32. Rebecca

32

REBECCA

Saying yes perched on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it, to drop my arms around David's neck and tell him I'd love nothing more than to marry him. I had no idea what the future held for us, but I knew with every fiber of my being that we belonged together. As much as I hated myself for the thought, marrying David would solve so many of our problems. Even though it would still cause a scandal at the college, we might be looked at in a better light if we had rings on our fingers.

Silence stretched so taut it sucked the air from the room. I should want to marry him out of love, not obligation. He stared up at me, his gaze earnest. Our time in my bedroom together flashed through my mind. We could have more of that. All of us together. His proposal was a spur of the moment decision. He hadn't thought it through and there wasn't a ring in sight.

Carrie said she left him because he never showed any emotion. What damage would I do if I said no after this vivid display? Its being spur of the moment and right in front of Carrie set my self-preservation nerves jangling. Did he really mean it or was he trying to prove a point? God, I hated that I had no real way of knowing.

Carrie lunged upward from her seat and threw herself across the room. I'd never appreciated her effervescent personality more than in that moment when she squealed and lunged between me and David. "I'm going to be a grandmother." She hugged me until I lost my breath and patted her back. "How far along are you?"

"Six weeks." I caught Dad staring at me and forced out a smile that eased the lines around his eyes. "My OB recommended that I wait to tell anyone, but I wanted you to know."

"Oh, they always warn you to wait." Carrie swatted at the air before pulling me into another bone-crushing hug.

David sat back on his heels, then stood. Ethan and Cole joined him. They looked out of place, almost awkward, as Dad approached. He still held himself rigid, like he didn't know whether he wanted to punch them or congratulate them. I understood. It was still confusing for all of us.

Carrie's excitement and bubbly personality—along with her rapid acceptance—brought the tension down to a tolerable level. She pulled me across the room and pushed me into Dad's arms. "Tell her congratulations, Harold. There's nothing we can do about this. It's better for everyone if we accept it and make the best of the situation."

Dad hugged me tightly but let me go quickly. He held me at arm's length. "Are you happy?"

My gaze threatened to drift over to Cole and the others, but I held Dad's eyes with my own, willing him to see the honesty as I answered. "It's confusing right now with the possibility that they'll lose their jobs, but I'm happy. I've never been happier, Dad."

He took his time responding. His jaw worked as he took in the whole situation, chewing it over with that slow precision I'd always appreciated from him growing up. He rarely let anger take control, and then only when he worried that I was in trouble. "If you're happy, then I'll find a way to accept it." He stared over my head and the lines reappeared around his eyes. "It might take me some time. You've really surprised me with this one." The slightest hint of disapproval tightened my grip on his arms. He brought me in close for another hug. "I love you, kiddo. That will never change."

Relief brought tears to my eyes. I'd trusted them to believe in me, but seeing it in action was different from the voices in my head trying to reassure me.

"What are you hoping for? Boy or girl?" Carrie's question slid into the moment, startling me back.

Cole's wide grin, the one I'd come to love and appreciate so much, stretched his cheeks. "One of each."

Carrie's brows pinched. "I don't understand."

"I'm having twins," I clarified before Cole could confuse her further.

"Twins?" Stunned, Dad dropped his hands. "There haven't been twins in our family for fifty years."

"I always did like being a trailblazer." I laughed to cover the surge of embarrassment when Ethan shot me a look with eyebrows raised. The look that asked if I'd meant everything I said in the bedroom earlier. I'd meant every word. I would unleash that dark side of him and let it carry me away. Between all three of them, I had a bright future full of love and orgasms.

What about my book? I chewed on my lower lip and took a step back. Carrie bounded into Dad's arms, hugging him like they were the ones pregnant.

"Will you give them rhyming names? Oh, my goodness, I saw the cutest outfits the other day. You have to tell me as soon as you know what you're having." Carrie carried excitement with her around the room. She stopped herself from hugging my men, but she did clasp their hands and bounce on the balls of her feet. "You all should have come to us sooner. It's not nice to throw all of this on us at the same time." She spun toward me. "I understand, though. You had a lot to process."

I'd never heard truer words. "Thank you." I fought down the tears. One of these days I'd give in to the emotions going crazy because of pregnancy hormones. If I'd ever earned the right to cry, it was now. Still, I hesitated. Once I started, I might not be able to stop.

Dad and Carrie stood side to side, their arms around each other and both smiling though maybe not as bright and vividly as they could.

Tension corded David's shoulders. His hands worked, opening and closing in tandem with his breaths. He wanted an answer. I knew him well enough by now to understand the look of frustration wrinkling his forehead.

