you sure ?" he asked sharply. "Did one of them say something you didn't like, or…?"

"No," I repeated firmly, then scrubbed an anxious hand over my face. "It's not… about the wrestlers. Well, except it kind of is."

"Okay…" Holt sounded confused and still concerned.

"It's…" I squirmed, spinning my glass on the bar top, then blurted, "I asked Seb if he would be my fuckletics instructor because I'm a virgin and I wanted to be good when I had sex with the wrestlers and we messed around in your spare room at the pool party and Kit heard us and told me so I said we were dating and then I told Seb and he seemed kind of weird about it and I'm worried I've fucked up and made everything weird now and I don't want to—I don't know what I—I'm just kind of freaking out that he's going to call it off now and I don't know why. I don't know why I'm so… sad about it.

"But I am," I added, gazing up at Holt as if he had all the answers while he stared at me, frozen in shock. To my mortification, my chin wobbled again as my vision blurred. "I'm really sad and I don't know why."