Leaving Dad and Carrie, I hooked my arm around his elbow. "Let's go outside." I led him to the back yard. Dad's neighbors were nosy as fuck, which was why I'd wanted to have the conversation inside. But this between me and David didn't need an audience. Even Cole and Ethan remained behind, Ethan giving me a supportive wink on my way out.

The screened in porch gave us some protection from the sun and the neighbors. I closed the door behind us and faced David.

"If you're going to say no, do it and get it over with." Gruff, almost terrifyingly guttural, his fear took over his voice.

Carrie's flowers framed him from behind. The hanging baskets created a colorful background in complete contrast with my bleak emotions.

"I don't want to say no." I dared to put my arms around his neck. He stood rigid as a light pole for several seconds before he lowered his head. "I'm not in the right frame of mind to make a clear-headed decision, David. I'm emotional and scared to death."

"Scared of what?" His hands went around my waist and palmed the small of my back.

That touch calmed me unlike anything else. "We've already had so many changes. We're all running on adrenaline." I stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I want to marry you, but I can't say yes. Not today."

He stood with me without saying a word as time slipped away, each heartbeat pushing and pulling us in equal measure.

"It was a bad time to propose." He rubbed the side of his nose along mine. "I let my emotions get the better of me." The wry, self-deprecating laugh tightened my arms around his neck.

"I'm glad you did. There's nothing wrong with getting carried away in the moment. I want to say yes. I love you. I'll always love you." I tangled my hands in his hair, scraping my nails over his scalp. "But when I agree to marry you, it will be when we have already cleaned up the mess I've made of our relationship." My fake smile emerged.

David shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't blame yourself for all this. We're in it together. Always."

Cole and Ethan stepped out onto the porch. "So, we're not getting married?" Cole asked.

David released me. He'd calmed my fears, but my denial still sat between us, another hurdle to overcome. "No. We're not getting married. Rebecca doesn't think I'm sincere."

Not yet , I wanted to say. But if they needed that reassurance, then we had more problems than I'd accounted for.

Cole and Ethan pressed their lips into matching flat lines.

I rubbed at my temples and the headache threatening there. "I'd like to go home."

Dad and Carrie met us in the foyer. I hugged them both. "I'll talk to you later."

"Call me when you have your next appointment. I want to know all about it." Carrie rocked me from side to side like she used to when I was a kid. "We're here for you. Call anytime."

Was that supposed to be a warning? I was too tired to analyze every word. Cole, David, and Ethan were holding themselves apart from my parents, and even during the drive home, I felt the distance between us widening. We barely spoke through the whole drive, and by the time we reached my apartment, the headache had turned into a nauseating pain that thundered across my entire head.

David turned off the engine while Cole helped me from the car and Ethan jogged ahead of us and unlocked the door. They worked in a seamless rhythm, taking care of everything without saying a word.

Stepping into the calm quiet of my own home with the lights off brought an instant comfort.

"What do you need?" David asked from near the kitchen. Despite his annoyance, he still took care of me. They all did. I'd driven a wedge between us by turning David down. I prayed they'd see it my way once everyone calmed down and could think rationally again.

"Water. And there are some painkillers in the cabinet." I sat on the edge of the couch and held my head in my hands. "It's not as bad now. Just leave the lights off a little longer, please."

Ethan and Cole stood in front of me. Cole moved first. "I'll feed Fitz."

Hearing his name, Fitz barked from down the hall. I squinted into the darkness leading to my bedroom. "Fitz, what are you doing?"

Another excited bark and then a muffled thud. No doubt, he'd been sleeping on my bed. Claws clicked and Fitz appeared in the hall, but he didn't come from my bedroom. Prancing from my office, he held several papers between his teeth, his head tipped back to keep from walking on them as he carried them toward me.

"Fitz. If you chewed up my homework, I'm going to need you to explain it to my professors." I tried to laugh, but the sudden movement shot another pain across my forehead.

Unconcerned, Fitz carried the papers over to Ethan and dropped them at his feet.

"I'm going to have a talk with Lily about teaching you new tricks." I took the water and painkillers from David. "What did he ruin this time?"

Ethan bent at the waist, giving me an excellent view of his ass and the curve of his spine. Damn. If my head didn't hurt so badly and they weren't mad at me, I'd invite them back into my bedroom.

He straightened and carried the pages over to the window, tilting them toward the light coming in through the closed blinds. "Looks like a chapter from a book." Ethan's eyes narrowed. "And my name's on it."

Cold washed down my spine. My headache stopped mattering as I realized the truth. Fitz had brought Ethan my book, the book starring Ethan as the main character. Why had I thought it was a good idea to print off the pages? I'd wanted to do a manual readthrough to check for typos, that's why. Damn me and my insatiable need to act old-school in a digital age.